Snaggletooth: The Beginnings

[Luna]

I'm not sure if I've ever posted about her - but I once worked with a woman we called "Snaggletooth".

We weren't mean simply because she was well, to put it nicely - downright scary. We were mean b/c she had a strange power trip and loved to put you down every chance she could get. In front of other staff, in front of customers - in front of visiting corporate people - didn't matter. Her goal was to ‘shmooze up’ and make herself look good by beating YOU down.

She was hired at or shortly after grand opening of (bookstore). I don't know why. I really don't.

She was severely overweight. (I am overweight too - so no angry PMs, I'm simply describing her.) She would wear a skimpy spaghetti strap tank top with a thin sweater over it. Frequently with no bra. She would wear a skirt with no stockings and Mary Jane type shoes. She would take her shoes off at the register and the smell was near lethal dozens of feet away. She had hair down to her mid-back but was balding. Yet she'd comb her 3-inch curly fake nails through her hair (which was dyed clown red or maroon) and always tell you about how her boyfriend loves her hair. All 25 strands of it I'm guessing. On most non-wash days, her hair would be very clumpy and shiney from the grease and would barely lift from her head as she walked.

She smelled of urine, cigarette smoke and bad body odor. The body odor was so very very bad that your eyes would water. You could tell she had been at the info desk hours after she had gone home. You have to have BAD odor in order for WOOD to absorb it.

I had gotten highlights in my hair one day. When I came into work - she saw them - ran her fingers through her greasy hair and said, "Oh you got highlights? That's nice, but I should give you the number for my stylist because my hair is dyed SOOO much nicer than yours. Yours really didn't come out that great you know."

She sauntered by me, flicked her bright clown red greasy strands at me and laughed. Of course my expression was. :eek: and then :puke:

She also wore spandex a lot. She was constantly talked to about her really skimpy clothes, and would change once in a while - but then it would go back. Her clothes also smelled like piss. Once the sucky SM came to the store - she refused to do anything about Snaggletooth or let ME do anything about it b/c she didn't like confrontation. So it only got worse. Oh, she loved to gossip about her, but would never have the balls to talk to her. She loved that we all suffered.

So why did we call her Snaggletooth? She had crazy bad teeth. Now my hubby had bad teeth – but we got it taken care of over time. She had one tooth that would stick out of her upper mouth. It was immense wand would push her lip up. This tooth was anchored in her mouth in a very strange way. Yes, I said anchored. The tooth itself was somehow attached to a flat platform, which looked like a piece of Chicklet gum. Then this chicklet piece was pushed up against where her tooth would be rooted if it were and put in place by wire that was embedded into her upper mouth. You would se this all the time b/c she would flirt with men and lick her teeth at them. She would also freak us all out by playing with this tooth. She’d use her tongue to wiggle the platform that the tooth was attached to and thereby make the entire tooth shimmy up and down as she talked, or was bored listening to YOU talk. It was frightening, and gross. Her breath was as foul as her body odor and all her teeth were a nice plaque-colored yellowish brown. She also wore bright red lipstick, which drew even more attention to the teeth.

Call those of us who had the misfortune to work with her mean, but please reserve judgment until I begin posting some of the horror stories about her. I assure you it is justified.

The picture I quickly drew in MS paint to show what it the makeshift tooth looked like. Just picture that in a mouth, with flame red lipstick, and a nice brown yellow color - being wiggled at you.

[Luna]

One of the many things Snaggletooth did was talk about her raging sex life with her soul mate. Her soul mate wasn't the slovenly man she'd bring in who lived with her, who smelled just as bad. Oh, no.

Her soul mate was in maximum security prison for attempted kidnapping and I forget what else. But he didn't do it! His partner framed him! (If you are innocent - why do you have a partner???) She would catch you when you couldn't get away (such as being stuck covering the music department's break) and tell you all about the sordid affairs. She'd tell you about the lovely details of the um...visits...when she drove down to see him. She's even tell you how'd she strip-tease for him. Meanwhile, you'd be stuck listening to her (trying to hold your breath) with no escape. She'd bring in letters they wrote to each other and begin reading them without warning in the break room.

Then when she noticed you weren't interested in her story - she'd find something you've done wrong to go tell the SM about to get back at you for not listening. If you decided to actually take the 15 minute break by law you should get that the SM wouldn't let you have - she'd tell. If you spent more than 2 minutes talking to another co-worker - even if you both were doing something productive - she'd tell.

Stay tuned for more...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Ah-wuh? She'd flirt with guys? What would they say back to her?

If she had tried that me, I think I'd just say "You stink. F:censored: off"

[Spiffy McMoron]

If she had tried that me, I think I'd just say "You stink. F:censored: off"

Then she'd probably think that you were gay, 'cause that's the ONLY reason a man wouldn't want a fine slice of dat ass!

:lol: :puke: :o

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Then she'd probably think that you were gay, 'cause that's the ONLY reason a man wouldn't want a fine slice of dat ass!

:lol: :puke: :o

And I'd respond "I like my ass to not smell like, well, ASS!"

