Karma is a biyotch!

[blas]

Ok this may seem childish and petty and immature, but we all know that I have horrible luck with relationships and men in general. Also, in my life, karma is really lazy. Many a person has gotten away with hurting me without consequence. Karma won't ever bite these people back in the butts where they should be bit.

So a few weeks ago, I went to see Die Hard 4 with a guy. He was somewhat fresh out of a really bad relationship. He said he was ready to meet someone new, someone nice, and to see where it went. He was on the same page as me, so to speak.....he's been hurt badly in the past and has trust issues as well. This particular girl was just awful to him.

So after a few chit chats on the phone and a few "You are really nice, I'm so glad I got to hang out with you" and "I can see potential with us", blah blah blah.....

He decides to get back with his evil ex instead of me. I was irate and told him "What goes around comes around" and that I'd never speak to him again and I couldn't wait until he got what was coming to him. It may not seem like a big deal, but I HATE being used to "occupy" men's time while they are lonely and missing their women. I get sick and tired of being dragged along like a lost puppy.

So fast forward to a few days ago. My friend messages me on IM to tell me that his evil ex cheated on him yet again and broke his little heart, yet again. Then he asked her if I was still available. That made me laugh. That retard thinks I'll give him a second chance? Hahaha....after he messed with my head like that, he thinks I'd be willing to give him the time of day?

Oh well, it's a tough way to learn in life that stupid, hasty decisions carry tough consequences, but hopefully he learned his lesson.

Call me an evil bitch, I'm trying really hard to feel sorry for him, but I don't. When you've been burned and hurt time and time again, you should know better than to make decisions like that. You should also know better than to hurt someone else the way that everyone else has hurt you. Being through what I've been through, I'd never do anything as silly as that to someone.

Anyway, I'm pretty satisfied with myself now. Evil ice bitch blas sitting pretty.

[NightAngel]

A guy did that to me once... we had been dating exclusively for about 6 months. Then all of a sudden (literally) he had to go back to his ex and work things out.

I met my hubby during the time he and his 'ex/not ex' were back together.

He called my cel (yes, I had one once...) about a month later to tell me the joyous news that he could come back to me! Whee!~ (the wanker). Boy was he surprised when my hubby (to be at the time) answered.

It was quite entertaining. :lol:

[BunnyJas]

So fast forward to a few days ago. My friend messages me on IM to tell me that his evil ex cheated on him yet again and broke his little heart, yet again. Then he asked her if I was still available. That made me laugh. That retard thinks I'll give him a second chance? Hahaha....after he messed with my head like that, he thinks I'd be willing to give him the time of day?



Uhh...okay I'm not your REBOUND chick!!! Idiot.

This guy whined about how horrible his ex was and then was stupid enough to go back for seconds. Now he wants a shoulder to cry on until he finds something else. I don't blame you for having no sympathy for this guy. It sounds like he has a lot of issues to work out before he can date anyone again.

[FuzzyKitten99]

I feel for you guys, I do. Before I settled on my now husband, I had my share of guys who cheated on me or were 'bouncers' (guys who bounced back and forth between a couple of the same girls).
Really, it is stories like these that I am thankful I met my wonderful husband in high school, we were best friends through spring of 11th grade, then we started dating, and we will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary on 9/1 this year.

I couldn't imagine being single nowadays. The thought of it is just scary.

[Jester]

Good lord, what is getting into me lately? I am actually going to (partly) defend this guy.

Now, for the moment, put yourself in his shoes. Walk with me down his paths and look with me through his eyes.

He has a girlfriend he loves. She is not always the best girlfriend, but he loves her. She has toyed with his heart many times, and they have finally broken up. He thinks he is over her. He thinks he is ready to start dating other people. He meets a really rockin' chick, they have a date, and he sees potential in this. And then the girl that he loves comes back into his life, in whatever way she does. Forced to choose between striking out in the scary jungle of the unknown with a new female or going to the one he knows and loves, he chooses the latter.

