Tweet
#1 This is not the software you are looking for...
No. Our software has a very specific purpose, which I have explained to you. It is not going to help you make your party invitations pop...
Yes. I'm sure. You've told me what you want it to do and I've told you it won't do that...
I'm quite sure...
No. Really...
OK. If you insist on buying it anyway, prices start at $600 for an individual license...
Hello? Hello?
#2 Nice Try, But You're Not Tricking Me Into Giving You a Free Update
What's really funny about this one is that this guy was perfectly polite, almost cheerful, during this entire conversation. And yet...
SC: Hi. We called and talked to Eugene last week and he told us to download the demo so we could test it on our equipment.
Me: All right. Did it test out OK?
SC: Well. We also bought a license a few years back and lost it.
Me: Oh. If you can give me the license number I'll be happy to look it up and give you your options for replacing it.
SC: It's ########.
Me: OK. I found it. I see that's at [version which came out 8 years ago] and that Eugene gave you a quote of $300 to replace it with the current version. [Note: Eugene also told them that we don't replace versions that are that old, so I figured there was no need to rub in the bad news by repeating it.]
SC: So anyway...
Me:...
SC:...
Me: Did you have a question about the demo version or purchasing an update?
SC: I need to test the new version to make sure it works on our equipment.
Me: No problem. You can test the demo version with your equipment. Of course, the [output] won't be correct, but if the demo works with your equipment, then you will know that the update will also work should you decide to purchase it.
SC: The [output] is not correct?
Me: [Knowing full well that Eugene explained this] Yes. That is one of the limitations of the demonstration version. If you decide to purchase the update, that won't happen.
SC: I need to test it with my equipment.
Me: The demo is designed so people can test it with their equipment before deciding whether to purchase it.
SC: So anyway...
Me:...
SC:...
Me: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
SC: No. We just...um...need to make sure that the new version doesn't have the same errors as the old version did.
Me: Oh. Can you tell me what was happening with the old version?
SC: It was [insert some completely insane weird behavior that I'm 99% certain they just made up, but I can't prove they didn't make up].
Me: OK. I can tell you that we have had no reports of either [old version] or [new version] exhibiting that kind of behavior. But I can assure you that if the [new version] had that problem, it would show up in the demo version. [I was trying not to laugh at this point.]
SC: But you said that the [demo version] would have errors.
Me: Well, yes. But not THAT specific error which you described to me. The demo version just introduces random extra characters into the [output]. If the demo doesn't [do what he described to me before], the paid version won't do that either.
SC: Um...
Me:...
SC:...
Me: If you don't have any questions, I'll be happy to renew Eugene's quote of $300 for [new version] for another 30 days to give you some more time to test the demo with your equipment.
SC: OK. Thanks for your help. We'll let you know.
Me: You're very welcome and thanks for calling us. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to get in touch again.
#3 Found In My Voice Mail Box
"Hi. My name is [name] and I'm with [state agency]. I have kind of a general [software] question. Can I get [software] to communicate with a [sic] old [brand name of hardware device] connected using a parallel to bluetooth connector communicating with a bluetooth on a laptop running [software] latest version. You can reach me at [phone number]."
[emphasis mine]
No. Our software has a very specific purpose, which I have explained to you. It is not going to help you make your party invitations pop...
Yes. I'm sure. You've told me what you want it to do and I've told you it won't do that...
I'm quite sure...
No. Really...
OK. If you insist on buying it anyway, prices start at $600 for an individual license...
Hello? Hello?
#2 Nice Try, But You're Not Tricking Me Into Giving You a Free Update
What's really funny about this one is that this guy was perfectly polite, almost cheerful, during this entire conversation. And yet...
SC: Hi. We called and talked to Eugene last week and he told us to download the demo so we could test it on our equipment.
Me: All right. Did it test out OK?
SC: Well. We also bought a license a few years back and lost it.
Me: Oh. If you can give me the license number I'll be happy to look it up and give you your options for replacing it.
SC: It's ########.
Me: OK. I found it. I see that's at [version which came out 8 years ago] and that Eugene gave you a quote of $300 to replace it with the current version. [Note: Eugene also told them that we don't replace versions that are that old, so I figured there was no need to rub in the bad news by repeating it.]
SC: So anyway...
Me:...
SC:...
Me: Did you have a question about the demo version or purchasing an update?
SC: I need to test the new version to make sure it works on our equipment.
Me: No problem. You can test the demo version with your equipment. Of course, the [output] won't be correct, but if the demo works with your equipment, then you will know that the update will also work should you decide to purchase it.
SC: The [output] is not correct?
Me: [Knowing full well that Eugene explained this] Yes. That is one of the limitations of the demonstration version. If you decide to purchase the update, that won't happen.
SC: I need to test it with my equipment.
Me: The demo is designed so people can test it with their equipment before deciding whether to purchase it.
SC: So anyway...
Me:...
SC:...
Me: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
SC: No. We just...um...need to make sure that the new version doesn't have the same errors as the old version did.
Me: Oh. Can you tell me what was happening with the old version?
SC: It was [insert some completely insane weird behavior that I'm 99% certain they just made up, but I can't prove they didn't make up].
Me: OK. I can tell you that we have had no reports of either [old version] or [new version] exhibiting that kind of behavior. But I can assure you that if the [new version] had that problem, it would show up in the demo version. [I was trying not to laugh at this point.]
SC: But you said that the [demo version] would have errors.
Me: Well, yes. But not THAT specific error which you described to me. The demo version just introduces random extra characters into the [output]. If the demo doesn't [do what he described to me before], the paid version won't do that either.
SC: Um...
Me:...
SC:...
Me: If you don't have any questions, I'll be happy to renew Eugene's quote of $300 for [new version] for another 30 days to give you some more time to test the demo with your equipment.
SC: OK. Thanks for your help. We'll let you know.
Me: You're very welcome and thanks for calling us. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to get in touch again.
#3 Found In My Voice Mail Box
"Hi. My name is [name] and I'm with [state agency]. I have kind of a general [software] question. Can I get [software] to communicate with a [sic] old [brand name of hardware device] connected using a parallel to bluetooth connector communicating with a bluetooth on a laptop running [software] latest version. You can reach me at [phone number]."
[emphasis mine]