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The Adventures of Lobotomy Girl by Luna

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  • The Adventures of Lobotomy Girl by Luna

    Ahh..yes. Those of you who have been around will remember my stories of lobotomy girl. Those who are new to our lil internet family - well, sit back and enjoy.

    Lobotomy Girl is a woman I worked with at one of the bookstores. She was a sweet woman but dumber than a box of bricks. She would give you the shirt off her back - if you didn't strangle her with it first.

    Lobotomy Girl is actually not a girl but a full grown woman, probably in her 50s. She claims she used to be a nurse, and was once mind zapped by a man in Hawaii while he was driving her somewhere. (We have since determined by her description of the white light and then blackout - that she was not mind zapped but most likely HIT by said man..yet she sticks to her story even today.)

    There are many stories in the adventurous life of Lobotomy Girl. This is but one.

    Lobotomy Girl was asked to scan a section of books for returns. The lil scanner beeps at you when you've scanned a book that needs to be returned. You pull it off the shelf when the scanner yells at you and continue until done with the section. LG was working on this. I was writing a schedule for 3 departments in the office.

    LG came into the break room and asked the people there what she should do. You see, somehow she spilled water on her sweater. Instead of taking the sweater off (and just wearing the nice turtleneck she had on underneath alone) and letting the sweater dry - she had a BETTER idea.

    LG went into the receiving room and decided to dry her water spot with the industrial strength shrink wrapper gun. Indeed, this gun does looks like a hair dryer, but it can melt thick plastic cups to a pile of goo in less than 30 seconds.

    You may ask - but Luna!! Aren't there warning labels on this gun? Doesn't she know what it's used for? The answer to that is yes, and yes.

    She proceeded to use this gun to dry her sweater. Of course, the gun with its intense cup and plastic shrink wrap melting heat - promptly set a small fire to her sweater and burnt a 3 inch hole in it.

    I'll pause so you can picture that.

    Okay, now as she's telling us this - we're standing in the break room completely dumbfounded. Mostly because she's relaying the story to us so matter-of-factly that we can't believe she sees nothing wrong with what she has done.

    What is even funnier, is that she was asking for our opinion of what she should now do about the big, 3 inch, blackened, scorched edged hole in her sweater! This is what concerned her the most – NOT the fact that she set fire to herself.

    Should she:
    1) Staple the hole closed
    2) Put a post-it note over it to cover it up?

    Once one of us was able to speak - someone suggested she just take the sweater off as she is already wearing a turtleneck underneath. She replied with something like, "I never thought of that!"

    We went back to our schedule making, breaks, whatever else everyone was doing. Later on I walked by the section to see how far LG had come along with her scanning. She was still on the same bookcase. Why?

    She opted for the post-it note cover up. So here is what was happening:
    * falls off....scan..LG bend down...picks up post-it...slaps it on falls off...LG bends down...*

    No, I am NOT kidding. I stood there and watched her for a good 5 minutes with my hand over my mouth. Saying something to her would make her cry b/c she's so unassuming and naive. I had to just accept that I could never change her and get on with whatever it is I had to do.

    Stay tuned for more Adventures of Lobotomy soon as I can remember them all!
    If you are thinking to yourself, "Hmmm, should I post this?" it should probably go HERE.

  • #2
    I swear, I used to work with this woman. "Heather" was unbelievably sweet and generous - and stupid.
    I've got lots of stories about her. Once, I was doing a quick count of the till. We were very busy that day, so I wanted to make sure we were balanced as we headed into the last hour of my shift. You can't use the computer to do the count if you're not actually closing the till, so I was counting the bills on paper. The scrap of paper looked like this:

    20's - 41
    10's - 32
    5's - 18
    Quarters - 63
    Dimes - 22 get the idea. I was interrupted by a phonecall so I asked Heather to add everything up for me on a calculator. Two minutes later, she comes over and asks, "How do you add negative numbers?" She apparently thought the dashes were minus signs. Yeah, we've got one of those crazy quantum tills where we can count bills that aren't there.

    I'm looking forward to more Lobotomy Girl stories.

    If you have to ask, it's probably better posted at


    • #3
      Wow, Luna, I've worked with some dumb people...but DAMN! Tell us more! Please!
      I will not shove “it” up my backside. I do not know what “it” is, but in my many years on this earth I have figured out that that particular port hole is best reserved for emergency exit only. -GK


      • #4
        Wow. That kinda hurt to read.
        Unseen but seeing
        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
        3rd shift needs love, too
        RIP, mo bhrionglóid


        • #5
          I wait with bated breath for the next installment. I don't think I've ever worked with someone that....I can't even think of a proper word.


          • #6
            Holy hell, one of the first things I was trained on was the shrinkwrap gun, and to never use it for anything other than shrinkwrapping.
            "I am quite confident that I do exist."
            "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor


            • #7
              Quoth Boozy View Post
              Yeah, we've got one of those crazy quantum tills where we can count bills that aren't there.
              Will you use it for good or evil? Stay tuned.
              "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut