Walls are closing in . . .

[Phoenix79]

I'm having a really tough time lately, and figured I would feel better if I just got it all off my chest.

Hubby's been dealing with lots of crap at work, and just when things started to heat up there, he gets jumped and gets his wrist broken. The doctors think he may have severed some of the ligaments in his wrist as well, we won't know more until Friday. If he did do that, he'll have to have surgery. His work refused to put him on light duty, and so now he's looking at signing up for short-term disability. We live paycheck to paycheck as it is . . . and disability only pays 60% of his salary. He's going to be out of work for at least 6 weeks, probably more like 8 or 10 if he has to have surgery. I have no idea how we're going to pay our bills for the next two months. I don't make enough to sustain us both, and with disability we may have enough to pay the bills, but not enough to buy food (rather important, don't you think?).

To add to my frustration, he broke his right wrist and he is right handed. He can't really do much of anything at the moment, and it's driving me nuts. I love him dearly, and I do understand that he is in a lot of pain, but I'm not sure how long I can keep this up. On top of keeping the house clean and cooking for us both, I now have to mow the yard, fix my own car if it screws up (I know how to change a thermostat now!), work 40 hours a week, and I'm taking two college courses.

In addition, hubby got pulled over the day after he got hurt (on his way to the emergency room b/c of the pain). His license is suspended for an old ticket, and the officers were kind enough to not arrest him. We have a court date for October 4th - so we need to get his license fixed by then. The problem is that it has been so long since it was suspended, he'll have to retake the drivers test, which he can't do with a broken arm. So I have to figure out if we can get the court date extended or something (can't afford a lawyer), so we have time to have him take his test and get it back. We should be able to pay the ticket and fees before October 4th, but he still won't have a license. On top of that, our insurance found out his license was suspended and they are threatening to dump us unless we get it fixed by October 18th.

The walls just feel like they are closing in on me right now - I have a ton of work to get done at the office, then a ton of homework to do when I get home, after I make dinner and clean up the kitchen. It almost feels like I have a child now instead of a husband (not his fault at all, and I know it will pass). Last night I made steak for dinner, and I had to cut his steak for him. I know he can't do it himself, but for some reason it was just so frustrating for me. Is that wrong? I just feel a little guilty for being so frustrated, I guess. He's my husband, and I have to take care of him when he's not well - I get that. But does it have to be so darn hard???!!

I'm just feeling very overwhelmed right now, and needed to vent a bit. Any kind words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. I'm usually the type that tries to look on the bright side of things, but I'm having a really hard time doing that right now . . .

Phoenix

[Banrion]

My best advice right at this moment, sit down somewhere quiet and take a few deep breaths. Then sit down and make a list. What are all of the things that are overwhelming you right now? Get them all out on paper. Then next to each one, come up with a solution. You have already got a lot of this done in the venting above. But it helps me to have everything organized and in front of me. Then order all of the problems in the order of the things that can be fixed now and easily down to the things that will be forced to wait until your husband's hand is better.

As far as the court date for the license goes. If you can take care of any paperwork and fines that need to be done ASAP. Then you can file with the court for a change of date with the backup that all the financial obligations are met, and all that is left is the actual test. You may still have to show up to court on the 4th for a hearing on the motion, but I don't see why it wouldn't be granted.

In regards to the money. Call the companies you owe money to NOW. Don't wait until you are already behind. Call them now, and explain the disability and the loss of income. They will be much more willing to work with you while you are current. Things like telephone and utilities will probably be the most accomodating as these are generally considered necessities. Also, if you have cable, the large cable companies will sometimes try to retain customers cancelling for temporary loss of income by giving them a month or two free.

MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF! Does your husband have any friends that will come hang out with him for an evening, or family? So that you can get out of the house and have time by yourself without having to take care of anything? I went through the frustration with my mother a couple years back. She had neck surgery, and it really was like having a baby. I had to set an alarm to get up in the middle of the night to get her medication, she wasn't allowed to take a shower unsupervised etc. You need to be able to have time for you!

Talk to the school. Is there anyway they could maybe let you defer these classes until next semester? Or talk to the professors, and see if they will give you an extension on your assignments?

Being proactive about this now is the best thing you can do. If you address all of these issues before they get completely out of hand, things will be alot easier in the long run.

I do wish you and your husband the best. I know how it is when the whole world just starts crashing down on you.

[BookstoreEscapee]

What Banrion said...