Now, personally I think the guy made the wrong choice, but I can see WHY he did it. She is (probably) a manipulative woman, and has (probably) gotten quite good at manipulating him. And after she had gotten tired of him again, she went and found someone new. Again.

Now it's easy to denigrate and denounce this guy, but it's not so easy to se why he did what he did, forgive him his error, and give him a second chance.

Will he go back to her again? I don't know. But I believe in giving people second chances. Third chances? Please. That's idiotic. If he goes back to her again, he should be shot, and not given any more chances with the New Rockin' Chick. But a second chance might be warranted here.

Now, I am not saying it IS....only you know if you think this guy is worth another go-round. Remember, we all make mistakes. Lord knows you have. So he fell for her bullshit again. It happens. I vote for giving him another chance and see what happens. Many great things have come from second chances, both romantically and otherwise.

Of course, I could be wrong. The guy could be a complete douchebag.

Only you can determine which it is.

[FuzzyKitten99]

Good lord, what is getting into me lately? I am actually going to (partly) defend this guy.

Now, for the moment, put yourself in his shoes. Walk with me down his paths and look with me through his eyes.

this totally makes sense Jester. Sometimes 2nd chances help you to realize that you can forgive and move on to a happy relationship.

I actually dated my husband (Tim) twice before he proposed to me. We were a couple for about 2 months in early 10th grade, then I had to move 20 miles north, so we only saw each other on weekends and I was starting to get asked out by all my new guy classmates, so I told him that if would be best if we could just be friends for a while, so I could 'test the waters' so to speak, at my new school.

Well, I ended up going back to Tim by the end of 11th grade (thus giving him a 2nd chance), because he was the only one who had really made an effort with me and with whom I felt the devotion was reciprocal-and he hadn't cheated on me. We were engaged by our Senior Prom (1999), and we married in Sept 2002.

[kibbles]

I gotta agree with Jester's post. It was absolutely presumptuous (spelling?) to assume you'd still be available, but some things aren't meant to be and he probably had strong feelings for his ex and wanted it to work out. IMO, it's not called karma, it's called bad timing.

[blas]

Jester you sound like my guy friend when I told him about it..

"Come on blas you can't be so hard on him....I mean all he wanted was some female company while his heart was aching, you can't blame him for being indecisive..."

I can blame myself for allowing myself to get attracted to indecisive morons with too much emotional baggage who can't allow themselves proper time between relationships to heal......

But I can't see his side. I'd never do that to someone. I wouldn't use a guy while I was suffering just to occupy my time until my ex would take me back. What he did was selfish and stupid.

2nd chance? As if. Another chance to have an ex chosen over me? I'm not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice.

[Killer Bees]

You're sending out negative energy so it's coming back to you. You expect any man you meet to be a loser, so the Universe is sending you what you expect.

You need to start putting out there that you only meet men who are good, kind etc etc (basically what kind of guy you want). Only then will you start seeing a change.

I don't think lack of karma is to blame here. I highly recommend reading Ask and It Is Given by Jerry and Esther Hicks. It really changed the way I think. I'm single now and happy about it, but the guys I meet are such a huge step up from the losers I've had in the past.

I haven't met the right guy yet but I know that I will because I'm expecting it. In the meantime, I've been putting work into myself, becoming the kind of person that I want to attract. Because there's no way I'll get a super great guy unless I can give back those qualities that I'm attracted to.

You have to concentrate on what you DO what, not what you DON'T want. You already know what you don't want. But have you actually asked yourself what you really want? Can you honestly say that you have the qualities that you want in a partner?

It's all a matter of sending out the right energy. Try it, you'll be amazed at the positive changes in your life.

[Pedersen]

You have to concentrate on what you DO what, not what you DON'T want. You already know what you don't want. But have you actually asked yourself what you really want? Can you honestly say that you have the qualities that you want in a partner?

Now, I have to toss in two cents (and cut myself short, lest I threadjack majorly): I found my wife quite by accident many years ago. And left her, mainly because I was an idiot. I got a second chance 5 years later, and managed to prove both to myself and to her that I am a good person, despite my idiotic mistakes.

