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View Full Version : My Dad is driving us insane (longish)


ShinyGreenApple
10-10-2007, 12:25 AM
First, a bit of backstory:

This past February, we purchased a lovely paint/Tennessee Walking Horse colt for rather cheap. Cheap because a) he was nearly two years old and had almost literally never been touched by human hands, though he was kept in a round pen and fed twice daily. And b) because of reason a), he has no negative Coggins test, and no shots. Was this a bit foolish of us? Yes, but we've done it before, and he's been a very sound animal.

We did manage to find a horse trainer that was willing to coax him into her trailer and haul him the short distance to our home. She wasn't happy when she found out that he didn't have his negative Coggins certificate, but did it anyways. When she unloaded the horse, whom we dubbed Walker (yes, after the Chuck Norris character), she went on and on about how stupid his previous owners were and how yes, we got him for a good price, but for a few hundred more, we could have gotten one trained and all it's shots from the organization she's with. It seemed like she couldn't go on enough about her superior knowledge and the thing's she's done. I don't have anything against those who train horses professionally, but this girl was full of herself.

Which means of course that my Dad was instantly enamored and in awe of her. :rolleyes:

Anywho, she drove away. Thanks for your help, but good riddance, ya know?

Fast forward two weeks, and I have gotten Walker, AKA Mr. Elusive (my special nickname for him), to let me put a halter on him, and he would stand still and let us brush him. Not bad, I thought, considering I couldn't get within ten feet when we first got him. However, Dad still thinks he's too skittish and that we should have progressed farther with him by now, despite the fact I told him that you can't really say "X horse will have X number of skills/ground manners within X time limit". He keeps calling the trainer back, whom we shall refer to as Tracy.

"Tracy says this, and Tracy says that", and frankly, me, my brother, and my Mom were all quite sick of hearing about the infinite wisdom of Tracy. Now, since I've been employed with the Beef People, I haven't had a whole lot of time to work with Walker like I used to, but on my days off, I got him used to the idea of picking his feet up for me. He'll even let me toss a blanket over his back without so much as a second thought, and if he's close to the railing on his pen, you can actually climb the fence and lean over so that you're lying across his back.

Dad still thinks we haven't gotten far enough with him. So he starts going on about the wonderful Tracy again, and says that we ought to have her take Walker over to her place to work with him. Walker still has not had any vet work done on him. This is where it hits the fan.

Mom: "She won't do that, he doesn't have his Coggins done and she said she won't have or haul any animal that doesn't."

Dad: "Well I don't remember her saying anything like that."

Mom: "She DID. Why are you calling me a liar?"

Dad: "I'm not. I'm just saying I don't remember her saying that."

Lather, rinse, repeat. Mom's coming close to going Molly Weasley on him at this point. He has a convenient habit of forgetting things that he would rather not hear. (For the record, yes, he IS an SC. A bad one; we don't like going anywhere with him.)

So instead of taking Mum's word for it, he calls up Tracy, who informs him that no, she will not haul or board any animal without a coggins and shots. So then, knowing that we really don't have the funds to burn on a trainer right now, and that Mom thinks miss Tracy is an arrogant little bimbo and would be happy to forget about her, starts telling Tracy the situation, that we can't lead Walker yet, etc. This didn't directly involve me until I hear . . .

" . . . when can you come out? Yeah, my daughter will be here in the morning?"

Oh, hell no. Yes, I will be here in the morning, but I do not want to spend my day off listening to Tracy tell me how stupid I am or how I've been mishandling the horse. So he sets up an appt for her to come out a week from Saturday. She charges $45 an hour. And he says I spend too much money on frivolous things.

Firstly, Mom has already stated she does not like this person. Secondly, I find it insulting because, while I'm no horse whisperer, I have trained them before. Our other horse was raised on the grounds and I'm the one who got her trained to lead/ride/ etc. The first horse they bought me when I was 13 was an absolute nightmare, but after I'd had her for a few months, she had settled down considerably. Seeing as how Dad is an over the road truck driver and only home once every two weeks, at best, I'm not exactly sure why he was on the phone with this woman, saying things like -

"Yeah, I've gotten him to pick up his feet. I can walk in the pen and pet and brush him . . ."

