Ugh. Work or clean my house.

[Pixilated]

Yeah. I took away her bank access and stuff. She "didn't realize" it was that big of an issue. Tho she "borrowed" about $900 from my safe a while ago that I just found out about. And no idea what for now.

So I'm not really happy. And she followed up with "well I need X. I guess my government money goes to me now!" So basically I took over the finances and grocery shopping. Miraculously she started handing out resumes today lol

Unfortunately, sometimes the only way to get through is to get tough.

As for the rest of it, as the original Dear Abby used to say ... are you better of with her, or without her? Because your marriage sounds perilously close to being broken to the point of being unfixable.

I have some sympathy for family members who genuinely need a boost (as I am currently one of them ...) But ... prom dresses? Nope. Go to a thrift store; you can find awesome stuff there. Family loans? Have they paid back previous loans, either in cash or in kind (like, maybe, helping you with the fixit stuff??) If not, no more loans until something comes back from the previous ones. If she gets shirty about it, she can get a job and shovel her money into the bottomless pit. And no, you will not make up the difference when suddenly she runs short of cash.

Oh, and get another safe ... and don't give her the combination.

[Pimento]

Well I laid it out to her. Cut the constant bitchiness, don't get mad when I go out just cause you have no friends. And if you don't make money don't spend it. Pretty much summed it up

[Barracuda]

Agreed. You don't have a wife; you have a financial parasite. Start looking at your options now, because you cannot continue to live like this.

[Victory Sabre]

You know what, I think it's time to talk to a divorce lawyer. Get the heck away from her and let her self destruct on her own.

[AnaKhouri]

My two cents...

I do not have a 'real job'. I am a stay-at-home mom and cover shifts 3-4 days a month at a bookstore. But between keeping house and child-raising, I have more than enough to keep me busy.

My husband works 60-90 hours a week.

You know how much housework he does?

He mows the lawn once every 10 days or so, in spring and summer.

I do everything else. Gardening. Shopping. Budgeting. Cooking. Cleaning. Shoveling snow. While handling a rowdy 3-year-old. I might ask him to empty the dishwasher or take out the trash once every couple weeks. I don't feel it's right to nag him about working at home after he works 14 hours a day, 6 days a week in the lab. I don't get to be injured. I don't get to be sick. I don't get days off. And neither does he.

So yeah, sympathy for your wife and her mooching family, I have none. You need to have a 'come to Jesus' talk with her, and let her know her family needs to stand on its own legs now. And she needs to get a job or start taking care of the place, one or the other (or both, which many people do).

[Pimento]

Yeah. I took away her bank access and stuff. She "didn't realize" it was that big of an issue. Tho she "borrowed" about $900 from my safe a while ago that I just found out about. And no idea what for now.

So I'm not really happy. And she followed up with "well I need X. I guess my government money goes to me now!" So basically I took over the finances and grocery shopping. Miraculously she started handing out resumes today lol

[MoonCat]

My sympathies. Even without the back pain and stuff, sounds like a shitty situation.

And, wtf? Her sister's friend needs a prom dress?? Yeahh....no. Tell them both to hit the thrift stores.

[Rock Lobster]

Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt. Got the hell out. Best decision of my life. I would not give up being single for the world!

[Tama]

You need to cut off the gravy train.

[Pimento]

Money isn't my problem. Between my full time job and my hobby job I clear about 150k a year. That my wife blows on stupid shit. Family loans .etc.

Plus we bought a huge work in progress house with the understanding that shed get a full time job to help with the bills.

So. She's ALWAYS sicker than I am (this weekend I was working Friday-Sunday day shift. I'm on light duty due to my back and took today off so I could rest it a bit more) well last night she "ate something" and is now whining and crying over it. So even though I'm very close to doing irreversible damage to my back. I'm doing all the work around the house today while she lays in bed.

I work my ass off. I make great money. I haven't even been able to buy a pair of drumsticks lately. I have some body work to do on my car to make the stuff I started last year all spiffy and sexy looking and about $10,000 in bonuses coming next week. But I'm not allowed to do that cause her sister and sisters friend need a prom dress. So this is now my burden to pay for it cause her fat bitch of a mom spent the sisters money.

Anyways. I'm spending about $2,000 on my drums next week and the wife can fuck off lol.

[protege]

It's not easy to do...it takes practice. Hell it's taken me almost 8 months to make a budget I don't have to play with too much every month and I'm a single person household. (6k more and I'm debt free.) But you might be surprised and find yourself giving the household a raise when everything is being accounted for.