The relevancy to your message? I had to answer 2 questions, not just one. Anybody who's seen Babylon 5 will recognize them, and (amusingly enough) that's where I found the questions.

Who am I?
What do I want?

Two of the very toughest questions to answer, and answer honestly, in all the world. I think I did well with them, myself.

Blas, you might wanna answer those questions for yourself. They help much more than you might think.

[MadMike]

It's not just guys that do it. Women can be that way too. It's not completely their fault. When you've been in a serious relationship with someone for a length of time, it's hard to completely disconnect yourself from them emotionally.

The first girl I fell in love with was like that. Her boyfriend decided he didn't want in a relationship and broke up with her. She and I were already friends, but we started getting close, and ended up getting really close, if you catch my drift.

Unfortunately, he found out that we had, and suddenly decided he wanted her back. She went back to him, and I took it really hard. She was my first, and it hurt so bad. I went thru all the emotions -- I missed her, I wanted her back, I hated her, I loved her, I wished she'd die, etc.

The friendship was over after that, and she and her boyfriend ended up dropping out of school. I held onto the bitterness for years afterwards, because I never had a girlfriend before, and didn't understand how powerful the other person's grip can be. Looking back now, I realize I was way too hard on her.

Only after I started dating my ex, and we ended up sort of breaking up and getting back with her later did I understand. If I had met someone while we were broken up, and then she later decided she wanted me back, I probably would have done the same thing. It's just really hard to let someone go, even when you know they're bad for you. Even when I finally called it quits myself, there was still this part of me that wanted her. It took years to get past that.

[Jester]

I can blame myself for allowing myself to get attracted to indecisive morons with too much emotional baggage who can't allow themselves proper time between relationships to heal......

That description sounds like a great majority of the people I have known, at one time or another in their life.

But I can't see his side. I'd never do that to someone. I wouldn't use a guy while I was suffering just to occupy my time until my ex would take me back. What he did was selfish and stupid.

If he did it knowingly, yes, it was selfish and stupid. If he tried to get together with you because he honestly believed he was done with the other relationship than it was inconsiderate, but not selfish, and only as stupid as any of us have been when dealing with a recent breakup.

2nd chance? As if. Another chance to have an ex chosen over me? I'm not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice.

Or a second chance to let him prove himself. It all depends on how you look at it.


I am not saying that this guy is not what you say he is. I am just saying that he may not be, that he may simply be confused by this whole romance/relationship/love thing that have seen most of the rest of us just about as screwed up in the head at one time or another.

Just something to think about.

[blas]

He knowingly did it, I know this. And no, I'm not being a man hater. I am well aware that women can be the same way. There's no way this could be an accident. We talked several times, in person and on the phone, before we went out on our date, and we have a lot in common when it comes to bad luck with the opposite gender. We've both had people use us and throw us away. So he KNOWS what it feels like to constantly be someone's second choice, but knowing that, and knowing what small, small, small chance he barely stood with getting his ex back, he did it and hurt me ANYWAY. A person who knows what real hurt is knows better than to hurt another person that way.

But of course, it's just so difficult to be honest and say "Look, I'm really hoping my ex will change her mind. I think you're a great girl but I don't feel that way about you." It's much easier to just lead on and see what happens and just willingly hurt the other person anyway.

He didn't even apologize. I told him "I hope you're happy with what you've done" and he jackassedly replied, "I'm VERY happy."

Well he ain't so happy now is he? Ha ha ha.


Sorry to everyone but I cannot sympathize with him and I cannot see the flip side. It is wrong and cruel to use someone to occupy your time while you pine away for someone else and while you count the days and minutes until that person will take you back. It's greedy and selfish to take advantage of a person that way.