*insert enraged fit of profanity here*


And he still doesn't understand why Mom is upset, as he says that "Not remembering something and not taking your word for what really happened does not mean I'm saying you're a liar!"

Does this make sense to anyone else? :confused:

We're just uber frustrated right now. Mom's going to call lovely Miss Tracy tomorrow and cancel the appointment she made.

Also, there was a bag of wheat in one of the barrels in the shed that Dad decided would be good to feed to Walker. One problem, the wheat has been sitting in there for over a year. He says that doesn't matter, and gave him some anyways. Lo and behold, it wasn't much of a surprise (for us anyways) when we went out this morning to find Walker stumbling around like he's drunk, and can't even keep himself from bumping into the sides of his corral. That's right. The. Horse. Is. Drunk. Hopefully being a little tipsy is the worst thing that he'll suffer from eating year-old grain ><

Thanks to anyone who's read this far. I'm really not sure what to do, as this horse thing is only the surface of a myriad of similar things that have been going on. *sigh*

And not that it matters, perhaps, but the horse isn't even his O_o My 15 year old brother is actually the one who wanted to buy Walker, so they used some of his savings, plus the money that they get on their tax return for him.

FuzzyKitten99
10-10-2007, 03:17 AM
It takes horses longer to learn and accept training the older they are without any real contact with humans other than feeding. This is at least what I learned from the trainer that I 'studied' under when I was in high school.

So if the horse was nearly two with the life that you described, I would say that he is coming along nicely. He may be progressing slower than other horses because it seems that you are the only one working with him one-on-one in your spare time, so he is coming along just fine for the time that you give him and his background. It seems that your dad doesn't have the concept of how horses can/will think/feel/react when presented with new experiences before accepting them.

protege
10-10-2007, 03:26 AM
My father's like that too, mainly about his computer, and up until recently, the family cars.

He took computer classes back in the '70s. Nothing fancy, other than Basic, early DOS, and some hardware. Fast forward about 30 years, and we have machines that'll blow away his old Z80-powered POS, and then some. Now I know a fair bit about computers, being that part of my current job is tech support, and I've built a few with parts I've scavenged over the years. Lately, he's been having "issues" because he won't update his virus or spyware defs. It annoys the hell out of me because I get the "you don't know crap" looks, or screamed at. As a result, I don't even offer to attempt to fix his machine, which currently runs *slower* than my 12-year-old laptop.

But, what really pissed me off, is when I bought my first car. That would be the '91 Tercel. In his mind, I tended to baby that car a bit. In reality, I kept it in good repair, and as a result, it never let me down. The only time it came close, was when one of the ignition relays was failing, and it nearly broke down on the commute home. Even on 3 cylinders, I still made it. He used to give me a hard time because my maintaining it equaled "spending money foolishly." Of course he quit that when it went over 100,000 miles with the only failure being a water pump. As for his Taurus? You could literally follow that heap around town by the oil spots on the pavement!

ShinyGreenApple
10-10-2007, 04:17 AM
protege, that sounds rather familiar as well! I bought my first car, an '05 Cavalier, a little over two years ago, and he has a fit because I'm always taking it to the dealer to have it tuned/oil changed/general maintenance and keeps wanting to go under the hood and do things himself because "It's cheaper!" Unfortunately, and none of us have the heart to tell him this, once he's tinkered with a car, it never runs the same again. And I don't mean that in a good way, either. Often he won't finish things out the way you're supposed to because only doing it partway is 'good enough'. I found that hard to believe when one of our cars left us on the side of the road or stranded in the church parking lot, only to discover that when our mechanic friend looked at it, it was missing a few simple clamps and some wires needed secured.

