Blas is scared and confused

[blas]

So everyone knows I got dumped right before my birthday, back in January. Well, let me rephrase that......my boyfriend at the time wanted to take a "break".

We spent 2 weeks apart, he called, and wanted to pick back up. He said he felt better. Well, it only lasted a week. He still didn't want to hang out or do anything, barely even wanted to talk on the phone. So I got all the courage I could muster and said "Fine. You want to be alone, you be alone then." and I ended it.

I realized that after our break, it was a 2nd chance for both of us. It was a chance for him to stop pushing me away and it was my chance to realize that I couldnt keep putting this kind of thing off and keep living in la-la land.

Ever since, he's texted me every Friday night, obviously a little drunk, and one time he called and said that he misses me, I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, he wants me back, etc etc. Well I was a fool two Saturdays ago and was planning on picking him up to talk, but he blew me off. So I told him never to contact me again and to basically die and go to Hell.

I loved this guy with all my heart. He was my first love, if you want to call it that.

Well, recently, I've met another guy. He's younger, in fact 10 months younger than me. He's going to college. He lives in a building by mine.

We went out to eat and to the movies last Friday. Last night we went out to eat and watched some movies at my place. We both dislike Sheriff (stalker neighbor) with a passion and have a blast making inside jokes about him. This guy is really funny and our humor is very compatible. We've made each other laugh so hard we couldn't breathe, and I almost started dry heaving. *how embarrassing*

I'm a little scared. I really like this guy, but do you guys think it's possible I can ever have feelings, like really deep feelings, for a guy ever again? Do you think it's possible? I have JUST FINALLY stopped thinking about my ex and the fantasy of being back together. I've just finally recovered from the blow and now I'm ready to have fun and meet new people and find someone who has better things to do than sleep all day and be angry at the world.

Do you guys think I should go for it? Or should I stay single a little while longer? I'm petrified that I might hurt this boy.....and you guys remember the things that used to happen to me....the LAST thing I want to do is hurt someone. I know how it feels and would never wish an innocent guy to feel what I've felt..

[crazylegs]

Of course its possible for you to have deep feelings for another, else you wouldn't be human.

Your ex sounds like an absolute waste of space and your better off without him, however you did love him which is why he hurt you so bad when it ended. May I suggest a change in mobile phone number to stop the drunken texts...?

Anyhoo back on topic, take it nice and slooooooooow with this chap that you've met, yes you have a great time, you click in some fantastic ways, enjoy it, its such a fabulous feeling when you meet people like that, if you feel like you want to take the relationship up a notch, you've got a lot to gain and little to lose.

Knock em for six blas! :D

[Greenday]

Dating a woman older than I was was great. Last year, I 18 hanging out with a 25 year old woman. It was amazing. I finally was hanging with a girl with some maturity, something I couldn't find with girls my age. It's a shame nothing came from it though. Hang out a few times, and if you still really like him, go ahead and date. Just don't immediately mistake it for love. If you're still together after awhile, then it's cool.

[powerboy]

Ofcourse you can be truly in love again. Happened to me. Your Ex, is just a POS.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I've just finally recovered from the blow and now I'm ready to have fun and meet new people and find someone who has better things to do than sleep all day and be angry at the world.



I think you are kinda answering your own question here. You know there is the possibility of something better and you are ready to start getting out there to find it. Just take things slow and don't rush into anything. You've got lots of time. Spend time just getting to know each other and having fun. Let him know you really like him but don't want to move too fast. If he's as great as you think, he'll respect that.

[Rahmota]

Blas you have one life. Enjoy it. Life it to your fullest. If this guy make syou happy and you have strong enough feelings for him that you are wondering if it is love take the chance. 10 months is a blink of the eye. Nothing you can ever do can compare with the joy of love.

Good luck and enjoy.

[Imprl59]

Of course you will love someone again. A break up isn't that much different from loosing a person due to death. You have to go through all the same crap before you heal and that person will always have a place in your heart. Luckily we have big hearts with plenty of room. I had a seven year relationship that ended over three years ago and I still think of that person a couple of times a week even though I am (well kindof still) in another great relationship.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to not to focus on the bad things. Don't forget them or you will just repeat the same mistakes again but don't focus on them either. Focus on the good times you had and forgive for the bad times. Anger is all consuming... until you move past anger from a previous relationship you aren't able to give yourself to a new relationship.

Also don't read to much in to the new relationship yet. Just take it for what it is and see where it goes. If you are ready and this is meant to be then it will go there and if it isn't.. well we can all use another great friend.

Steve B.

[blas]

I don't really think the age difference is a big deal, but I prefer guys who are a few years older than me. It is possible to find some mature guys my age, though.

