Marriage grrs

[Luna]

Hubby likes to sleep with the TV on. I guess he's done this his entire life and he simply can't sleep without it. For almost 12 years I've been trying to explain to him what it's like for me (I'm a very light sleeper) to sleep with the TV on.

I don't. I toss and turn all night long. We just had another arguement about it. He can sleep through anything. He asked me how a TV turned on low can bother me.

Well,
1)I hear voices. I can't hear what they're saying, or can hear only partially what they're saying. It's really annoying to your senses b/c my mind tries to figure out what's being said which means my mind isn't relaxing to go to SLEEP.
2)The flashing lights. Even with your eyes closed, the flashing lights and different colors scattered across a dark room makes me jumpy. It's disconcerting and keeps me awake.
3)It's noisy. Esp when the commercials that come on are louder than the rest of whatever program is on - the different noise levels wakes me up too.

He said he doesn't understand. So I stopped typing my last post - got a flashlight - shut off the bedroom light, and turned the flashlight on and off. On and off, on and off. He told me to stop b/c it was annoying. Really??!!, b/c that's what I feel like when he keeps the TV on all night long. Like a flashlight is being turned on and off all night on me.

So then he says, "Guess I'll have to train myself to not watch TV now since you've trained me in everything else now!" And then he stomped to the bedroom like a 3 year old having a tantrum.

Geez. What I want to know is what have I 'trained' him on??? He doesn't clean anything unless I throw a fit, doesn't do laundry, doesn't pick up after himself, and hates food shopping.

GAH! :banghead:

[Ree]

Yeah...ain't marriage great? :p

I guess it's all about compromises.

My hubby falls asleep on the couch with the TV on every night. He is deaf, I swear, and the volume is set so high that I can hear it in our bedroom.

I stopped trying to wake him up to come to bed. It's impossible.
I just go out and turn off the TV.

Now, I am so used to having the Queensize bed to myself that, on the nights when he manages to wake himself up and come to bed...I find it most uncomfortable...and he snores.

He's always snored, and it took me a while to get used to it, but I did. Now, it keeps me awake unless I manage to get to sleep before him, but like you, I am a light sleeper, so he can't come to bed without managing to wake me up.

He, on the other hand could sleep through an earthquake.

Oh well. He is otherwise a very good person and a wonderful husband. At least I have him and if I were to lose him, those are probably the little things I would miss the most.

[LostMyMind]

:lol: and my family wonders why I have no interest in getting married.

[Kiwi]

:lol: and my family wonders why I have no interest in getting married.

seconded, just living with kyle is trying

when I was sick I made him go sleep in the other room and he put up such a fuss, he shut up when I threated to throw up ON HIM

my mother and brother snore, I grew up hearing them through closed doors and walls.

they always act hurt when I insist that we cant share a room in a hotel.... its like sleeping with a chainsaw in the room

and yet the two of them wont share a room because they always protest "but he/she snores!!"....yeah karma baby :p

[RavenStarr]

I know how you feel. Hubby likes to fall asleep with TV on too. A lot of times I come home late after work. Hubby is already in a deep sleep, so I'm able to switch TV off. I have to be sure he is deep in sleep though. I've went to go turn TV off and he wakes right up and says " Hey I was watching that":headscratch:.

On nights that I'm off, I set the TV to turn off at a certain time. Luna if your TV has that option, you might want to do that. I can't say if it will work or not but it's worth a try.

Allow me to add another grr. The air conditioner. My hubby likes to have it on constantly. I like to turn it off b/c I get cold so easy. However we reached a bit of a compromise. I go and put a sweater on.:)

[Plaidman]

Yeah, my only three ideas are pretty bad.

1: Turn the tv off when he is sleeeping, since he is a somewhat heavy sleeper (Right?) He wouldn't notice. This migh be the easist one, and the best comprosis. You'll get slightly less sleep though as you wait for him to sleep.

2: Get the tv out of the bedroom.

3: This one is the harshest one, both for you and for him, but ya gotta stick it out. Sleep somewhere else, like a couch or another room. Tell him your not stopping til the tv stays off. He'll have to decide which he wants more, tv that is quiet, or the wife who loves him and is warm to lay next too.

[Broomjockey]

It's stuff like this that makes me pity the poor woman who eventually falls for me. I love it cold (strike 1), I turn, and flip and totally destroy the bed (strike 2) I don't have a set bedtime, usually between 10p.m. and 3a.m. (strike 3), read in bed and sleep heavily most of the time (strikes 4 and 5). Add this to my other personality quirks.

Eessh. Woman's gonna need the patience of several saints. At least I'm smart, funny, and humble.

[JuniorMintz]

Heh, *I'm* the one who likes to sleep with the TV on at our house.

But I try to go without, I really do. Frankly, I just need something to keep my mind occupied until I drift off to sleep, because if I don't I just sit and stew about things that have pissed me off today and stuff I don't want to deal with tomorrow...

So now I bring my DS to work and play Animal Crossing or Brain Age until I get drowsy.

So ladies, try getting your hubby a Gameboy or something... works for me! :roll:

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I was gonna say that, too. Don't sleep with him. Either he will start being considerate of the fact you are a light sleeper and get to sleep with you, or he won't. Either way, you get some sleep.

Don't do it as punishment. Do it matter of factly, and with the declaration that you are simply allowing the both of you to get some sleep for a change.

My father does this. Usually, my mom wakes him up and he wakes up and comes to bed. One night, she fell asleep and didn't wake him. She woke him in the morning to go to work. He got up and then went to the bedroom, thinking it was time to go to bed.

It wasn't. It was time to go to work.

Can you imagine? He said he'd never felt so rotten at work in his life. :lol:

[NightAngel]

Luna- your hubby must lead an amazing double life 'cause the way you describe it I'd swear I'm married to him also!

Here's the kicker about my hubby- he goes to sleep with the tv on LOUD! But once he's asleep and I change the channel or put in a movie I want to watch, etc. he wakes up and yells about how *I* woke *him* up and he'll just NEVER get back to sleep and now it's entirely my fault that his entire work day will be crappy tomorrow because he didn't get enough sleep! :rant:

Yet, to go back to sleep he needs the tv on something he likes- LOUD! :baby:

My best friend says that one of the biggest mistakes married couples make is sharing the same bedroom and I am inclined to agree.

[Hotelboy]

I'll definitely recommend the second bedroom as an option! Mind you I'm not married, so I don't really have the expert advice here, but listen in if you will.

I snore and am a bit of a bed hog. Imagine a bulldozer trying to make a pretzel out of you. She (ex girlfriend) would get up twice a night, and was a blanket thief. She was a light sleeper and not much of a spooner. I can't stand being cold and need to be balled up in my blanket igloo.

For the most part we always were able to get a good nights sleep. But every once in a while, mostly when one of us was working at 6am, it was nice to be able to say goodnight and go off knowing we weren't going to be woken up.

We knew it didn't mean we didn't love each other, we just like our sleep too.

[Greenday]

hates food shopping.

You know, that's one thing that might never change. Picking up clothes, etc., those could. But I don't know about the shopping part. It might just be a guy thing. When I was a little kid, I hated food shopping. I'm 18 now and I STILL hate food shopping. I hate even going with my mom food shopping.

[Ree]

Yeah, I don't like being spooned, either. I like to curl up in my little blanket cocoon.
My hubby on the other hand is a blanket hog, but he steals the blankets, then gets too hot and off they go onto the floor on his side of the bed. That man is a walking thermal unit. He could sweat reading the paper. He's always hot, and I'm always cold. :p
I wake up freezing and he is sleeping like a log.

He will always fix himself a nightly snack. He works in a restaurant all day, and he only takes his required breaks. He doesn't take a lunch.
He only eats one meal a day. He brings home the leftover spicy beef dish and warms it up late at night. Then he will come to bed, reeking of whatever spice they put in that damn stuff. I swear, it oozes out his pores. :puke:

Just last night, it happened again.
He was up all night on our daughter's computer in the basement, then watching TV and making his nightly snack.

