In Which I'm a Douche

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

A Smart car perhaps?

The only way I'd drive one of those is if it were for city driving anyway. There's no way in hell I'd want to take one on the freeway.

[Hobbs]

I don't feel bad when I laugh at ugly vehicles.

People have been laughing at what I've been driving since I was old enough to drive. Kids in school picked on me for driving a Tempo that was as old as I was, then they laughed at how squeaky the other Tempo was, and nowadays, everyone laughs at how loudly my Neon idles like a rice burner.

Laugh it up. It runs, it's a piece, I don't care. At least I'm gorgeous.

I mostly laugh at small men in big trucks, large men in tiny cars, and women in really big SUVS, usually when they can't maneuver them to park or get them to slow down in time.

See? I'm reasonable. A nice four-door WRX is all I want.

And I laughed at the size, not it's clunkiness. My family has owned POS's at different times, so I can understand that.

[blas]

I don't feel bad when I laugh at ugly vehicles.

People have been laughing at what I've been driving since I was old enough to drive. Kids in school picked on me for driving a Tempo that was as old as I was, then they laughed at how squeaky the other Tempo was, and nowadays, everyone laughs at how loudly my Neon idles like a rice burner.

Laugh it up. It runs, it's a piece, I don't care. At least I'm gorgeous.

I mostly laugh at small men in big trucks, large men in tiny cars, and women in really big SUVS, usually when they can't maneuver them to park or get them to slow down in time.

[Hobbs]

Yeah...I kinda feel bad for this one

This past weekend as I drove with my brother, we were stopped at a light. The intersection was the exit to our local mall, and people leaving said mall had the green, so we were waiting and just chatting it up.

Lo and behold, one of those new matchbox-type mini cars (the Japanese kind that only have two seats) drove past. As a joke, I pointed and laughed. Sadly, that was exactly as the passenger turned her head to look in our direction. She looked away quickly in what I can only guess is embarrassment.

So, sorry lady...but on the bright side, at least you probably don't own that car.