He said he likes me because I'm "real".

My ex...it's hard to explain. He was great up until around late November/December. Then he started some form of seasonal depression or some sort of rut. He lost interesting in anything and everything, especially me. Especially me.

I love this guy's idea for our newest inside joke. We call our neighborhood Hazard County, and Sheriff is Boss Hog. We spent hours doing the intro to the show. I was laughing so hard......that's the #1 important thing for me with a guy is a sense of humor.

[BookstoreEscapee]

My ex...it's hard to explain. He was great up until around late November/December. Then he started some form of seasonal depression or some sort of rut. He lost interesting in anything and everything, especially me. Especially me.
.

Well, considering that he lost interest in everything proves that it had nothing to do with you. I dated a great guy for a year. He was 3 years younger than me, which bothered me at first but I got over it. I was going through a depression thing myself at the time, and we ended up breaking up because I just couldn't get my mind around being in a relationship. Had nothing to do with him at all, and our breakup was mutual. It was still hard, though. A few months later I started dating my ex (Pablo's daddy) and we were together for 2 years.

[RetailWorkhorse]

I was dumped this past Christmas. After finally getting over a 5 year mourning period for the girl who was to become my wife. It was not fun. But I don't think about it anymore, because if I do then I'll go crazy (it was kinda an abusive relationship anyways, she was younger than me and from a wealthier family so she felt it was okay to lead me on and treat me like crap).

Keep hanging out. Go slow. Like my grandsire says: You can only create a relationship that will last with someone you were a friend with first.

Then again, this is coming from the same woman who got married a month after meeting my grandfather. :rolleyes:

[Amethyst Hunter]

What everyone else said. Take it slow, take it careful, but if your gut's giving you overall good longish-term vibes about this guy I'd say that's a promising start. :) If nothing else, even if the romance part doesn't work out, you will have made a good friend, and we can all always use a few of those.

[Gravekeeper]

What everyone else said. Take it slow, take it careful, but if your gut's giving you overall good longish-term vibes about this guy I'd say that's a promising start. :) If nothing else, even if the romance part doesn't work out, you will have made a good friend, and we can all always use a few of those.

Yep. You just don't want to rebound straight into him. So go slow.

On a side note, is drunk texting some sort of requirement for suck ass exs? Mine did it too. Cept it was kind of insane drunken tirade that left me kind of staring at the screen in abject confusion. ;p

[marasbaras]

OK, first off ... to this dirty old man, 10 months is the same age.

Second, your ex was being cowardly. "Taking a break" are just weasle words for "I want to break up but lack the cojones".

Third, of course you can feel again. Give it time.

Lastly, you're overthinking all of this. Just hang out with this new guy and let things happen the way they will. If you're enjoying the time, enjoy it. If it ends up going nowhere, at least you had the fun times.

If it goes somewhere, even better.

[Jadedcarguy]

On a side note, is drunk texting some sort of requirement for suck ass exs? Mine did it too. Cept it was kind of insane drunken tirade that left me kind of staring at the screen in abject confusion. ;p

I girl that I wasn't so much "dating" as much as "hooking up" with used to do that to me, except it was always some grammatical abortion asking me to pick her up at some bar at 2 in the morning. And she wondered why I didn't want to be her BF. :rolleyes:


Blas, we all feel that we won't trust someone again after a breakup like that. I can't recall who originally said it, but the phrase "Love like you've never been hurt" is really good advice. This new guy you've been spending time with doesn't deserve to suffer because of what your ex did. Until he gives you reason to do otherwise, treat him well. :)

[tropicsgoddess]

I know new relationships are a little scary after an old one ended badly (especially one with a long history), but give the new guy a chance,and toss away your piece of trash ex (no pun intended).

[Jester]

Dr. Jester is in. http://www.spokanestreetracing.com/forums/images/smiles/hat35.gif

I'm a little scared. I really like this guy, but do you guys think it's possible I can ever have feelings, like really deep feelings, for a guy ever again? Do you think it's possible? I have JUST FINALLY stopped thinking about my ex and the fantasy of being back together.

It is hard to believe when you are right there in the middle of everything, but yes, it is not only possible but highly probably that you will have feelings, even really deep feelings, for another again.

From personal experience, I can tell you that this can and probably will happen. The Enchnatress was my first love. Did I ever really get over her? Who knows? I know I still have strong feelings for her. But that was in high school. Back in the eighties. You know, back when to call someone, you had to hope they were actually home to get the call. Anyway, though I never thought I would move on, eventually I did.

There was Blondie, the girl I dated the longest. Sweet girl, but not for me, for a variety of reasons. Still think about her from time to time as well.