I thought he had to be up early today for an event that his service club was hosting.
I figured, since it was my day off, I didn't want to be awakened by him crawling over me to shut off the alarm, so I got into bed on his side, and left him some room.

I had the most uncomfortable sleep. I woke every hour. I have a really bad shoulder these days, (not sure what I did to it), and I find I will end up lying on it and wake in pain. Sleeping on that side of the bed, facing in the opposite direction so I wouldn't have to see the bedlamp that was on, or smell the spicy beef when he did come to bed, I found that I was on my shoulder most of the night, and I was in agony.

I finally woke just before 6 am and found him snoring on the couch. I woke him and asked what time he needed to be up.
He said he didn't need to be up because the club had enough help and he had already done the prep work for the breakfast.

Once I am awake, I cannot get back to bed, so I have been sitting here at my computer, reading the forums of CS and checking email since 6 am. It is now 9:30 am here.

I love my husband...but sometimes I could just kick him. :p

[Dr Yorick]

I have the same problem with the old lady, likes the tv on and snores like a chainsaw.
I asked my doc about lunesta, gave me some samples, tried it and it works great. Lunesta turns off the mind so you can get to sleep, even if you have a lot on your mind when you go to bed. Best of all it is made for long term use and is not habit forming

[BlaqueKatt]

none of my business really, however I question the logic of a tv in the bedroom. It was my opinion that bedroom means that bed.room. room with bed to sleep in(and possible other activities ;) ) Is life so boring that we now need to be entertained while we are supposed to be resting?

BlaqueKatt-who refuses to have a TV anywhere but the "living room" and will never own a second tv-one is too much at times.

[LostMyMind]

:lol: BlaqueKatt, I got 3 t.v. and 3 computers all for myself. I never know which room I feel like being in. T.V. is just a distraction, mind numbing device. Plus, I've never met a female who could "rest" without "chatting" ;)

[NightAngel]

Oh, I suppose it depends on the situation. We have 3 adults in this house- none of us really watch the same shows. Sadly, those shows we don't agree about are on at the same time.

Now, this is going to sound bad... but when my hubby can't watch tv to fall asleep to then he's annoying. I'll be sitting here working on some project and he'll be rambling off whatever pops in his head. He also expects me to pay attention to his weird ramblings. Sometimes he even says things that are really offensive. He winds up mad (because I don't agree and ignore him instead of argue) and I wind up with headphones on blasting music (so I don't have to hear anymore stupid comments). :rolleyes:

Personally, if it were just me, I could live with just one tv for watching DVDs on and no cable of any kind.

[ditchdj]

Amazing how we are actually together because we both really have nothing in common. What I like she hates. I like The Clash, Howard Stern, COPS and America's Most Wanted, and lots of 80's shows and movies. She despises all those and loves Top40 music and I hate it. She's short and chubby and I'm tall and thin. She comes from a different generation (born at the end of '79 while I was born in '74). But we still manage to stay together. Probably sounds like we'll split up, but when you look at the United States, with millions of different-cultured people and of different colors with their own difference they all still come together to call themselves on nation of people. I think that's how we are.

[BlaqueKatt]

Plus, I've never met a female who could "rest" without "chatting" ;)
hmm wonder if that's why my husband snapped me up so quickly....(I'm generally quiet unless intoxicated-and I rarely drink, could count on one hand the number of drinks I've had this year so far), that and the fact that I cook, clean, hate diamonds(my engagement ring is a Garnet, wedding rings cost $15 a piece), love football, and can fix cars:D .

BlaqueKatt-not your average Goth chick.....

[One-Fang]

Rather sounds like some of you have got spouses that just don't respect you. I don't really have any advice about that, short of 'run'.

Perhaps sit down for a mutual discussion and ask them to change this one thing, and ask them what thing you do they'd like you to change in return.

But quite frankly, someone who'd be willing to disturb their partner's sleep every single night for 12 years ... well, I wouldn't have waited around 12 years. Either he loves you or he doesn't. If he does, he should respect your need to not have the telly on at night. If he doesn't, ...

