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Attention Detroit Lions!

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  • Attention Detroit Lions!

    You are now seriously on the clock.

    Although you are one of the oldest teams in the NFL, with the Saints ascension to the Super Bowl, you are one of only 4 teams in the 32 team league to never have gotten there, and 2 of those other 3 teams didn't even exist before 1995.

    Teams that were founded since the Super Bowl era, which started in your 37th year, have been to 7 Super Bowls, winning 2 (before tomorrow). That is 2 more wins and 7 more appearances than you have made in your sport's most hallowed game.

    Of the original 8 AFL franchises, all born in 1960, 30 years after your founding, every single one of them has been to the Super Bowl, 5 of them multiple times, 5 of them actually winning it, and 3 of them actually winning it multiple times. All these numbers are more than yours for the same categories, as in all of them you post a humiliating ZERO.

    Some would argue that it's not fair to compare you to the rest of the league just in the Super Bowl. So let's look at total championships. You have 3. Which is the same or less than the titles (all Super Bowl titles, mind you), of the San Francisco 49ers, Dallas Cowboys, Oakland Raiders, and New England Patriots, three of which were not founded until 1960. (The Niners came along in 1946, 16 years after you did.

    Your last league championship was in 1957, before 20 of the 31 other current teams even were FOUNDED. Even the Cleveland Browns, who have never been to a Super Bowl, and who were founded 14 years after you, and did not actually join the NFL until 1950, 20 years after you, have as many league championships as you do.

    In short: you are pathetic. Let the Saints arrival on the Super Bowl field tomorrow be your wakeup call that you not only suck, but you are the suckiest team in the league, and if ever you want to give your loyal fans a reason to keep watching you, you might want to start sometime soon, before you end up as the football version of the Cubs--a punchline to a joke, and nothing, nothing EVER, more.

    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
    Still A Customer."

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