What's the best course of action?

[AnqeiicDemise]

Here's the deal:

The hubs hasn't had good luck in finding a job around here and with me needing the car, short of him getting hired at my job makes it nearly impossible to travel far. However, it doesn't change the fact that this upcoming month we're not going to have enough money to cover all of our bills and still have money left over for food.

So, I started doing some searches around my county to see what the requirements are to be able to qualify for a food bank/food stamps, what not because, lets face it, we can't live on potatoes for a month straight. I'd call my mom and ask for financial help for this month but 1) I owe her for helping get the car out of the impound lot. 2) Mom and dad are living on social security and his income alone.

My brother's on the verge of losing his home. The other sister is getting ready for her baby...and the hubby's family is worse off than we are.

All these places require that we're a 'low income' family. I've NEVER asked the government for assistance as my parents were too damned proud to ask for it. (i.e. they didn't want to be labeled as the lazy immigrants who come to the US of A for hand outs). I guess I'm just scared that we'll be denied because my salary's a good one (on paper, hah!) and I have a 2006 vehicle. I don't even know if that matters, really, but I'm just scared to death that whomever we end up having the appointment with (yeah, the few places I found require appointments) will look at my car and go "well, she's got money for a car, she's got to have money for food."


I guess all I'm asking is for some guidance here. I feel like crap even thinking about asking for help (that whole pride thing) but I just look over at my cat and our empty pantry and I feel like crying. I mean, if it were just me, I'd have no problem buying a case of ramen and spending the rest on the cat... but I have a husband who doesn't like to complain and does his best to make things worse and an innocent kitty that just stares at us for food when her bowl's gone empty. (We've had to ration the last bag to make it last and we've supplemented her meals with some of our own, specially prepared to be kitty-friendly).

[Rahmota]

I can tell you the following: The year, make and model of your car will affect things. They look at ALL of your assets for many of the programs and take that into account. They also look at how many people and of what ages live in the household and any income they bring in from any source. But they also have guidelines and procedures they have to follow and if you need the help then look for it. they also have job training programs, job assistence programs and I know in my county they have a program to fix your car or get you a cheap beater if you need it for work since we have no public transportation in my county.

So my advice is to relax and not worry so much about the "stigma" or what the situation is with others in the system or what they think of someone with assistence. These programs may be taken advantage of by some but they are a safety net that is there for those who need it. And the way the economy is going you might as well get the assistence you need now before a lot more people need it and stretch the limited funds even worse. Its not like you are wanting to sit on your butt and draw welfare with no contributions to society. Just realize that your income will affect the amount of food assistence you'll get and that you will still need to budget tightly.

Be honest with your case manager and discus your concerns with them. If you have a question ask them. If you have conerns voice them. You have rights as a citizen and they cannot just summarily dismiss you. They have to explain thigns and give you a reason and you can appeal their decision. Don't expect miracles and dont expect thigns to happen overnight. It will take time to get worked into the system. If you have kids they can do thigns in an emergency but since you didnt mention them I'm guessing not. Learn the rules and regulations and expectations they will have of you if they put you into the system. Play by the rules and things will be okay.

Also dont get overly stressed about this. I know that sounds like the hardest part but thigns will work themselves out in the end. If you can't get public assistence there is always church groups and other organizations outside public assistence. there is always a network of friends who can help. true friends will understand and accept the need. Recognizing how close they are to needign help. Barter skills and goods if you have to. If your husband can do anything special that can come in handy and you might be able to work somethign out with a neighbor or friend. Heck iI do oddjobs to take care of myself and my family. Manage your resources and do your best. thats all anyone can ask for and expect.

Trust me I'm not rolling in dough and if we didn't budget things so tight we make abe lincoln scream and cry blood we would be in deep doodoo ourselves. I've eaten quite a few potato soup dinners in my life so I sympathize with you. If you want to discus anythign else you can PM me and I'll do my best to give you whatever info i can. Take Care Remember we're pulling for ya!

[marasbaras]

While I'm not a religious person and certainly not Catholic, I like their concept of the Seven Deadly Sins. They're absolutely right about that.

Jettison your pride. Do what you must to take care of you and your own.

[Bright_Star]

Pride never did pay bills. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

[tropicsgoddess]

As far as the job situation goes for hubby, my suggestion is to try going to a workforce one agency (dunno if it's called something else in your area) , it's a good way to find some work. I've been there, so I know the feeling AD. Just swallow your pride and go for the food stamps or any other type of assistance you can get.