I agree, talk to the utilities and let them know the situation. They probably have some kind of program to help you out, but if you fall behind they will be less likely to want to work with you. I have no legal expertise, but as far as the driving test goes, it's pretty obvious he can't take it (I assume he's in a cast, and I'm sure you can get a letter from the doctor explaining his injury to the court if necessary) and I would think they would have to make some allowance, especially if you make it clear you are willing to do what you can right now to rectify the situation. And your county courthouse can probably point you to where you can get some free legal advice if you need it. Try talking to the clerk or the prosecutor.

Did your husband's work give a reason they won't put him on light duty? Seems that would be better for everyone than forcing him to go on disability.... Is there anyone to appeal that decision to where he works?

Do you have any family nearby or friends that could help pitch in with some of the chores? Maybe you could bribe a friend with dinner or something for mowing the lawn or other chores your hubby usually does? Are you friendly with the neighbors? Maybe they'll do your lawn while they're out doing their own? Let the people who love you know you're getting a bit bogged down and ask for some help.

Don't feel guilty. You have a lot on your plate and it's bound to get frustrating. I'm sure your hubby feels the same way, watching you cut his meat and all. You have every right to feel that way, and you should do your best to take a few minutes for yourself every day (and relax with hubby, too).

And if it helps, a big :hug: from me :).

[Ree]

I'm so sorry about your situation.

I can't offer any better advice than what has already been offered.

I will keep you guys in my thoughts and I hope things straighten around soon.

I know how overwhelming it can be when things keep piling up like that and there doesn't seem to be any light at the end.
We're all here for you anytime you need to vent.
:hug:

[FuzzyKitten99]

What size company does your husband work for? If I were you, I would check into OSHA laws and maybe even consult an attorney. Many offer free consultations, and often times you can just chat with one over the phone to run the idea past them and see if there is anything you can do.

If you husband's injury gets worse because his work refused to heed doctor orders, they may be in possible legal hot water. Make sure your husband has it in writing that they are denying his request for light duty.

[Phoenix79]

First of all, thank you everyone for your kindness!!! You really do make me feel better!!!

They're saying that they don't have a way to put him on light duty, because his duties include hooking up trailers and lifting over 50 pounds multiple times a day. Plus, he injured his right wrist, so he can't really work the counter because he can't write left handed.

He works for a huge company, and they are refusing to let him work at all because they don't want him aggravating his injury even more while at work (because they would be liable). Soo, he's on short term disability for now. We should know more about his wrist tomorrow.

As far as the court date goes, I do plan on taking everyone's advice. I think things will work out sooner or later, I was just feeling really low yesterday and I knew you guys would be able to help me feel better about things!! Thank you all again!!!! :hug::yourock:

Phoenix

[BookstoreEscapee]

First of all, thank you everyone for your kindness!!! You really do make me feel better!!!

I think I speak (type?) for all of us when I say You're Welcome! We :love: you :)

[Seshat]

I agree with everything everyone's said, and have a few more ideas.

* With your task list, figure out which things aren't as important as they look right now, and which things can wait. Make a list of what you're putting off, so you remember to do them when things are calmer, but put them off.

* DON'T put off bills or external obligations without getting an agreement with the other party. (I know, echoing other advice. But it's important. Most places will be accomodating and surprisingly kind and generous if you tell them NOW, before you're late with payment/obligation.)

* If you're a member of a church, tell your minister/pastor/priest/rabbi/imam what's going on, and ask for help and support.

* If you're not, look in the front of your phonebook or contact your local politician's office (the more local the better), and find out what support services are available. You're looking for anyone who's into social work, especially disability support services and financial support services. Legal aid is also available.

* The church support or the community support services can all refer you to each other, so make use of those referrals, as well. And yes, use a church-based system even if you're not religious, so long as they say it's okay.

* USE the community help system. This is what it's FOR. You're trying to get by, you're genuinely suffering due to injury, you're NOT malingering or welfairies or abusing the system. Using the system now just means you're using the system for its intended purpose.

* When things calm down for you, 'pay the community back' through volunteering for whatever community support/benefit stuff you're good at. You'll feel a lot better for it, I promise.

[Phoenix79]

To add to our fun, I was just notified today that an old creditor is going to begin garnishing 25% of my wages as of October 5th.

Can't get any better than this, I tell ya!!

Thank you everyone again for your advice, now I just need to find some time to check out my local support resources and such to see what we can do. Monthly utilities and the landlady have all been notified, and hubby must have yet another MRI on the 25th so they can figure out how to fix the torn ligament in his wrist.

Oh, the joys of life . . .

Phoenix