Dumb questions customers ask...

[Imogene]

Oh... kay...
Hmmm... Let's wander back to Chesterfield for a bit, shall we?

I can not remember the hundreds of times I had someone ask me: "Is this new (as in, not used, not as in released that week)?"

Why no, it is not, I in fact can pull a shrink wrap machine out of my arse-cheek, just because I enjoy opening and watching movies the store is trying to sell."

Please note: at the time, we did NOT buy used movies. And even when we did, we put the DVDs, cases and all, into a fold over baggy, so, they were obviously NOT shrink wrapped.

One particular regular customer (who worked up in the food court) would come down, every single day he worked, and ask me: "So, Juwl, what's new this week?"
M: *on the phone, busily calling reserved titles* "Ray, I don't have time to answer that."
"Okay, well, where's the new releases?"
"Ray, you've been a thorn in my side since I started working here. If we had just moved the new release wall, I might, possibly, understand you being confused about the new location of the new releases for about three seconds. But, then, know what? You'd realize there's something wrong with the wall over there. However, seeing as we don't have the hours/manpower to move the whole damn wall, it is where it has been for the past year." *return to phone call*

Note: No, the hours/manpower thing would've been a lie, so long as a manager was willing to stay on register for a little bit, I could get the new release shelving moved by myself, no problem.

[B&NGoddess]

are these books, like, to buy?

what the hell else would they be for?

do you sell safety deposit boxes?



is the cafe upstairs?

we don't have an upstairs

wheres the train?

[danegrous_21]

dc - do you sell hand tools?
me(i work in a sports and outdoors store)- uhh. maybe what are you looking for?
DC - a hammer?
me - , maybe ill ask camping....

2 mins later, after i knew we dont have any, he accepts this and walks off.

what makes this a dumb question, about 50 yds to the right of are front doors is a giant store call The Home Depot. intresting.

[Jester]

SC: How do I get out?
me: *points at the revolving door*
SC: I came from that! Wow, so it works both ways, in and out, eh?

Revolving Door Person, meet Upstairs Man.
Upstairs Man, this is Revolving Door Person.
I am sure you two have much to talk about.

[AFpheonix]

The stupid question I recall the most is, "Well, can't you just send me the medicine and I'll mail you the prescription later?"

NO.

It's illegal. It's IMPOSSIBLE (what do our pharmacists put in the bottle without orders? Or would you like the grab bag?)

I finally thought up a response to this nonsense question. "Could you walk into your bank and state that you were GOING to get a check for a million dollars next week, but could you have the cash now and you'll bring in the check when you get it? That usually fired up the old brain cells.

P.S. If you DO know of a bank like this, please let me know!

Heh...I get that all the time. Usually once I use the phrase "that's illegal" most of them stop.
My other personal favorite is when they ask for the hardcopy back. Uhhh....why do you want it back? I'll bet you can't even read the friggin thing! I usually respond with "Well, no, I need so I know what to give you."

[Azalea]

The stupid question I recall the most is, "Well, can't you just send me the medicine and I'll mail you the prescription later?"

NO.

It's illegal. It's IMPOSSIBLE (what do our pharmacists put in the bottle without orders? Or would you like the grab bag?)

I finally thought up a response to this nonsense question. "Could you walk into your bank and state that you were GOING to get a check for a million dollars next week, but could you have the cash now and you'll bring in the check when you get it? That usually fired up the old brain cells.

P.S. If you DO know of a bank like this, please let me know!

[MissVendetta]

If it was the same woman she may have meant English rather than American. I remember when the Harry Potter books first started to be released our Language Arts* teacher at the time decided to read the first book to us as a lesson in the differences between American and British English, she would stop at every other word to explain to us what it meant. "When they say 'potty' here, they mean 'crazy,' 'potty ' is a British word for 'crazy.'"

*That's like an English teacher only with a longer, more pretensious name.

Nah, her problem was that we live in a non-English-speaking country (which you may have noticed from my numerous errors ) and she wanted the translated version. How the hell you can translate a book that's kept secret till the very moment it's released. The translators get the book the same time as everyone else, and even with an extra-fast schedule, it will take about six months to get the translation to shops. OK, she didn't necessarily know all that (but seriously, who does not know how Harry Potters are kept secret, it was all over the news and papers weeks before), but why oh why didn't she even bother to take the quickest look on the book she was buying?
Of course, I shouldn't complain since her rant was extremely funny.

[DesignFox]

I got a cute one from a kid awhile back. I was leaving my store to go on break. The girl asked where I was going or why was I leaving or something along those lines. (this kid was around 10 or so). When I explained to her that I was headed to the food court to get my lunch, her mother responded, "Yea, afterall, they take the ball and chain off and let her out for awhile." Maybe you had to be there, but the whole exchange had me laughing.

