Professional Appearance

[Rubystars]

Unnatural hair, visible tattoos, ear piercings not in the ear, and various visible body piercings. These are things people engage in by choice. No one is born with two colors of hair, they choose to dye it that way, and if they choose to do that, then they have to know that some people are going to think they're not really taking their job very seriously.

I'm not saying it makes people bad workers, because I haven't seen any correlation between work performance and body modifications. I just think it creates an unprofessional appearance. That is, no matter how hard or well you work, you're still going to end up looking like 'that punk' to the customers.

And honestly, discrimination? How can it be discrimination when people choose these things? These are choices made by people, not something like a disability or natural skin color or natural hair color or texture that they can't choose. That's like saying if you come to work wearing a codpiece and nothing else, you can't be sent home because it would be discrimination.

Tattoos can be covered with makeup or clothing, piercings can be removed, and hair can be naturally colored if you come to work for me. In return I would provide good benefits and pay and treat people with respect.

Now you guys might wonder why I feel so strongly about this, so I'll tell you. This is about someone in my family. She was always treated really well, she was never abused, or anything like that. Once she turned 18 she started making a lot of mistakes, but is basically a really good person. Anyway, her mom told her that the one thing she asked her never to do was get a tattoo, and if she did get one, to never tell her about it. And she promised she wouldn't. She promised. Well, I guess you guys know what happened next.

She came over to the house one day and she showed me this ugly black dragon she'd gotten on her ankle. And it really was ugly. There were no nice artistic details, just an ugly dragon. And you know, I like dragons, but this was so ugly.

She said she showed it to me first because she knew I liked dragons and she thought I might think it was 'cool'. I told her I didn't think it was cool, I thought it looked immature. Anyway, I was so hurt by the fact she got that, because now I have to hide it from her mom too. I have to pretend like everything's ok and it never happened. And I am so afraid that she's going to tell her and really hurt her.

This means that we'll never be able to go the the beach with her, ever, for the rest of our lives.

I asked her why she did it and she said it's because she's an artist and it was art. Truth be told, she is a good artist. She needs formal training to develop her skills fully, but she has a lot of good raw talent and can draw beautifully. So why didn't she design her own tattoo if she did it for artistic reasons? That's my first beef with that excuse. The second one is, why did she just go to Joe Schmoe Tattoos R US instead of finding a real 'artist', someone whose work she could have researched and sought out? Instead, she just went down to the local scar palace.

I would mention these things, but I'm too afraid it would make her want to get another one. She told me that's the only one she wants. I hope she's not lying again.

Anyway, because we'll never be able to go to the beach with her without revealing her secret, unless her mom isn't there, and because it's forced me to hide something from her mom, I really resent that thing. Besides the fact that it's ugly. Just remember if you get one, you're not the only one that has to live with it!

If I ever find out who did this to her I'm going to feel like giving him a few scars. He would deserve it for doing such ugly work.

[April]

Just remember if you get one, you're not the only one that has to live with it!


I don't really think that's fair. If she likes it, good for her, that IS what really matters, IMO.

I'm not really sure how it fits into "professional appearance" though. Since it is on her ankle, she can easily cover it up when she works.

As for it being between her and her mom, remove yourself from the equation and remember it IS between her and her mother. I know you feel like you have to hide this secret, but honestly, unless it comes up in daily conversation with her mom, it's not as if you have to lie or cover up for the daughter. It might hurt the mom that she did it, but she IS an adult and does have to make her own choices in life, even if they might be the wrong choice.

Anyhow, that is just my opinion, for whatever it's worth :)

[Rubystars]

I don't really think that's fair. If she likes it, good for her, that IS what really matters, IMO.


That's not ALL that matters. She should have thought about how it would make her family feel. She's only going to ever have one mom or one sister or one father. She should think about how it would make us feel disappointed and/or sad and not done something she knew would be hurtful.

It's just like, many people would never strip to get through college, because even if they personally don't have a problem with it, they know it would embarass their family or make them feel unhappy.



