Help Me Name My Chili!

[fireheart]

Actually it's not that hot for people who like some spice. For spice wusses, yes it is.....but it doesn't hold a candle to the Devil's Ass Chili, which is somewhat comparable to swallowing a blowtorch. A tasty, flavorful blowtorch, but still a blowtorch.

That would take firebreathing to a WHOLE new level

[Jester]

Actually it's not that hot for people who like some spice. For spice wusses, yes it is.....but it doesn't hold a candle to the Devil's Ass Chili, which is somewhat comparable to swallowing a blowtorch. A tasty, flavorful blowtorch, but still a blowtorch.

The Smokin' Desert Chili is more of a slow burn, sweet and smoky. Even my coworker who is a self-admitted "Sally" with spice says it tastes great....she just can't eat that much of it. And this chick is hardly a wuss in general....she's an Amazon former bodybuilder who can lift a full keg to the second shelf in our beer cooler on her own. As I told her that day, she is one bad-ass bitch! (She took that as the compliment it was meant to be...I was in awe.)

[Eisa]

I actually like chorizo, but I think I'll go set myself on fire and spare myself... Hot!

[Jester]

I would gladly serve anyone who would care to try it. But generally speaking, self-professed wimps with spice don't handle my chili well. Many of them LIKE it, but they just can't EAT it, or at least not much of it.

Just in case you were wondering, here are some of the ingredients in the chili that give it its particular kick: chorizo sausage, garlic, cilantro, serrano peppers, chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, poblano peppers, ground black pepper, red pepper flakes, white pepper, cayenne pepper, chipotle powder, chili powder, cumin, allspice, and coriander. Oh, and of course some habanero peppers. It wouldn't be a party without habaneros!

[Eisa]

I have a teddy bear, a stuffed kitty, AND a whole collection of stuffed penguins. I think with that, I could handle your regular chili. Maybe.

[MoonCat]

Nothing wrong with being a wimp. Other than the fact that you would not enjoy my chili, as it would sit there, in the bowl, laughing at you as tears ran down your face and you whimpered and suffered through it.



You'd love the Smokin' Desert Chili, though I don't use corn (never have), and while I love chili with beans, my chili is better without it....I weaned myself off of beans about two years ago.

The Devil's Ass Chili would, to be honest, make you cry while you clutch your teddy bear and beg for your mama. And that's not an insult, mind you...it does about the same to me. But I don't clutch a teddy bear....for me it's a stuffed kitty.

I have a stuffed kitty, so bring it on!!

[Barracuda]

I have never made chili, although I have considered it. But I could never beat the Black Bean Texmex homemade chili this soup place down the street from me serves. Has roast beef, black beans and jalapenos in it and is absolutely FANTASTIC topped with pico de gallo, sour cream, cheese and lined with tortilla chips. Yummy! However, I DO love to make chowders of various sorts. I love to experiment. So far I have come up with curry chicken chowder, ham and cheese chowder, and an as yet unnamed chowder with mushrooms, bacon, and smoked gouda.

[Jester]

I like mild chili. I admit it. I'm a wimp.

Nothing wrong with being a wimp. Other than the fact that you would not enjoy my chili, as it would sit there, in the bowl, laughing at you as tears ran down your face and you whimpered and suffered through it.

I like spicy chili, but not the kind that burns your face off. The Smokin' Desert Chili sounds fantastic.

I prefer chili with beans though...and corn...

You'd love the Smokin' Desert Chili, though I don't use corn (never have), and while I love chili with beans, my chili is better without it....I weaned myself off of beans about two years ago.

The Devil's Ass Chili would, to be honest, make you cry while you clutch your teddy bear and beg for your mama. And that's not an insult, mind you...it does about the same to me. But I don't clutch a teddy bear....for me it's a stuffed kitty.

[MoonCat]

I like spicy chili, but not the kind that burns your face off. The Smokin' Desert Chili sounds fantastic.

I prefer chili with beans though...and corn...

But marshmallows? Oh hell no!

[Eisa]

Hey, yay for honorable mention! That's a really odd set-up, I think. But...oh wells.

And uhm...yikes! I like mild chili. I admit it. I'm a wimp.

[Jester]

So here's what happened......

The cookoff was held throughout four of the gay bars in town. Well, in theory, anyway. In total there were, I believe, 14 chilis....3 at the bar I was at, 10 at the bar where they would give out the awards later in the day, 1 at another one, and for some reason none at the 4th.

I was having a hell of a time getting my chili up to heat until another participant pointed out to me that I was reading my hot plate's temp gauge backwards, i.e., thinking the arrows was on the right side of the dial rather than the left. In other words, when I thought the thing was on 400, it was only on warm. Which would make it tough to heat up cold chili. Was this embarrassing? Absolutely. Did I laugh my ass off about it? Of course. Especially since this is a hot plate I've had, and used, for several years. Amazing how stupid I am at times.

