Crosshair
07-31-2006, 06:11 PM
This is a list that a co-worker wrote. He said it was OK if I posted some of his stuff here as long as I linked to his blog. He has some neat stuff there. Check out the photo of him holding the M249 SAW while you are there. (I envy him sometimes, he gets to play with alot of cool stuff.) Most all of the stuff here he actualy did or someone he knows did it.:roll:
Here is "Tim the Conservative Flower Child" blog (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=7540983&MyToken=99e13549-478f-400c-bb36-fa90ec515f71ML)
--------------------------------------
The Nefarious Things Never to Do At College (Complete)
Category: School, College, Greek
Let's face it: college can easily be the best (or worse) days of your life, however, as the theme song to Undergrads by Good Charlotte goes, "The best years of our lives arn't as easy as it seems." With almost all the freshmen, there is a certain culture shock that can make you or break you in the process. Take myself for instance; I grew up a recluse all throughout high school cause all the people I graduated with were self-absorbed morons that thought they were king of the school... guess we had over 100 kings then... (sounds more like our senate to me).
I never experienced anything really (socially) wacky until I arrived at McCroskey Hall in August 2002: it was quite a shock. I was not used to girls walking down the hallway in a towel, public drinking, easy access to drugs (and the resisting thereof) and so forth. It took a while but I got used to it.
Along the way, I learned several no nos that should NEVER EVER be repeated less you get scorned, smited or called a racist/sexist/bigot. To help the incoming freshmen, the creator of How to Treat Your New RA (Im/Properly), Freshmen Survival Guide and Signs You're a Blind Moronic Political Pundit comes....
THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO IN COLLEGE.... EVER!!!!!
1: Remote-controlled vehicles in Rec-Center pool = bad idea... especially if it's a remote-controled swimmer and you claim you're "doing laps."
2: Liquor before beer... you'll be like Pam Greer, take it from Cal.
3: If you're in a 300 or 400 level specialized class, never ask your professor, "Why do we need to learn this stuff?"
4: If you ever take Chinese as a language or culture class, never tell the professor that you're affiliated with the Air Force or some government agency... I learned that the hard way.
5: The word "gay" does not mean happy; it is an oppressed culture that get murdered by the thousands every year by bigoted corporationy conservatives and ye be smited if you don't remember it.
6: Rape is not funny.
7: Throwing little parachute men off the balcony while making air raid sirin noises to celebrate Veteran's Day will get you in trouble.
8: Never download a copy of Linux on your computer using university resources.
9: Never use university resources to make pronographic movies.
10: Even if they are "World Class Face to Face" movies.
11: Never bring a stripper in the resident halls for anyone's birthday, especially if it's the RAs birthday.
12: Playing a 15 seccond repeating porn clip on your computer loudly while you're attending class will only make everyone hate you.
13: The hall fridge is not a place to store your biology projects.
14: Never make wanted posters of people you hate, that do not live in your hall, and post them on the entrances to your hall hoping to ward him or her off.
15: Never have an airsoft fight in front of the RA.
16: If you get caught having an airsoft fight, don't refer to innocent bystanders as "casaulties of war."
17: Must not emulate Splinter Cell or Metal Gear Solid in resident halls.
18: Never eat a Butterfinger, a crunchy sandwich or any Vietnamese food during lecture.
19: Never debate politics or evolution with a professor unless he or she doesn't know you name.
20: Never dress up as a Husky for Halloween unless it is mangled on some way.
21: Never dress up as President Bush for Halloween unless it's mangled on some way.
22: Never brag about your sexual escapades in front of the RA, especially is he or she is the opposite gender.
23: If you're having a heated arguement with someone about politics, never interupt and say, "Hey, you're pretty smart, we should go hunting sometime."
24: Never put a sign on your door that says, "Women can multi-task better than men; doing the dishes, the laundry and cooking my dinner."
25: Do not taunt the lesbians.
26: Never claim you're a "lesbian trapped in a man's body." Especially in front of the lesbians.
27: Never hit on the RA in front of his or her parents.
28: Never hit on anyone in front of his or her parents.
29: If you get a freshmen roomy, never assure the parents, "No worries, I'll introduce him to everyone when we hit the bar."
30: Never ask a Japanese professor if they're into bukake (True story).
31: On a resident hall work order, never put down phony jobs like, "the talking mirror is rude," "monsters in my closet, please exterminate," "my roomy is malfunctioning, needs maintinence," or "the sprinkler system didn't work when I put a match underneath it."
32: Never repel down the building during a fire drill.
33: Never put a sign on someone's door saying, "I molest kittens."
34: Never take your chemistry work home and jokingly say it's a meth lab to the RAs.
35: If you see an RA or HD at a bar... leave them alone.
36: Never use .50 bullets or fake grenades as paper weights.
37: Never give the artsy guy in the dorm's portraits a "man's milk mustache."
38: If you're a male taking women's studies, never admit you're straight.
39: One should never hunt local squirrils, gut and stuff them for dorm decor.
40: Especially in the hall kitchen.
41: At any all-hall meeting, never asked detailed questions about drinking in the halls and you're underage.
42: Never do a sieg heil whenever you see members of parking services.
43: Never launch remote-controled airplanes from the balcony of your building to "strafe sunbathers."
44: Trotting around campus with a guy banging coconuts behind you is just plain weird.
45: Never hum the Imperial March from Star Wars whenever you pass the college President.
46: Humming the National Geographic theme whenever you see the grossly obese girls will get you into serious trouble.
47: South Park cannot be shown in any political science class as a "political cartoon."
48: Never whistle the theme to Deliverance while using the rec center showers.
49: Never do the raise-the-roof dance when you answer a question correctly in class.
50: When you see an AFROTC (Air Force ROTC) cadet in their Sky Blue Cammo, never ask them if it's helps them blend in when they bail out.
51: Never tell visiting Moms on Mom's Weekend that Gozer dwells in your micro-fridge as a timeshare.
52: Threatening the dining center manager with a "people's uprising" will not help any.
53: When two people are engaged in a heated political arguement, never loudly cast a level 9 friendship spell on both of them.
54: Never refer to any comparitive ethnic studies class as "I hate white people 101."
55: The RA on duty has no interest in learning why you have an inflatable sheep in your room.
56: Never indulge in any physics experiment with any kind of launcher and skittles.
57: Never tell the Japanese exchange students that it's tradition for new students to drink heavily and do the chicken dance; they'll do it.
58: Never reinact a scene from Qeer Eye for the Straight Guy with your roomy when high school tours are going through your hall.
59: Never offer any high school tours a round of beers.
60: The following majors do not exist; astral projections, spaying animals, baseball, conquering the world or hating republicans.
61: Campus police cars are not staff cars, therefore it is not right to salute them when they go by.
62: Never jokingly talk in Arabic like they do in Team America.
63: At the health center, never confuse the urine analysis with the other kind of test. (True story)
64: Never hang up a chandalier in the hall lobby made from beer cans.
65: Never sing "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling" with your buddies at the dining center... even if you sound better than Tom Cruise.
66: Never attend a protest with a sign that says, "I'm just here for the hippy pussy."
67: Jack Daniels, Jimmy Bean and Samuel Adams is not a good writing topic for your paper on the "founding fathers."
68: The two fifths bulk alcohol rule does not mean two different kinds of fifths.
69: A crusifix on your door will not ward off the RAs.
70: Never ask the hall government if they can install a baday.
71: Never ducktape anyone to the ceiling, even if they agreed to it.
72: Never play Himm Na Rosia on your speakers while the Army cadets run by your hall.
73: Mixing listerine and vodka = bad idea.
74: Never do Weird Al's Bimbo #5 for the University Lip-Sync Contest.
75: Pizza and porn is not an appropriate hall event.
76: Never refer to fraternity guys as "latent homosexuals."
77: Do not kneel before the professor/TA when you go in for help during office hours.
78: Tenure professors do not like being refered to as "smart guy" or "dude."
79: Never attempt to play marbles with the dining center peas or grapes.
80: Especially when you're in line to check-out.
81: Goldfish in the toilet is not a funny prank.
82: While someone taking a dump in the bathroom while someone else is taking is a shower is incredibly rude, it's even worse to pretend to jerk off by throwing chunks of white shampoo at the guy in the stall.
83: Do not tell your English professor that the Yellow Submarine belongs in the non-fiction section of the bookstore.
84: Never refer to sorority rush lines as a "herd."
85: Telling another student, "be a communist, share the wealth" never works.
86: If a professor asks, "does my language offend anyone," the correct response is not, "it's too much for my virgin ears."
87: "Pennying" the doorway of someone you hate is not funny.
88: A trebuchet does not belong in the dorm.
89: Do not store beer in the hall fridge; it will disapear.
90: Never ask the RA on duty if they want to see the hatchet in the trunk of your car.
91: Showing the movie Euro Trip does not constitute a cultural event for gened 110.
92: When a professor is griping about being poor, never point out that they're suckling down a $5 20oz latter that they get everyday.
93: Never bring a chainsaw to the computer lab (I swear, this actually happened once!).
94: When the class has a party, never volunteer to bring napkins and dishware that you stole from the dining center. It only works in high school.
95: "World Class, in your face" is not the WSU motto.
96: Neither is, "World Class, face in face."
97: Never taunt the Irish exchange students with Lucky Charms.
98: Never ask for a lifeline during an oral exam.
99: During a home football game, never sing The Man Show Song Theme (Ziggy Zaggi) when your home cheerleaders hit the field.
100: Never sneak in Vanilla Ice during a party DJ Mix.
101: The RAs won't care if you were throwing snowballs off the balcony for a "tactical advantage."
102: Never show up to class dressed as Austin Powers.
103: Never brag about your drunken escapades in the dorm at the dining center; chances are the RA is right behind you.
104: In the computer lab, never type wildly while giggling maniacly to self then occassionaly looking at the person next to you with an evil grin.
105: Alcohol class is meant as a punishment, not as a hub for party-people to get together to plan their next keger.
106: Never drink any liqour made by Monarch.
107: Never tell a person, "there's no way you can drink all that," unless you want them to try.
108: Playing with an Ouiji board at a drunken Halloween party can be very dangerous, but fun as hell to watch.
109: Berenstain Bears books cannot be used as a book report for ANY class except for sociology 101.
110: Never sing Lustra's Scotty Doesn't Know at a party and replace the name Scotty with someone else's name and his g/f in the crowd.
111: Never take a test with an ear piece on and occassionaly place your finger on it and nod.
112: Must not interfere with gay pride events.
113: Your RA is your legally abiding buddy, NOT your drinking buddy.
114: Never forget flipflops in the shower.
115: Do not make/bake any form of food in the public kitchen of your dorm/sorority hourse/frat house unless you are willing to share it with EVERYONE.
116: Never call the RA on duty because you're lonely, especially if it's the RA on your floor.
117: Never play South Park's "Merry Fucking Christmas" really loudly in your hall during Ramadan.
118: Never run up and down the halls of your hall with your arms extended while making airplane noises.
119: If you're ever reading Pat Conroy's book "Lords of Discipline," never ask the prof if the book has anything to do with S&M.
120: Alcohol cannot be purchased or consumed during college field trips unless the TAs or professors provide it.
121: Never stray from the intended instructions while mixing chemicals in the chemistry lab, especially if it involves highly metalic elements of the periodic table.
122: Never light anything in your chemistry lab on fire just to "see what it does."
123: Never play "taps" on a speaker system near the ROTC building, stop, wait a minute, start again, stop, wait a minute and repeat process.
124: Never make fun of the home team in public.
125: Never ask a meber of a fraternity or sorority how it feels to have sold their soul.
126: Do not try to sell campus art on eBay.
127: Operating a smoke shop out of your dorm room is against inner-state commerce laws, therefore it is a bad idea to advertise to the members of ResLife.
128: Guys, never wear a mistletoe hat, you'll only get offers from guys.
