Need some ideas.

[Der Cute]

Guys & gals,

I need some help. I'm needing some advice - I've lost my job AGAIN. Along with losing the job, I've lost all the insurance - best stuff I've had in years.

Now I know that losing the job is mostly my fault. Some of the blame I put on the boss, wanting me to fit the "mold" and I just didn't fit. I don't think I'm corporate enough for him.

But to GET a job, I need to gloss over why I lost my job. I need ideas for that. Along with the spin, I need advice on books/ self help things. Since I've lost my insurance, I've lost the counseling help. But I can get books from library.

I...feel....broken.

This boss came in about 2 months after we (our team) had been there - this is a brand new facility, mind you, the carpet hadn't been chosen yet! During the first 2 months, we had very little to do (due to the hardware not being in yet) so we had time to build camaraderie.

Then Boss X comes in. He's different from the guy who helped us get together. K, the guy who was with us in the beginning, knew how to do the tasks we were being assigned. He'd let us do task, come look at it, say...uh, ok this is good this is good, but this isnt... this is why.....need to fix it.

Boss X was different. He'd just parrot another middle manager's thoughts - but not soften them. "This is unacceptable. This is not good. You didn't do this right. Why is it taking you so long?" (not all directed at me, mind you..) He wouldn't clarify WHAT was incorrect about Task...he'd just say it was incorrect.

As a result, our team's morale went to where Knighty works. We started backstabbing. Pointing fingers. Spying and tattling. I just kept working, at night, trying to do my job as well as I could. I'd come in the next day and find out that whatever I had done got re-done, well, because "it was wrong". Uh, I did it the way you had told me was correct 2 days ago. What has changed? What happened? What exactly did I do, and what is the new standard? All of these things kept happening. Of course, when I DID do something right, I didn't hear shit about it.

I screwed up bigtime on July 4. Suffice it to say I did something that was expressly VERBOTEN on that day - and g-dmit I didn't mean to! I was told : Make everything in here PRETTY. The one thing that was plugged in...I unplugged it cuz it wasn't fitting with the rest of the job I was doing. Had a short thought "uh?..No, keep going, unplug it" Next day I find out oh...crap.
I apologized and explained as above: no malice, just brainfart, really.

I get written up for some things later, a few weeks later. Shouldn't a writeup be specific about your violations? This one wasn't . No dates, no times, no people..Just "we heard complaints about you talking to other vendors"
who what when...my thoughts....

I understand I screwed up. I accept that I screwed up. But that last paragraph ^ makes me think that Boss X had a mold/ suckupneeds and I wasn't fitting that.

I had asked Boss X for the E training to the crew: to just in case know when I had a sz (was planning on changing my meds) and he put it off. So I went to someone above him on a different tactic: Can You, Different Person, train the people that aren't in our team? All the others? Diff person said Sure, that is very very easy. He even got a video and was getting ready to do something.

Ya know, I think one of the things here is that I suck at office politics. I can't seem to figure out WTF managers mean/say - I'm a very literal concrete thinker. It's hard to get metaphors.
I think also that I'm not "corporate enough" to fit that guy's wishes.

But I do accept that I need to fix my tact. Or what ever I have left of it. And I need to try to work on diplomacy (that's so hard for me).

So what I'm asking from you : What all have you alls done to learn Tact , Diplomacy, Office Politics and Communication Skills? And can I fix all this over night? (j/k)

god, this aint easy

cutenoob

[NightAngel]

Well, your post is pretty vague so I'll have to generalize:

1- Never discuss sex, politics or religion at work.
2- Never discuss yours or anyone else's pay.
3- No matter how good of a "comraderie" you have with your co- workers- they are CO-WORKERS, not friends. Never delve into serious, deep matters with them. (Example: Spousal Conflicts, etc.) Yes, this is much easier said than done.
4- There is an old addage, "If you wouldn't say it to your pastor- don't say it to your co-workers." Religious or not you get the meaning.
5- Tact is merely a way of glossing the truth so that it doesn't hurt someone's feelings. Instead of saying, "Wow, that's an ugly blouse!" you might say, "I haven't seen you wear the purple blouse in awhile- it looks so lovely on you."
Really, this is just an example and you probably shouldn't comment on your co- worker's attire.
6- To properly communicate you have to LISTEN first. Most people can hear- not everyone can listen.
Then you can:
Identify the problem. Create a solution.
7- Bite tounge and do not discuss non-work issues that get you riled. It's hard- but it's best.
(Example: You hear 2 people discussing abortion, you have very strong opinions about this subject. Best not to get involved- keep walking.)

