I Can't Take It Anymore I Need Help

[SengaKitty]

Someone please help me. My boyfriend Duane and I celebrated our five month anniversary last Friday. Today he said he was sick of all the fighting and that he felt like he just couldn't keep trying. We weren't fighting all that much but still. The thing is he's in my class. He's in the same campus I'm in. We hang out with all the same people and no matter where I go or what I do unless I'm in the dorm (which I cannot physically stay in the dorm all the time) I'm gonna see him. I don't know what to do. I want them to send me through transition so I can leave. I completed the first part of my trade and more than one person has left here with just their core. I cannot do it. I can't stay anymore. He was the only thing keeping me here. I just can't do it. I don't know what to do anymore. Please someone help me. Give me some advice. I know I'm repeating myself but right now I'm sitting at the computer crying, I've been crying for the past hour, and I can barely see the screen, let alone what I'm writing. And I'm out of cigarrettes with no money for more until tomorrow. Just what I need. Please if anyone can help me, PM me, I really need to talk to someone, preferrably hear a friendly voice. Post here, PM me, something.

[Plaidman]

:confused: Hey, we're alll here for you. =). Ok, can you tell us a little more? What little fighting was there?

Is there maybe a family member close by you can spend a few days at?

[SengaKitty]

There's no family nearby. I'm at Job Corps in Kentucky and I can't just leave center. I live here currently. All the fights were over stupid BS. Most of them were my fault, but still that's not the point. He says I can be clingy (OK I'll admit it maybe I can) But I'm working on that. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes the wrong feelings show, and it bugs him. OK I'm working on keeping the b****iness at bay. I'm working and working and working to keep the relationship together and its just not working and I just don't know what to do anymore... I really don't know. He says he wants it over, but still wants to be my friend. He said the other night I was a true love. But today he says it was a lie, he'd just said it to make me feel good. All the times he'd talked about our future, he said it to make me feel good. Today he said he still loves me, but only as a friend, and now I'm dying inside and I don't know what to do. Help?

[Plaidman]

I'll be honest. and it'll hurt. I have no idea what went on between the two of you, but if he lied about you being the love of his life, and others just to make you feel better, you sure you want that kind of guy?

Life is full of pain, it sucks and its horrible and makes people go to the nut house for weeks eating horrible food and doctors thinking that your alright only after a few days of talking to you, in which most of it you lied.

I know that is horrible thing to say. I don't know how how to give advice. Right now, maybe back off from him. THough it hurts so damn much that you want to ether stab yourself, or destroy every last living creature on this planet so that nobody has to go through any sort of pain, ether recive or give it out of fairness. I was/am in love with a girl I know. I try so hard to impress or do anythng for her attention. I even spent 300 dollars on one date with her. She just wants to be friends, and now these days she's completly ignoring me, even though I backed so damn much off that she isn't in view any more.

Gah. I really have no idea what I'm trying to say. Do you want this guy back? even though he lied?

[One-Fang]

Gotta agree with the Plaidman here, CTG. Guy sounds like a loser.

It's gonna hurt and hurt and hurt right now. Nobody can make that go away. Unfortunately you're just going to have to go through it.

But know that you're not alone. Almost everyone goes through the same thing. Some have it better, but trust me - some have it worse.

Remember that you're doing your school for your own future, not to hang around with some guy. Immerse yourself. Move on.

Just hold on girl. It will absolutely get better, but there's no magic trick to make that happen right now.

[Der Cute]

CTG:

I'm proud of you right now!!!

I remember you from previous boards, and you had said you were going into the JC for learning a vocation.
And now you're in!

That in itself is a damngood thing: you said I will do X and you followed through with it.


What I want you to do now is:
Get paper
Get pen
Write down your goals for 2006
Write down goals for 2007
What do you want to be?

After you've done that, I want you to look and see if this "guy" is in this list of goals. I'd bet you he's not.

Those goals, achiveable by you, are for you to do. You can ask for help, but you have to do most of the work.

At the moment, is he helping you achieve this?
Is he actually doing anything good for you?


I think you need to sit down w/ a counselor at your school. I also think you can focus on your school and long term goals instead of him.

I know, as a woman, its not frickin easy to live alone. It's lonely, boring, tiring, quiet and can be a pita. It's not fun to go to bed alone all the time.

But being a dependant person, NEEDING that attention from another human to just exist...isnt healthy. Gotta be self worthy, love thy self, believe in your own self, BEFORE getting attached to another person.

Now, saying this, *hugs*. Aint fun, aint easy, aint gonna be painless.
Work on school, please, and go talk to another adult face2face.. That will help.

Good luck and keep us posted on your success!

Cute

[COMINATCHA]

if he lied about you being the love of his life, and others just to make you feel better, you sure you want that kind of guy?

My thoughts exactly. Guys can be cruel, trust me, I SO know all about that!

You are in a bit of an awkward situation, having to see him even if you don't want to. It's kind of like dating someone you work with - not always the best idea.

