Dumb Family Sayings

[NightAngel]

Okay, I assume it's not just MY family that says things like, "It twernt me!" and, "I'm off!... And I'm leaving to." (Indicating we're off our rockers and leaving the premisies as well...)

What's your family say?

[RedHeadPhoneGirl]

My mom likes to say "The only things that fall from the sky are birdshit and fools" (on things like skydiving)

Dad says "If frogs had wings they wouldn't bump their ass when the jump"

[Dreamstalker]

--"Come with" or "go with". That may be a regionalism that was picked up somewhere along the line (likely by me) and then it spread.

--"If you want something done right you have to do it yourself" (my grandmother)

--"They ought to be arrested!" (my grandmother when faced with a price tag in the store she doesn't like)

--"Consider all scoldings as tokens of love." (my grandmother again)

--"She could talk a dog off a meat wagon." (my grandfather referring to my mom)

[Ree]

--"She could talk a dog off a meat wagon." (my grandfather referring to my mom)I assume that's a compliment, but the older folks in my family have one similar that refers to something disgusting - "Turn a dog from a gutwagon"
I have no idea what the hell it means, but I've heard it my whole life.

Others that I have heard, mostly from the older family members:

"Up at sparrow's fart" meaning to get up very early in the morning

"The sun's burning a hole in your butt" meaning you have slept in way too long.

"Two shakes of a dead lamb's tail" meaning in a hurry

I know there are a lot more that I just can't think of right now.
Yeah...my family is weird.

[sportsmom]

I assume that's a compliment, but the older folks in my family have one similar that refers to something disgusting - "Turn a dog from a gutwagon"
I have no idea what the hell it means, but I've heard it my whole life.



I use that one, but it tends to be along the lines of "He's ugly enough to knock a Rottweiler off a gut wagon."

I use "Fixin' to" as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store." Yes, I am southern.;)

My parents used to tell me when I would hurt myself as a kid "It'll get better before you get married." I hated it then and I still think it's a stupid saying.

I have a few my hubby refers to as "Sportsmomisms."
"Dumber than a stump"
"Ain't got the sense God give a stump" (I realize this one is not gramatically correct, it just sounds better this way.)
"FRUgly"
"Gully washer" (A very large thunderstorm)

There are others, but I can't think of any now.

[PuckishOne]

"Doesn't know his a** from his elbow."
"Doesn't know sh*t from Shine-ola."
"Dumber than a box of rocks."
Hmm...notice how all of these are insults? And they wonder how I turned out to be so sarcastic... :devil: Also, we use the acronym "SOL" a lot, which I never heard much until I started meeting Canadians - is this not a big thing down here in the States? Maybe it's because I moved from Ohio to Washington (both in close proximity to our northern neighbor), but I always figured everyone said that!

[XCashier]

My parents were both midwesterners, raised on family farms, and had plenty of weird sayings:

"It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
"Okie-dokie."
"People in Hell want ice water, too!" (when one of us wanted something)
"Champagne tastes and a beer pocketbook."
"Immediately, if not sooner!"
"This room looks like a cyclone struck it!"

:rolleyes:

ETA: Puckishone, my parents used "SOL" too. :)

[lordlundar]

"The sun's burning a hole in your butt" meaning you have slept in way too long.


"Then put that damn magnafying lens away and let me sleep!":devil:

[TNT]

My mother always had some really great phrases. I never thought of them of dumb... I still find my myself using them...

"He's dumber than a mud fence."
"That was back when Christ wore knee-britches."
"She was drunker than fiddler's bitch."
"He's about as useless as tits on a boar hog."

[Ree]

Oooh....yeah...thanks for the reminders.
The "SOL" one is used a lot, but not just in our family. It's a regional thing. (Eastern Ontario, Canada)

The "cyclone blew through" is also one of my Mom's favourites.

"Doesn't know his knee from his elbow" was the version my family used, but in later years, we've edited to "ass".

"Useless as tits on a boar" was one of my Dad's.

