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susan
07-24-2006, 06:28 PM
I just need to vent about this, because it is truly annoying.

My boyfriend shares a rowhouse with his grandmother. She is a wonderful woman, feisty and funny but still a typical grandma who tries to feed you at every opportunity because "you're too skinny!" Besides my BF and his 3 siblings (none of whom live around here) she is also grandma to a set of adorable 5 year old twins, whom she babysits frequently. The point I'm trying to make is that she has paid her grandma dues in full.

The family that lives next door has two kids, a baby and a 4 yo. From what I understand, the baby is on the sickly side and gets a lot of attention, while Matthew gets relatively little. I guess you can see where I am headed with this.

He is desparate for attention. Right now, he is a basically good kid, but one who is annoying because he craves the attention his parents aren't giving him. If he hears you outside, front or back, he will fly out the door and start talking to you. It's understandable, but still...on a Friday night, sometimes all you want to do is sit outside on the steps and enjoy an adult beverage and some adult conversation without a kid pestering you to death. It's no use waiting until he goes to bed, they let that child stay up to all hours. I've heard him chattering away at 11:30 at night! However this isn't what gets me upset.

I spend just about every weekend at my BF's. Since I'm off on Mondays, I usually spend the morning putzing around and using his Internet connection. So I get to hear this scene played out on a regular basis. And I know it doesn't just happen on Mondays. If Ed's grandma is working in the kitchen (in the basement), she'll let the dogs out and close just the screen door to the basement. Matthew will either open the door and waltz into the house or (if the door is locked) bang on the door until she gets irritated.

I hear her tell him, more than once, that she is busy and to go away, but he doesn't pay any attention. After that, all I hear from her is "Put that down!" "Don't play with that!" "Go play on the swings!" He doesn't listen at all, since after negative attention is better than none at all. A lot of times she has to physically put him out of the house to be rid of him. How is she supposed to get any housework done, if she has to worry about him? Why should she have to worry about him? She's 70some years old; she should be allowed to putter around her house in peace and spend the rest of her time and energy on her actual grandkids.

She is a nice woman and doesn't mind helping her neighbors, but there is no reason that she should be used as free child care because his mother doesn't want to take responsibility for her own child! And the sad thing is that his mother has no clue. She told my boyfriend that she wants more children! Why, so she can neglect the one she's got even more?

Like I said, on the whole he's a good kid, but that's not going to last. I just know that 10 years from now she's going to be wondering why he keeps getting kicked out of school and why he has a probation officer and that she'll be blaming everybody but her and her husband.

Broomjockey
07-24-2006, 06:44 PM
I feel sorry for the kid. My parents at least tried to pay me attention when they could, but my mom was on all kinds of committees when I was in grades 1-6 and my dad would sometimes have to work late, or would go out with his friends. Thats all fine, but I didn't have any friends in the neighborhood because my mom made me go to her school on the other side of town. So if they were gone, I was home alone, and stuck by myself too, because my few school friends weren't allowed by their parents to come over unless my parents were there (completely reasonable, and I knew it then too).
Unfortunately, this turned me into a little bit of an attention hound. I wanted attention when I wanted it, and I wanted it on my terms, and only for as long as I wanted it. That meant if I had to be annoying to make people pay attention to me, I would. Disruptive? Sure, I could do that.
I've managed to curb this behaviour for the most part, and I manage to get a lot of my attention requirements by being funny, but I also still spent a lot (probably too much) of time alone, and like it.
I think this kid is gonna be on the same path. He's either gonna be disruptive in seeking attention, or become a loner.

NightAngel
07-24-2006, 06:52 PM
Are there no other children in the neighborhood that the kid can be directed towards?

I wish I could give you my neighbors across the street. They are a wonderful Korean family with 2 sons who told me the first day they moved in, "We love kids. All kids play here- stay long as they want. More kids in house- the happier we are."

Every neighborhood needs a clone of these folks- really. :)

susan
07-24-2006, 06:54 PM
I think this kid is gonna be on the same path. He's either gonna be disruptive in seeking attention, or become a loner.

I think he is too, especially if they stay in this neighborhood. It's not nearly as bad as mine, but it's still not very good. There aren't too many positive role models around for him.

NightAngel, those folks sound great, you're very lucky. There are other kids in this neighborhood and he does play with them sometimes. I have the feeling that the times he pesters Grandma in the kitchen are the times his mother sends him out back to play. Unfortunately, like I said, this is a neighborhood in decline, so sending him to play with some of the kids around here will probably just hasten that first visit with a probation officer.