I'm not really sure how it fits into "professional appearance" though. Since it is on her ankle, she can easily cover it up when she works.


Thank God she can cover it up. But she'll never be able to wear a dress unless it's ankle-length. I hope she never has an event where she needs to wear one shorter than that. I really hope that my mom won't find out when my sister gets married. That would ruin an otherwise happy day. Just like a smack in the face for her, but worse.


As for it being between her and her mom, remove yourself from the equation and remember it IS between her and her mother. I know you feel like you have to hide this secret, but honestly, unless it comes up in daily conversation with her mom, it's not as if you have to lie or cover up for the daughter. It might hurt the mom that she did it, but she IS an adult and does have to make her own choices in life, even if they might be the wrong choice.

Anyhow, that is just my opinion, for whatever it's worth :)

She's my sister. I didn't want to really say who she was but this hurts me a lot too. I thought she was a lot more mature than that, and honestly, I can't remove myself from the equation. She's put me into it by getting me involved.

I can't tell our mom because I know how upset it made me, she would be even more upset, and furthermore she said she didn't want to know about it if it did happen.

Now I have to pretend like everything's ok when it's not.

Not only that, but I'm afraid she's going to end up telling her or let it show one of these days and I just dread that happening. I mean, my mom wouldn't blow up or anything, I didn't, but she'd be very disappointed and it would hurt. It was like when we found out she'd pierced her tongue. I went just about berserk when I found out (thankfully not in front of my sister) but my mom didn't, she was just sad about it. At least that isn't permanent.

Now I have this stupid ugly dragon hanging over my head too because I don't know when this is eventually going to come out and I have no control over it and I want to save my mom from knowing that the one thing she asked my sister not to do, she did anyway. That my sister didn't have any more respect than that for her. And she's a very good mother... she always took wonderful care of us and didn't place too many restrictions on us or anything like that, so it's not as if my sister is escaping a repressed childhood or anything like that. She's just being dumb right now. Hopefully it's a phase she'll move out of when she gets older.

Anyway, I just want to apologize for anyone I offended. I just have overly strong reactions to this kind of thing because of what's been going on, and that's why I dragged the other thread completely off topic and that was a dumb thing for me to do. I'm not raising up this situation as an excuse, just an explanation. So I didn't mean to attack anyone or hijack the thread, I just am so pissed off at the whole 'body mod' thing right now, that I could puke.

I know I might have hurt some feelings so I really am sorry about that, so I formally apologize to Lace.

[Barefootgirl]

Look at it this way. Yes, it a pig-ugly, stupid-looking tattoo - but its ONLY a tattoo. Yes, it makes her look like an idiot - but SHE is the idiot, not anyone else. It won't make anyone except the silliest, shallowest people think any the worst of her family.

Its just a piece of body decoration. It doesn't affect her character, or her morals or her behaviour. If she had got a Nazi tattoo, or something similar, then I would ahve been agreeing with you about never going to the beach with her again - but its a dragon. Plenty of soppy people around like things like dragons and fairies and fantasy art. It doesn't actually say anything negative about your personality, like a Nazi or white supremacist tattoo does.

I wouldn't be very pleased if my daughter went out and got a tattoo, but I could live with it if she was a decent, kind-hearted, law-abiding individual who knew the difference between right and wrong. Its character and behaviour that matters, not appearances.

Personally, I think tattoos on women are naff and ugly, but that's jsut me, and I don't think any the worse of my friends with tattoos.

[Rubystars]

Well, I don't want to drag this thread on too long because I think it's pretty much gone on too far already. There was really no reason for me to lay out all my personal problems onto this forum. It really belonged in off topic, sorry about that everyone.

The reason we can't go to the beach is that my mom will see it if we go. I would go with her if my mom wasn't there though.

And I agree about tattoos being completely unfeminine. I don't like them on guys either but on girls it's really bad, even the 'cutesy' ones.

[RavenStarr]

Wow, I didn't know getting a tattoo was such a horrible thing. I must have missed the memo.:rolleyes:

I've got three tattoos. When I got my first one, nobody in my family was too pleased. In fact they were downright horrified. But you know what? They got over it, and just come to accept me for who I am.