Why he throws fits about the admittedly high bills I get from the Chevy dealer, I don't know, because they come out of my paycheck. The car payments come out of my paycheck. He has not spent a cent on that darned car that he doesn't like anyways because it's bright red :rolleyes:

But yeah, the horse thing is really pissing me off. It's been me, Mum, and my bro who've been working with Walker the most, and he takes credit for most of it, then wants some bimbo to come and work her so called magic because I guess she must know more than us. Or something. Walker will learn to lead eventually, and I'm certain that in time, we'll be able to swing a leg over him as well, but I'm not in a hurry to meet some unnecessary deadline or rush things to the point where one of us, or Walker, or both, gets hurt. We've actually already been through that.

Dad thought it would be a splendid idea to get a 20 foot length of rope, attach it to Walker's halter, and then hang onto him for dear life. I was feeding the horse one evening, he handed me the rope and said "Here, put this on him if you can". I guess he didn't expect me to succeed, but I had it on in a minute or so, and all hell broke loose. He had not told me what to do after I followed his brilliant advice of putting this rope on. Nor was I provided with a pair of gloves. The horse, needless to say, went apeshit when he realized there was 20 foot of wriggly, snakelike rope attached to his face, and ran to the other side of the corral.

Brand new rope + large, frightened animal + bare hands = :cry:

On top of that, somehow Walker had managed to get the stinking rope around his neck and was pulling hard. Between that and the burning sensation now in my hand, I let go. What do I hear immediately following? You might expect "Egads, what happened?! Best get that off before he chokes himself!" Or "Are you alright?!"

No.

"WHY DID YOU LET GO?"

Mom: "He had the rope around his neck and was about to choke; he might have passed out!"

Dad: "So? At least he might learn not to fight so much!"

I stormed into the house at that point, before I broke a sacred house rule and starting spewing profanity. Ice packs did not leave my hand for at least 24 hours, and within a few days, it was obvious that I would be missing skin from the tips of the first two fingers on my left hand for quite some time. Then he had the gall to say I was overreacting about it.

:eek:

We also couldn't touch Walker for at least a week; he was terrified of anything that moved. All Dad could do was go around moaning about how he knew we had bitten off more than we could chew with the horse, and never would admit that it was his own sheer stupidity that undid two months of my work. :(

ThePhoneGoddess
10-10-2007, 03:47 PM
Is there any way you can forbid him from going near the horse?

I mean really. Tell him Walker is YOUR responsibility and you absolutely WILL NOT have him screwing things up. period. If he goes near the horse give him the silent treatment for a week. If he freaks out about that state to him in no uncertain terms that you have finally realized you can't trust him with anything.

That's what I would do, anyway.

FuzzyKitten99
10-10-2007, 03:59 PM
I wish you lived near me... I would so love to help you with the training. And I could pose as a real certified trainer and say that 'Tracy' doesn't know what she's talking about and all that.

ShinyGreenApple
10-10-2007, 04:35 PM
Is there any way you can forbid him from going near the horse?

I mean really. Tell him Walker is YOUR responsibility and you absolutely WILL NOT have him screwing things up. period. If he goes near the horse give him the silent treatment for a week. If he freaks out about that state to him in no uncertain terms that you have finally realized you can't trust him with anything.

That's what I would do, anyway.


I'd love to, but unfortunately I'd be overstepping some bounds, as I'm 23, still living at home, and the only thing the parents ask me to pay for is my insurance. That, and he's the one paying for the food for our miniature version of Noah's Ark. (Two horses, presumably a Walker Jr. on the way, we have the ultrasound done tomorrow, five sheep, and four dogs).

Thing is, he never used to be this awful, and used to listen to me like he does this stupid horse trainer. When I had problems with Candy, the first horse, I went to the library and took out every book on horse behavior and training that they had, and subscribed to a few mags as well. We all learned a lot, and our experience as horse owners was all the better for it. Now all of a sudden, he's all mish-mash about the methods and consistency we use, and has even suggested the outdated idea of burying a heavy log in the ground and tying Walker to it :eek:

Maybe it's time to pull out the John Lyons and Pat Parelli books again . . .