129: Never emulate any kind of snowman project seen in Calvin and Hobbes.
130: The professor/TA is always right until course evaluations come around.
/Fixed it for ya BeckySunshine.
Here is "Tim the Conservative Flower Child" blog (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=7540983&MyToken=99e13549-478f-400c-bb36-fa90ec515f71ML)
--------------------------------------
The Nefarious Things Never to Do At College (Complete)
Category: School, College, Greek
Let's face it: college can easily be the best (or worse) days of your life, however, as the theme song to Undergrads by Good Charlotte goes, "The best years of our lives arn't as easy as it seems." With almost all the freshmen, there is a certain culture shock that can make you or break you in the process. Take myself for instance; I grew up a recluse all throughout high school cause all the people I graduated with were self-absorbed morons that thought they were king of the school... guess we had over 100 kings then... (sounds more like our senate to me).
I never experienced anything really (socially) wacky until I arrived at McCroskey Hall in August 2002: it was quite a shock. I was not used to girls walking down the hallway in a towel, public drinking, easy access to drugs (and the resisting thereof) and so forth. It took a while but I got used to it.
Along the way, I learned several no nos that should NEVER EVER be repeated less you get scorned, smited or called a racist/sexist/bigot. To help the incoming freshmen, the creator of How to Treat Your New RA (Im/Properly), Freshmen Survival Guide and Signs You're a Blind Moronic Political Pundit comes....
THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO IN COLLEGE.... EVER!!!!!
1: Remote-controlled vehicles in Rec-Center pool = bad idea... especially if it's a remote-controled swimmer and you claim you're "doing laps."
2: Liquor before beer... you'll be like Pam Greer, take it from Cal.
3: If you're in a 300 or 400 level specialized class, never ask your professor, "Why do we need to learn this stuff?"
4: If you ever take Chinese as a language or culture class, never tell the professor that you're affiliated with the Air Force or some government agency... I learned that the hard way.
5: The word "gay" does not mean happy; it is an oppressed culture that get murdered by the thousands every year by bigoted corporationy conservatives and ye be smited if you don't remember it.
6: Rape is not funny.
7: Throwing little parachute men off the balcony while making air raid sirin noises to celebrate Veteran's Day will get you in trouble.
8: Never download a copy of Linux on your computer using university resources.
9: Never use university resources to make pronographic movies.
10: Even if they are "World Class Face to Face" movies.
11: Never bring a stripper in the resident halls for anyone's birthday, especially if it's the RAs birthday.
12: Playing a 15 seccond repeating porn clip on your computer loudly while you're attending class will only make everyone hate you.
13: The hall fridge is not a place to store your biology projects.
14: Never make wanted posters of people you hate, that do not live in your hall, and post them on the entrances to your hall hoping to ward him or her off.
15: Never have an airsoft fight in front of the RA.
16: If you get caught having an airsoft fight, don't refer to innocent bystanders as "casaulties of war."
17: Must not emulate Splinter Cell or Metal Gear Solid in resident halls.
18: Never eat a Butterfinger, a crunchy sandwich or any Vietnamese food during lecture.
19: Never debate politics or evolution with a professor unless he or she doesn't know you name.
20: Never dress up as a Husky for Halloween unless it is mangled on some way.
21: Never dress up as President Bush for Halloween unless it's mangled on some way.
22: Never brag about your sexual escapades in front of the RA, especially is he or she is the opposite gender.
23: If you're having a heated arguement with someone about politics, never interupt and say, "Hey, you're pretty smart, we should go hunting sometime."
24: Never put a sign on your door that says, "Women can multi-task better than men; doing the dishes, the laundry and cooking my dinner."
25: Do not taunt the lesbians.
26: Never claim you're a "lesbian trapped in a man's body." Especially in front of the lesbians.
27: Never hit on the RA in front of his or her parents.
28: Never hit on anyone in front of his or her parents.
29: If you get a freshmen roomy, never assure the parents, "No worries, I'll introduce him to everyone when we hit the bar."