What your sister needs to do is sit down with your mom and tell her. Yes your mom will be sad and disappointed. She will eventually get over it though. If not then that's her problem.

[KayEm]

I agree with Ravenstarr.

I mean really, with all thats wrong in the world today, why would anybody get upset over a little thing such as somebodies personal choice to decorate THEIR body?

As far as "professional appearance" goes. Quite frankly if they want me to look like a professional, then they need to pay me like one.

As far as offending customers goes, my appearance should have nothing to do with anything. If I serve you with a friendly outgoing smile, then that should be enough. It's none of your business what colour my hair is, or even if I have a bone through my nose. That's completely immaterial and not germaine to the situation at hand.

[Banrion]

When I was about 13 I started hounding my mom for a tattoo. Absolutely not! was the reply each and everytime I asked. This went on for years, until one day when I was 16 or so, my mom told me that if I waited until I was 18 to get a tattoo, that she would pay for it. So I spent the next 2 years researching shops, artists, getting samples drawn up, interviewing the artists, watching them work, looking at people that had tattoo's and generally educating myself on the whole deal. On my 18th birthday my mom and I went to see the artist I had chosen and I got my tattoo. I got it on my low back, off to the right, it's about 3" x 3", and to this day it is still beautiful. It has never accidentally popped out when it shouldn't yet it is easy and fun to show off once in a while at the beach etc. I don't think ALL tattoos are unprofessional, it's about careful placement, and forethought.

[Think Blue]

Yeah I agree, if somone wants to get a tattoo, then get one. It's their body not your families, while they may not approve they should understand it's what they want and that should be good enough for them. One of my coworkers is tattooed to the gills,yet he maintains a professional attitude and doesnt let those judgemental peoples opinions affect him.

[chryso]

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. I don't think that Rubystars is as angry about the tattoo itself as much as the position that her sister has placed her in. It was very wrong of Rubystar's sister to bring her into the situation in such a way that Ruby now feels that she has to be careful what she says and has to keep something from her mother.

Now, as for the folks with the multi-colored hair, well, are you telling me that you don't like these gray highlights that my daughters put in my hair? :lol:

[NightAngel]

Here's my :2cents:

The girl is 18 which means she's a legal adult and has every right to make her own choices and mistakes. Mom may not like it but as so many parents have discovered since the beginning of time- your kids won't do what you want them to- but darn it all you're stuck loving them just the same. Since she's already pierced her tounge Mom should realize she's predisposed to such things and just decide to get on with life.

I'm saying this as a Mom who knows that her son is going to get a tattoo in a couple of years. He's wanted one since he was 3 and hasn't changed his mind once in nearly 12 years.

Do I want him to get one? No. But I'll be damned if tattoos, etc. will in any way effect or ruin my relationship with my son. When he does finally get one I'll say, "Yep, it's lovely kid." and move on.

[Athena]

After having an intense few years with my parents over this sort of thing (i have piercings and two tatts) we've come to the realisation that just because your parents don't like something doesn't mean you can't do it. Once you're of age and not living at home it's your life and your body. No matter how wonderful your parents are, at some stage you stop being just their kids and start being your own person, unique in your own right and not direct clones of your parents. It doesn't mean you don't love them less, or vice versa, you're just different people.

[Ringtail Z28]

I never really any problems with my parents concerning tats. The only real restriction was that it could not be the name of a band (I knew a guy who did this) or in any way involve barbed wire around the arm (simply for being so cheesy and unoriginal), or the names of friends, especially girlfriends. Maybe their lack of concern is probably one reason I ever got any. :D

[blas]

I understand how the OP feels, and I understand everyone has different opinions on tatttoos and piercings.

I have 2 tattoos so far. A playboy bunny on my lower back and a teeny butterfly on my left shoulder blade. As soon as I get back on my feet financially (after getting settled in moving and whatnot) I'm getting the same butterfly on my right shoulder blade, and then a big butterfly in the middle of my shoulders. After that, who knows.