[stormtreader]

Maybe the 'night-time tv people' could listen to portable tvs or music on headphones?
I totally sympathise, i had an ex who liked to watch South Park at 3 in the morning when i had to be up at 6.30 :rant: You CANNOT sleep through those squeeky voices.

[NightAngel]

Either he loves you or he doesn't. If he does, he should respect your need to not have the telly on at night.

See- that's where the lines get all fuzzy. Marriage is a two way street.

He should respect that she can't sleep with the tv on.
But...
She should respect that he can't sleep without the tv on.

For awhile when I was working a job where I had to get up earlier my hubby had a pair of those wireless headphones. You know the ones they advertised on tv for awhile? You set the big, ugly base on top of the tv and you can listen wherever you are in the house. Then I'd just put a pillow over my head to keep the light out of my eyes.

Sadly, he couldn't hear the alarm clock then either... :lol:

[PuckishOne]

See- that's where the lines get all fuzzy. Marriage is a two way street. He should respect that she can't sleep with the tv on. But... She should respect that he can't sleep without the tv on.
I second this. For every annoying thing my fiance S does, I am absolutely certain that I do an equally annoying thing. But there are things you let slide, things you deal with, things you compromise on - and this covers about 95% of all of the crap married couples go through. Ideally you're both able to see this as an "us" issue, not "his" issue or "her" issue, and that will go a long way towards finding a way to deal with things.

S also has to have the TV on to fall asleep, so, after months of silently bitching him out in my head, I asked him one night to please turn the volume down a bit and set the sleep timer. He gave a little, I gave a little, and now we have a system that works for both of us.

[NightAngel]

I just remembered this. I don't know if it's a real story or just a fable.

There was an older couple who had been married for 50 years. The wife's granddaughter asked her, "Grandma, what's the secret to your long, happy marriage?"

The Grandma smiled and said,

"On our wedding day I wrote down a list of 10 things your Grandpa does that annoys me. I told myself that I would always forgive him for those 10 things as I knew it before I married him."

The Granddaughter said, "So, can I see the list?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, I lost the list years ago. I don't even remember what was on it now. Every time your Grandpa does something that gets on my nerves I just think 'Good thing that's on the list!' "

:lol:

[LostMyMind]

Sadly, he couldn't hear the alarm clock then either... :lol:
If your tv was made in the last 10 years or so. You could set up "sleep" and "wake up" on the tv to turn it off and back on to wake the hubby up. ;)

Other idea is to get one of those "timers", time it to be on all the time except 2 to 5 am. That way the tv turns off after the hubby goes to sleep.

[Tanasi]

A little pre-lim info: I'm nearly 11 years older than my wife and we've been married 24 years. We met while I was getting my MBA, MS and she was an undergrad and she was 19 when we married. She's a good Catholic girl and we've raised our youngins to be good Gatholic kids while their Dad is a heathin.
My first wife told me I was impossible to live with (takes one to know one). For some reason I thought adhearing to our marriage vows was something we were supposed to do, but I digress. I'll admit to being very opinioninated but said opinion is based on thoughts not feelins, My current wife has always told me that I've treated her like a kid and try as hard as I can I'm very over protective of her and the kids.
When it comes to sleeping we both have sleep-apnea (sp). The wife sleeps with a c-pap machine and I can't stand anything on my face. With my hip and knee and the apnea I can't sleep very long in the bed and I have to transition to a recliner. I usually average about 5 hours a night in the recliner and about 2 in the bed. I also require a fan for the air movement and the white noise. We've had this sleeping arangement for 20 years, it's a wonder we have any kids at all (thank God for nooners.) This time of year with the thunder storms we usually have at least one kid sometimes two in the bed I never thought I'd see the day when a Cali-King was crowded.

[One-Fang]

He should respect that she can't sleep with the tv on.
But...
She should respect that he can't sleep without the tv on.

Yes, there are a lot of two way streets in marriage. I guess I usually take the position that inaction wins over action. If you're annoying by 'doing', you should rethink how badly you need that action.