[ditchdj]

Blas, you're a cute doll. If you're having bad luck meeting someone locally, you may want to take your search nationwide like I did. Where I'm from there was I met lots of great women. The problem was that they all had husbands or boyfriends. The remaining pool (or cesspool I should say) was of single women that just wanted to play the field and/or just play games. I'm glad I got out of there and when I moved I havent looked back. I went through that situation like you mentioned, and yeah, I told her I didnt want to talk to her anymore either.

[Spiffy McMoron]

Apparently, it's true that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I really don't like a lot of these "relationship" threads, mostly because it ends up as a lot of "Oh, that (expletive) (guy/girl) was a jerk; I would never do that to someone; you're totally right; etc. etc. etc." Most of the time, I can't but think, "What would everyone say if it was the other person that was posting about the (expletive) (guy/girl)? Would we all support that person?"

Blas, you need to pull up your socks and mature. Dating the same string of losers (as you have called them) will do nothing for you but lead you back here, bitching and moaning about how this town has no guys in it, how you can't wait for karma to land you a good guy and hurt those bad guys, and how you deserve so much better than that loser.

He knowingly did it, I know this.

How do you know this?

But of course, it's just so difficult to be honest and say "Look, I'm really hoping my ex will change her mind. I think you're a great girl but I don't feel that way about you." It's much easier to just lead on and see what happens and just willingly hurt the other person anyway.

I doubt that he thought that way about you. Frankly, he probably didn't know which way was up because he was so confused. If somebody that you had feelings for (as he did with his ex) asked you to date him, wouldn't you jump at the chance? If I were single, I would.

Sure, I'll bet you he thought that you were very nice. But putting words into somebody's mouth and assuming that everyone is out to get you is not what anybody wants. If he's been used time and time again, as you stated, then I wouldn't blame him for going back to what he sees as a steady relationship with someone he loves.

He didn't even apologize. I told him "I hope you're happy with what you've done" and he jackassedly replied, "I'm VERY happy."

Well he ain't so happy now is he? Ha ha ha.


Sorry to everyone but I cannot sympathize with him and I cannot see the flip side. It is wrong and cruel to use someone to occupy your time while you pine away for someone else and while you count the days and minutes until that person will take you back. It's greedy and selfish to take advantage of a person that way.

Failure to see the other point of view--not just in dating, but in ALL facets of life--shows an inherant lack of maturity. Guys like a lot of things, but a girl who can see their point of view is definatly one of them. Gloating over his misfortune does nothing but shows you to be callous, cold-hearted, and vengeful. I suggest that you take a step back and not see ANYONE for a little while, until you gain the maturity and confidence needed to handle a relationship in a mature fashion. People are not posessions to be fought over, but beings with thoughts, feelings, and desires. Treating people the way that the want to be treated is the kindest thing that a person can do.

There's something to be said from the old adage, "You get more flies with honey than vinegar". Get rid of some of your vinegar, Blas.

[ditchdj]

Damn Spiff you're pretty blunt. :lol: But I see your point.

I suppose, being in my 30's, it does take a certain degree of maturity to realize what you want out of a relationship and to become assertive in yourself to go and settle down with someone that can satisfy your needs as well as satisfy enough of your mate's needs in that he/she will stick around.

I've been in many situations like blas is going through and can relate to them and her feelings to a certain point. I just got fed up with it and "grew a pair", as I guess you could call it that. I just tell them that I dont want to hear from them anymore, turn around and walk away, and move on. You kinda have just learn to disconnect yourself from thoughts of that person to do it and stick to it.

So fast forward to a few days ago. My friend messages me on IM to tell me that his evil ex cheated on him yet again and broke his little heart, yet again. Then he asked her if I was still available. That made me laugh. That retard thinks I'll give him a second chance? Hahaha....after he messed with my head like that, he thinks I'd be willing to give him the time of day?

That's what you need to do. If you have any regrets, then think about this going on over and over down the road when you marry him and have kids with him. You're really gonna be screwed. And your kids will suffer the most, especially in their teen years, adn be angry and resentful, wondering why dad left their mother for some homewrecking bimbo. That's the way they're gonna see it. You dont need that kind of trouble in the long run. At least, right now, you can just walk away without any penalties.