Obviously things have turned sour if it's got to the point of fighting and he is lying to you. Maybe tell him you would appreciate as much space as possible, to clear your head and figure out what you want. You deserve better, but maybe can't see that yet because your hurting too much, and are clinging to the hope that things will work out ok. And things WILL be okay, but it may not involve this guy. It might involve you realising that he is not worth your tears, or you even finding someone so much better.

*HUGS*

COMI

[NightAngel]

Okay, it hurts.
It will hurt for awhile- maybe a long time.

It isn't the end of the world. You are truly better off without this guy. It has been my experience that 5 months is not enough time to truly decide if anyone is the love of your life or not. Chalk it up to experience- dump him on his ass- get on with your schooling.

School=Important.

Trust me when I tell you that if you allow this guy to ruin your chance at an education YOU WILL REGRET IT LATER!

I allowed my ex- husband to ruin my college career. Now I'm 34 years old and work at Blockbuster. IF I had held my ground I'd be making about $80,000/year now.

I blew it over a guy.

Don't be me.

[stormtreader]

Sometimes s*&t like this happens for the best in the long run - this is your chance to be absolutely selfish and make plans/goals that are all about what you want for your life.
This is horribly painful now, but this time next year you may be looking at where you are and find that fate/karma had to be cruel to be kind.

And seriously, what guy says 'i only said i loved you to make you feel good'?
That might be true, but why tell you after? You sound like a nice person, you dont need someone who does that kind of thing in your life.

Youll get through this, we're all here for you :wave:

[blas]

No woman should have to put up with a guy that doesn't treat her the way a real lady should be treated. You deserve better.

Having said that, I cannot stress enough, please do what I do right now.......forget about guys. They are not worth your time at all. There are so many more important things in life (AKA, your education!) than having some jerkwad in your life that is just going to cause you heartbreak. When you least expect it, a *prince* will come along, but until then, you'll only experience frogs. Trust me, I know all about this.

I got so sick of *frogs* that I lost all interest in having a boyfriend. I am putting my job, my new appartment, and my growing friendship with my roomate first.

I really didn't mean for that to sound so man-haterish.....

[NightWolf]

Man-haters....coming soon to VH1!!! :p

Anywho, I'm extremely sorry to hear or your frustration CTG. :( I wish I could tell you why some of my species needs to act like a bunch of tards. I went out this weekend and witnessed some of this first hand from a few aquaintences and all I could do was roll my eyes and think of a few individuals on the board here.

I also felt very bad for the bartenders too. After being here, I just can't look at them the same any more. Yes, they may be cute, but I still think of them posting on here as soon as they get home. :o


Tons o Hugs for CTG!!! and.....

http://netnet.net/~kentk/Pictures/flowers2.gif for you.

[LostMyMind]

I know it's hard, ComputerTechGirl, but don't quit school. Finish it, you will regret it if you don't. Wait a bit before doing anything regarding school. You might find that what's bothering you now might not be an issue later.

As it's been stated already by others, you don't need someone who will tell you lies about his feeling toward you. You will meet someone someday that will make you forgot your ex.

So grieve and eat ice cream and then move on with your life.

[Ree]

No woman should have to put up with a guy that doesn't treat her the way a real lady should be treated...

...please do what I do right now.......forget about guys. They are not worth your time at all....

...I got so sick of *frogs* that I lost all interest in having a boyfriend. I am putting my job, my new appartment, and my growing friendship with my roomate first.

I really didn't mean for that to sound so man-haterish.....I don't think a "man-haterish" attitude benefits anyone.

The problem is not necessarily with the fact that they are males, because as protege said, women do these things too and play little games.

People need to stop the BS games and relate to each other honestly.

I think it's great that a person puts education, friends, and developing their own life and identity over the need to have a relationship, as long as they really are doing it because they feel they deserve that, rather than as an escape because they can't find anyone decent anyway.

ComputerTechGirl, you have chosen badly in your relationships, but rather than seeing that you realize these people you chose were obviously not right for you, I am reading that there is something about you that needs changing.
All the fights were over stupid BS. Most of them were my fault, but still that's not the point. He says I can be clingy (OK I'll admit it maybe I can) But I'm working on that. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes the wrong feelings show, and it bugs him. OK I'm working on keeping the b****iness at bay. I'm working and working and working to keep the relationship together and its just not working and I just don't know what to do anymore... I really don't know.Are you a jealous, insecure person? Why?

I don't think you fully realize your own value as a person and the fact that you deserve to be happy for yourself.

Look at your own accomplishments. What have you managed to achieve on your own apart from your relationships?

I think you are probably a very strong person. I think you have goals that you want to achieve.

You need to realize that, sure, this relationship is probably ending. That seems inevitable, but you have the strength and the ability to pick yourself up and focus on the education and career you want and deserve.

If being there with this guy and seeing him every day is too painful, and you can't move on from that, then maybe you should look at transition.