In any case, it's been 12 years with the telly on. How about time for 12 years with it off? Then he can ask about having it on again! :D

[Misanthropical]

My husband snores like a chain saw, but after 15 years of marriage I have gotten so use to it that I can not sleep in a quiet room.

He also flops around a lot in his sleep, which normally doesn't bother me, but some nights I feel like duct taping him to the bed.

The thing we usually argue about is the fact that I can not sleep in a warm room. It has to be cool/cold for me to sleep. He can not sleep in a cold room, so every night I will turn on the central air and go to bed, he will wake up and turn it off, which makes the room warm, so I get up and turn the central air on again, rinse and repeat.

He tries to claim that I will give the children pneumonia. :rolleyes: He also claims it's a Midwest thing.

[Banrion]

My b/f and I have the same issue. When I first moved in a year ago, he was in the habit of sleeping with the TV on and so was I. But with the move I got a new job, and I have to basically force myself into bed and asleep at a reasonable hour since my alarm goes off at 4:30am. This meant I had to get used to turning out the lights and TV and concentrate on sleeping. B/f who doesn't have to get up until he feels like it could not sleep in the total dark and silence.

But we have now found a compromise. I have the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series on mp3 narrated by Douglas Adams. For some reason the nice soothing british accent doesn't keep me up, and actually helps when I am stressing out because I just listen to the sillines, and forget about my problems and go to sleep. The books are enough distraction for b/f to sleep too.

Sometimes I do worry though about my sanity. I mean there are all those programs to teach you new languages, and help you stop smoking by listening to tapes in your sleep. I wonder what HGG will do?:lol:

[chryso]

I am another one of those ridiculously light sleepers. If a dog is barking a block away it wakes me up. Recently we had a mockingbird that would begin singing at around 1am every night in my back yard. That would wake me up every single night. So there I would be out in my back yard in my underwear in the middle of the night throwing rocks into a tree until I got close enough to get the bird to fly off somewhere else. The bird has now migrated to wherever it is that mockingbirds go. The thing I ended up doing is buying one of those clocks that have the built in white noises. I don't know if that would work for Luna and her husband or not.
There is no way I could sleep with the tv on. The changing light wakes me up.
I would rather go sleep in someone elses bed than try to sleep in the bed with my wife if she had to have the tv on.

[NightWolf]

I feel sorry for the unlucky person that ends up with me.

I snore like crazy. But of course, living with Cats, being allergic to them, AND having asthma can't help that can it? :lol:

I find my lazy self more often than my, "hey, I think I'll clean house" side.

I spend ungodly amounts of time on the computer sometimes playing games with friends.

I too am always complaining about the heat. I like it cold.

And I tear apart the bed as well, with my tossing and turning. I blame the allergies and Asthma for that actually. Darn Sinues.

Men......aren't we grand? :o

Still, I guess we could be worse. :devil:

[PuckishOne]

Men......aren't we grand?

Still, I guess we could be worse.
Don't get me started. :D :lol: Although neither side can be all that terrible if we all keep coupling up, right? ;)

Anybody ever hear if Luna and hubby were able to work out the problem? There were a lot of good compromise ideas here - it'd be nice to see which one (if any) worked.

[Tanasi]

Recently we had a mockingbird that would begin singing at around 1am every night in my back yard. That would wake me up every single night. So there I would be out in my back yard in my underwear in the middle of the night throwing rocks into a tree until I got close enough to get the bird to fly off somewhere else. The bird has now migrated to wherever it is that mockingbirds go.

We had one that would sit under the security light and sing all night and it's song wasn't the natural imitation of other birds but of a freaking car alarm. I put up with this for days until I went Popeye on it. "I's has and I can stands and I can stands no more." Even though he's the state bird Mr. Mockingbird vs. 12 guage Mr. M looses every time.
I think I could've stood the regular bird sounds but.....I'm getting whizzed just typing about this.:mad:

[Plaidman]

Even though he's the state bird Mr. Mockingbird vs. 12 guage Mr. M looses every time.


:eek: :cry: inhuman monster!!! Ya didn't have to kill it! Murderer!