[blas]

Spiffy, he wasn't anything worth fighting over. Obviously I didn't argue or try to compete when he made his decision. I would hope that members on this board would know me better than to think I'm THAT bad of a person.....

I was very hurt and very, very, very angry that I was hurt and messed with.

Call me whatever you want, but I find it just amusing that he seems to think I'd be willing to pick right back up with him after he hurt me.

No I didn't cry I didn't throw anything, it didn't keep me from working or sleeping, but it hurt and it made me angrier than a nest of hornets.

I actually started seeing someone else a couple of weeks ago. I feel a lot better about this guy. Neither one of us have had an actual relationship in a very long time, neither of us are pining for anyone, and both of us are interested in just each other. That's the way it should be. He's honest with me and I'm honest with him.

[Talon]

He didn't even apologize. I told him "I hope you're happy with what you've done" and he jackassedly replied, "I'm VERY happy."

Well he ain't so happy now is he? Ha ha ha.


Was this after he dumped you and then wanted a second chance?

If it was after, then you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. He made a stupid mistake, hurt you in the process, and doesn't care? All humans make mistakes. Refusal to own those mistakes indicates an entirely different kind of human fallibility.

Blas I don't know you personally, but your portrait almost melted my monitor :) That fool should have been apologizing for your hurt feelings and pleading for a second chance.

[Mr. Rager!]

Instead of worrying about the bad karma of people that hurt you, why not worry about creating your own good karma?? Karma does come in two forms, good and bad.

My last gf and I broke up... it was a pretty mutual descision. I later found out that she cheated on me, not once but a couple of times. I loved her very much and when I found out she did that to me, I was hurt. Now she's with someone else and what do I wish for her? Nothing but happiness. I hope she find someone who makes her happy and gets her everything she needs. There was a reason why I loved her, and I won't forget that.

GF before her, I avoid her like the plague, but I still wish her nothing but happiness.

And my first long-term gf (lasted two years) we broke up when we had more of a friendship than a relationship. She's one of my favorite people in the world, and I really do wish her nothing but happiness.

Now I absolutely love someone else. Someone I only thought would make an intersting friend. She's a great person... and I'm lucky to have her feel the same way about me. REALLY LUCKY! I can't help but think that if I had wished bad things for all my exes, the negative energy would've pushed her away. But I stay positive... and I think that helps. I'm so fortunate!!!!

I suggest you do try and be more sympathetic. I do suggest you hope people find happiness, instead of walking around, "I can't believe he did this to me, I'm such a catch... yadda yadda." That is one of the biggest turn offs for ANYONE. If you go through a string of bad relationships, it's probably NOT ALWAYS the other person.

[blas]

I never said I was "such a catch".....I don't know where you got that from.

I have had strings of bad relationships, but I haven't had an actual boyfriend since last September.

Most of the guys I have been going on dates with lately have been honest with me about their intentions. Whether they are playing the field, looking for something serious, looking for a friend with benefits, or even if they aren't interested in a relationship at all. I haven't been lied to like this in quite a while.

[Mr. Rager!]

I never said I was "such a catch".....I don't know where you got that from.


The way I see it, you think you are. You've posted many times about how you've been so wronged.

I don't think he lied to you. Statistically, guys take breakups harder than woman. He was hurt... and at one time he was very happy with that girl. He thought maybe she's changed... maybe things will be better. She probably manipulated him into believing so. Tell me you've never been manipulated into believing something. I don't think you were a time passer for him... he thought he was ready to move on, apparently he wasn't.

To sit there and gloat in his heartbreak is heartless. I don't wish heartbreak upon anyone... I don't know why anyone would!! We've all felt it, and it feels horrible. So why wish that upon someone? Why be happy because their feelings got hurt? Why not be the bigger person? Tell him you're sorry for what happened, but you're not interested in starting anything over with him again because of what he did to you. Be concerned for your fellow human being. A lot people lack compassion... and that in turn breeds contempt and anger. We don't need anymore of that in this world. We have enough. Start small, do something positive. We can only see happiness to the tip of our nose. As long as we're happy... nothing else matters. Create some good karma for yourself, and good things will happen. It sure as hell won't be sad.

