Common problems, uncommon solutions.

[MMATM]

So many bad customers' behavior follows known trends, I figure why don't we come up with some novel ways to nip it in the bud? Feel free to add more solutions to various problems, especially since not everyone will have experience with every line of work, or every brand of suck.


For customers who insist on bringing pets into the store:
- Place ultrasonic devices (like those used to stop dogs from barking without bothering people) in the entrances and exits of a store. Good luck to the owner, trying to get their pet to sneak in quietly past those!

For customers who insist on running through parking lots:
- Tripwires. Next?

For customers who park in handicapped spaces without plates or hang-tags:
- Offer a "friends of the disabled" program, in which an employee will be assigned to watch the handicapped spaces and assist any disabled customers getting into and out of their vehicles, along with their groceries. Or call the cops or a towing company if the vehicle doesn't have handicap plates or a hang-tag.

For people who insist on bringing their overloaded carts to the express lane:
- Post a warning that all items after [5 more than the express number, be it 10, 12, or 15] will be charged a 20% "obstruction fee" to cover the expense of losing customers who are in a rush and don't have time to wait.

For people who call in looking for undeserved credits or refunds:
- Transfer them to a "credit/refund" department, which will be the same department with a $10.00/minute charge added to their bill. If the credit is truly owed or the refund is legitimate, the customer should not be transferred to this department. This way, the longer they argue about their supposedly-owed credit, the more they're costing themselves. Hide the notice about this $10/min charge in their contract (preferably one of the BOLDED AND CAPITALIZED TO INDICATE IMPORTANCE PARTS) to ensure that nobody knows about it.

For those who insist that "the customer is always right!" when they are clearly wrong:
- Trap door leading to Hell. Or, flying monkey attack. Barring those options, instant-ban from the store for life.


There's plenty more out there, somebody must have some ideas besides me. Let's hear 'em. :p

[gunsage]

For customers who insist on running through parking lots:
Caltrops. Better yet, if you move at more than 5 MPH, your car is ID'd and BLOWS UP! Well, now you've got nothing to run to, eh?

For customers who park in handicapped spaces without plates or hang-tags:
I agree with the employees idea. However, screw towing 'em. You take a before and after pic. Before and after what, you might ask. Before and after you CRUSH THE CAR. Why a before pic? Legal purposes. That way you can prove the customer was NOT handicapped.

For people who insist on bringing their overloaded carts to the express lane:
The loading area is actually a catapult. The first 10 items (or whatever the designation is for the line) are scanned and put into a "safe area." If there are any additional items, the cashier shouts "FORE!", hits a button, and the remaining items are catapulted across the store. Bonus: force the customer to clean up the mess. :p

For those who insist that "the customer is always right!" when they are clearly wrong:
"Then we are refusing you as a customer. You are no longer welcome in this store as a direct result. In fact, you are now trespassing. TASER ATTACK!" :lol: