Why do they make me feel like this?

[FuzzyKitten99]

Yesterday I had my almost-2yo (will be 5/3) evaluated by the Early Intervention people, and he scored a 45, and I was told he should be at about a 60 for his age.

One of the things they mentioned was that he seemed to not understand certain things they were asking him to do, and a few other things that I didn't think were of any concern for his age.

He says words but he is also a quiet personality child. He prefers to be held and cuddled (especially by me-he's a big mama's boy), but he also loves to play and wrestle around with his older brother.

He seems to understand most of what I ask him to do, so when he didn't quite follow instructions with the lady, I chalked it up to her being new, and the stuff she had was exciting and he wanted to explore it all. So his focus wasn't where it normally would be.

He has a vocabulary of about 30 words or so (which is normal), but he does mostly babble in his 'own language'. But it sounds like he's having a regular conversation.

I really made the appointment for the EI because my older son, Nathan, was diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (though he seems to be improving daily) and I just wanted to make sure that Ben is where he should be. My husband says that I have nothing to worry about, and that Ben is normal, and that not all kids develop at the same rate, and that he thinks that the EI people think that all kids should be along at the same rate at the same age. Ben is much farther in skills and language than Nathan was. Nathan had hearing issues as an infant, which I think complications from that, mimic Autism behaviors. I believe this because the behaviors he exhibits, aren't consistent.

I just feel like crap right now, because I feel like they are telling me my baby Ben is defective somehow. :cry:

[Plaidman]

Hey, don't worry about it. :) Same thing happened to me when I was younger. (Though it was til I was about 6ish). They said I wouldn't be all that 'average'. That I was slow.

Wanna know why? Even though I dealt with the same lady. I was a MAMA boy. I had really no idea whom this lady was. I did know that she asked me to do stuff, and toss this ball around, stuff like that. (Though it was because I had Neurofibromatosis, and they wanted to make sure I was functionial). I turned out fine. I'll admit I have terrible short-term memory, but incredible long-term memories. (I got memories from the crib).

Anyway, I'm really rambling. Your kid be great, just be your mommy self, and all be good.

And in the tiny TINY chance that it isn't, he'll always ALWAYS have your love, and nothing in this world is more powerful and healing then a mother's love.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Don't let them make you feel bad, all kids develop at different rates, and personality affects a lot of their behavior.

My sister had a hell of a time with her daughter Ash. Everytime she took her to the doctor, he would get on her case about Ash being underweight and too small for her age, and he wouldn't listen to any explanations. My sister finally started going to a different doctor who was much more understanding.

See, Ash looks just like her paternal grandmother, who is a tiny, petite, delicate woman. Ash is 9 now, and she is still a very small, thin, delicate looking child. But she's perfectly healthy, and she runs and tumbles and roughhouses with no problems whatsoever. We just have to alter any clothes we buy for her.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

We went through EI with both of our girls. The oldest we found out that she was born with fluid on her ear drum and was basicly deaf for the first 9 months of her life. She went through EI and got speech therepy to bring her up to speed. Our youngest was a micro premie and was followed from her birth through EI. She was behind on her groos motor skills but ahead in all other areas.

[Saydrah]

Don't feel badly! If your son is developmentally delayed, it's not a defect- it's a delay. Traffic can get delayed, the mail can get delayed, and kids can get delayed. But they all get where they're going if you give them a little time.

I should point out, though, that my employer is having a question and answer forum with an expert speech pathologist, and she is AWESOME: http://www.disaboom.com/forums/37882.aspx I bet she would know more about the scores and such than I would by far, but she'd probably tell you about the same thing I did- he'll get there are his own pace.

[Emrld]

FuzzyKitten: What do you wanna bet that the woman doing the testing doesn't have children of her own?

My sister has 3 kids . . .5 yr boy, 3 yr girl, and 20mo boy (so almost 2)

5 yr old is big time advanced . . .he had been in a daycare program that believed in early educating . . . he can read, write (ok not perfectly - no spaces goes left to right then next row is right to left) can work math problems- he soaks up knowledge like a sponge. His future kindergarten teacher is already worried about him being bored when he starts school as he is above a large number of his peers.

3yr old - much closer to "average" for her age

then there is my Hubba Bubba . . . .he is the cuddly one, doesn't really ever speak, my sis is so in tune with "baby talk" that he gets what he wants with very little effort on his part from her. Me on the other hand . . .I don't always understand him ;) and push . . .the other day he was saying baba . . .I told him I didn't know what he wanted . . .he finally got the word bottle out. He also runs up to me wraps his arms around my legs, almost knocking me over, says "MINE" then toddles off.