[Rapscallion]

Don't mind me, I just look at threads about relationships and muse about how good I've got it.

Rapscallion

[ArenaBoy]

You know, some days I consider going out and just randomly meet a person. Then when I'm on here I read these threads and think better of it.

Blas, I agree with Fashion Lad. Try to get a more positive energy going. FL is also right on this matter: The way I see it, you think you are. You've posted many times about how you've been so wronged.
I'm not saying anything negative but having an attitude of I'm better than every man or woman on the planet can be a little unhealthy, especially when a person is bitter on a matter such as this. Do yourself a favor: Take a deep breath and take stock of your life. Guys and girls can fall back into their exes easily, some just have the willpower to get over it.

[Jester]

You know, some days I consider going out and just randomly meet a person. Then when I'm on here I read these threads and think better of it.

Some of the greatest people I have ever met (relationship or friendship) have been completely random. Don't dog it. Sometimes it really can work.

:cool: :D :wave:

[ArenaBoy]

Some of the greatest people I have ever met (relationship or friendship) have been completely random. Don't dog it. Sometimes it really can work.

:cool: :D :wave:

Oh very true, but I need to keep remembering that sarcasm doesn't translate nicely into text. ;)

[blas]

I don't think I'm better than anyone at all. I'm sorry you all feel that way.

Rather, it's probably the fact that I have very unrealistic expectations of people's behavior. I expect everyone to act grown up (well, I do have an immature side to myself when it involves toilet humor and sex jokes and the like, but you know what I mean) when it comes to relationships and friendships and just relating to other human beings in general. I guess I forget at times that not everyone thinks that way. I forget at times that a lot of people do fly by the seat of their pants, and I rarely do (and if I do, a spontaneous moment for me is, for instance, a last minute invite to a movie or a party, not a human relation altering decision).

And yes, at times I probably do set myself up for failure and disappointment when I run into people who make spur of the moment decisions or do questionable things.

Yes it's very unrealistic to assume and even expect everyone else to think of other people's feelings before making decisions and to expect people to not make repeated mistakes. I have never had a long term relationship where a guy has swooned me over or manipulated me or even encouraged me to seek further relations with him after break ups and whatnot, and that could be a small part of the reason I think I'm right and justified in what I did. It just totally blew my mind that this guy decided he'd rather be with someone who has repeatedly cheated on him and hurt him in the past.

Yes, it would have been a risk either way, with me or the ex. But it would have been a safer bet with me, because I have never done anything dishonest or cruel to a boyfriend the way she did to him many times. But whatever it was about her, he kept coming back. And no matter how delusional and messed up that is, I have to accept that people are going to continue to make spur of the moment and ridiculous decisions that will make heads hurt.....

Have I ever done something without thinking of another person's feelings? Yes. But the same situation twice? Never. Sometimes I may be a human door mat because of thinking of others and putting them before myself, but at the same time, as much of an evil bitch as I seem to be, I do things in life this way so that people won't get hurt or won't be as hurt as they could be had I lied or taken the easy way out. There have been times I've had to duck and run for the hills, but we've all heard those stories and I'm already freaked out enough lately to want to recall all the times...

I'm sure I totally come across right now as schizo, considering one side of me puts everyone ahead of myself and the other side of me laughs at other people's misery after they've hurt me and then gotten hurt themselves.......

But wow that was way too long, I really need to quit spending my whole shift at work pondering about what I'll type when I get home.

[Jester]

I don't think I'm better than anyone at all. I'm sorry you all feel that way.

Not ALL of us feel that way. Not even all of the ones you disagreed with you in some degree. Like, say, me. I don't know you well enough to know either way whether you feel superior to everyone, but from what I have read of your posts, my assumption would be that that is NOT how you are. That doesn't mean I can't point out the possible other side of things. :)

It just totally blew my mind that this guy decided he'd rather be with someone who has repeatedly cheated on him and hurt him in the past.