I see so many young people who get serious in a relationship so quickly.
One week in, and they are going on about how wonderful the person is and that they are 'in love' for probably the first time, only to have the whole thing crash and burn several weeks, or months in.
There is such a rush to jump in the sack and consummate things, that they often don't take time to actually know the person in front of them. There is so much emphasis on the physical relationship that people often forget there is more to it.

I'm not saying good relationships can't happen that quickly, because they do happen, but those situations are rare.

I think people have been bombarded by movies, TV shows, books, etc, all telling them that they aren't fully happy unless they have a mate to complete them.

Teen movies have become so focused on that theme. People who are virgins are mocked and made to feel as if there is something wrong with them, and the rest of the movie is spent with the character trying to change that situation.

It doesn't even have to be in teen years. Look at all those fairy tales we listened to and read growing up.

Take Cinderella, for example, who to me, was as strong a young lady as I have ever known. She managed to survive the emotional abuse heaped on her by an uncaring stepfamily, forced to cater to their every whim, yet she was not truly considered worthy until some prince slipped a glass slipper on her foot and swept her away from all of that to his castle, where she sat at his side as his queen, forver after living happily as his subordinate, since he would one day be king, and we all know, the monarchy is traditionally a patriarchy.

You are a valuable and strong person, and you deserve to be happy, CTG.

[SengaKitty]

Okay. Time for an update, and hopefully dropping some of the bashing going on against Duane. I realize I probably stated things badly in those first two EXTREMELY emotional posts. So now that I'm calm, and I've talked to him some more, I'm going to clarify things.
First I want to say thank you to all of you for helping me to feel better, offering your sympathies, your ex-boyfriend bashing (all of us women know that bashing the boyfriend always feels good when he's hurt us), and trying to lift my spirits. I appreciate it so much you all don't know.
That having been said, there are a few things I want to clarify.
A) After I posted last night (both times), I left the dorm and went for a walk. I saw a few of my friends and they took me down to this giant oak tree that's in the middle of a field that we all hang out at, and let me get out all my frustrations and crying. They then left me there, and I was talking to some other friends, when Duane walked up. Now, you guys have to understand that before Duane and I started dating, we'd been good friends for several weeks. He'd quickly become my best friend. He's had a very hard time in relationships (read: any time he gets close to someone, something happens to that person). That is part of the reason he does not want to get so close to me that he can't get out of the relationship.
We talked for about two hours last night after I posted. He explained that he'd said some horrible things to me during the fight in which we'd broken up, things he didn't mean. Yes he loved me, but he wasn't sure if it was True Love, or friend love. He just didn't know. I told him about wanting to go to transition and he begged me, pleaded with me, hell even offered to walk out the front gates with me right then and there with nothing but the clothes on our backs. He told me that if I left Earle C because of this, if I gave up everything I've been working for for the past nearly seven months, not only would he drop everything and leave too, but it would drop his regard for me. He said that he was not asking me to stay as a friend, but as someone who cared for me very very much. He asked me would I really risk losing out on an education that could get me a job faster than someone with a four year degree who only took one course on computer repair, the very large possibility of us getting back together, and losing all of my friends, just so I could get away from all the BS here.
So I came back to the dorm last night and I thought. And I tossed and turned and thought and tossed and turned some more. Then today, we talked some more. It seems I wasn't the only one doing a lot of thinking and tossing and turning last night. You know how they say "You don't know what you've got until it's gone"? Well, he pretty much proved that. He says that he knows what he wants. He knows that what he wants is me. He also said that he knows that most of the BS and the fighting and everything wasn't MY fault, but his. He said that, while he is not quite ready to try again, he wants to. He wants to get back together, but he just can't see himself going back on that decision that it took him so long to make less than a day later. He told me today that he does love me. And that now he knows it's not a "love you like a friend" but a "I want to be with you, need to be with you, for the rest of my life 'cause I'm not going to be happy otherwise" love.
So I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay here, continue my education. I'm going to get my certification, then move to Louisville, get a job, get an apartment, and start going to college at some point.
Also, to clarify one more thing before I end this very long post. Duane does not treat me as badly as some of you seem to think (obviously the idea came from me *laugh*) Actually, Duane treats me like I'm one of the most precious things in the world. Like I'm a queen, but at the same time, like I'm a woman who deserves to be respected not just for sitting on a pedastel, but for being able to work next to the guys and just as hard as the guys, without complaint. He brings me food if I haven't had a chance to make it to the cafe and thus not eaten. He carries my bag if my back is hurting and rubs my neck shoulders and back when I'm sore. He makes sure I always have my inhaler (in case of an anxiety attack), and if I don't, he knows how to calm me down enough to where I can breath again. He's helping me quit smoking. And now, he's even helping me pay for a cell phone so I'll be able to keep in touch with my father (who, if you all remember, has tongue cancer).
Now, I'm going to end this post with yet another thank you. You all have been there for me for over a year now, and I love you all with all my heart. I hope that one day I will be able to meet all of you.