:roll:

[Becks]

If just READING about her makes me long for :brainbleach:, I can only imagine the hell of working with her.

[Severen13]

How is that the people who *shouldn't* wear spandex always *love* to wear spandex?



:runaway:





More Snaggletooth stories, please!

[tollbaby]

How is that the people who *shouldn't* wear spandex always *love* to wear spandex?

because it's probably the most comfortable clothing on the PLANET. I'm overweight and I love to wear spandex, but I do take pity on my fellow humans and only wear it to bed or on weekend mornings when I'm cleaning up around the house. I NEVER EVER EVER wear it outside the confines of my own apartment.

[SnapAddict218]

Hey, we need to get Snaggle tooth and Stinky in a no holds barred stink off!!!

[XCashier]

Hey, we need to get Snaggle tooth and Stinky in a no holds barred stink off!!!
With Funkstain refereeing? :eek:

[Spiffy McMoron]

Hey, we need to get Snaggle tooth and Stinky in a no holds barred stink off!!!

With Funkstain refereeing? :eek:

Worst. Pay-per-view. EVER.

[morgana]

Okay . . .

I have to go claw my eyes out now . . .

[XCashier]

Worst. Pay-per-view. EVER.
Be glad you can't smell things on TV! :puke:

[Spiffy McMoron]

Be glad you can't smell things on TV! :puke:

How can Scratch'n'Sniff TV be so good on The Food Network, and so bad during wrestling and The Wet Puppy Exihition Hour? :confused:

[XCashier]

How can Scratch'n'Sniff TV be so good on The Food Network, and so bad during wrestling and The Wet Puppy Exihition Hour? :confused:
Be grateful you missed the documentary on the pig farm...!

[Luna]

Hubby came to the store and brought us pizza one day. I bought treats for staff a lot and then I got to sit with hubby for a few minutes b/c boss didn't mind him in break room.

On my way to see hubby to the door, we smelled Snaggletooth. Yes, smelled before saw. She was there shopping on her day off b/c she was just always always there. *sigh*

She would always go on about how much she just loved dragonflies. So, to prove to my hubby that she loved dragonflies - she caught up with us trying to dodge her.

I don't remember 100% exact word for word - as I wish I could brain bleach this memory right out. It went something like this:

Snags: Hey Luna! Hey Luna's Hubby!
Me: *thinks...FARK!* Oh, hey Snags, shopping again.
Snags: I know you guys miss me SO much when I leave. *smacks lips, gives her "Marilyn Monroe pose' (named by her) and wiggles her tooth at us*
**I don't think she is conscious of the fact that she wiggles her tooth all the time, but it makes me want to vomit just remembering it**
Me: Yeah, um..well happy shopping. *grabs hubby's hand and tries to RUN...wishing someone ANYONE would dial the manager cell phone and scream fire*
Snags: Oh Luna's Hubby! Have you seen my tattoo?

now before he can even answer - she grabs the spaghetti strap of her very thin tank top, I remember it was a dull red with holes in it and the lace was torn a bit. Strange how such things are SEARED into your brain...)

and she pulls it down almost to her nipple to show Hubby....not me...my HUBBY..her dragonfly tattoo. She is not wearing a bra. She reeked of cat piss, cig smoke and foul body odor. This was no wardrobe malfunction - it was planned. Then she winked at him and waddled away.

We both stood there, right in front of the music reference section just going. :jawdrop: It would be really cool if I could get the mind erasing dude from Heroes to wipe out that part of my memory.

Aggghhh. :cry:

Tollbaby, I'm myself overweight and yes spandex is very very comfortable. I'd never be able to wear regular jeans if it weren't for stretch jeans. I don't want you to think I'm picking on overweight people b/c I myself am very overweight. But I'm sure if you worked at a B&N, you would never think to wear spandex with holes, a tank top with holes and no bra, and roll in cig smoke and cat pee before you came to work like Snaggletooth. Spandex can be worn outside as long as you dress it nice with other things, unfortunately, Snags just didn't.

[myswtghst]

I've got no problem with spandex, so long as it's worn with care. I'm not huge, but I'm certainly not skinny either. I was a figure skater for many many years, so I'm very familiar with how to wear tight clothing responsibly--I wear tights/tight pants with big shirts. :)

And I'm relatively, shall we say, well-endowed when it comes to my chestal area, and I almost never leave my apartment without a bra, unless I'm in a big t-shirt and sweatshirt to run to 7-11 on the weekend for smokes and caffeine. Never to work!

[tollbaby]

Luna, please don't think I was criticizing your ... er... critique of spandex :) I was simply trying to explain to those unfamiliar with its ever-so-comfy properties as to why those of us who don't look as good in it would ever want to wear it :) yes, comfy, but not work-appropriate :D

[Skrae]

Hey, we need to get Snaggle tooth and Stinky in a no holds barred stink off!!!

No toilets (or plumbing systems) in the world big enough to contain the vomit from the masses.

DISCLAIMER: I do not have a problem with overweight people, I have a problem with overweight who dress with no taste, take a shower with no soap, or water, and act like they're the hottest thing in the universe.