To sum up my rambbling here . . .3 children with the same genetic starting point. All wonderful in their own way. None of them at the same level when they were the same age.

Don't worry about what EI said at this point. Keep being an active parent. Keep loving your children with every breath you take. The most important thing is that Children know they are loved, cared for, and wanted. You are excelling at this. The people doing the testing need to learn some bedside manners.

[sportsmom]

Your son is fine. Kids all do things on different levels. He'll catch up, it is not a big deal.



Let me tell you a little story about some kids that went to church with my aunt and uncle... (cue wavy lines and weird music)

They were quads, yes, quads, there were 3 girls and 1 boy.

E, a girl, had CP and used a walker to get around, and if you didn't get out of her way, she would run your ass over. By the time she was in first grade, she was using just braces, no walker, and she might even be out of the braces by now, they are about 22 now.

D, a girl, and G, the boy, were both mildly delayed, they were in a special Pre-K, but were "mainstreamed" when they went into Kindergarten.

K, the last girl, is my favorite story of all of them. She never spoke, not a word. She was the littlest and the youngest and her siblings were very protective. She was a cuddler and loved everyone. When they started Kindergarten, all of the other kids went into regular classes, but they kept K in a different class. Guess what-- she started talking. Turns out, she could speak, she just didn't because her siblings did everything for her, and they all seemed to have this intuition thing going on, so she never had a need to. In fact, they pretty much said after they got her away form the others, they couldn't shut her up. :lol::roll:



Just give your little man time, that's all he needs.

[blas]

It's all bunk.

I had to spend my entire kindergarten school year in special education. At kindergarten screening (where I guess back then they determined if the kids were average, borderline special needs, or really special...whatever), I was cranky because I had to get up early that day. I refused to cooperate. I was being a BRAT because I didn't want to get up that day. Because of that, it was assumed that I had some kind of learning disability. I didn't have to go to the "special" school, but I had to go to all day kindergarten. Normal kids got to go home at noon. At noon, a bus would drop off the kids from the "special" school to spend the afternoon with the remaining kids (those of us who didn't get to go home were borderline special I guess???).....

Within weeks, it was obvious there was nothing wrong with me. I was a very social child, I could already write names cursive and had an extensive vocabulary and could spell and do math......but supposedly, and I do mean supposedly, it was TOO late to put me with the "normal" kids.

You can't just spend a short period of time with a child and observe normal child behaviors and then say "Eureka! This one is mentally retarded! He is scared of strangers!" "This one is normal because she went for the yellow duck and ran to all the other children!"

I didn't mean to be so politically incorrect with my terms....I just didn't know how else to word that.

Edit to add: Every child is unique. Some kids take longer to overcome being bashful. Others are very social early on. You cannot just point the finger and declare "Autism!" or "Mentally retarded!" just because some kids like to play alone and be quiet and others are social and talkative. It's part of every person being different.

[unclejampuff]

Your son sounds very much like me at that age. Other than a few VERY minor learning disabilities, I'm just peachy.
I had a babbling language... I'd carry on conversations of nonsense words. Actually, that's very common in my family. Outsiders have no idea what we're saying, but I don't even pause when my cousins ask me to "Lolla, goopie bugga nuddy!"(Lauren, please pick me up and hold me.). It's like pidgin languages.
I'm extroverted amongst family and some friends, but almost reclusive the rest of the time. I was also tested a lot when I was younger. Therefore, I hated the testers and was often nonresponsive. I felt like a lab rat. I understood perfectly what they wanted, but didn't feel like performing. I'm endlessly grateful that my mother understood why I tested so low, and didn't assume I was mentally deficient/ill.

Your boy will be fine. Especially with a mommy who cares so much for him. :salute:

He also runs up to me wraps his arms around my legs, almost knocking me over, says "MINE" then toddles off.
My 26 year old boyfriend does that. :rolleyes:

[protege]

Hey, don't worry about it. :) Same thing happened to me when I was younger. (Though it was til I was about 6ish). They said I wouldn't be all that 'average'. That I was slow.

Been there, done that. I was told, at various times that I'd never amount to anything, that I was stupid, etc...usually by various "experts" while in school. In fact, the *principal* of the local elementary school came up with this quote...after my dad had asked him about computer literacy: "We don't plan on doing that, since we got burned on home-ec classes." Never mind that it was 1982, and the two have *nothing* to do with each other :rolleyes:

They simply couldn't figure out that I was bored in school. I already knew how to read (taught myself, hehe)...and once the various 'reading' exercises were over, what was I supposed to do? And yes, I did get in trouble many times for drawing sports cars on scrap paper...even though I did well in art class. What can I say? I didn't give (pardon my French) a flying fuck about Dick, Jane, and Spot...I already knew how to read, folks! Yet, I was bored, simply because of the slow pace. Because I was bored most of the time, I must have had a "learning disability" or something :rolleyes:

Then there's the time I got screamed at for including a VW Beetle in one of my drawings. We were supposed to do a drawing of a Mexican village. No sooner did I turn mine in, the teacher actually reamed me out over it. She screamed that I shouldn't have done that, since "they don't have cars in Mexico!" :rolleyes:

[Emrld]

Protege - I do have to ask, on the drawing of Mexico . . .was it current time or a historical village?

Of course I know of a woman who was raised in Texas and thinks that the battle at the Alamo was amongst the "Cowboys and Indians"
(As apposed to Republic of Mexico vs the Texans -pre joining the US)
Seeing as it is a topic that is covered in at least 4 different grades in Texas History classes . . . and well Texas schools have Texas History classes her being raised in Texas is important.

[Greenday]

Ironic. My name is Ben and I was always quiet as a child. My mom said I always would try to hang out with the older people and I would listen to them talk. Then, when I did start talking a lot more, I blew away people with the things I knew.

Don't listen to any of that crap they tell you. The doctor's were always worried about me because I was so short and my weight was a lil low. Now I'm 20 years old, 5'11" and 170 lbs. Your son will even out in the end.

[FuzzyKitten99]

Thanks for all your encouraging words.

Really, I feel deep down that BOTH my boys are normal, and that my oldest really isn't so much Autistic as his behaviors are more from his inability to hear much until he got tubes in at 2.5 yrs. I was still pregnant with Ben when he got them in, as it was only 3 weeks later that I delivered.

I often think about whether or not I feel in my heart and deep down that my boys are normal with not the greatest start in regards to hearing (Ben got his tubes in a couple months ago), or that I am simply in denial. Maybe when I see things they do that kids deemed 'normal' also do, it is just that deep down hope that the 'experts' are wrong. Does that make sense?

One of the things they said that was lower than average was he didn't know where certain body parts were. He knows tummy, nose, and toes/feet. But in all honesty, I haven't really taught him the others. Not that I won't, I guess I just never thought about it.

One thing is for sure, I will be working with him more in-depth and getting him as far as I can. After I drop my nanny-charge off at school, I'm gonna take the kids to the store and get some new toys.

I also know how my boys are like me, and my mom, in that we have no problems playing/entertaining ourselves and often prefer to do activities alone. Other people are fine for a while, but we often prefer to work alone. Honestly, I prefer to have kids who are independent in play and are not dependent on having other kids around.

[protege]

Protege - I do have to ask, on the drawing of Mexico . . .was it current time or a historical village?

Current time. What's odd about the entire thing...is that one of the things we went over, was several things that were *made* in Mexico. I forget the others, but remembered the VW. Go figure ;)

[iviles]

:pissed: I HATE testing for kids!!!!!!!!!!!! I understand theres a need for it but come on their kids. They should be happy and healthy.

We found out that my Nephew is 90% deaf and everyone kept saying poor baby. Hell no poor mommy!!! He's one and already knows when mom starts scolding him he knocks off his hearing aids and smiles at her lol!

They aclamate to their situations some just need a little more help then others.

Sounds like you both are great parents so dont let no one make you feel bad! Keep doing what your doing that way I'll never see them telling you off at the store like some of these brats out here!!!

[Andara Bledin]

I don't put much faith in testing.

My brother, for example, is a lousy tester. He can know the material inside and out, but test anxiety makes it difficult for him to pass.

Also, while being a genius (he likes tests he takes on his own *shrug* ), and a rather excellent physical speciman (tall, athletic, coordinated, all that junk), he never said a single word until he was 2.5 years old. He's been self-conscious since he was tiny, (our dad's fault) so he didn't want to "embarrass himself" by doing it wrong, so he just listened until he knew enough to speak in sentences.

Can you imagine what they'd have said about a physically healthy and otherwise responsive kid that didn't talk at 2 years?

^-.-^