No one in my family likes my tattoos. I could give two shits less. I'm an adult, it's my choice, I know they're stuck there. I like them. "But what about when you're 60 years old?".....trust me, I hope to God I don't live to be 60 years old. Anyways, all of my tattoos are on my back. They are all easily covered. No one can see them, even when I bend over. I have to be wearing a tanktop or a swim suit for be shirtless for them to be visible.

My parents are really pissing me off right now as well about me moving out. Telling me I won't make it on my own, how I'll just come crawling back, etc etc etc.......and then out of nowhere, it has NOTHING to do with moving out whatsoever, they just throw in, "And with those tattoos on you, no one's ever gonna take you seriously!"................that was really irrelevant.

[Rubystars]

Wow, I didn't know getting a tattoo was such a horrible thing. I must have missed the memo.:rolleyes:

I've got three tattoos. When I got my first one, nobody in my family was too pleased. In fact they were downright horrified. But you know what? They got over it, and just come to accept me for who I am.

What your sister needs to do is sit down with your mom and tell her. Yes your mom will be sad and disappointed. She will eventually get over it though. If not then that's her problem.

No that's exactly what I don't want her to do! My mom specifically said she DIDN'T want to know if it happened.

[Rubystars]

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. I don't think that Rubystars is as angry about the tattoo itself as much as the position that her sister has placed her in. It was very wrong of Rubystar's sister to bring her into the situation in such a way that Ruby now feels that she has to be careful what she says and has to keep something from her mother.

Now, as for the folks with the multi-colored hair, well, are you telling me that you don't like these gray highlights that my daughters put in my hair? :lol:

Thanks. I think you understand a lot better than some of the other people here do. That is the thing that upsets me the most, but I really don't like tattoos either.
At least your hair isn't streaked with green, brown, and red. (remember that joke?) hehe.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I've always dyed my hair; and I can honestly say that I've always been taken seriously at all the jobs I've had. Same goes for piercings. I don't have any tattoos or piercings anywhere but my ears, cuz I like to be that bit different.

In fact, I get loads of customers complimenting me on my hair and asking me where I got it done.

[RavenStarr]

No that's exactly what I don't want her to do! My mom specifically said she DIDN'T want to know if it happened.

But what could be the worst that could happen? Your mom disown her? If that would be the case, then your mom would be the one missing out. What is so horrible about a tattoo that your mom doesn't even want her kids to get one, or tell her about getting one? I can say if getting a tattoo is the worst thing you can do in your mom's eyes, she is sadly wrong.

Does your sister want to tell your mom? I think if she does then you should support her. If your sister is afraid to tell her face to face, then maybe she can do it over the phone. Maybe you can be there with her. It's up to your sister but I think she needs to tell your mom. Because what if one day your mom sees the tattoo by accident. Hey it can happen, trust me.

[Rubystars]

I understand how the OP feels, and I understand everyone has different opinions on tatttoos and piercings.

I have 2 tattoos so far. A playboy bunny on my lower back and a teeny butterfly on my left shoulder blade. As soon as I get back on my feet financially (after getting settled in moving and whatnot) I'm getting the same butterfly on my right shoulder blade, and then a big butterfly in the middle of my shoulders. After that, who knows.

No one in my family likes my tattoos. I could give two shits less. I'm an adult, it's my choice, I know they're stuck there. I like them. "But what about when you're 60 years old?".....trust me, I hope to God I don't live to be 60 years old. Anyways, all of my tattoos are on my back. They are all easily covered. No one can see them, even when I bend over. I have to be wearing a tanktop or a swim suit for be shirtless for them to be visible.

My parents are really pissing me off right now as well about me moving out. Telling me I won't make it on my own, how I'll just come crawling back, etc etc etc.......and then out of nowhere, it has NOTHING to do with moving out whatsoever, they just throw in, "And with those tattoos on you, no one's ever gonna take you seriously!"................that was really irrelevant.