[Becks]

While the saga makes entertaining reading, I need more :brainbleach:

[XCashier]

Snags: Oh Luna's Hubby! Have you seen my tattoo?
...and she pulls it down almost to her nipple to show Hubby....not me...my HUBBY..her dragonfly tattoo. She is not wearing a bra. She reeked of cat piss, cig smoke and foul body odor.
I feel sorry for the tattoo artist who had to work with that filthy skin! :puke:

(IIRC, there's a webpage similar to CS but it's for piercers and tattoo artists. And their number one complaint? Customers with horrid hygiene. Then, of course, these wastes of DNA are the first to complain when their new tattoo or piercing gets hideously infected. :rolleyes: )

[Ryu]

i remember seeing that site some time back, it was quite disturbing yet entertaining at the same time in the same way cs is, whats wrong with me :p
dont remember what the url is anymore though

[JustADude]

...there's a webpage similar to CS but it's for piercers and tattoo artists...

Any idea on the name? I gotta go see some of THEIR stories.

[XCashier]

Any idea on the name? I gotta go see some of THEIR stories.
Unfortunately, no. I've been searching, with all sorts of word combos, but there are literally hundreds of thousands of sites about piercings and tattoos, most of them selling products, and I haven't been able to find the correct site yet. Sorry. :(

[Ryu]

i found a(possibly the same as xcashiers) site i visited some time ago with gross tattoo stories
http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20050220-stinky.html
warning, some are very gross
take care if easily grossed out or if eating

[XCashier]

i found a(possibly the same as xcashiers) site i visited some time ago with gross tattoo stories
http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20050220-stinky.html
warning, some are very gross
take care if easily grossed out or if eating
Yes, that's it, I recognize the cartoons, thanks for finding it! Yeah, it is seriously gross. I wouldn't be surprised if the tattoo artist who did Stinky posted the story there!

[Boozy]

Oh dear gord. That's some link.
I have a strong stomach, but those stories are utterly horrendous.
:brainbleach:

[Rapscallion]

Oh, wow. Folks - not safe for eating while reading. Take my word on this.

Rapscallion

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

:puke:

:brainbleach:

I feel better now. Wait....oh uh......

:puke:http://www.jeepsunlimited.com/forums/images/smilies/knockout.gif

[Severen13]

Oh. My. God.


:jawdrop:



:puke:



:runaway:

[DesignFox]

WOW. that is some disgusting....horrible.... :puke:

[Ree]

She sounds really nice.



















:lol: :lol: OK...sorry...I tried but I can't do it with a straight face.

[Becks]

I'm starting to get the feeling I should stay away from that link. Maybe I'll let the fiance look at it first. If HE gets grossed out by it, I'll stay faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away.

[DesignFox]

Becky, if you look at those stories in that link- you WILL be scarred for life! I suggest you don't read it if you are squeamish, it's been days and I can't get rid of the mental images.... :runaway: :brainbleach: :runaway: :puke:

[Witch of Endor]

Be grateful you missed the documentary on the pig farm...!

If they ever invent smell-o-vision, I may have to stop watching Dirty Jobs. :eek:

[Severen13]

If they ever invent smell-o-vision, I may have to stop watching Dirty Jobs.

The 1981 John Waters film "Polyester" was presented in "Odorama". Numbered scratch & sniff cards were issued at the theatre, to be scratched when the appropriate number appeared in the corner of the screen.

[Spiffy McMoron]

The 1981 John Waters film "Polyester" was presented in "Odorama".

Which was better than the John Holmes scratch 'n' sniff knock-off, "Polly and Esther".

You don't want to ask, trust me...

[TwoScoopsSciath]

Goldang...save for the tooth and the location, that sounds like this chick: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/WinterRose

Ignore the picture, that's not her. There are links to the real pictures.

[Gawdzillers]

Which was better than the John Holmes scratch 'n' sniff knock-off, "Polly and Esther".

You don't want to ask, trust me...

They sure do make some crappy porno names.

[Acolyte]

I threw up in my mouth a bit reading that.

The tooth thing...just...argh! *Shudder*

[Luna]

Goldang...save for the tooth and the location, that sounds like this chick: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/WinterRose

Ignore the picture, that's not her. There are links to the real pictures.

Almost. Just add the brown teeth, rip out about 3/4 of the hair, slap some grease on the remaining. Add about 60lbs. And scrub off the pretty makeup. Throw in a cig reeking, stained and ripped tank top and you got it.

[zzapp the witch]

Well....John Waters IS a porn aficionado, of a sort. Plus, that site is hilarious. Most of these women sound like girls I was in Basic Training with. (Sometimes it seemed like I was the only one that knew how to wash. Hell yes I'm going to soap my ass crack at the end of the day!)

[TwoScoopsSciath]

Almost. Just add the brown teeth, rip out about 3/4 of the hair, slap some grease on the remaining. Add about 60lbs. And scrub off the pretty makeup. Throw in a cig reeking, stained and ripped tank top and you got it.
Oh, god. Please don't wedge me between them because I might just bash their heads together to make fire.