View Full Version : Two Generations of suck (long)

05-29-2007, 03:48 AM
Hi all!
I've been a long time reader of these forums, and until now didn't have a story of customer suckiness that I deemed worthy of your time. That all changed this previous saturday night......

I currently work two jobs-one at a big box home improvement store, and another as security at a local bar. While I expected my first story to come from the retail world, I have to admit it was probably foolish to think that. After all, for a lot of people....alchohol is the missing ingredient in the Jekyll and Hyde formula we're all born with!!
Onto the story!

So it was Saturday night, around 1:30am, and it had been a pretty decent night. I had escorted a few intoxicated persons out of the bar using my charming demeanour for the most part. Overall, I wasn't expecting any major problems. Boy was I off the mark on this one. The dance floor is essentially full, and I am watching the exit/entrance to make sure that nobody tries to sneak any drinks out-and as my own personal touch, to wish our patrons a pleasant morning :devil:
However, because I prefer to be good at my job, I am also keeping an eye on the dance floor as that is where most of the major problems occur. Out on the dancefloor, I see one man, about 23 years old, shove another. The person being shoved responds with possibly the meanest right hook I've ever seen! I immediately rush the dancefloor and break it up, only to have the two guys tell me that they are not only friends, but are here with their lacrosse team, coach and parents. Figuring that since it is close enough to closing time, I tell them not to do it again and start to back up. I hadn't even taken two steps when one of these idiots throws another punch at the other and hits him dead on the nose. He winds up for another, and I chicken wing his arms and take him to the door. Nothing too hard, but what I hadn't considered was that the rest of the security team weren't aware of what was happening. I get the guy to the door, and he is no longer resisting, so I let go. He stops and wants to know why he is being kicked out!! I explain it to him...bar has a zero tolerance policy on punching........no I don't care that they are friends, zero tolerance means just that....get out!!! By now, one of the other guys I work with had made his way over to back me up, as that is one rule that we all firmly believe in. So, I proceed to continue to guide the punk towards the door; next thing I know, every member of the team that was there that night is in front of me. Believe me, this has quickly become a very bad situation, as these young fella's love to fight.
After explaining it to the entire team in my "security voice", I notice the group of parents coming over. Thinking that this will be some relief, I welcome them with open arms. At this point, both the other bouncer and myself are essentially surrounded by the lacrosse players and their parents, but I'm not really that worried as I notice the other security coming over. From behind me, I hear one of the mothers asking what is going on. I start to tell her, when she interrupts me and says
"I can't believe you're security here! They're friends and YOU are NOT their friend!" all the while jabbing her finger into my chest. Now I see that she is not going to be aiding the situation at all; as a matter of fact, it was right about then that it got a LOT worse. The dads all start trying to flip the pool table over, but we stop them. The players are all trying to entice either myself or another security worker to throw a punch-and to top it all off, this mother is still constantly trying to intimidate me!!
It was now that I switched into "Get the eff out of my bar" mode, and started to physically move people out of the bar. Its not something I like to do, and I typically try to talk people out, but this couldn't escalate any further. And from the players...it didn't. From the fathers...it didn't. The coach wished me a good night, and was gracious about it. The mothers, seeing that their little superstars had ruined whatever "team night out" they had going, left defeated.

Except for one. Any guesses??

Yup, the one who thought she, a 5'5", 50 year old woman, could physically intimidate me into changing my mind. She stuck around outside the doors, glaring at me until I finally just had enough and laughed. I mean...it WAS funny. I switched off the exit, just to avoid antagonizing her, and another one of our guys took the post up. He let some other people out...at which point the mother outside RUSHED THE DOOR. :lol:
Now, as usual...I see everything, and get over there. Our unspoken rule is that male bouncers will never put their hands on a woman or grab them in any way while escorting them out of the bar, or denying them entry. He puts his hands up on the door frame, and she is trying to literally PUNCH her way through him. I get behind him in case she somehow gets by, and eventually he manages to sort of..walk her out of the doorway. Never grabbed her, I don't know how he did it, but he did. Of course, she starts yelling that we hit her, pushed her, etc. etc....so I send the boss out to talk to her, who had seen the whole thing happening, and basically called the woman's b.s.
And banned the whole group.

Sometimes in that job, I feel like I've seen everything...but I never thought I would actually have the chance to see where someone acting the way her kid had acted in the bar learned their code of social behaviour.

Yeesh...this was a big post, sorry for the length, and those of you that made it to the end...remember that not all bouncers WANT to literally throw you out. But if the issue is forced, it will happen. Drink responsibly....and don't punch anyone in the face, even if it IS your best friend.

05-29-2007, 06:35 AM
You would be my big, cuddly friend, were I the bar type. I care neither for being excessively drunk nor for rowdiness. Well, yes to the second, but only in a silvan airsoft-battle sort of way.

I'm curious as to what it is to "chicken wing" a guy.

05-29-2007, 07:11 AM
Its to hold their arm back like a chicken wing, its kind of fun.
Truth be told i always wanted to be a bounce because for a girl im kind of scary, and im pretty dangerous.... I should ask my female bouncer friend how hard it is for her, though i think her experience is different... seeing as its for a gay bar....

Oh and that mother?? Deserved a good slap across the face and a trip back in time to tie her tubes.

05-29-2007, 07:13 AM
I'm curious as to what it is to "chicken wing" a guy.


05-29-2007, 08:30 AM
Excellently written, and very entertaining. I'd like to be there next time one of them tries to come in and get a drink and gets recognized, though, if only to back you guys up when Psycho Mom tries to say you did something outrageous after you kick her out again. :devil:

05-29-2007, 01:25 PM
Thanks for the laugh! The vision of a small 50 year old woman charging full speed into a bouncer will remain with me for the rest of the day. :lol:

05-29-2007, 08:49 PM
Excellent team work on your part! I'm always amazed that people try to get back in after being kicked out.

05-29-2007, 09:24 PM
Great story! You should post more often. I wonder if that guy's friends had anything to say later about his mommy trying to fight his battles :)

05-29-2007, 11:58 PM
How much you wanna bet that team's season got canceled right afterwards? ;)