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OK here goes....
1. It's not like I'm asking you for some secret government info.
Guy calls in looking to cancel the free 6-month trial of security software. He announced it was because he was going to use another program.
Me: And what software are you going to be using in it's place?
SC: None of your damn business!
Wow. One would think I asked him for some secret info, not a brand of antivirus software.
2. Declined the upgrade, now she's going to blame us.
Client calls in because she has problems with her newly purchased security software (one that begins with a K) and her windows 7 PC. Because the disc was manufactured in July, the first thing it asks is to download the latest build. This is important because the default build that's on the DVD is not compatible with 7.
Me: Okay the first issue is that you've installed an older build that's not compatible with 7....
SC: I can't believe it! They sold me an incompatible disc again!
Me: I'm sorry but the disc was made in July, before 7 came out. The first thing it asks you is to download a new version of the program. Did you click on No instead of yes?
SC: Of course I did!
Me: And if you don't mind me asking, how come?
SC: Because those things never work out for me, they always mess up something!
Me: Well anyway, let me uninstall this version....
I do my thing and uninstall and reinstall, and she was happy with me at the end but let out this gem:
SC: I'm going to have to go to the store and complain, this is the second time they sold me a disc that would not work!
Well if you keep declining the prompt to download the one that does work, no wonder!
3. I want it with interest!
Back when our in-house security software program first started, store-level reps were making a conscious effort to not tell clients the important fact that the software automatically renews at the end of the subscription (Not to mention the print in the receipt stating the auto renewal was so damn small). As such, the billing
department has been deluged with refund requests from people angry that the software "charged them without their knowledge."
They are so backed up that it could take 1 month for some people to get their money. This guy wanted more, though:
SC: So how long will I see my money?
Me: Keep in mind that once I send it to the billing dept it's out of my hands. If they're not busy it could take 5-10 business days or if they're busy it could take 1 full billing cycle.
SC: Unacceptable! If you're going to hold my money for a month I want it with interest!
Me: Sorry sir but the way our system is set up you're going to get back only the funds it says you're entitled to, nothing more.
SC: Well I'm going to check how legal that is!
Do you think we like holding your money? No, it's because there's a ton of request in front of you. Get in line, you're not special.
4. Yeah, we like holding your money for a month part II and III....
Again, people bitching about having to wait for their software refund. 2 within an a couple of hours....
Me: Ok the refund has been processed....
SC1: How long will this take?
Me: Keep in mind that once I send it to the billing dept it's out of my hands. If they're not busy it could take 5-10 business days or if they're busy it could take 1 full billing cycle.
SC1: So in other words, you guys are quick to take my money but don't want to give it back, huh?
Then....
SC2: So, how long is my refund going to take?
Me: Me: Keep in mind that once I send it to the billing dept it's out of my hands. If they're not busy it could take 5-10 business days or if they're busy it could take 1 full billing cycle.
SC2: Nice, quick to grab it not so quick to give it back!
Seriously, we don't like it taking that long but there are people before you. Like the idiot who wanted interest, get in line.
5. Nothing is 100% - unless you listen to a sales drone pressured by his boss.
I know that no security software is 100%. The Russian security program that begins with a K is horrible for detecting those rogue security programs. That said, if a client gets a virus that their crap security software won't remove, it's beyond the scope of support (we only troubleshoot the software, that's it).
And so it begins with this customer:
SC: I think I got infested, there is another program called [typical rogue] that keeps popping up, and I ran a full scan with [K] but it said I was clean.
Me: Looks like you've been infested with what's known as a fake alert trojan. *Gives spiel and offers the various pay-for-support options we have.*
SC: Why should I pay when the salesperson said [K] is the be all and end all for security?!
Me: Nothing is 100%, sir. There is always going to be a case of a virus or spyware outsmarting your software, as in the case here.
SC: I still don't get why you guys want to charge me for something this should remove!
Me: Because this line only covers troubleshooting the software, not in-depth virus removal.
SC: FINE transfer me over to the sales dept!
I transferred him, but he hung up before it could be completed.
6. Yeah, because I need to follow policy.
Corporate has told us any in-house software less than 30 days old needs to be cancelled at the store, not by us. We cannot get around this.
Now this woman:
Me: Ma'am, because the software is less than 30 days old, corporate has informed us the store needs to cancel the software.
SC: Why?!
Me: We have to follow what corporate says, we can't get around it.
SC: So you'd rather do what you're told rather than give me a good answer, is that it?
Me: Ma'am as was said to you, you need to bring it to the store. I can't sidestep corporate.
SC: FINE THEN! Have a good day!
*Click.*
Okay that's it for now, have a good holiday....