They're probably just frustrated in general, you're right, that was irrelevant because they're on your back where nobody can see them. Why don't you listen to the reasons they think you won't make it though? Maybe they've, you know, moved out of their parents house before and know what it takes to make it?

I don't know why people think they shouldn't listen to their parents about things their parents know more about than they do. Is it just because they're your parents?

There's got to be reasons they think you're not prepared yet. Maybe some of those reasons are valid?

[South Texan]

No that's exactly what I don't want her to do! My mom specifically said she DIDN'T want to know if it happened.
You are very sweet to want to protect your mom, but this is something that she will find out about eventually. It may hurt her, but your mother is a big girl and she will get past it.

You are under no obligation to bring up the subject of your sister and her tattoo(there is no such thing as "tattle tale" loyalty), so don't think you have to tell on your adult sister. Simply avoid the subject. When it finally does come out, do not lie about what happened if anyone asks you. Just say that you found out about it and thought it looked awful. If your mom demands to know why you did not tell her, state that your sister is an adult and it was her place NOT YOURS to tell everyone about what she did.

[Phoenix79]

I'm a girl, and I have a very large tattoo covering my left calf.

When I got this tattoo, my immediate family was thrilled (Mom, Dad, and Siss all have tats). My Aunt, however, was devastated. She told me I would never find a professional job with that tattoo (for the record, it is a Phoenix, lots of colors, and I got it because I'm a cancer survivor). She never asked the reason for it, just went off about how I'll never find a good job.

One year after I got the tat, I got the best job I've ever had. I'm a secretary at a very prestigous private university. I work in the Dean's office, and yes, I cover up the tat by wearing pants or a long skirt (usually pants). I get to go back to college for free, and couldn't be happier with my job.

My point is, just because someone gets a tattoo, doesn't mean they have destroyed their life. And the people that protest about them . . . usually get used to them after time. My Aunt actually told me the other day "You know, now that I've had a chance to look at it, your tattoo is really pretty."

Just remember, your sister did this to herself. While you and your mother (if and when she finds out) may be upset about her decision, it was her decision. It is something she can cover up if needed, so it shouldn't affect her ability to get a good job. I think it would be much easier on everyone if your sister just told your mother about it. Yes, your mother said she didn't want to hear about it . . . but don't parents always say that kind of thing? Mine do all the time, and I tell them anyway! It's their way of saying they don't approve, but I doubt it would destroy your Mother's world if she found out your sister got a tattoo. Just my opinion, I guess. I completley understand how it would upset you that your sister did this and expects you to keep quiet about it, that's wrong. She should stand up and tell your Mother.

And as far as multi colored hair is concerned, I remember asking my parents about dying my hair blue once. They told me to go for it, but then said they would enjoy laughing their arses off at me once I did. Needless to say, I've never dyed my hair!

Phoenix

[NightWolf]

There's got to be reasons they think you're not prepared yet. Maybe some of those reasons are valid?

I honestly think this has more to do with a change in lifestyle for the whole household. The parents are used to having the child in the household, or under their care. It's a "letting go" thing. No one knows who will make it and who won't on their own. There is only one way to find out right? I did the same thing. I moved out, got into a horrible fight with my parents and didn't speak to them for years. As time went on, things changed and they saw that I could make it on my own, not only that, but hold down a steady job and actually move up in that job. Call it being a mother hen. I don't think many parents really want to see their babies ever fully grow up because then they'd have to admit their child doesn't need them as much anymore.

And she promised she wouldn't. She promised.

I promised my mom when I was younger that I would never get a motorcycle. As times change, so do feelings and attitudes. Now that I'm over 18, if I want a motorcycle, I'll get one. She won't like it, but that would be my choice. NO ONE is going to tell me as an adult that I can not have a motorcycle. NO ONE! And yeah, I may have promised back then, but gimme a break, that was then, this is now. Times change. As far as showing you the tattoo, I don't think that was really getting you involved in a negative way. I really think it was an excitement factor. She had to show it off to someone. She thought maybe you'd appreciate it. At least you were honest with her and told her the truth. Hiding how you really felt could have been 10x worse.

