Rahmota
02-22-2008, 06:55 AM
Hello all,
As the thread title says I have a lot of stuff going on right now. As you may or may not have noticed I have not been here in a while. Being in jail does that. Yes you read that right Rahmota was in jail. I may be going back I dont know as I am on bail right now.
What happened was I had a nervous breakdown. As a result of this nervous breakdown my eldest stepson and I had a slight altercation. I was operating under the perception that he had attacked and hurt my daughter and kidnapped my wife. This resulted in my takign his front door down and him pullign a shotgun on me. This is where I got arrested But the way things work in this county instead of getting sent to a psych ward I got charged with a felony and am having to proove to children services that my family should not be taken from me. Which is not being helped by my now ex-stepson telling anyone and everyone of how dangerous a threat I am and that his mother is in danger and should leave me and that I shold be sent somewhere as far away from her as the court can send me. However his mother understands I have been not myself. She has basically said that he can go F off and that if he forces her hand she will stay with me and he is the one who will get sent packing. The cowife agrees whole heartedly. He has really not helped his case with them by asking to take over running the farm and have power of attorney over things. We are begining to wonder if he didnt stage things to take advantage of my needing help to finally drive me over the edge so he could take things over. I dont know. Betrayel of this magnitude is somethign I have never dealt with before.
I have spent the past year laboring under two major problems. Depression and denial I was depressed. I had been bottling up my pain, anger, frustration for so long that it started sucking all the joy and positive emotions out of me was well. I wanted to stay strong for my family by not putting my negativeity on them or showing weakness. Which I equated out to showing pain, frustration, anger, or any of the negative emotions. As long as I looked like everythign was alright and I had my shit together then it was all good I thought. Unfortunately that didnt exactly work.
As life lessons go this could have been a lot more painful, but then again its not all over yet. I have utterly no idea what is going to happen. I couldnt afford to hire an attorney so I got a court appointed one but he hasnt talked ot me, seen me or otherwise ommunicated with me yet. His secretary is a bitch who is acting like oh well just another looser felon scumbag quit bothering me. The judge is unfortunately listening to my exstepson. And refused to give me an or or a reasonable bond. So we had to put the farm up for collateral to get me out on bail. I am scared out of my mind that i may go to prison and/or loose my family or farm, depression and another nervous breakdown are slinking aroudn in the shadows like starved wolves and I have a exstepson and his wife who would gleefully and cheerfully push me to them.
On the plus side I appreciate my wives and those family who do love me, know I am sick and are willing to support me no matter what a lot lot more. I am getting counselling, even before the court said anythign about it. Theres nothign like getting stuffed in a cell to let you hear your thoughts better. Though I dont really recommend it on the general rule. I have heard from people I thought lost who where really just not able to deal with my depression and now hearing about thigns want to help. And I am reconnecting with my spiritual side a lot closer. Not to say that I am going to get converted or become religious or anything but I do acknowledge there is a higher power and that whatever it is my fate is partially at least in their hands.
Please whomever you are that reads this if you are having problems dont deny them. Dont pretend its all okay. You have no idea how much it can cost you until it is way too late. And to the one of you here that is now working in a prison please do not be like some of the guards I dealt with. Remember everyone is a person. No matter what they did they are not a number or a piece of meat to be treated with disrespect and disdain.
And now for the farewell. Between the attacks on my character from the exstepson and the stress of my illness and the rest of everything I am goign to be takign a sabbatical from the internet. Depending on how the courts go this may be a long one or it may not be. I have utterly no idea. But my family, those that do love me, my sanity and the business of preparing my defense are alll my priority right now. I have enjoyed our conversations and am sorry I didnt mention anything beforehand. This is not anyone's fault but my own and I wish all of you peaceful, happy lives. Please take care of yourselves and each other and someday I will be back. But right now I have thigns I need to do.
As the thread title says I have a lot of stuff going on right now. As you may or may not have noticed I have not been here in a while. Being in jail does that. Yes you read that right Rahmota was in jail. I may be going back I dont know as I am on bail right now.
What happened was I had a nervous breakdown. As a result of this nervous breakdown my eldest stepson and I had a slight altercation. I was operating under the perception that he had attacked and hurt my daughter and kidnapped my wife. This resulted in my takign his front door down and him pullign a shotgun on me. This is where I got arrested But the way things work in this county instead of getting sent to a psych ward I got charged with a felony and am having to proove to children services that my family should not be taken from me. Which is not being helped by my now ex-stepson telling anyone and everyone of how dangerous a threat I am and that his mother is in danger and should leave me and that I shold be sent somewhere as far away from her as the court can send me. However his mother understands I have been not myself. She has basically said that he can go F off and that if he forces her hand she will stay with me and he is the one who will get sent packing. The cowife agrees whole heartedly. He has really not helped his case with them by asking to take over running the farm and have power of attorney over things. We are begining to wonder if he didnt stage things to take advantage of my needing help to finally drive me over the edge so he could take things over. I dont know. Betrayel of this magnitude is somethign I have never dealt with before.
I have spent the past year laboring under two major problems. Depression and denial I was depressed. I had been bottling up my pain, anger, frustration for so long that it started sucking all the joy and positive emotions out of me was well. I wanted to stay strong for my family by not putting my negativeity on them or showing weakness. Which I equated out to showing pain, frustration, anger, or any of the negative emotions. As long as I looked like everythign was alright and I had my shit together then it was all good I thought. Unfortunately that didnt exactly work.
As life lessons go this could have been a lot more painful, but then again its not all over yet. I have utterly no idea what is going to happen. I couldnt afford to hire an attorney so I got a court appointed one but he hasnt talked ot me, seen me or otherwise ommunicated with me yet. His secretary is a bitch who is acting like oh well just another looser felon scumbag quit bothering me. The judge is unfortunately listening to my exstepson. And refused to give me an or or a reasonable bond. So we had to put the farm up for collateral to get me out on bail. I am scared out of my mind that i may go to prison and/or loose my family or farm, depression and another nervous breakdown are slinking aroudn in the shadows like starved wolves and I have a exstepson and his wife who would gleefully and cheerfully push me to them.
On the plus side I appreciate my wives and those family who do love me, know I am sick and are willing to support me no matter what a lot lot more. I am getting counselling, even before the court said anythign about it. Theres nothign like getting stuffed in a cell to let you hear your thoughts better. Though I dont really recommend it on the general rule. I have heard from people I thought lost who where really just not able to deal with my depression and now hearing about thigns want to help. And I am reconnecting with my spiritual side a lot closer. Not to say that I am going to get converted or become religious or anything but I do acknowledge there is a higher power and that whatever it is my fate is partially at least in their hands.
Please whomever you are that reads this if you are having problems dont deny them. Dont pretend its all okay. You have no idea how much it can cost you until it is way too late. And to the one of you here that is now working in a prison please do not be like some of the guards I dealt with. Remember everyone is a person. No matter what they did they are not a number or a piece of meat to be treated with disrespect and disdain.
And now for the farewell. Between the attacks on my character from the exstepson and the stress of my illness and the rest of everything I am goign to be takign a sabbatical from the internet. Depending on how the courts go this may be a long one or it may not be. I have utterly no idea. But my family, those that do love me, my sanity and the business of preparing my defense are alll my priority right now. I have enjoyed our conversations and am sorry I didnt mention anything beforehand. This is not anyone's fault but my own and I wish all of you peaceful, happy lives. Please take care of yourselves and each other and someday I will be back. But right now I have thigns I need to do.