With friends like these

[TNT]

This summer, I made a really good friend. Stuff happened, and we got to the point where we didn't just quit talking, we actively ignored each other. That is, if we were on break at the same time, she'd go as far away from me as possible. It wasn't me... I still like her a bunch.

Then tonight I get an IM that she wanted my help on something you'd think I'd be the last person she'd come to. I mean she's a techie, with access to an entire tech support department every day.

Normally, I'd think she's trying to make an attempt to at least start talking again. But, once her question was answered, she ended the IM session without even saying goodbye. No small talk, no "how are doing?" no nothing.

So... she's talking to me. I can't figure out if she's trying to take it slow, or what.

No offense to any of the women here, but they should come with built in translators... "here's what I actually say... here's what I actually mean."

[Soulstealer]

Has a card carrying woman (it says so on my drivers licence) I don't know what's with her, I'd have at least asked how you were.

[iradney]

Methinks she was using you. If she really wanted to start talking again, she would've used that "help" excuse as an icebreaker and then actually had a conversation.

[TNT]

Methinks she was using you. If she really wanted to start talking again, she would've used that "help" excuse as an icebreaker and then actually had a conversation.

That's what I would think... if there weren't 150 better qualified people to answer her question. A part of me thinks the icebreaker was finding out if I'd help her at all.

That is, the conversation could have gone:

Her: Here's my problem
Me: Find somebody who cares. Goodbye.

Perhaps the fact that I did help her was all she could stand at the moment while she figures out where she wants to go. While she's friendly on the outside, it's always in a very superficial way. I've never actually seen her get close to anyone, except me, and then she ran away from that for no apparent reason. If that's the case, I understand it... I'm much the same way myself.

TNT, who never lets his eternal optimism get in the way of his eternal pessimism. I mean, someday, something's going to go right for me. Isn't there some sort of law about that?

[qaxons]

I've met people like that. They're all friendly, then you say something completely innocuous or don't do anything at all, and they don't talk to you for months, years, and then out of the blue it's like "Hi, how ya doing? ^_^"

Me: obvious
GFW: Girl from work

Me: So, yeah, what study you on?
GFW: <deleted due to privacy concerns>
Me: How you handling it? It's a hard one to call one. (lots of refusals, people being threatening, and general asshattery abound, plus, it has like 40 spelling and tracking errors, where we ask people who haven't done something 15 questions that are meant for people who do that something)
GFW: I'm handling it just fine! (sounding angry)
Me: That's good... (general confusion)

She actively avoided me on break for about three weeks, then suddenly.

GFW: So, hey, there's a party over at Carbomb's place (I forget if we call him that because that's his favorite drink, if he's been a victim of one, or if he's installed one...), I'm bringing cookies, you should come.
Me: ... Okay...

Even after my many years of dealing with the womenfolk, I still don't have an accurate American Female to American Male translator...

Best I can do for ya is...

Do I look fat in this? = I want to fight you, but I need you to give me a reason/ I think I do, but I want you to stroke my ego / It doesn't matter what you tell me, I'm buying the damn $500 clothing item / Tell me so I know I need to lose a few more pounds(rare) / Squirm little worm! / Any or all of the above.

How are you? = I don't really care, I just want you to ask me back so I can explain my myriad woes/successes/mental issues / I will respond to anything you say with "Why?" so I can get you to say more than three words / I like you, talk to me / I'm only asking because I have to, then we can both move on with our lives / Any or all of the above.

Hi = I'm just being polite, go away / Mmmm, hey there / I don't give a crap who you are, move on peasant / I need attention, talk to me / I thought you were someone else, damnit! / Any or all of the above.

Based on data catalogued since about 1997...

[Greenday]

Women just don't make sense. There's just no point in trying to figure them out. We know as much about women as we do alien lifeforms.

[crazylegs]

I would politely suggest that this particular woman be avoided in the same way you would an agitated rattlesnake.

[FuzzyKitten99]

this is exactly why I have a difficult time being friends with women of all ages.

[Jester]

TNT, I have dealt with women like this. Her reasons for acting the way she has been? Don't matter. She has issues, she is using you or playing with you or whatever, but (and this is the important part ) she is not a nice person. Things won't change, even if you rekindle the frienship/relationship/whatever. And trust me, she views the interplay between the two of you MUCH differently than you do. She's not your friend now, and she really wasn't much of one before, whatever you may think.

My advice: move on and put her out of your mind. She isn't worth your time or trouble. I personally think ALL women are insane, of course, but this one happens to be a bitch, too, and you really don't need or want that in your life. I can assure you of this from much experience with that type.

Move on, my friend. Move on.

[TNT]

Much good advice here, and I should probably take it. I'm still surprised she initiated a conversation when she didn't have to.

She was never the type to play games before. In fact, she was the most dependable person I've known in a long time.

But, there's no doubt she has plenty of issues, trust being one of them. She's good at superficial relationships, but not very forthcoming otherwise, although we did get into some pretty heavy stuff... as long as it wasn't about "us." (there was no "us")

Oh, well.

[Jester]

She was never the type to play games before. In fact, she was the most dependable person I've known in a long time.

But, there's no doubt she has plenty of issues, trust being one of them. She's good at superficial relationships, but not very forthcoming otherwise, although we did get into some pretty heavy stuff... as long as it wasn't about "us." (there was no "us")

The answers to your initial question are all in your own words. Think about it.

[TNT]

The answers to your initial question are all in your own words. Think about it.

If I didn't answer my own question, she did today.

[Jester]

If I didn't answer my own question, she did today.

And.....????

[kerrisan]

If I didn't answer my own question, she did today.

Details????

A guy friend that my and my friend C shared decided to be an idiot about a year ago (I think?) and blame US for all of his problems when we called him on his attitude. He called us every single name under the sun, so we blocked him out of our lives (that what this guy does - make drama out of everything. We were tired of it!). He came crawling back about a day later, and was shocked when we told him we'd rather not be his friend anymore. Recently (last week sometime) he sent C a friend request on MySpace. "I haven't deleted it yet, but I will once I get as many laughs out of it as I can."

Sometimes you have to prune the things/people that are holding you back from being the best you can be. We've all been there and I'm sorry you're going through it. :hug:

[Jester]

Sometimes you have to prune the things/people that are holding you back from being the best you can be.

We've all drifted away from friends. But in my life there have been only three times where I actively removed a friend from my life. Sadly, two of the three have come in the last couple of years. It's never fun. And they never get it.

[TNT]

And.....????

She won't even tell me if the resolution worked. I know she got my email and I know she was on AIM.

But it's okay. I've got bigger problems at the moment.