Well, that's a start anyway...

[Crazeyal]

Part of the idea, is to make people believe
A) You are happy.
B) You are motivated.
C) You can inspire other people to do the same.

What you say, and HOW you say it, is important.

Everything stated in the post above, is true. But the one thing managers lookfor, and identify with "Good Worker" is a positive attitude. If you are EVER heard muttering "this sucks" you are finished as far as being a positive person goes. Even if you are 100% correct, it's interpreted as WHINING.

ESPECIALLY when management can hear you, never EVER complain. It serves nothing. If you need to vent, do it away from work, run outside, sream into a pillow, whatever...

When you speak about a subject, take the upside to it. Yeah.. PollyAnna (film from the fifties google it) speak is annoying, but it IS what they want to hear. You don't have to turn into a cCorporate drone, spouting Dilbert-esque quotes at the drop of a hat, but you

MUST.
BE.
POSITIVE.

Instead of saying "OH SHIT!!" say "We are in for a challenge!" and if you want to add some team building BS, GO FOR IT! It's a form of brainwashing, but it actually works, bosses LOVE it, and you've already seen the opposite end of it.

[Der Cute]

NA, thanks for the tips.

Ironically, all of us *the whole team* had broken all of those rules you wrote :) lol. We discussed gay vs straight, christianity vs freelance....we were just, mature about it. The people on our team would say, this is my opinion..."blahblahyadda" and if someone else disagreed, they'd be cool about it.

5- Tact is merely a way of glossing the truth so that it doesn't hurt someone's feelings. Instead of saying, "Wow, that's an ugly blouse!" you might say, "I haven't seen you wear the purple blouse in awhile- it looks so lovely on you."

That ^^ is my hardest thing. When I see X, it is sooooo hard to not blurt out "X!"

And Crazyeal is right: Be Pollyannaish.

My motto in the beginning was be a cockroach (low on totem pole) with no vocal cords. I could have opinions, but only vocalize them when asked to.

And what can I do to make my self follow chain of command better? I keep wanting to jump steps - Asking Boss X, who procrastinated, then I asked Different Person....which in turn, pissed off Boss X (but me and others still think I did the right thing).

I tell myself: ok, have a question, ask the one above you.

What got me upset about this place is that instead of knowing a problem, researching ideas and bringing BOTH to the boss for solution, you were supposed to find a problem and just hand it over to the boss. No ideas, no nothings, you pass the issue plate on up. This is different from where I've been before: you find issue, you find an idea, combine both and hand THAT to the boss.

All around I think this place didn't fit me. But I still need to work on my people skills, since I can't hogtie them w/ cat 6.

Cutenoob

Got any other ideas for this?

[NightWolf]

well, I had this HUGE post typed up and ready to go last night, but i waited too long and the site required me to log back in and then of course...I lost my post. So....I really don't wanna re-write all of that and to be honest, my post was a bit rantish.

What I can highly recommend is, if you can swing it, a book by Dale Carnegie called, How to win friends and influence people. I know it may be a slight bit old and some of the tactics in the book may not work as well as you think, but i'm trying my hardest to follow them and I believe it might actually be working with some people. I keep my copy with me all the time. Helps me when I have to deal with some of the SC's out there. I'm also thinking about looking into more of Abraham Lincoln's life. Seems like he has been a big influence on many when it comes to dealing with people and tact. A copy of the book can be seen on Amazon.com here.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-6731693-8859935?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187670011&sr=8-1

Keep us posted on your ideas/progress/thoughts. :D

[NightAngel]

My personal opinion on self-help books is that if you're going to read them- take them with a grain of salt.

In other words:
Read them objectively. Take away the bits that apply to you and can actually, realistically use. Leave the rest behind.

[Crazeyal]

Well the thing some people don't realize about self-help books is that they are GUIDELINES, not bibles. It's supposed to train the way you react, not how you greet the world! Stress and strife are bad things. The worst and unfortuntely most common reaction to them is to hide. THAT is what self help books are supposed to help you deal with.