There was The Brit. Greatest love of my life to date. Only girl I ever proposed to. Only girl who ever actually agreed to marry me. (Should tell you something about her sanity right there!) I met her September 11, 2002, and I don't think a day has gone by since that I haven't thought of her, even though she dumped me without much of a stated reason a year later.

There was My Worst Girlfriend Ever. Despite her flaws, she did help me, to some degree, move on from The Brit. Even horrible relationships sometimes have good aspects to them.

The fact is that, as the saying goes, when one door closes, another opens. You describe the idea of you and your ex being back together as a "fantasy." Which it is. Even if you got back together, the reality (him ignoring you and being a putz) would not live up to the fantasy you have of you two.

Is it going to be easy to move on, to put Putz Boy behind? No. It won't. As I said above, I still think of The Brit daily, and The Enchantress fairly often. But certainly possible. One day, believe it or not, you will speak of Putz Boy with laughter.

Do you guys think I should go for it? Or should I stay single a little while longer?

It sounds to me like you don't want to stay single, that you want to go for it, but are worried about what may happen. Take a chance. Nothing great has ever been accomplished without someone taking a chance. If nothing else happens, it will help you move on.

I'm petrified that I might hurt this boy.....

You might. And he might hurt you. That is the risk you run anytime you get involved in a relationship. The question is, is it worth that potential hurt, to you or him, to take the plunge?

I have been hurt DEEPLY by some relationships. But the fact is, it is still worth it to me to take that chance, to run that risk, to take that plunge.

Like my grandsire says: You can only create a relationship that will last with someone you were a friend with first.

Then again, this is coming from the same woman who got married a month after meeting my grandfather. :rolleyes:

Ironically, I got engaged to The Brit, who I describe as the love of my life, a mere ten days after I met her. Which, I should point out, is hardly my normal MO. I am not like my one friend who has been engaged 49 times (26 with the same ring!). I have been engaged once. And despite the way things turned out, I never once have regretted anything I did, or the time in which I did it, when it comes to that relationship. If I had to do it all over again, I would still get engaged to her that quickly.

[BlaqueKatt]

normally they say the time you're ready for a new relationship is when you AREN'T looking for one.

[dispatch]

Take some time to get to know the guy, and let him know your intentions. You obviously have some things to sort out from from your most recent ex, which is fine, just work it out at your own pace.

I can offer this example, if it would please the court; There was a relationship I was in awhile back that ended badly for reasons I won't go into, suffice it to say that she lost a few friends over how she handled the issue. I was dumbstruck, angry, depressed, and confused over the whole ordeal, but on the advice of a good friend I put it behind me for a week to get my wits back.
During said week did everything I could up to and including square-dancing with my cat to keep from thinking about my ex, and in the process I started a dialouge with a girl at work that led to coffee, coffee led to movies, and to my amazement two weeks after the break up I woke up on the couch in the apartment of the girl who gave me the happiest year of my life.
The point I'm trying to make is; don't be afraid to do something out of character.

Hope all this was helpful, and best of luck in your endevours.

[Slytovhand]

Hey Blas :wave:

Ok - my 50 cents worth (yep - my time's gone up :P)

I like what Jester had to say (esp about giving nicknames to his ex's :D - and they even seem to be nice ones...)

I'm a bit like you in this (though, I'm somewhat more cynical - and have a worst others-esteem when it comes to females). I have no great interest in a relationship, but am quite comfortable with my own company.

As Jester said in his opening line, and as I've been saying to people for years now - it's always worst when you're going through it all. Time and distance does amazing things. With time - and distance (either physically or mentally) - you will pretty much forget about what has happened in your past. Given lots of good things going on around you, you won't focus on such things. For example - go jump out of a plane and try to think about the ex... bet you can't while plummetting to earth at 400kph... hehehe

That example might seem a bit extreme - but it does also say something about how we focus on life.... when you are having fun, you won't be thinking about the bad stuff. When you are down and depressed, you don't focus on the good stuff - it's something humans do....

Anyways... when I was having crap go down with my now ex-fiance (whom I have thought has destroyed my innocence and naivete), I started reading a book I've had for ages. Basically - he (Stuart Wilde) was talking about the universe and all. So - look up to the stars. They've been twinkling away for millions of years before their light has even been first seen on this planet. Life here has been going for hundreds of millions of years. We have a life to live - what hurts and pains we experience are only minor setbacks to that life we have.

While I choose to believe in reincarnation (and thus, the 'you only have 1 life' doesn't brook), the life you are currently living is the most important - because it's the one you can do something about right now.