30: Never ask a Japanese professor if they're into bukake (True story).
31: On a resident hall work order, never put down phony jobs like, "the talking mirror is rude," "monsters in my closet, please exterminate," "my roomy is malfunctioning, needs maintinence," or "the sprinkler system didn't work when I put a match underneath it."
32: Never repel down the building during a fire drill.
33: Never put a sign on someone's door saying, "I molest kittens."
34: Never take your chemistry work home and jokingly say it's a meth lab to the RAs.
35: If you see an RA or HD at a bar... leave them alone.
36: Never use .50 bullets or fake grenades as paper weights.
37: Never give the artsy guy in the dorm's portraits a "man's milk mustache."
38: If you're a male taking women's studies, never admit you're straight.
39: One should never hunt local squirrils, gut and stuff them for dorm decor.
40: Especially in the hall kitchen.
41: At any all-hall meeting, never asked detailed questions about drinking in the halls and you're underage.
42: Never do a sieg heil whenever you see members of parking services.
43: Never launch remote-controled airplanes from the balcony of your building to "strafe sunbathers."
44: Trotting around campus with a guy banging coconuts behind you is just plain weird.
45: Never hum the Imperial March from Star Wars whenever you pass the college President.
46: Humming the National Geographic theme whenever you see the grossly obese girls will get you into serious trouble.
47: South Park cannot be shown in any political science class as a "political cartoon."
48: Never whistle the theme to Deliverance while using the rec center showers.
49: Never do the raise-the-roof dance when you answer a question correctly in class.
50: When you see an AFROTC (Air Force ROTC) cadet in their Sky Blue Cammo, never ask them if it's helps them blend in when they bail out.
51: Never tell visiting Moms on Mom's Weekend that Gozer dwells in your micro-fridge as a timeshare.
52: Threatening the dining center manager with a "people's uprising" will not help any.
53: When two people are engaged in a heated political arguement, never loudly cast a level 9 friendship spell on both of them.
54: Never refer to any comparitive ethnic studies class as "I hate white people 101."
55: The RA on duty has no interest in learning why you have an inflatable sheep in your room.
56: Never indulge in any physics experiment with any kind of launcher and skittles.
57: Never tell the Japanese exchange students that it's tradition for new students to drink heavily and do the chicken dance; they'll do it.
58: Never reinact a scene from Qeer Eye for the Straight Guy with your roomy when high school tours are going through your hall.
59: Never offer any high school tours a round of beers.
60: The following majors do not exist; astral projections, spaying animals, baseball, conquering the world or hating republicans.
61: Campus police cars are not staff cars, therefore it is not right to salute them when they go by.
62: Never jokingly talk in Arabic like they do in Team America.
63: At the health center, never confuse the urine analysis with the other kind of test. (True story)
64: Never hang up a chandalier in the hall lobby made from beer cans.
65: Never sing "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling" with your buddies at the dining center... even if you sound better than Tom Cruise.
66: Never attend a protest with a sign that says, "I'm just here for the hippy pussy."
67: Jack Daniels, Jimmy Bean and Samuel Adams is not a good writing topic for your paper on the "founding fathers."
68: The two fifths bulk alcohol rule does not mean two different kinds of fifths.
69: A crusifix on your door will not ward off the RAs.
70: Never ask the hall government if they can install a baday.
71: Never ducktape anyone to the ceiling, even if they agreed to it.
72: Never play Himm Na Rosia on your speakers while the Army cadets run by your hall.
73: Mixing listerine and vodka = bad idea.
74: Never do Weird Al's Bimbo #5 for the University Lip-Sync Contest.
75: Pizza and porn is not an appropriate hall event.
76: Never refer to fraternity guys as "latent homosexuals."
77: Do not kneel before the professor/TA when you go in for help during office hours.
78: Tenure professors do not like being refered to as "smart guy" or "dude."
79: Never attempt to play marbles with the dining center peas or grapes.
80: Especially when you're in line to check-out.
81: Goldfish in the toilet is not a funny prank.