As for stupidest thing I've heard a customer ask, I witness a doozie the other night while on break. I went over to the little pretzel place to get a pretzel, and lo and behold there is a group in front of me. Here's the exchange:

SC: Stupid Customer
PG1- Pretzel Girl 1
PG2- Pretzel Girl 2

This stand, as at most other stands, clearly displays a menu behind the counter with every type of pretzel/combo they serve. They also have a big glass case with each actual pretzel on display, and a great little card with its name, and what it is made of.

SC: "what type of pretzels do you have?"
PG1: rattles off pretzels
SC: "do you have one that is covered in sesame seeds?"
PG1: "no, we just have these pretzels here." *points to case*
SC: "So, you don't have one with sesame seeds?"
PG1: "no."
SC: "What's that one?" *points to clearly labeled pretzel covered in almonds*
PG1: "that is an almond crunch pretzel"
SC: "What's in it?"
PG1: "butter and almonds"
SC: "can't you make it without the butter?"
PG1: "well the butter is what makes the almonds stick to the pretzel"
PG2: pipes up- "we could give you the pretzel plain, and put the almonds in a cup on the side, then, maybe you could squish the end around in the almonds...it won't be completely covered but at least you could have it without butter..."
SC complete with cat-butt face: "no...umm..don't you have any that are fat free?"
PG2: "Yes, you could get a pretzel with no butter and just salt..."
SC: "what about the other pretzel place...aren't there any others? Do they have fat free pretzels?...."

By this point I finally got my pretzel from the other person and was high-tailing out of there...I mean, WTF? I was pulling my hair out just listening...

[Dave1982]

Stupid Questions at Staples:

"Do you have pens?"
Sorry, no. Prick your finger and use that instead. It's STAPLES!!! Of course we have pens!

"Where's the printer ink?"
RIGHT THERE under the HUGE sign that says "INK AND TONER CARTRIDGES" in the section that takes up the entirety of that wall that is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!

"Where can I get copies made?"
Maybe at that enormous area of the store under the GIGANTIC sign that says "COPY & PRINT CENTER" that you LOOKED AT before coming to the Service Desk you twit!!!!


From today:

"Are any of these pens in woodgrain finish?" *points to Fine Writing display case.
Um, do any of them LOOK like they are in woodgrain? NO! Therefore, NO!

[JustAGirl]

Cust: "Where are the restrooms?"

Me: "Right there sir/ma'am" *points*

(this is when I was at a cash register where the restrooms were a mere 20 feet away)

Customer: oh dear lol

[Mizzikiel]

I always hear "What types of soups do you have today". There is a big board right behind me that says all our soups for the day. Also, its always the same people and I tell them every day.

Also, I hate it when customers ask for whatever and I tell them we're making new ones and she says alright go get me one, then gets mad when I explain it'll be however long until its finished.

I am working 7-10 tonight, so i'm sure ill get a few to add.

[Sofar]

The day after the latest Harry Potter was released:
SC: Why didn't anyone tell me this book was in English? How was I supposed to know that?

If it was the same woman she may have meant English rather than American. I remember when the Harry Potter books first started to be released our Language Arts* teacher at the time decided to read the first book to us as a lesson in the differences between American and British English, she would stop at every other word to explain to us what it meant. "When they say 'potty' here, they mean 'crazy,' 'potty ' is a British word for 'crazy.'"

*That's like an English teacher only with a longer, more pretensious name.

[janitordba]

the other day i had some lady ask me where the registers were. in order to enter the store you have to walk right by them. its not a very big store,so it would also be hard to forget where they are,or get lost.

the night before thanksgiving we closed at midnight. i was out in the parking lot at 3 am,putting rows of carts in front of the doors (managers require this on nights that we are closed),and had about 17 people ask me if the store was open in a 10 minute span.
one guy tried to argue with me and walk into the store. i said "im sorry,sir,the store is closed,we open again on friday at 5 am." about 6 times to the guy. clearly. i wasnt stuttering or mumbling or anything like that. all while the guy was walking closer and closer to the store,and trying to edge around me. finally he figured out what i was saying. apparently he "really needed" something.

i get the usual glut of people asking me how much things are and when we close (24 hour store,BIG letters lit up on the front on the store,where a customer would enter),and where the bathrooms are. i dont know why anyone would ask the janitor about prices. i know i wouldnt.

[pbmods]

We don't have a revolving door but there are two entrances in the front of the store. My dept is located right in the middle of the store. You can clearly see both sets of doors from almost anywhere in the dept. Yet I am asked on a regular basis, "Where are the doors? How do I get out of here?"

"Well, given that you're in the direct center of the store, I'd say any direction would be out for ya."

"Just click your heels together three times and say..."

"Leave? I thought you just got a cot in the back, like we do..."

[Retail Associate]

We don't have a revolving door but there are two entrances in the front of the store. My dept is located right in the middle of the store. You can clearly see both sets of doors from almost anywhere in the dept. Yet I am asked on a regular basis, "Where are the doors? How do I get out of here?"