Sounds like a plan. I too am a single person household. I don't spend anything on my hobbies, until all the other bills (mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc.) are taken care of first. Remember, I grew up in a household that struggled to make ends meet. Even though my parents both worked--mom was full-time; dad worked multiple part-time jobs--it still wasn't enough with 3 kids. We had a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, water, and heat during the winters. But that wasn't without problems--years of deferred maintenance on things took its toll. They simply didn't have the money to fix things. When things broke, they were patched up as cheaply as possible. It was only in the last decade...that my parents *finally* got out of that mess. After living through it once, I told myself that I was *not* going through it again.

With that said, I can understand how you feel. My mom would flip out over having to do the housework as well as her job. Sure, she worked full-time, but seriously? She was home at 5. Dad, on the other hand, wasn't. He'd come home from one job, eat something, then on to the next job. My mom would bust his balls because he was tired all the time and "refused" to help out around the house. Apparently, it was OK for him to work multiple jobs...but not OK for her to do the same. Pardon my French, but what the fuck?

Even though things have changed since then, there is still plenty of bitterness. Dad hasn't said anything, but I can tell that he's still upset about how he was treated years ago. Can't say I blame him for that. He was doing the best he could--trying to keep a roof over our heads, while trying to look for a better job. Problem was, the 1980s recession had killed off our industrial base, and the job marked sucked.

[Pimento]

Well pain aside, and yes it does make me cranky...

I'm more pissed that she was gonna get her GED....she was gonna learn to drive....she was gonna get another job...but she hasn't done any of that and I still get bitched at to do housework. If I wasn't working I'd gladly play maid. But sometimes I leave home at 5am, get home at 5:30. Then I go out to make more money for us, get home at 11 then do it all over again.

Not to mention when I work day shift and need to be up at 5, there she is lamp on in bed ipading or whatever until midnight or until I get a bit snappy and shell sigh and turn it off. Or last night where my allergies made me snore so she woke me up at 2am.

It's inconsiderate and irritating that I'm over worked and she's only tired cause she piles dishes up for 2 days and stays up all night.

[MoonCat]

Men.

Go get your back looked at. Your pain is making you cranky. I see what you're seeing about her, I'm not saying you don't have legit complaints. Maybe it's time for an honest heart-to-heart talk with her...in which you both get to talk, and you both listen...and get your issues out in the open.

But seriously, dude, there's nothing wrong with needing medical help. No one will think less of you. Back pain sucks. Crohns sucks, too. If you can get some help for the pain, other things won't be as irritating and you can deal with them.

[Pimento]

Her finger might be sprained. But between that and the million other things she was born with. Every day there's a new reason not to do something.

Now I have crohns. Led to varicose veins in my leg (before one got operated on there were several painful veins the size of big grapes) all down it. And an ulcer 3" in diameter that was open for 3 years. I know chronic pain and how much it sucks. But I hate people that milk it.

We have a budget. When we decided to rent to own this house from her fathers girlfriend. Part of the deal was that shed be working. Currently she's not. And just handed out resumes today when she caught me looking at places on kijiji. I love this place. It's huge. Huge yard. Rough neighborhood, but were far away from the hoodlums and I know most of them anyways.

It's located where she can walk to work/shop since she doesn't drive and has a detached room off of the basement perfect for a recording studio. But quite frankly I make too much money to keep sinking it into this house and having it go nowhere (deal was her dad would finish the renovations on the basement) but I'm putting my time and money into that.

[Aethian]

So not asking for amounts or anything major into that.

Then maybe it's time to sit down with her and make out a good budget. One that gives her some free money and gives you the same free money. On top of that you need to have a business budget and a clear area where you get a set amount out. Once you've got that amount thats it and the rest stays with the business.

It's not easy to do...it takes practice. Hell it's taken me almost 8 months to make a budget I don't have to play with too much every month and I'm a single person household. (6k more and I'm debt free.) But you might be surprised and find yourself giving the household a raise when everything is being accounted for.

Just take it a piece by piece till things get smoothed out.



To add to the hurt back, you should get it looked at. Specially if the pain is moving. As for her hurt finger...

My Mom took my three (now two) beasties out, two on their chains and the last on leash to hook to chain. The three pulled her just right and her hand and knee hurt. She didn't get it looked at for awhile and her thumb was sprained, her knee was broken.