Cardboard Love

[Becks]

...what was said before me...

[Darkforge]

Maybe one at a time, with an appropriatley sized recovery period in between...

[Jester]

All of them? That many women, in one place at one time? All that estrogen?

Are you mad?

That wouldn't be birthday fun, that would be bedlam. And not the fun kind, either.

[Magpie]

So....which one do you think you know I want for my birthday, hmmmm?

I rather assumed that all of them would be a fairly good gift.

[Jester]

Jest, I think I know what you want for your birthday...

I dunno. The list is rather extensive.

Hell, just the ones I've mentioned on this website: Shawn Johnson, Megan Fox, Kirsten Dunst, Christina Ricci, Renee O'Connor, Rene Zelwegger, Anna Paquin, Holly Hunter, Angelina Jolie, Jodie Foster, Helen Hunt, Sandra Bullock, Kathy Ireland....and then there are the ones I don't think I've mentioned.....Geena Davis, Gillian Anderson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alyson Hannigan, Shannen Doherty, Holly Marie Combs, Alyssa Milano, Heather Graham, Leelee Sobieski....and of course, the ones I actually knew or know.....my first love (The Enchantress), my first major crush (The Blonde Jock), my first major girlfriend (Blondie), and my ex-fiancee (The Brit). Then there's Bouncy, HBC, The Bombshell, and Nurse Betty. And that doesn't even count my current pines for The Norwegian, Miss Miami, and The New Orleans Waif. And then there are the ones I may have forgotten or just not mentioned.

So....which one do you think you know I want for my birthday, hmmmm?

[Red_Dazes]

I just realized I am a horrible person... GK I apologize to you.

I was looking through the SC threads and went.

"Oh crap I am 2 posts behind on GK's week! I hope that means he had a particularly horrid week and not that I just missed a post somewhere."

......And then I felt awful and a little saddened at myself.

[RetailWorkhorse]

"BAAACCOOOOOON!~"

....I DIDN'T DO IT! IT WASN'T ME! I have an alibi!

...okay, so I have no alibi.

*looks around for the Pony*
Yerg, it's too early... I can't remember his name...
For PONY!
RW, where are you?

BACON!

[Becks]

Jest, I think I know what you want for your birthday...

[Jester]

SC: “AMERICAN AIRLINES TOLD ME THERE WOULD BE A FREE BREAKFAST!!!"

Try decaf.

Pop Quiz

You’re on the Skytrain. Drunk off your arse and clutching a plateful of buck a slice pizza.

"What do you do, hotshot? What do you do?"

SC: “I want your lowest rate. But it has to be the hotel closest to the airport, have free transportation and a pool.”

I'll be the first to admit this particular theme is getting a little stale, but what the hell....this one deserves it.....

"And I want Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson* cartwheeling naked into my bed to do unspeakable (and videotapable) things to to me, after which she will cook my breakfast, give me a bonus blowjob, and leave me the keys to a Ferrari.

How's it feel to want?"

*I don't want to hear anyone bitching about me being a dirty old man. She is a legal adult, she is cute, and I like petite women. And since I'm 2 days from being 40, come to think of it, I have earned the right to be a dirty old man!

But sometimes my brain demands an answer. Like when two guys step onto the train with a life sized cardboard cut out of some airbrushed harpy from Sex in the City. Complete with her own stand so that she can remain upright whilst they talk about her and what to do with her this evening.

I have to fess up....I once actually stole one of those cardboard cutouts from a bar. It was a hot model, one I had a thing for, I was in my early-to-mid-twenties (I was dating Blondie, so I was 23-26), and the bar staff who knew me as a regular actually helped me avoid the security cameras so I could smuggle her out.

Now, in my defense, I had no intention of actually DOING anything sexually with her, other than putting her in my room to make it that much more attractive. And since that was the biggest bedroom I've ever had (and probably ever will have) at about 10' by 50', I had plenty of space for her.

Needless to say, my girlfriend at the time was not overly thrilled with the addition to my man cave's decor. But she was smart enough to not comment overly much on it, since she knew I liked it, and I paid her (the girlfriend) far more attention.

Was anyone else reminded of the Family Guy where Peter gets a cardboard display of Kathy Ireland?

That was the cardboard cutout I stole! (Though I never saw that FG episode, nor did I do any of the things to it that are suggested by your post about said episode.....)

SC: “Awww, but I don’t wanna wait!”

Here we go again.....

"And I don't wanna have to deal with the cops when I drive past them at 90 in a 35 in my new Ferrari with Cameron Diaz bent over the gearshift blowing me. But alas, I must."

But there is more to it, and I shall one again break my vows of Maritime silence to explain them.

These vows you speak of must not be very strong, as you violate them fairly regularly......

[Andara Bledin]

SC: “And the number?”
Me: “552-“
SC: “5?”
Me: “552”
SC: “552?”
Me: “Than 6244”
SC: “52?”
Me: “6244”
SC: “1?”
Me: “6244”

1? 1? Where he Hell did 1 come from? I didn’t even use a 1 anywhere in my phone number deployment. I did not even use anything that sounds like one.

Um... I have to point out that you said "then." Which, based on the addled and delayed response from your SC, would have registered at just about the right time for him to hear a 1.

Because, apparently, you can't even get laid by cardboard unless you liquor it up first.

Oh, no. The liquor is for themselves. They'll need it to not notice the cardboard-cuts from the "partying" they plan to engage in.

I like the way you could not refrain from providing the pertinent damage information of Phase 2.

The indoctrination runs deep.

nods

Yup. He got you to go into the later part of phase 2 without even being still on the phone with you.

I will now never be able to burn the image of a naked man screaming "BAAAACCOOOONN~!!" out of my memory. Thank you.

Hey, at least that man wasn't Prince Charles.

^-.-^

[Imogene]

I once got told by a manager that I could have the Excel Excel stand up after the store was done using it so long as I wasn't going to do naughty things to it...

[Null Requiem]

... You know, cardboard cuts are pretty painful.

... so the liquor may help to lubricate things a little more since I imagine soggy cardboard would be a bit more forgiving to various bits...


... I can't believe my brain actually came up with that...

... need brain bleach, stat!!

[Becks]

Because, apparently, you can't even get laid by cardboard unless you liquor it up first.

There aren't words.

[BrenDAnn]

Mr Hero you aren't the only one that thought of Family Guy! I imagine they ended up burying her in one of their yards, if they have one, after liquoring her up and commencing with the plans GK overheard them making!

[KabeRinnaul]

These maritime people appear to be very similar to most strangers you'll meet in Arkansas. They are all too happy to share every personal detail of their and their family's lives.

Appalachia, too. Kheldarson's right, it's mostly a rural thing. I'm sure she'd be glad to describe her experiences visiting here.