82: While someone taking a dump in the bathroom while someone else is taking is a shower is incredibly rude, it's even worse to pretend to jerk off by throwing chunks of white shampoo at the guy in the stall.
83: Do not tell your English professor that the Yellow Submarine belongs in the non-fiction section of the bookstore.
84: Never refer to sorority rush lines as a "herd."
85: Telling another student, "be a communist, share the wealth" never works.
86: If a professor asks, "does my language offend anyone," the correct response is not, "it's too much for my virgin ears."
87: "Pennying" the doorway of someone you hate is not funny.
88: A trebuchet does not belong in the dorm.
89: Do not store beer in the hall fridge; it will disapear.
90: Never ask the RA on duty if they want to see the hatchet in the trunk of your car.
91: Showing the movie Euro Trip does not constitute a cultural event for gened 110.
92: When a professor is griping about being poor, never point out that they're suckling down a $5 20oz latter that they get everyday.
93: Never bring a chainsaw to the computer lab (I swear, this actually happened once!).
94: When the class has a party, never volunteer to bring napkins and dishware that you stole from the dining center. It only works in high school.
95: "World Class, in your face" is not the WSU motto.
96: Neither is, "World Class, face in face."
97: Never taunt the Irish exchange students with Lucky Charms.
98: Never ask for a lifeline during an oral exam.
99: During a home football game, never sing The Man Show Song Theme (Ziggy Zaggi) when your home cheerleaders hit the field.
100: Never sneak in Vanilla Ice during a party DJ Mix.
101: The RAs won't care if you were throwing snowballs off the balcony for a "tactical advantage."
102: Never show up to class dressed as Austin Powers.
103: Never brag about your drunken escapades in the dorm at the dining center; chances are the RA is right behind you.
104: In the computer lab, never type wildly while giggling maniacly to self then occassionaly looking at the person next to you with an evil grin.
105: Alcohol class is meant as a punishment, not as a hub for party-people to get together to plan their next keger.
106: Never drink any liqour made by Monarch.
107: Never tell a person, "there's no way you can drink all that," unless you want them to try.
108: Playing with an Ouiji board at a drunken Halloween party can be very dangerous, but fun as hell to watch.
109: Berenstain Bears books cannot be used as a book report for ANY class except for sociology 101.
110: Never sing Lustra's Scotty Doesn't Know at a party and replace the name Scotty with someone else's name and his g/f in the crowd.
111: Never take a test with an ear piece on and occassionaly place your finger on it and nod.
112: Must not interfere with gay pride events.
113: Your RA is your legally abiding buddy, NOT your drinking buddy.
114: Never forget flipflops in the shower.
115: Do not make/bake any form of food in the public kitchen of your dorm/sorority hourse/frat house unless you are willing to share it with EVERYONE.
116: Never call the RA on duty because you're lonely, especially if it's the RA on your floor.
117: Never play South Park's "Merry Fucking Christmas" really loudly in your hall during Ramadan.
118: Never run up and down the halls of your hall with your arms extended while making airplane noises.
119: If you're ever reading Pat Conroy's book "Lords of Discipline," never ask the prof if the book has anything to do with S&M.
120: Alcohol cannot be purchased or consumed during college field trips unless the TAs or professors provide it.
121: Never stray from the intended instructions while mixing chemicals in the chemistry lab, especially if it involves highly metalic elements of the periodic table.
122: Never light anything in your chemistry lab on fire just to "see what it does."
123: Never play "taps" on a speaker system near the ROTC building, stop, wait a minute, start again, stop, wait a minute and repeat process.
124: Never make fun of the home team in public.
125: Never ask a meber of a fraternity or sorority how it feels to have sold their soul.
126: Do not try to sell campus art on eBay.
127: Operating a smoke shop out of your dorm room is against inner-state commerce laws, therefore it is a bad idea to advertise to the members of ResLife.
128: Guys, never wear a mistletoe hat, you'll only get offers from guys.
129: Never emulate any kind of snowman project seen in Calvin and Hobbes.
130: The professor/TA is always right until course evaluations come around.
/Fixed it for ya BeckySunshine.