[NightAngel]

There's no shame in having hard times nor in asking for help.
Honestly, I don't know anyone who isn't struggling right now.

Here's some suggestions:

Send your hubby to a temp agency. I've known quite a few people who have started out temping for a company and then being hired in. Temping gives you a chance to wow an employer with what you can do when you're given the chance.
If nothing else- it's a paycheck.

Find out if there is an Aldi's and/or a bent & dent store in your area. Food from these places is much cheaper- so what if your can of green beans has a dent?

Family Dollar, Dollar Tree, Dollar General, etc. are great places to shop when you're struggling. Or not- I shop those places even when I'm not struggling.

Some of my favorite clothes came from the Salvation Army stores.
Speaking of which- go through your closets/storage and take everything you don't use and either have a yard sale or sell the stuff to the Salvation Army (or similar).

Use coupons whenever possible- read the sale ads.

If you buy your pet food from an actual pet store ask them if they have samples of a different brand the next time your buying a bag of your regular pet food. Many times brands like Iams and the expensive foods give the pet stores good sized sample bags.
Not something I would suggest normally nor would I suggest doing it more than once- but it might temporarily help stretch your pets food supply.

Odd jobs around the neighborhood can also produce a few dollars for groceries.
There's always a lawn that needs mowed (or a walk shoveled), a child that needs babysat, an elderly person who needs help.
These jobs obviously won't pay much but it's better than nothing. $10 will buy a package of hot dogs and buns.

Good luck to you.

[Saydrah]

Also, if you call animal control and tell them that you love your cat and would rather feed her than yourself but are having hard times financially, they may be able to refer you to a local shelter that offers free food. It won't be good quality, but they will give you some to tide your through.

Craigslist and Freecycle are also great for getting ahold of cat food- people who switch brands or buy a brand their cat ends up not liking but didn't save the receipt will give kitty food away.

I found a local food bank that is privately owned (though registered as a non profit) and operates only on referrals when I was having hard times last year. They do not have a sign or a website, but everyone knows a friend of a friend who is really trying and struggling and just needs a hand for a couple of months, so they feed those people who are referred to them. Calling local churches or posting on Craigslist might lead you to someone like that as well- or something like a food co op that you can take food from when you need it and give food to once you are doing better.

[AnqeiicDemise]

No, don't get me wrong.... I'm not asking my parents because I'm too proud to call Mommy and Daddy but its because they're in a hard time of their own and I don't want to make things more difficult for them when *I* should be responsible for myself. I merely stated that I'm a total 'newb at the asking for help' type of thing.

We've been doing most our shopping at Grocery Outlet, Winco and using coupons. Its just getting to that point where our dollar can't stretch out anymore, or to be quite frank, we don't know how to squeeze more pennies out of it effectively. We've gotten pretty good at reworking our meals with what we've got to make it last...to the point where we make ramen taste appetizing just by what spices/condiments we've got left. (To be honest, its gotten to that point where I'd rather buy spices to make the cheap food taste better and fool the stomach).

As far as the job thing for the hubs, you guys are right. Its how I got my job, really, I went through a temp agency....but I had a way to get around to these far-away jobs and was under the impression that a car was necessary. Is that not the case? Either way, we'll try. Worst case scenario he'll be turned away. At least we tried that option.

I'll do some more research with the food banks. Again, the worst they can say is 'no' to us and we'll have to go find another route. Someone mentioned Church groups...I take it they work different than government sanctioned food banks? How do the food stamps work?

Sadryah:

Thanks. I'll go ahead and surf craigslist to see if anyone around here's got kitty food and what not. If not, I'll contact the pet control services and explain the situation. Bad food's better than no food... right?


Thank all of you. You're giving me ideas were to go/what to do and essentially... not panic.

[Saydrah]

Yes, bad food is better than no food- but if you happen to have any friends who hunt, ask for spare parts from the freezer that aren't very appetizing to people, like necks and giblets from geese- because if the kitty is eating bad food, adding some raw meat (lightly cooked if she won't take raw) will balance her diet.

I had another suggestion. If you have a 2006 car, how about posting ads around to see if anyone has two older cars to trade for one newer car? It would suck to have to 'downgrade' as far as transportation, but if it is the lack of transport that prevents hubby from contributing a paycheck to the household finances, it might be well worth it to sell the car or trade it to get two less expensive cars, then trade those in for better cars when finances improve.

Also, buy the 101 Things to do with Ramen cookbook! It is great. Or, hell, I'll photocopy the recipes I like and mail them to you if you want.

