Is this the best you can do?

[crashhelmet]

...so THAT'S why they call you Crashhelmet...

And I've got the scars to prove it

[wagegoth]

OT, but I'm coming to believe that birth control should be put in alcohol. The more you drink, the less fertile you become.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Time for another weekly rundown...but first the good news, I found out I'm officially Uncle Khiras now as of 10:18 MST

Congrats, Khiras!

Asshat: WHARRGARBL!

I always laugh when I read this, because part of me wants to one day hear someone actually make this sound, but at the same time, I want to avoid it.

Me: This must be embarassing as all hell, right?

-snip-

so they got arrested this time around...public indecency, I hear you have to register as a sex offender for that.

This is awesome. I always like seeing thrill-seekers like that getting busted big time.

You are a dick, sir!

I would have kicked this doucherocket's ass for pulling that kind of shit.

"Lady": I'm not DRUNK! I'm a classy lady! *falls over*

Allow me to quote one of the Outlander books:

"If you can stand up, you're not drunk!"

Of course, the person who said that promptly fell over.

Screaming Bitch

Me, I would have just turned to the nearest eyewitness or coworker, shrugged, and said, "Drugs, man." I've done that at my job after watching some shrieking douchecock flip out before leaving, and it always eases the tension.

[AccountingDrone]

So why do all hotel folks hate Expedia employees? And why does #4 tell you he's a liar?

I think it is a general hatred for the cheap travel sites in general ... people get the cheap rates and still expect more. But I may be wrong=)

I tend to make my reservations online with the hotel chain I like, we go to a specific hotel on the way to my moms house once or twice a month. This way i can be sure we have a room waiting for us. I call ahead earlier in the day the day of the reservation, and let them know that I need a first floor room as I am handicapped and really dont do stairs at all well. Works out well in my opinion.

[Alpha Strike]

first the good news, I found out I'm officially Uncle Khiras now as of 10:18 MST

Congrats!

Wandered into the health club's locker room, and found myself inadvertently sneaking up on a couple going at it inside. They didn't notice me until I was right there...mainly because I cleared my throat, and simply said what I've always wanted to say:

Me: This must be embarassing as all hell, right?
Couple:
Me: Let's go...clothes on, then we'll see your IDs.

Sadly for them, they weren't guests, and had been let in there by a friend of theirs, and our police were still on property. They were also people we had let go nicely before for trying to go at it in a stairwell of all places, so they got arrested this time around...public indecency, I hear you have to register as a sex offender for that.

Wow - they really must not have been able to keep their collective pants zipped. Why risk fines and jail time for a quickie when you've been warned and there are cops around? Me thinks we're doing the gene pool a favor by not letting them pro-create.

(Although I do think having to be registered as a sex offender is a bit much for this particular crime.)

Expedia? Nay, sir.

We had a scammer here this week who was trying to get everything...he got an Expedia reservation, then tried to get a whole bunch of things for free. His requests this far:

1) Give me a free room because I'm an Expedia manager (Perhaps you don't realize, everyone in hotels HATES companies like yours. No.)
*snip*
4) Make an Expedia-rate reservation for you. (EEERRRP! Wrong answer, and congratulations, we know you're a liar now. If you were really from Expedia, you would know that no hotel can do that. Sorry, play again.)

So why do all hotel folks hate Expedia employees? And why does #4 tell you he's a liar?

[Mordecai]

Fuckwit: You're going to service me NOW!
Me: Sir, this is a serious matter. Step back, you will wait until this emergency is finished.
FW: I don't care what happened to some dumbass kid, I have a REAL problem.
Police (who I hadn't noticed was right there): Hey asshole, come here. Now.
FW: *cat butt face*

The guy damn near got himself arrested, and the kids father looked like he was moments away from homicide as well. Later on, I had to talk to him and find out what his "real problem" was.

He wanted more shampoo each day when Housekeeping serviced his room. That's what was more important than a bleeding, screaming kid. Real nice, dickhead.

What?! Fucking dickhead, if I was the dad I would be wearing his colon as a shoe right now.

[Fenrus]

I fall off of tables ;p

...so THAT'S why they call you Crashhelmet...

[crashhelmet]

"Classy" Drunk

I wanted to explain this whole situation, but in my mind, it's funnier just to summarize it like this.

"Lady": I'm not DRUNK! I'm a classy lady! *falls over*
Me:

Yep.........reaaaaaal classy.

Sadly enough, that's my little sister. She thinks she can drink a lot and not be even buzzed. Not even a DUI could break that. I don't know how many times I've found her at a bar claiming to be barely buzzed and then fall off the bar stool. One of these days I'm hoping she'll hit her head on the bar in the process so the lump/welt she gets will remind her to cut back.

But I'm one to talk. I'm required to wear a helmet when I drink. But I don't fall off of barstools. I fall off of tables ;p

CH

[evileatinggrasshopper]

Got called into the lobby because some 20-something guy was walking around in his boxers and a t-shirt. Catch up to the kid, and have a surreal conversation that involves him mumbling something and me asking "what" then him mumbling and laughing, then hugging me.

We got him back to his room eventually, and back to sleep, but it was a fun 15 minutes I would've minded the hugs, but he was actually pretty good looking for once...not even a beer gut! Definite improvement over my usual scantily-clad people...

My first thought was maybe this guy was sleepwalking?

My first thought too, that's how my brother gets when he sleep walks on ambien.

[Saydrah]

Yeesh, everyone's hitting on me this month!



I could take advantage of this!

*pounces on Khiras, picks him up by the scruff of his neck, and drags him off to the Lair of Doom*

THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

....

[KhirasHY]

Dammit, Khiras...where were you when I was single?

Oh, and this is probably the most random thing you'll read all week....but in my experience with drunks.......they don't make catbutt faces.......when they are so drunk they can barely keep their eyes open....it's more like elephant testicle face.

Depends on the drunk...I've had the "Five Mile Squint" plenty of times

[blas]

Dammit, Khiras...where were you when I was single?

Oh, and this is probably the most random thing you'll read all week....but in my experience with drunks.......they don't make catbutt faces.......when they are so drunk they can barely keep their eyes open....it's more like elephant testicle face.

[otakuneko]

You're Barack Obama?

You know, I do wonder what sort of stories a politician would post here.

Though the closest we'd ever get is someone who worked for one, I suppose. It'd be sort of politically dangerous to be found posting here.

[KhirasHY]

You're Barack Obama?

*letches all over Khiras* YUMMY

....oh, uh, right, the post. Um, lousy guests! Get them out of our fair city immediately, say I!

Yeesh, everyone's hitting on me this month!



I could take advantage of this!

[Saydrah]

If you're not a hooker, then I'm Barack Obama

You're Barack Obama?

*letches all over Khiras* YUMMY

....oh, uh, right, the post. Um, lousy guests! Get them out of our fair city immediately, say I!