The above incident, combined with the scary situation of my dozing off with the chili still on the stove (luckily on the lowest setting) has made me decide it is time, finally, to get a Big Crockpot. I have a small one, but it is not enough to hold a batch of chili. I need a Big One. Now, due to the way I build my chili, I can't really construct it in a crockpot, but I can certainly simmer it in there once it is constructed. And while I would never leave a burner on when I go out or if I'm asleep (well, not intentionally, anyways), I have no problem leaving a crockpot on when I am not there to attend to it. Had I had one this time around, I could have brought my chili up to heat while I was out having a business lunch before the cookoff.

So, back to the cookoff....once I finally got the chili up to heat and stopped stressing, it went well. A lot of people loved my chili, though a few said it was too hot for them. As I told them, I have no problem losing a chili cookoff because my chili is too spicy. On that note, I must say that I've noticed that here in the East, or at least in Key West, people seem to want their chili to be mild. What's the fucking point? Chili is supposed to be spicy! Now, obviously you can't please all palates--what is too spicy for Ann might be too mild for Bob--but I think my chili has a nice slow burn, and as a friend commented yesterday, is well-balanced between sweet and heat. Which is what chili is supposed to be in the first place! (Amusingly, a former coworker who was there yesterday and tried my chili said, and I quote, "Now that's a spicy meatball!")

Anyway, I tried all of the other chilis, except for the 14th one in the 3rd bar...I had neither the time nor the inclination to go there for just one chili. And there were some that were really, really good, a couple that were godawful, and one that was simply bizarre. I mean, seriously, who melts marshmallows on top of their chili?!?!?! Yes, I did try that one. Yes, it did taste as odd as it sounds. No, it was not the worst chili there. As I said, there were a couple of truly wretched ones.

Much to my surprise, there were actual judges, too. I knew this was a fundraiser for charity, and had been told that winners would be decided by who had the most money in their buckets. While I hate that process for determining cookoffs (too many are determined by who has the most friends, some are actually determined by people "buying" the win by stuffing their own box), I understand why they do it. After all, these are to raise money for charity. I get it. I still prefer the ones that have judges. And I was thrilled when I won the last chili cookoff I was in, as that one had a three judge panel. So this one, apparently, had both People's Choice and Judges' Choice.

In the People's Choice, I did not place. I can't say I'm surprised by that. I was in a bar that only had 3 chilis, and not too much traffic. However, the judges did give me Honorable Mention, which means I came in 4th out of 14. I disagree with that, but what can I say? It's a subjective thing. I only thought that there was one chili in the same ballpark as mine, but of course, I am biased. And to be fair, the steak in my chili was not as tender as even I thought it should have been.

Sadly, only the top three places actually got prizes. For my Honorable Mention, I got a ribbon. But hey, I continue to place in chili cookoffs, and in the last few that I can think of, I've come in 4th (out of 16), 3rd (out of 15, and a collaborate white chili I made with my friend Cookie came in 5th out of 15), 1st (out of 16), and 4th (out of 14).

In other words, my chili doesn't suck.

And no, you guys still can't have the recipe.

But for the next chili cookoff, I will have a Big New Crockpot. And for the pansies who think my Smokin' Desert Chili is "too hot," I am going to break out the dreaded Devil's Ass Chili, making it even hotter than the last one. Because, you know, I'm just evil that way. (My friend was in awe when I told him about the Devil's Ass Chili, as he did not live here when I premiered it at the last chili cookoff. I told him that, by comparison, the Smokin' Desert Chili is pretty much ketchup (in spiciness, not in taste) compared to the Devil's Ass. His jaw hit the deck like an anvil.)

So, now just looking forward to the next one. And not burning the onions in the Devil's Ass Chili like I did last time. And yes, I really do want to hurt some people with that one. Ghost peppers and habaneros--my new favorite weapons. [Cue maniacal laughter.]

[Jester]

Well, the recipe is in a file in my computer.

But if I do die, that file will go to only select people.

Sadly, most of my really good friends don't have the passion for cooking that I do, so I'm not sure WHO that recipe would go to. I'd have to think about it. I would say that it would be my niece Dragon, who enjoys cooking, but since she is basically a vegetarian (she eats some fish), I doubt she's have use for it. Hmmm....

[wolfie]

Honestly, even if I was willing to send you some, I really don't have the capabilities to do so. And while I said it jokingly, I really have no intention of sharing this particular recipe. I can and will make suggestions to help others with their chili, and other dishes. But this....this is one of my babies.

Could you at least leave the recipe in a sealed "open only in the event of my death" envelope stored with your will? Throughout history, too many recipes have been taken to the grave with their creators.

[Jester]

Disaster averted! Maybe it's time to get a slow-cooker?

I have a slow cooker (albeit too small to fit this amount of food), but it would not work for the initial part of the chili making. Once all the ingredients are in the pot, though, it would be perfect for it, though I still like stirring it from time to time.....

What can I say? I'm old school like that!

As for the name, I've pretty much settled on Arizona [Name]'s Smokin' Desert Chili. Doesn't have the same ring as "The Devil's Ass," but then, what does?

[Barracuda]

Call it Sonoran Breeze? After the Sonora Desert?