A canonical list of SCs

[MoonChild2007]

But why...?
Ugh, I hate these guys. These guys get information from you that they don't like and proceed to ask why this is so ad nauseum. They find it incredulous that you are not the font of all knowledge relating to all things suck. They then get pissy when all you can do is shrug and tell them to talk to corporate.

I can't stand those customers myself.

[Nurian]

Here's some I can remember:

The Groveler
One of the strangest SC's I've ever seen. This guy will meekly come up to you and request your assistance in the smallest voice possible. He may slouch, keep his weight on his back foot (ready to flee), and apologize profusely for interrupting you. This guy doesn't understand that your paycheck is paid by his need for help. He expects you at any moment to yell and scream at him.

But why...?
Ugh, I hate these guys. These guys get information from you that they don't like and proceed to ask why this is so ad nauseum. They find it incredulous that you are not the font of all knowledge relating to all things suck. They then get pissy when all you can do is shrug and tell them to talk to corporate.

[MoonChild2007]

In my experience, 99% of these so-called "special circumstances" are in fact not special but entirely common

Exactly. Some customers will pull that sob story aka special circumstances just to get their services restored when in fact, these are things that happen every single day. In other words, people think they are so "special" they deserve MORE than everybody else.

[Automan Empire]

J'Accuse!!!

The Accusing Delayer has ordered expensive stuff, which is now completed and ready for pickup and (ahem) payment. This already late SC blames something on you soley to finagle a further delay.

In my biz, it is auto repairs. The car was finished Friday, and messages were duly left at both numbers. It is now Wednesday.

SC on phone: (urgent yet whiny tone) How's my car???
Me: (taking a moment to find it on the computer because it's so far down the list by now you have to scroll) It's still finished, Maam.
SC: (in a whine fluting up and down the octaves) But you never caAAAALLLllled me!
Me: Well, [service manager] called both numbers and left messages Friday.
SC: But I never got a messSSSAGGGggge! (BS! I was in the office when SM left both messages. )
Me: Well, the car's ready.
SC: (I'm disappointed and it's your fault voice): Okay. Well, I won't be able to pick it up until at least Friday.
Me:

Knowing this customer, it will be the following week. Also knowing this customer, money is the root problem.

[Ledomar]

Got a couple SC archetypes, mainly applies to grocery customers

HangOnASec -- These are the SC's who walk up to the counter to get -item- but can't be bothered to get off the phone long enough to actually order said -item-. Okay, i got stuff to do so take that farking cell phone and shove it where the solar rays never reach.

OhWaitNeedMore -- SC orders amount of -item- (s)he believes that (s)he needs. After you have weighed up said -item- and are beginning to wrap in butcher paper, (s)he decides "I need -random number- more."

PleaseShaddup -- SC orders certain amount of -item-, then proceeds to talk my ear off as i attempt to get the amount of -item-, causing me to lose count of those -items-. Mainly works with amounts over 10.

[RetailActress]

Chummy Idle Retiree Husband

Has accompanied his wife shopping, WHY?? Can't he do some useful volunteer work somewhere?

Stands around store holding her pocketbook. Attempts lame comedy monologue about how heavy it is; what's she got in it??!!

When politely invited to relax in comfy armchair next to table full of magazines, declines, saying he sits too much anyway.

Follows female sales associates around, interrupting their work, talkin' about the good old days.

His wife never buys much because HE'S there.

[trinnyg]

[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

That would be the <Be My Friend> Type customer

[RetailActress]

MADAM PEEVISH

Everything's always wrong. She's got that bitter expression, downturned mouth, won't make eye contact.

She's never satisfied with the fit and quality of our store's clothing, and disgustedly brings back catalog orders for us to send back to the Distribution Center. She is our number one most frequent "returner."

Why, then, does she continue to shop with us?

Because we're always consistently polite to her, and maybe she likes that attention??

No good deed goes unpunished.

<sigh>

R.A.

[RetailActress]

The Unanswerable Questioner

In our mature women's clothing store, when we politely approach an elderly customer with a generic offer of assistance, she may turn out to be a U. Q. who responds in a baffling manner:

"What should I get my daughter-in-law for Christmas?"

"What do I need?"

"What can you show me that I'd like?"

"Do I already have this?"

It's like .... I dunno .... do I live with you and have intimate knowledge of your lifestyle??

You may suppose that it would be easy to foist the most expensive items off on these U.Q.s, but, NO. They possess the cheap-ass gene, making them even more annoying.

Anticipating plenty of 'em during the helliday season,

R.A.

[Elevator]

The Elderly Computer Adventurer: The old guy who before calling tech support spends at least 2-5 hours unplugging cables, deleting things from his computer, downloading un-needed and horribly annoying anti-viruses and the like, only to finally discover at the end of his complex and useless adventure that not only is his computer screwed, but he has multiplied the problems ten-fold. Then when he finally caves and calls TS, not only is he SOL because he trampled his PC into the ground, but that we don't troubleshoot Windows 95.

[Dave1982]

I have a special circumstance customers-

Look, everybody has a death in their family, some people have problems, some people are disabled, etc. I don't care about your special "problem". We will treat ALL our customers the same. You don't pay your bill, we will interrupt it, that's how our system works. We don't turn off service base on your stupid family situation.

In my experience, 99% of these so-called "special circumstances" are in fact not special but entirely common. For instance, people think that software not working on their machine is a special circumstance, when in fact I see that on a semi-regular basis and it's usually the result of them not doing sufficient research before buying it.

Another is the "but it is/was a gift!" excuse for wanting some part of the return policy waived. Trust me, you aren't he only person in the world to gives/receives gifts they don't like.

[elysia]

the holiday fan fanatic:

The (usually female) psychopath who is apalled that you don't have christmas merchandise on display on October 31st, is disappointed you dont feature halloween cards on the card rack, and that your thanksgiving decor is disappointingly slim pickins, even though your business is a shipping company and has (virtually) nothing whatever to do with superflouous future landfill.

[Frotz]

These are from a pizza-delivery perspective

Food Poisoned Slob: This idiot describes in detail how she got food poisoning from the last pizza and how she'll have the store's guts for garters. Meanwhile cockroaches can be seen crawling all over the kitchen.

Grateful Customer (no, not really): Says "Oh, you got here so fast! Wow! Thanks!", then stiffs the driver.

Stinky Guy: He and his apartment smell of a mixture of vomit, urine, feces, and decayed food. One driver refuses to go there after throwing up on the doorstep.

[tropicsgoddess]

The Armchair Computer Technician: Calls technical support, goes ahead of the technician, talks out of their asses with their suggestions on troubleshooting and on their supposed computer knowledge when they in fact don't know jack shit . Sometimes might do stuff they're not supposed to while on hold and when told they need to replace a part, they shout at you that you're full of it and that it makes no sense.

[Mr Hero]

The Follow-Up Questioner When asking about information of a product (usually the price, but not always) and you give them an answer they don't like to hear, they follow up with a question. "Are you [optional obscenity] serious/joking/kidding?"

The rising intonation? Not so much rude? But every statement has that rising inflection? For best example, see the Family Guy episode where Brian gets a cute, but incredibly dumb girlfriend. Stewie mocks this behavior later in the episode.

The Angry Haggler Related to the wannabe haggler, but won't counter offer. Instead, when quoted a price they're unwilling to pay, will get overly angry and storm out of the establishment. Seen most often in hotels where many patrons don't know that haggling is commonplace in hotels.