Ugh

[Rapscallion]

I'm off to a wedding on Saturday - friend getting married, not me. Another friend is doing the best man thing, and he asked me to look over his speech today.

Ouch.

The short version of what I read can be summed up thusly:

the bridesmaids look tasty.

I'm crap at giving speeches.

I'm supposed to give out scurrilous information about when the groom was younger, so here's an example of when he was a thief and stole cigarettes from a store. The sames ones twice...

the girl marrying him is marrying beneath her.

********

I thought the one I did (eighty lines of rhyming verse) was bad, but...

Rapscallion

[Zinjadu]

Sooo. . . are you going to tell him to fix it, or are you going to let him leave it like that and possibly get beat up after the wedding? :roll:

[BookstoreEscapee]

Oh, my dog there are so many books out there that can help you write a speech like that and make it halfway decent...I will never understand why people think it's appropriate to make fun of the bride and groom and embarrass them with their past misdeeds.

[Aldous]

Sometimes it's appropriate to make small jokes at their expense, nothing harsh like the thief stories though. I'd tell the person to take a couple of public speaking classes, then try again. That's gonna get his ass kicked by the bridesmaids, the newlyweds, and anyone else.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

The only advice I can give on that is wear lots of padding so that it doesn't hurt if you get beat up on.

Only wedding I attended was my mom's back in 1989 (it was her third and she wanted a church wedding, as she had eloped twice before.)

My philosophy on weddings is this: If it ain't my wedding, I ain't going.:angel:

[sportsmom]

Personally, I would have loved it if hubby's BM had given a speech that was 80 lines of rhyming verse. It would fit our personalities so well. :lol: As it was, he barely said anything, but that's ok too, he's not such a fan of public speaking.

[Greenday]

Is it an open bar at least?

Greenday, the obvious/typical college student...

[GyroKat]

Tell him to check out http://www.etiquettehell.com :D

I'm glad me and my boyfriend decided to BAN speeches and songs and whatever, we don't feel like having our families getting all creative and potentially embarrassing on our day. And we're having a rather casual buffet style thing, not a fancy sit-down dinner.

[powerboy]

When I was the Best Man for my best friends wedding. I made jokes at their expense, Hell I was bad at giving speeches, back then. I never really learned how to write speeches before.

[Becks]

Yet another reason why I want to elope.

[Fera Festiva]

I went to my cousin's wedding in February and the best man speech was just godawful. It can be summarised thus:


The groom thinks he's James Bond, but really he's more like Austin Powers!
Once he did something really hilarious on a skiing trip. It was really hilarious.
A series of in-jokes nobody else understood.
No, really, he's just like Austin Powers, but he thinks he's James Bond!


For almost half an hour.

I mean, Austin Powers? It's not like that's even topical any more. And most of the guests were old and rich and posh and I suspect most of them had never heard of either James Bond or Austin Powers. It was bad on so many levels.

I coped by getting extremely drunk. Raps, have you considered this approach? :D

[Rapscallion]

I'm teetotal :(

It actually looks like it's going to be a cringe-worthy five minute affair, much like his love life.

Rapscallion

[Fera Festiva]

Hmm, well, in that case - earplugs? Hiding in the toilets? :)

[Greenday]

Don't forget the artificial tears. Make sure to watch the movie "Wedding Crashers" and take some notes.

[blas]

Seriously, have the guy look up etiquettehell.com.

It's extremely tacky to tell tasteless jokes during the "speech". It humiliates the bride and groom on their special day.......

Which is why if I ever DO get married, the great majority of my mother's side of the family is forbidden to come. I don't want any tasteless stories about me from 20 years ago being told. That and I don't want my great aunt getting drunk and falling on her fat ass and threatening to sue me again.

[Rapscallion]

It's quite traditional to tell tales of the groom's mis-spent youth, but there are ways to do it and ways not to do it. I advised him on a few things, threw in the concept of 'lynched by the bride's family' and he realised that I actually had rather a good point. He's tamed it down many notches.

Rapscallion

[Rapscallion]

He got away with it - phew!

Rapscallion

[Spiffy McMoron]

He got away with it - phew!

Good. I was worried that you suddenly might have the insane urge to learn how to smoke outside between the dessert and the first dance. :p

[Rapscallion]

Despite a half-hearted effort from the bride herself, I managed to avoid dancing. I don't dance. I'm single, so I don't have to :D

The best man broke the ice with the immortal line of, "Giving a best man's speech is like making love to the queen. It's a great honour, but nobody really wants to do it." He then added that he loves Google :p

I was at the house of a chum for whom I did the same routine a few years back. He and his lady reckon I'm getting married next year. I asked to whom, and they said they didn't know, but that she'd need a lassoo...

Rapscallion

[Crazeyal]

I made the mistake of having two (TWO!) best men...

BOTH of them set the microphones to "tattle"...

WHAT was I thinking???