1. It's not like I'm asking you for some secret government info.
Guy calls in looking to cancel the free 6-month trial of security software. He announced it was because he was going to use another program.
Me: And what software are you going to be using in it's place?
SC: None of your damn business!
Wow. One would think I asked him for some secret info, not a brand of antivirus software.
2. Declined the upgrade, now she's going to blame us.
Client calls in because she has problems with her newly purchased security software (one that begins with a K) and her windows 7 PC. Because the disc was manufactured in July, the first thing it asks is to download the latest build. This is important because the default build that's on the DVD is not compatible with 7.
Me: Okay the first issue is that you've installed an older build that's not compatible with 7....
SC: I can't believe it! They sold me an incompatible disc again!
Me: I'm sorry but the disc was made in July, before 7 came out. The first thing it asks you is to download a new version of the program. Did you click on No instead of yes?
SC: Of course I did!
Me: And if you don't mind me asking, how come?
SC: Because those things never work out for me, they always mess up something!
Me: Well anyway, let me uninstall this version....
I do my thing and uninstall and reinstall, and she was happy with me at the end but let out this gem:
SC: I'm going to have to go to the store and complain, this is the second time they sold me a disc that would not work!
Well if you keep declining the prompt to download the one that does work, no wonder!
3. I want it with interest!
Back when our in-house security software program first started, store-level reps were making a conscious effort to not tell clients the important fact that the software automatically renews at the end of the subscription (Not to mention the print in the receipt stating the auto renewal was so damn small). As such, the billing
department has been deluged with refund requests from people angry that the software "charged them without their knowledge."
They are so backed up that it could take 1 month for some people to get their money. This guy wanted more, though:
SC: So how long will I see my money?
Me: Keep in mind that once I send it to the billing dept it's out of my hands. If they're not busy it could take 5-10 business days or if they're busy it could take 1 full billing cycle.
SC: Unacceptable! If you're going to hold my money for a month I want it with interest!
Me: Sorry sir but the way our system is set up you're going to get back only the funds it says you're entitled to, nothing more.
SC: Well I'm going to check how legal that is!
Do you think we like holding your money? No, it's because there's a ton of request in front of you. Get in line, you're not special.
4. Yeah, we like holding your money for a month part II and III....
Again, people bitching about having to wait for their software refund. 2 within an a couple of hours....
Me: Ok the refund has been processed....
SC1: How long will this take?
Me: Keep in mind that once I send it to the billing dept it's out of my hands. If they're not busy it could take 5-10 business days or if they're busy it could take 1 full billing cycle.
SC1: So in other words, you guys are quick to take my money but don't want to give it back, huh?
Then....
SC2: So, how long is my refund going to take?
Me: Me: Keep in mind that once I send it to the billing dept it's out of my hands. If they're not busy it could take 5-10 business days or if they're busy it could take 1 full billing cycle.
SC2: Nice, quick to grab it not so quick to give it back!
Seriously, we don't like it taking that long but there are people before you. Like the idiot who wanted interest, get in line.
5. Nothing is 100% - unless you listen to a sales drone pressured by his boss.
I know that no security software is 100%. The Russian security program that begins with a K is horrible for detecting those rogue security programs. That said, if a client gets a virus that their crap security software won't remove, it's beyond the scope of support (we only troubleshoot the software, that's it).
And so it begins with this customer:
SC: I think I got infested, there is another program called [typical rogue] that keeps popping up, and I ran a full scan with [K] but it said I was clean.
Me: Looks like you've been infested with what's known as a fake alert trojan. *Gives spiel and offers the various pay-for-support options we have.*
SC: Why should I pay when the salesperson said [K] is the be all and end all for security?!
Me: Nothing is 100%, sir. There is always going to be a case of a virus or spyware outsmarting your software, as in the case here.
SC: I still don't get why you guys want to charge me for something this should remove!
Me: Because this line only covers troubleshooting the software, not in-depth virus removal.
SC: FINE transfer me over to the sales dept!
I transferred him, but he hung up before it could be completed.
6. Yeah, because I need to follow policy.
Corporate has told us any in-house software less than 30 days old needs to be cancelled at the store, not by us. We cannot get around this.
Now this woman:
Me: Ma'am, because the software is less than 30 days old, corporate has informed us the store needs to cancel the software.
SC: Why?!
Me: We have to follow what corporate says, we can't get around it.
SC: So you'd rather do what you're told rather than give me a good answer, is that it?
Me: Ma'am as was said to you, you need to bring it to the store. I can't sidestep corporate.
SC: FINE THEN! Have a good day!
*Click.*
Okay that's it for now, have a good holiday....