Some of my favorites:
Three guys die and go to heaven to see St. Peter. St. Peter is taking down their information as they come through the line. As the first guy steps up, he is asked how he died.
"Well, I was a window washer. I was washing windows on the 28th floor of an apartment building when my harness gave way. I was lucky, at least I thought so at the time, that I managed to grab hold of a window sill on the 26th floor. I was about to pull myself in when suddenly this refrigerator gets shoved out the window on top of me and I fell to my death."
St. Peter writes down the info and then asks how the next guy in line died.
"I came home to my apartment on the 26th floor when I heard something coming from inside. I listened to the door and thought I heard someone in there making love to my wife so I quickly bashed down the door. Looking around I saw a pair of hands hanging outside my window, so I grabbed my refrigerator and dropped it on his head. The strain was too much, and I had a heart attack."
St. Peter raises an eyebrow at this, and then asks the last guy in line. "How about you?"
"Well saint, all I remember was that I was inside this refrigerator..."
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Three guys die and go to heaven. As they get to the Gate, St. Peter greets them and starts processing them. He asks the first one a series of questions, and gets to the last question. "Now, this question will determine what sort of vehicle you get to drive around heaven. So I must ask you, how true were you to your wife?"
"Well saint, I have to be honest, I cheated twice."
St. Peter nods, and makes a note. "Allright, that qualifies you for a sub-compact car." Handing the guy the keys, the man heads out to the lot to get his car. Turning to the next guy, St. Peter asks the series of questions and then asks him, "How true were you to your wife?"
"I had one moment of weakness, and cheated once."
"That qualifies you for a full size sedan." St. Peter says, and he hands the guy his keys and sends him on his way. The last man steps up, and St. Peter asks him the same question.
"Saint, I was true to my wife to the day I died."
St. Peter smiles. "Well well, that qualifies you for the full package. You will have a strecth limo equiped with a full wet bar, a chauffeur, and a full entertainment package." The man hops into his limo as it is driven up, and he is on his way.
A few weeks later, these three fellows happen to meet up again at a red light in heaven. They notice that the man in the limo is crying. The guy with the compact pipes up, "What's wrong with you!? You have a limo, a wet bar, a chauffeur, you should be the happiest guy in heaven!"
The man looks over to him. "That's true.." he says with a sob. "I was until I passed my wife at the last light... and she was riding a skateboard!"
Three guys die and go to heaven to see St. Peter. St. Peter is taking down their information as they come through the line. As the first guy steps up, he is asked how he died.
"Well, I was a window washer. I was washing windows on the 28th floor of an apartment building when my harness gave way. I was lucky, at least I thought so at the time, that I managed to grab hold of a window sill on the 26th floor. I was about to pull myself in when suddenly this refrigerator gets shoved out the window on top of me and I fell to my death."
St. Peter writes down the info and then asks how the next guy in line died.
"I came home to my apartment on the 26th floor when I heard something coming from inside. I listened to the door and thought I heard someone in there making love to my wife so I quickly bashed down the door. Looking around I saw a pair of hands hanging outside my window, so I grabbed my refrigerator and dropped it on his head. The strain was too much, and I had a heart attack."
St. Peter raises an eyebrow at this, and then asks the last guy in line. "How about you?"
"Well saint, all I remember was that I was inside this refrigerator..."
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Three guys die and go to heaven. As they get to the Gate, St. Peter greets them and starts processing them. He asks the first one a series of questions, and gets to the last question. "Now, this question will determine what sort of vehicle you get to drive around heaven. So I must ask you, how true were you to your wife?"
"Well saint, I have to be honest, I cheated twice."
St. Peter nods, and makes a note. "Allright, that qualifies you for a sub-compact car." Handing the guy the keys, the man heads out to the lot to get his car. Turning to the next guy, St. Peter asks the series of questions and then asks him, "How true were you to your wife?"
"I had one moment of weakness, and cheated once."
"That qualifies you for a full size sedan." St. Peter says, and he hands the guy his keys and sends him on his way. The last man steps up, and St. Peter asks him the same question.
"Saint, I was true to my wife to the day I died."
St. Peter smiles. "Well well, that qualifies you for the full package. You will have a strecth limo equiped with a full wet bar, a chauffeur, and a full entertainment package." The man hops into his limo as it is driven up, and he is on his way.
A few weeks later, these three fellows happen to meet up again at a red light in heaven. They notice that the man in the limo is crying. The guy with the compact pipes up, "What's wrong with you!? You have a limo, a wet bar, a chauffeur, you should be the happiest guy in heaven!"
The man looks over to him. "That's true.." he says with a sob. "I was until I passed my wife at the last light... and she was riding a skateboard!"