Sadly, that is often the way the very illogical human type does things. People will often make bad choices, even as bad a one as this one. They will often choose the person who has hurt them repeatedly over someone else, whether they know the other person won't hurt them or not. It is a very sad state of affairs, but it is sadly fairly common.

Yes, it would have been a risk either way, with me or the ex. But it would have been a safer bet with me, because I have never done anything dishonest or cruel to a boyfriend the way she did to him many times. But whatever it was about her, he kept coming back.

True, but as has been pointed out, people are stupid. (Take that DiTech!) And they don't often do the smartest or most logical or best thing for themselves.

I need to point out here that I was never defending the guy per se, but merely pointing out what MIGHT be going on with him. The things I suggested were only possibilities. I think I also said that, when it comes down to it, the dude might just be a tool.

If you have moved on, though, move on, and don't let what any of us in the peanut gallery sway your decision. Only blas can decide what is right for blas. :wave:

[NightWolf]

At first I wasn't going to touch this, I've seen some things in other posts/blogs that have kinda.....offended me a bit, but I've seen a lot of good points here.

Second chances aren't all that big of a deal, nor are they always appropriate. I've been through them, and let me tell ya, if you knew half of what went on in my first serious relationship, you'd be telling my wife she was crazy for coming back to me. (I was a bad bad man when I was 18) A good friend of mine was dating a girl he met while out motorcycle riding. She broke up with him to get back with an ex. 1 week later, she came back to my friend asking for another chance. Now they are getting married in 2 months. People can change, they can realize the error of their ways and suddenly have a reality check. It seems to me that this guy was totally.....shall i say whipped? and thats why he was able to be sucked right back into the ex's trap.

What he did was wrong, and I can totally see how you would get mad. Thats the natural reaction for someone who's had to put up with so much bullshit from men. The defenses go up and all you want to do is feel justified. (it's another case of, "great, here we go again") I can sympathize with that reaction 100%. I've dealt with a ton of it. (having a GF leave me for my closest friends....two different times!) So it's understandable why you wouldn't want to give him a second chance, and I can also see why you'd be happy that he got bit in the butt by his decision.

Sometimes it's so easy for us to see the right decision to make, and yet so hard for others to see this. It sucks. It drives me nuts on a daily basis and usually not with relationships. :lol:

I like to try and look at things as happening for a reason, so here's to hoping all this crap and BS will lead to a relationship that will make you realize just when you really have found the "right" one

[blas]

Well now that I've had some time to think about it, both of us are kind of in a sticky spot.

It's difficult for both of us......

He's been "in love". He's had someone love him back (or whatever his ex may claim). He's had something real with someone. He's also one of those guys who yes, I can tell, can easily be "whipped". He probably did everything under the sun for that girl. Losing that girl was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to him.
So from his point of view, he can't see why I'd be upset that he chose her over me and he can't understand why I won't give him a second chance.

I haven't been "in love". My heart has never belonged to man (well, other than Ville Valo but that makes me sound nuts). I've been the "sidekick" and everyone's "friend". I've been the shoulder everyone leans on when their bfs and gfs cheat on them or hurt them. I hear everyone's sob stories. And I start to grow really strong opinions. These opinions lead me to my assumptions and high expectations of people's behavior. So, from my point of view, I can't understand why he chose her over me, and I'm amazed that he actually thinks I'd give him a second chance.

No I haven't talked to him. Like I said originally, a friend (who is really close to him) told me on IM that his gf had once again gone and done it, and that he was really upset again. But he'd asked her if I was still single and she said "No, she's seeing someone else now." And he didn't seem to take THAT very well either. But oh well, he missed his turn. I didn't want to get my friend caught in the middle so after he'd picked his ex over me I avoided the subject of him as often as possible.

The guy I'm seeing at the moment is only interested in me and I'm only interested in him, and that's the way it should be.