[Rahmota]

but I had a way to get around to these far-away jobs and was under the impression that a car was necessary. Is that not the case

that can be the case if there isnt public transportation or other arringements can be made. Depending on job, health and other factors (weather) a bicycle could work out as well. I know a couple people who live in town who ride their bicycle anywhere in town and only use the car to go out of town. I'm in reasonable good health and can make 15 miles in about an hour at just a decent travel pace without rushing. Pushing it I could probably do it in less but at a cost. Just some travel ideas. Of course finding a coworker rideshare progam etc...

I take it they work different than government sanctioned food banks? How do the food stamps work?

yes. Church based organizations operate only through donations. They can only give so much and you can only hit them so many times in a month and you have no contol over what you get at most of them. At least the ones I'm aware of around here.

The food stamps are more of a Debit Card. At least thats the way it is in Ohio and I think nationwide now. How it works is briefly like this: The state determines how much assistence you need and load that into a special state account. The card is tied to that account and you have a PIN. But you cannot go to an ATM and draw the food account out in cash. you have to go to a store that deals with the state (which most of the big to middle sized ones do) and use it to purchase certain food items. The list is pretty long of what you can get and I'm not going to discus it as it can be a bit contentious as some people do abuse this aspect of it.

If you have a 2006 car, how about posting ads around to see if anyone has two older cars to trade for one newer car?
i didnt mention that as an 06 car usually means payments. so there would have to be someone willing to take the car off or over the payments and a flat out trade wouldn't work in that regards I think. Anyway around it that could be problematic. Not a bad idea though. Especially if someone is handy with a wrench as a pair of reasonably decent older cars can be kept running for less than the payments on a new one.

Anyhow about it. Hang in there.

[Seshat]

Eggs and milk are perfectly adequate sources of protein for a human and can be made to stretch.

If your husband is at home much of the time, he can stretch food by learning to use the pulses-and-grains protein source: peasant food is good, cheap food. Dried beans and grains are often really, really cheap, and a bean-and-barley stew made with carrot tops and leafy celery ends and a few brown onions actually tastes really good. With enough cheap vegetables, it gives you your protein and veggie needs for the day, and an apple or two, cheese sandwiches and a glass of milk for lunch, and cereal with milk for breakfast and your dietary needs are set.

Peasant cooking everywhere in the world has some meals with pulses-and-grains as the base, so you can actually get a wide variety of meals if you scour your library's cookbooks or the 'net. Soy beans and rice, chickpeas and millet, refried beans and corn/maize - lots of variety.

Repairing stuff is cheaper than buying stuff, so if your thin times continue, have your husband (who currently has more time than you) learn to repair and make stuff.

I've made 'winter blankets' by taking old bed sheets and baste-sewing layers of scrap fabric I inherited from an aunt onto the linen, then 'prettied' them by sewing the sheets together, sewing over the top diagonally in both directions to hold the scrap fabric in place, and unpicking the baste stitches. They weren't ideal, but they held us until we could afford better - and then I unpicked the whole thing and have been using the fabric for other things.

As for other types of help: yes, go ask. Churches usually have charities that will help people in need, so ask. The Salvation Army is international - they're one place to ask. I think Lifeline and St Vincent de Paul are international as well. The Anglican church has a welfare charity, so look them up in the phone book.

Your government welfare organisation may be able to help. In Australia, I'd suggest you call Centrelink - our government's welfare organisation - and tell them your situation and ask what assistance is available. Do the same for yours.

Another thing you can often do: call the people you owe. Tell them, in advance of the due date, that you're struggling, and ask to make payment arrangements. I know we have at least one person on the boards who currently works in bill collections, and probably others who have in the past. Ask them what they'd suggest regarding this.

In my personal experience, if you call before the due date and tell them you do intend to pay, you just can't right now, they'll often let you pay later - next week, next fortnight, next month. I also often ask if there's any way I can get the service they provide more cheaply - sure, it usually means cutting down the quality of service, but I can discuss my needs with them and come up with an acceptable compromise. Occasionally, the person I'm working with can come up with a cheaper package that gives me everything I've been using at a lower price.

Be careful if asking for an extension on the due date, though: remember that next month may be just as lean as this month. I usually pick two or three bills that, if I can extend them, will let me buy my grains, pulses, and cheap veggies, then call them in order from least to most likely to grant the extension, and stop asking when I've got an extension. That way, I'm not getting extensions from the same company over and over again.