One that gets used a lot that I kind of started was, "Hello, pot...this is the kettle" in reference to "the pot calling the kettle black" meaning the kettle is calling the pot back to point out the hypocrisy.
(I've always wondered if that phrase had negative racial connotations, though...I have been told, however, that the phrase stems from the idea that a pot starts out shiny and polished, while a kettle is already dark and made of cast iron, but from time, in sitting on the flames, both turn black. The pot, seeing the kettle reflected in the shiny part that's left, makes fun, while ignoring its own griminess. I prefer that explanation. :P )

[PuckishOne]

If "SOL" is an eastern Canada thing, we need to check our family tree for maple leaves, as we're all from Ohio and similar parts. :) XCashier must be onto something - looks like hockey wasn't my first Canadian import, after all! :salute:

Some joggin' of my memory as well, reading these: "He's 3 days older than dirt/Moses" was a popular favorite, along with some of the other ones that XCashier had - except in out house it was a "tornado" that hit the dirty rooms, not a cyclone. :lol:

[Ree]

If "SOL" is an eastern Canada thing, we need to check our family tree for maple leaves, as we're all from Ohio and similar parts. :) XCashier must be onto something - looks like hockey wasn't my first Canadian import, after all! :salute: LOL...I wasn't clear when I was posting, I guess. I didn't mean to imply it was strictly an Eastern Canada thing...what I was trying to say was that it seems to be a common phrase in our region, and not just specific to our family.

[angelkirie]

I love:

"It's colder than a witches tit!"

and my mom heard someone on the radio say "It's not smart, funny or anything" but when she tried to say it when angry one day it came out "It's not fart, smunny or anything!" ... That's become her new catchphrase. lol.

[Spiffy McMoron]

If "SOL" is an eastern Canada thing, we need to check our family tree for maple leaves, as we're all from Ohio and similar parts. :) XCashier must be onto something - looks like hockey wasn't my first Canadian import, after all! :salute:


It's also used in Western Canada, especially by yours truly.

We've got sayings like that too. I've always called them "Farmer-isms", because it always seems that the people who say them are crusty old farmers.
"I'd rather put on a tin beak and scratch shit with the chickens."
"He fell ass over teakettle"
"He knows which end of the bottle to pour." (He's a drunk)

I can't think of any more right now.

[Ree]

"He fell ass over teakettle"LOL!!
That's another one the older people in my family use.

On my husband's side, one day my BIL was talking about our daughter eating some chocolate pudding when she was small. It was all over her, and he said, "She's got pudding all over her from bum hole to breakfast time"
I laughed so hard at that, and I guess they were surprised that I had never heard the expression before.

I use it all the time now when I'm talking about someone who got really dirty, or to describe a large quantity of something.

[Crazyredhead]

My grandfather used to say "excuses are like assholes, everyone has one and it stinks".

[Kiwi]

my mum inserts made up words for things when she cant remember the name

its a doofer or a hooflicky or a whatchamacallit etc

she also purposly mispronounces words because shes either too lazy to remember them or just to annoy me "beverly hills 36394493" instead of 90210...

ugh

[NightAngel]

my mum inserts made up words for things when she cant remember the name
ugh

My husband does that and it ticks me off to no end.
Say it right or don't speak!

[stormtreader]

"This room looks like a bomb hit it" is our variation of that one :D

We used to use "Come with" in Somerset, dont know if its originally from there though.

My mum always uses "Good enough for Government work", meaning somethings not perfect, but is good/close enough.

Our family one is "Sheep-flavoured icecream" when we go past a field with a lot of sheep. Its from a family holiday when i was little, ive no idea why. My whole family's mad, i had no chance :D

[Morrigan]

"Useless as tits on a boar" was one of my Dad's.



My dad uses one close to this: "Useless as tits on a board". Knowing my dad, though, your dad has the correct saying and mine is misquoting. :p

A few others are
"Can't find his a** with two hands and a flashlight"
"His head's so far up his a** he can't see daylight"
"His a**hole's a star"

Hmm...looking at those written down, I see a theme here...and you know, I can't think of a single Dad-ism that doesn't have a cuss word in it. :lol:

[PuckishOne]

Amazing, I'm beginning to think that either we're all from the same county/state/province, or else these "regional" sayings aren't so regional after all... My mother says "copacetic" (sp?) all the time, as well as "hunky-dory." :rolleyes: Also, on the "ass" theme :lol: we say "bass ackwards" (as opposed to "ass backwards," for those yet to complete the morning caffeine infusion).

[sportsmom]

Also, on the "ass" theme :lol: we say "bass ackwards" (as opposed to "ass backwards," for those yet to complete the morning caffeine infusion).

I forgot that one. I also use "going around your elbow to get to your ass" meaning going out of your way to get somewhere.

When my dd's and I drove around D.C. last summer I was referring to idiots drivers as a certain equine animal and my oldest came up with the term "Jackapples" for them.

[protege]

ETA: Puckishone, my parents used "SOL" too. :)

Years ago, my father always used "SOL..." too many little kids around, and he didn't want us to hear it. Then there's this page: http://www.team.net/sol/

and yes, I do have one of their logos on the MG :p

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Here's a "gem" from my ex-stepdad . . .

10 thousand flies may like shit, but that doesn't mean I have to.

I use this one quite a bit.

Bass Ackwards (self-explanatory)
Fixin' to . . . (yep, definitely Southern around here ya'll)
I was going to . . .
Useless as tits on a boar - very old one
crazier than a bedbug . . . one of my mom's faves

I also like that word "copasetic." One of my regular customers uses that one a lot and he's rubbed off.:D

[XCashier]

"He's 3 days older than dirt/Moses" was a popular favorite, along with some of the other ones that XCashier had - except in out house it was a "tornado" that hit the dirty rooms, not a cyclone. :lol
Mom's from Iowa and Dad's from Ohio, so they both know what cyclones are. Me, I was born and raised in Phoenix, and when I was a child, I had no idea what the heck my parents were talking about.

A typical childhood conversation:
Mom: Your bedroom looks like a cyclone struck it!
Me: Mom, what's a "cycle instruckett"? :confused:

:o

Useless as tits on a boar - very old one
I've heard it as, "Useless as tits on a washboard"

Not wanting my little boy to use salty language, I stick to the G-rated version: Useless as a screen door on a submarine! :D

[Zinjadu]

My Mom has a good one:
Wish in one hand, s**t in the other and see which gets filled first.

Two of my dad's faves were:
Better than a slap in the belly with a wet fish.
He/she likes to sniff bicycle seats in hot weather.
Don't ask - I have no idea what they mean or where he got them from. I think they were unique to him!

If I think of more, I'll be back!

[RedHeadPhoneGirl]

My Mom has a good one:
Wish in one hand, s**t in the other and see which gets filled first.

My dad likes to say that one....
He also likes to say "Shakin like a dog sh**ing a peach seed" about one of the horses or our dogs or something when they're nervous

I only remembered that one cause he said it today *laugh*

[fizzgig]

sol is used here too SW MO- NW AR area,
don't know his a$$ from a hole in the ground,
slower-n-molasses in january,

can't think of anymore from my neck of the woods :lol:

fizzy who just happens to be a redneck :D

[Crazyredhead]

sol is used here too SW MO- NW AR area,
don't know his a$$ from a hole in the ground,
slower-n-molasses in january,

can't think of anymore from my neck of the woods :lol:

fizzy who just happens to be a redneck :D

I've learned these sayings in SW PA.

You are not the only redneck in town. :wave:
After a day in the sun my neck is truly red.

[fizzgig]

yup just one of them thar hicks from the sticks :lol:
seen a bunch more "ism's" that's used round here
up the crik without a paddle etc,etc

fizzy

[NightWolf]

Whenever my mother and I would sleep in while visiting my grandmother we would constantly hear....

"Wake up!! It's daylight in the cedar swamp!"

Which, if you've ever been in a cedar swamp, it's usually so thick not much daylight can penetrate through the brush. She liked to use this a lot as my mother and I were both night owls and slept in often.

Another one she had was when I would be doing something on my computer....

"It's all greek to me."

[erik316wttn]

My Dad-isms:

"It's raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock"

"It's colder than a well-diggers butt outside"

[MystyGlyttyr]

In reference to some of the first posts..."Puke a buzzard off a gut wagon." I have NO idea what it means.

Most of my family's -ism's are things we picked up from movies, TV, pop culture, etc. Or things that would just take WAY too long to explain. However, if you're ever in my house...

"Making biscuits" is the kneading motion the cats make when they're happy.
"Captain Kirk" means that someone's tucked their pants into their boots. Alternately, it means that the blinker in the car has not yet turned off.
"Drinking skin" means milk. (We hates milk.)
"That's what you get!" Usually yelled after someone does something stupid with disasterous results.
"*cat name* is rotten inside!" Cat just laid an enormous sh*t in the box.
"It's a dead animal, Chewy." There is something gross laying around.
"House on fire, house on fire, put it out, put it out!" ...don't ask.

There's literally thousands more in the vernacular that I couldn't even begin to sum up in a line or less...

[One-Fang]

Our useless tits were always on bulls "useless as tits on a bull".

Sheep are "woolly greyhounds".

We have "two shakes of a lamb's tail" but without the dead part. Probably because the lamb isn't. Dead lambs probably don't shake their tails much. :P

Just shows to go you (I really have to think hard to say that phrase the right way around now)

And some based on deliberate mispronunciations:

That view is very picture-skew (picturesque).

I made a fox paw (faux pas).

And one relatively new one that's slipped into use from the Buffy tv series is 'much', as in "sarcastic much?" or "grumpy much?" when someone is sarcastic or grumpy.

[Ree]

We have "two shakes of a lamb's tail" but without the dead part. Probably because the lamb isn't. Dead lambs probably don't shake their tails much. :PWell, obviously, even as a small child, I knew that dead lambs didn't shake their tails, so I always pictured it in my head as someone grabbing the tail and shaking it, and I never knew why someone would do that.
I figured the phrase was just for nonsense anyway, and didn't really have a whole lot of deep meaning.

[LadyMage]

We have weird sayings, which are normally Russian and from movies, so will translate:

"If I stand, you will lie down" - the euphemism for "you're asking for an asskickin'!"
"Esli chelovek idiot, tak eto nadolgo" - "If someone's an idiot, it's for a VERY long time" (BrassCowboy, bonus if you tell me the movie that's from! Same as above quote)
"There's this, there's that, and there is THIS!!" (used in dumb situations)
"B2N" - used to describe a non-curvy woman, translates to...will post on request.
"Nakhren mne eto oblokotilos'" - "And why the horseradish do I need this?" (yes, the horseradish is a literal translation.)

[chryso]

A couple that my mother say, and I have found myself using them also are:

"As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

and

"More [insert abundant item here] than you can shake a stick at."

[TNT]

More from the family:

Mom: Happy as a dog sh*****g bones.
Dad: That could gag a maggot.

My sister, for reasons unknown, never unplugs anything... she plugs it out. (And after we cut someone's cable off, people from Mississippi want us to "cut it back on.")

[Bella_Vixen]

My family is big on saying "makes me no nevermind." I said it to my friend once, and she just couldn't wrap her head around it. Still can't actually, and it's been 3 years.

My family actually has a ton of odd sayings, but it makes my head hurt to think about it too much.

[Primer]

The husband likes to say, "If I had his (whatever item) and he had a feather up his butt, we'd both be tickled."

[Ringtail Z28]

My great-grandmother used to embarass the hell out of me and my family with the things she would say. She had a Siamese cat named Pussy and would sometimes tell a stranger (especially cops) walking past her house, "I've lost my Pussy and I can't find it anywhere!" and things along those lines, but only when we were around. They probably thought she was senile but she was really doing it to see the look on their faces.

[Jpurple]

This thread is very funny- apparently my family's not as odd as I thought!:lol:

My mother uses 'SOL' frequently- she's from Saskatchewan originally, and has lived on Vancouver Island for the last 30-odd years if you're curious.

My dad has several phrases he uses that make me shake my head:
'Save your hay, you might inherit a horse' (if you say, 'Hey..')

'Better than a kick in the butt with a frozen boot'

'No thanks, I just had my shoelaces pressed'

And if we're talking about something that happened a long time ago (or making fun of how old someone is) we'll use 'Back when they wrote on Stone tablets...'

[thegiraffe]

Oh..we have all kinds of interesting things that go through the house.

My dad and brother tend to tag-team it. Tonight, for example, I heard my dad yell "MOM! [my mom, not his] Michael [my brother]'s lookin at bikinis!!!!". I walk out into the family room, and they have it paused (dad has the remote, of course) with a girl in a thong bikini....from the back. I rolled my eyes and walked back into my room. So not necessarily a saying, but still daily insanity.

When it's time to eat, my dad generally yells "SOUP!!". That basically means you have about 30 seconds to get to the kitchen before the food's gone haha.

-The remote control for the TV? It's a "box". My dad always wants to know where "his boxes" are...
-"Shot in a goal!" - the noise the freezer makes when it deposits the new ice cubes into the bucket. It can be heard halfway across the house, and someone typically hollers it whenever it does it.
-"FIELD TRIP!!!!" - late night...well...field trips my dad decides to take (with us, of course). On one of these, we backed through the steak-n-shake drive thru for shakes in the minivan. The car behind...er...in front of us was utterly befuddled when they turned the corner to discover a van facing them. He looked like he thought he was going to die.
-"shoe time" - dad used to say this when we were younger to mean it's time to put our shoes on to leave to go somewhere. Kinda stupid....

I can't think of anymore at the moment...

[XCashier]

My great-grandmother used to embarass the hell out of me and my family with the things she would say. She had a Siamese cat named Pussy and would sometimes tell a stranger (especially cops) walking past her house, "I've lost my Pussy and I can't find it anywhere!"
Did your great-grandmother dye her hair bizarre colors and work for Grace Brothers in England? ;)