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thegiraffe
07-09-2006, 05:21 AM
Alright y'all. So I'm a student, and I'm taking 3 summer classes AND working. Bright idea? Sounded like it at the time. One of my classes is a Shakespeare class - from a theatrical perspective. It's online - we read plays and write papers - not too bad. Normally, I'm GREAT at writing papers, but I'm having a problem with this one. I've basically started firing from my ass, and, well, I'm worried my prof will be put off by the tone of the paper. It's not done, but I'm gonna post what I have on here. Don't worry if you're not a Shakespeare expert, I'm more worried about the tone. I feel it's flirting with the line between brilliance and insanity - hoping it's on the brilliant side. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
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“Twelfth Night”: the love story. A comedy, true, yet in an almost satirical, dark way that winds and twists like a roller coasters at a theme park such as Six Flags or Busch Gardens. As riders, we can see the track, yet can’t begin to anticipate the feeling of the G’s as we spin through that corkscrew or fly over the hill – not to mention those little surprises that come along the way. With Viola (Cesario), Olivia, and Orsino, we can see where it’s bound to wind up, yet it still catches us breathless when we get there.

Viola – what a character! She (or he as Cesario) has truly found herself in the greatest predicament. She tries desperately to fulfill her duty to her master, Orsino, who wants to proclaim his love for Olivia. Meanwhile, Olivia falls for Viola as Cesario, while it turns out that Viola has fallen in love with Orsino. And yet the plot thickens, as Olivia wants to hear nothing of Orsino’s speech, yet is intrigued by the handsome, delicate Cesario. Oh dear…now, Cesario does an impeccable job of reigning in the moody Olivia by eloquently praising her beauty, and what woman of Olivia’s status wouldn’t be pacified by someone commenting on their beauty? This exchange makes Olivia even more intrigued, and perhaps somewhat infatuated with, this Cesario. Realizing that she (he) won’t be able to recite Orsino’s speech, Cesario runs off, leaving Olivia in a fluster. Now keep up here – this is where it gets hairy. Olivia, not about to be outdone, sends her messenger with a ring for Cesario, instructing him to “return it”, though everyone knew that Cesario had never presented her with one in the first place. It becomes more evident later in the play that Orsino’s more in love with himself than he’ll ever be with Olivia, and that Viola has actually fallen in love with Orsino!

Let’s take a moment to catch our breath real quick. Ready? Ok, good. Now, this isn’t an incredibly long exchange, but it’s complicated in that it has to exhibit so many feelings and twists at the same time, while keeping the audience on the same page. Initially, everyone pretty much has a good idea of what’s going to happen – Cesario is going to go in, give the speech, and leave – right? Well, not exactly. It’s obvious that initially, Cesario is intent on playing a Pinocchio role – just doing what’s asked of him. The only problem is that it doesn’t exactly work that way. He comes out praising Olivia as having “Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty” (ln. 168). Only problem is that this little compliment had some unintended consequences for poor Cesario. He’s simply trying to be gentlemanly, yet Olivia eats up the praise. Uh oh, he’s now in a pickle. I doubt Cesario had prepared himself for an encounter quite like this, yet he did a very admirable job of catching and dealing with what Olivia insisted on throwing at him. She essentially took control of his strings, or so she thinks. In reality, however, it seems Cesario has inadvertently stolen Olivia’s attention. Regardless of the fact that Olivia won’t hear what Cesario was sent there to say, she becomes hopelessly infatuated with him.


Thank you guys SO much!

I should add that he has commented on previous papers how he likes the excitement with which I write, and how the scenes seem to come alive for me. He's a theatre teacher, and a very nice one at that. I just don't want to take advantage of that.

Greenday
07-09-2006, 02:57 PM
Why can't people ask for help with chemistry or calculus or some other math or science? I could do any of those. English and theatre are beyond me.

And, um, since I can't really help you with this one, good luck with your classes and work.

Barefootgirl
07-09-2006, 03:54 PM
I actually really like the plot / rollercoaster analogy, particularly for this play. I know you said the paper isn't finished, so you probably need to back up your "satirical, dark" comments - the darkness of the comedy really revolves around the way Malvolio is treated by Feste and Sir Toby Belch, playing on his weaknesses in a very modern way. it crosses the line from teasing to real malice, and from a theatrical POV, you have free rein to emphasise that maliciousness that you don't in a purely academic reading of the text.

Just my two penn'orth, feel free to ignore. I specialised in the tragedies and royal plays when I was at university, so I'm not a comedy specialist (in fact, since I think The Two Gentlemen of Verona may actually be one of the unfunniest things ever written, I may be the worst person in the world to coment on Shakespeare's comedy). I do have an MA in English Literature, though, so i'm happy to toss ideas around.

A couple of technical niggles; Meanwhile, Olivia falls for Viola as Cesario, while it turns out that Viola has fallen in love with Orsino. "while" sounds a tiny bit clumsy in such close proximity to "meanwhile". It might be worth looking for a synonym for "while" in that sentence.
Cesario does an impeccable job of reigning in the moody Olivia by eloquently praising her beauty
It should just be reining in (like a runaway horse).

OK, I'm picky. I really do like your writing style, though. I did a very conservative Eng lit course at a very old and famous university in England, and my tutors would have had collective strokes if someone had handed in an essay written like that, but given that this is a theatrical class, where the whole point is to bring the text alive, I think you accomplish that very well.

thegiraffe
07-10-2006, 03:37 AM
Yay! Thank you:) Yeah, this guy tends to like my 'excitement' and how 'scenes come alive for me', but I just didn't want to take it TOO far. And my AP Lit (college level English in High school) teacher would have also had a stroke, but this guy's pretty cool. I finished the paper tonight - that was just the first half or so. I feel better :)

bars.of.a.rhyme
07-10-2006, 06:41 AM
In high school, people always sent me stuff to edit. Truly, I was the sensei of the big red pen, and I wielded it like a katana against the twin demons of passive voice and spelling errors. Good times.

Anyway, most of what I would change is in the interests of brevity. For instance...

"A comedy, true, yet in an almost satirical, dark way that winds and twists like a roller coasters at a theme park such as Six Flags or Busch Gardens,"

...would become...

"A comedy, true, yet a dark, satirical comedy that winds and twists like a roller coaster at Busch Gardens."

Also, "the greatest predicament" would become "a great predicament."

However, that's just my writing style and the voice that I use when I write...it sounds natural for me and that's why I always got good marks in English. Generally I subscribe to the idea that a small amount of specific, descriptive words (like specifying that the play is satirical instead of just "funny," saying "predicament" instead of "problem," etc.) packs a greater punch than a lot of generic words, and you seem to have that down, though there are a few "yets" and "ands" that could go...but again, if that's your writing style, that's your writing style.

As far as formality is concerned, you know your professor better than we do. I've had professors that would slay me on the spot for turning in something with first person writing, but I've also had professors that allow and even prefer papers that are written conversationally.

On a side note, congratulations on having the testiculointestinal fortitude to take an online class. Good luck.

PuckishOne
07-10-2006, 03:03 PM
Ditto what bars.of.a.rhyme said - and feel free to PM me if you need a full red-line hacking...people have been crazy enough to pay me to proofread, and it's something I still do from time to time (for free, of course!) ;)

And kudos to bars.of.a.rhyme for the use of the word "testiculointestinal." :D

thegiraffe
07-10-2006, 03:21 PM
Well, I turned it in at midnight last night (when it was due), so we'll see. He wants our opinion on the questions he asked, so first person is appropriate. I was just worried it was too smart-assed, but I guess that's not a problem. Thanks! :)