You do have the option to change how you feel - you don't need to be scared and confused if you don't choose to! You can choose to feel happy and carefree.

You can also choose to just enjoy your time with this new guy - have fun, be happy - love even if you want to - it's still your life - and things will always happen.

Besides - one day you will die. It may be tomorrow, it may be 800 years from now (genetics is doing amazing things). Either way - you still have to live the life you 've got. Don't stop living your present and having a future because you've been hurt in the past.


As I often sign off...

BE Happy :D

Slyt

(oh - that means BE - as in BE yourself in the here and now... happy should be obvious)

[Jester]

I like what Jester had to say (esp about giving nicknames to his ex's :D - and they even seem to be nice ones...)

Well, I gave them nicknames because I don't usually use people's real names on this site. And their nicknames fit pretty well. The Enchantress was....enchanting. I can't describe her better than that. Blondie was a blonde, in every sense of the word. The Brit was British. And My Worst Girlfriend Ever.....was. And I don't know how nice that last nickname is. :lol:

For example - go jump out of a plane and try to think about the ex... bet you can't while plummetting to earth at 400kph... hehehe

Actually, terminal velocity is about 200 kph....just saying....

[Slytovhand]

Actually, terminal velocity is about 200 kph....just saying....

I've heard this.... yet, in my skydiving training, I was told that normal freefall is about the 200K or so, but when you go delta - and fast forward toward the ground, you get up around the 400K mark.... perhaps my memory is wrong, but still...

[Broomjockey]

I've heard this.... yet, in my skydiving training, I was told that normal freefall is about the 200K or so, but when you go delta - and fast forward toward the ground, you get up around the 400K mark.... perhaps my memory is wrong, but still...

For example, the terminal velocity of a skydiver in a free-fall position with a semi-closed parachute is about 195 km/h (120 mph or 55m/s).[1]

Higher speeds can be attained if the skydiver pulls in his limbs (see also freeflying). In this case, the terminal velocity increases to about 320 km/h (200 mph or 89 m/s),[1]

So, anyway Blas, come to a decision yet?

[blas]

I don't think it's going to work. Lately he's been getting on my nerves with his teasing.

There's a lot of people I know who constantly pick on me or tease me. And it drives me batty. Sure, some would say I "can't take a joke", but it's not that. It just drives me nuts when some people can't be serious for just a few minutes of the day or be serious with me when I ask a serious question. I don't mind some jokes and some friendly teasing, but sometimes it gets me hot and bothered.

It most likely won't work because of our schedules. We all know I have a vampire's schedule and he goes to school....it's just too difficult to see each other during the week....and he always goes back "home" on the weekends so it's rather difficult. Oh well...that's how it goes.

This time I got a sober text from my ex.....he misses me and he's sad. I just have no idea what to do. This is the only guy I've ever loved. He crushed me when he didn't want to spend any time with me anymore. He came over yesterday....I'm not sure if we're back together or what is going on....but it was like old times again. It was as if nothing ever happened and we never broke up.

Anyway that's your Days Of Our Lives moment of the day.

[Bella_Vixen]

Blas, you need some time for yourself. Ditch the new guy. Run as fast as you can from the ex.

[Jadedcarguy]

Totally OT, but what happened to your pics in the photo album, Blas? :confused:

[Slytovhand]

Hey Blas

I'm not going to give any advice or suggestions - cos each to their own - and who knows.

I've done the 'get back together thing' - and I presume so have most others at one point or another...

but... there is a saying out there, and now I can't remember how it goes :P

but it something like - once someone has done something once, then they'll do it again.

On a more psychological note (well - esoteric, really), when someone (or thing) leaves a part of our lives which had a significant investment, then the whole 'loss' thing gets triggered - and all the bad bits just seem to disappear - and the grief mechanism kicks in. So, when you get some of it back again, you forget all the bad crap, cos your energy has gone back to what it was used to - and you feel yourself again - stabilised - grounded (humans don't like to be unstabilised - we like certainty not chaos).

So - it takes time to actually get someone out of our lives completely - cos that gap takes time to get filled - in one way or another. Once it does, we feel somewhat more whole - and that person or thing doesn't affect us any more.

On another note, I've noticed that humans won't change unless given a really good reason to. And by 'really good' - people will rather die long, slow and painful deaths than change something important. And if they are going to change, then they have to do it by their own initiative.

Of course - there is also the 'you never know what you've got til it's gone' thought as well....

I wish you luck and :hug: :hug:

Slyt


oh - and the new guy sounds like a dork!

[blas]

Wtf? Internet is out for a day and I see my pics are gone....

Raps, did you *borrow* them for your own personal use? Shame shame!