What does "safe" mean, exactly?

[Knightmare]

Okay ladies.. dish it up.
What does it mean when you tell a guy that he is "safe" or that you feel "safe around [him]?"
Does that mean I am like a big brother to you?

All this came about with a woman I know. We flirt constantly. We've also known each other for over 6 years. Neither of us are seeing anyone right now, and that is by choice. However, I wouldn't mind it if she and I were to start something.

And she's not the first woman to say that to me, either. I have heard it many times before; sometimes we got into a relationship, sometimes we remained friends.

So when you say "I feel safe with you," is that woman-code for "Gosh, you are the bestest guy friend ever, and that's how I want things to stay?"

Don't get me wrong; it's nice to know that someone feels safe around me. But is it a good safe, as in "I feel comfortable around you. Lets see where this goes." or a bad safe as in "I feel comfortable around you, but I only see you as a friend/big brother type?"

Clue us men in on your woman speak, please!


BTW, if this post is incoherent and rambly, I am under the influence of pain pills again. As I type this, it seems all right to me. But I am in a different frame of mind than I usually am.

[Misanthropical]

If I tell a guy I feel safe around him it means that if we were alone I wouldn't worry about him trying to rape me or hurt me in anyway. And, that if someone came along that would try something like that, the guy I feel safe with would do his darnest to make sure no harm came to me.

That is what I would mean if I said it, I can't speak for other women.

[Seshat]

I pretty much agree with Misanthropical. It means nothing in terms of boyfriend/just friends, it means whether we feel we need to guard our speech and behaviour or not.

A guy we feel neither safe nor unsafe around is a guy we haven't judged on this matter yet.

A guy we feel unsafe around - well, you don't want to be that guy. That's a guy who we think might take any hint of flirting (or even just smiling in their direction, in the worst cases) as a sign that we want to have sex with him. Around such guys, we watch our behaviour carefully, or avoid them outright. If we know we're going to be encountering such a guy, we may choose to dress conservatively.

In mild cases, an 'unsafe' guy is just going to push the boundaries, invading our personal space and asking ugly questions. In moderate cases, an 'unsafe' guy is likely to be a stalker. In severe cases, we're worried about kidnap, rape and murder.

So being told you make a woman feel safe just means that she judges you not to be a creep, stalker or rapist. Be flattered. :)

[MadMike]

From what I've seen, it means "You're never going to be anything more than a friend to me, because I'll be too busy going after guys who are bad for me."

[myswtghst]

I hate to be un-helpful, but to me, it can mean either. As in, I feel safe around my brother and certain guy friends, because I know they'll always look out for me and look after me. But if I'm dating someone, or even interested in someone, it is a good sign if I feel safe with them, because that is what I'd want from someone I could get serious with. *shrugs*

[Seshat]

From what I've seen, it means "You're never going to be anything more than a friend to me, because I'll be too busy going after guys who are bad for me."

Yeah, well - some women are stupid. I feel safe with my husband. He wouldn't BE my husband if I didn't.

[blas]

My dad and my brother make me feel safe. My boyfriend does as well. Several of my guy friends make me feel safe. I wouldn't take it as a bad thing...there's a lot of men women feel safe around, whether it's because they are bigger burly guys, or just because they know no one will mess with them.

[iradney]

TTO makes me feel safe. I have various other male friends that I feel safe around as well, but it's always been understood that nothing will happen between us.
Personally, though, I would rather go for the funny, dependable guy than the badass, dangerous one. FDG would think very carefully before doing something that could hurt you. BDG will do it on a daily basis.

[saint]

in a more emotional sense, it could mean she feels safe loving you, as you wouldn't do anything to hurt her, or do anything stupid (cheating, etc.).

[ThePhoneGoddess]

There is no specific meaning for 'you make me feel safe'. It really depends on the woman. Some more immature women will react the way that Mike says ---it's an indication that you will only be a friend to them, while they chase after bad boys who make them feel unsafe (because that's, um, exciting, or something. I don't know.) Others mean that you are indeed, possible relationship material.

I suspect in this case she means that it feels safe to flirt harmlessly with you, without you stalking/harassing/assaulting her. Whether that means she's got anything else in mind I don't know. :shrug:

[Rapscallion]

I've never been told I'm safe. Must mean I'm a bad dangerous dude.

Um, yay?

Rapscallion

[Shangri-laschild]

I would never date or be close friends with anyone I didn't feel safe around. It simply means "I trust you" or "I feel comfortable around you" and doesn't always have anything to do with dating but it's a good thing.

[Bright_Star]

It means that you're like a girlfriend.

[crazylegs]

In my experience it means

'You've got no chance of dating me buster but I know your not going to do something stupid around me'