[Kiwi]

I really think it depends on the place you work. In an office setting getting pink and blue strips would not go down, unless you work in a creative industry, such as music, films, televison etc. Or you work in a "non traditional" place, a music shop or tattoo/ piercing parlour.

Then if your a hairdresser its also more accepted, depending on your clientle (if you live a conservative area with perhaps an older population) then a crazy style and colour wouldnt go down well. However one of the best color jobs ive ever recieved was in stamford, CT by a girl who had black/red/blonde in her hair. My hair was plain blonde highlights by the way.

Tattoos, as long as they can be covered up in a work setting should not even be brought into consideration, my brother is in his training to be a fireman (a decent job by anyones standards) and he is working on his two full sleeves (for non tattoo people that means a series of tattoos that cover your arms from sholders to wrist) one of those tatoos is of my Grandfather, my brother was devastated when we lost him and this tatoo means the world to my brother, it is not meaningless it is a tribute.

I think any kind of blanket judgement is going to open yourself up to misunderstanding or misinterrpretation. Not all tattoos or piercings are going to effect your live in a negative way. I think the bigger problem here is your sister not being honest about it, and therefore giving it a negative spin.

I totally understand your upset at the position that your sister has put you in (I got shown my brothers first tattoo before my mum did) but she accepted it after time, she even talks to him about new projects hes getting now. Parents are suprisingly adaptable, they love their children unconditionally (even though my mum was LIVID when she found out) it was more that he had decieved her.

In my humble opinion, getting your sister to come out in the open about the trival matter shes making into a devastating life secret will make everyone feel better about it. Then you can go to the beach with your entire family.

Its not really your responsibility to cover up for something that nowadays is almost a non issue.

[Becks]

I could go on and on about how I feel about tattoos, piercings and unusual hair colors, but that would be rehashing what others have already said, so I'll just comment on one part of a post.

Thank God she can cover it up. But she'll never be able to wear a dress unless it's ankle-length. I hope she never has an event where she needs to wear one shorter than that.


Just for future reference, they make thick and/or opaque stockings, in case there are tattoos/blemishes/whatever that people want to cover up. My legs bruise quite easily, so on go the stockings when I want to wear a skirt.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Plus there's coverup makeup you can use to cover a tattoo with. Also, why shouldn't she show it off if she wishes? It's no-one's business but her own; unless it's a work do, there would be no reason to cover it up.

[kibbles]

First off I don't think it's anything at all to stress about, it's just a tattoo, it's not the end of the world IMO. And getting a tattoo can't be equated to someone stripping to support themselves, it's two totally different things.

And once you are an adult, you make choices for yourself and yourself only, not based on what someone else wants for you (whether they be family or not). You can't do things to please someone else IMO. And I don't think someone can be called an idiot for getting a tattoo, if they went to a place that was clean, then I don't see anything done wrong.

Kibbles :D

[Strange Magic]

I usually don't post here anymore but this sort of thing has pressed acouple of my buttons. I have a tattoo that is hidden and long hair. My hair doesn't have any effect on the way I go about my dutys or the way I interact with people.
I am offended by folks who think they have a right to have a opinion about my looks much less the right to express that opnion out loud towards me.
The whole thing just smacks of both small and closed mindedness.

[katie kaboom]

The whole thing just smacks of both small and closed mindedness.

I agree. Whatever happened to judging people (especially your own offspring) by what's on the INSIDE, not the outside? She's still the same person she was before she got the tattoo.

[One-Fang]

I doubt your mother is more concerned about the tattoo than about her daughters lying to her (or hiding something from her) for so long when she eventually does find out.

Please also remember, tattoos are by no means permanent! There are leaps and bounds being made in laser removal, and depending on how it was done, it may be completely removable with absolutely no evidence or scar.

I do agree she's a bit dumb getting some joe schmoe to do an ugly dragon when she could have designed her own or gotten someone really talented. But then, we all make bad decisions.

Perhaps your sister should try the classic approach from some (probably fake) college letter? Sit mum down and say "Mum, I've been sleeping around with the guys from school. I'm pregnant, but I'm not sure who's it is. It may have been the coke junkie's because I did it with him a lot. It was cheaper than paying for my own. Oh yeah, the coke, well ... um ... maybe one day I'll try cold turkey but for now it just helps me to get through, knowing that I'm failing school and nobody loves me and I'd be better off dead. But anyway, that isn't important. Now that I'm pregnant I'll be moving in with my current boyfriend. He's 32 and will be leaving his wife very soon so we can be together. He's got three other kids to two other women, so he's very good with children."

pause ...

"Oh, and by the way, all of that was total crap, but I just wanted to put things in perspective when I told you I did eventually get a small tattoo."

[TruthHurts]

I have two tattoos, I thought long and hard before getting them, my first was at the age of 22. I don't know what my future holds for me job wise so I made sure to put them in discreet places. One on the small of my back that can be hidden by slacks and one on my arm that can be covered by an elbow-length shirt. This way if I get a job that requires a more professional appearance I'll be set.

[TNT]

I don't know if this adds anything to the conversation or not, but this spring, my girlfriend announced she was getting a tattoo. Personally, I was against the idea... I didn't want her to get a tattoo and I didn't like the design she chose. She knew how I felt and she did it anyway.

So what I did I do? I went with her to the studio and I held her hand through the process. I actually gained a lot of respect for her; if she'd have backed off because I was against it, I would have been disappointed. I don't own her, and I don't want to own her.

There are things either of us could do that would affect the other -- an illicit affair, etc. But her tattoo is hers... it affects my life not at all. And when I see it, that's what I think about... we're together, and yet she's independent enough to have things of her own, and I like that a lot. It's what attracted me to her in the first place.

Value it as you please.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, I don't like tattoos, either, and I can understand you and your mom being upset, but I have to agree 100 percent with Barefootgirl.

In the grand scheme of dumb, hurtful stuff your sister could do, this is pretty tame. Be thankful that's all she's done.

If something as simple and meaningless as a little black dragon on a discrete body part is enough to wound your mother that deeply, then she needs to get a little perspective, all due respect.

[Barefootgirl]

Ruby's mother is entitled to her own feelings and opinions about tattoos. But I do want to ask this question. What do you think your mother will do when she finds out, Ruby? I know you said she'll be upset and probably quite angry, but will she scream for two days? Throw your sister out of the house? Write her out of her will?

I do think that its wrong of your sister to put you into the middle of this great family issue and expects you to keep her silly little secret. My view is, if a girl is old enough to get a tattoo, she's probably old enough to stand up to her mother about it. What if your sister had an accident (God forbid) and your mum discovered her tat while she was in the hospital or something? Wouldn't it be better if mum found out beforehand?

My family are quite conservative, and they definitely don't like tattoos on anyone. However, when my sister got her first tattoo, my mother was deeply unimpressed but she just had to deal with it. i think she just made some comment about self-expression colliding with attention-seeking, and then got on with her life. She had to. She's hardly going to cut one of her own kids out of her life because of a bit of dye on that child's skin.

[Cia]

It's on your sister's ankle not yours so just ignore it. She can still go to the beach or wear short skirts. If your Mom eventually sees it and makes a big stink about it then that's her problem not yours.

I have double piercings, my co-worker has an eyebrow piercing and other co-workers have tattoos, some visible and some not, but we are all professionals and noone thinks otherwise.

As for multi-colored hair - what about those of us who naturally have hair that is different colors? Before I started dying the silver threads out my hair it was dark brown at the top, golden brown in the middle and blonde on the ends. All naturally sunbleached and quite noticeable when I wore my hair up. My old manager in Lousiana had her hair streaked in 3 different colors - brown, blonde and red - and it looked great on her.

But like everything else in this world - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You don't have to like you sister's tat but just remember you also don't have to live with it on your ankle.

[Tookielou]

There is a saying that says..."The only difference between a tattooed person and a person who isn't tattooed is that a tattooed person doesn't care if you're tattooed or not. " So true.