i hate holidays

[Ljt09863]

even though mothers day isn't exactly a holiday,i don't know how else to describe it.....

almost every single holiday, my fiance has done something to screw it up for me. to make me feel cruddy.

for my 21st b-day, i didn't even get a 'happy birthday' from him untilk about six that night....didn't even get a birthday card from him.

for our aniversary, again. nothing. i got him something he wanted. again, not even a card....

i lucked out for christmas. i actually got a nice camera. although i got it 6 days after christmas cause he got it in an after christmas sale.... but better late than never.

valentines days...again...nothing....i got him something else he wanted....not even a card....

his birthday, i made sure he had a nice b-day along with our son.....

mothers day today....never once said happy mothers day. i asked him last night, that i wouold like if he got up early and made breakfast for mothers day. i had to wake him up to take care of our son when i had to leave for work. he made dinner...although it wasn't something i care for. he was going to make something i wanted, but didn't cause he didn't have a pot clean. instead, he made veggies he liked. he also made hamburger helper, which is something ill eat, but isn't something im a big fan of. he loves it though.

i do appreciate that. i really do.

if you read my other thread about the chineses place, then you know we had ordered chinese the night before and found metal in a piece of food. they offered us free food. i asked him to go get it. he is mad at me cause i didn't find him socks....so he starts getting on me about ME not going to get the food, about ME not calling the place to see when they closed(even though i called earlier the metal in the food), about ME not doing enough laundry, about ME being mean to his mother......

so i said he should want to do something nice for me since its mothers day. "i don't have to do anything for you because you aren't my mother!" thats right...im only the mother of his only child.....i told him that when its father day, it doesn't matter if he isn't my father, he is the father of my child, and i will do something for him...

i pretty much am just upset that he threw that line at me. i really didn't expect much just because of our past with this sort of thing.....but to tell me that? i was kinda hurt.....

and after every holiday that he hasn't given me anything, i have told him it would have been nice if he could have at least torn out a piece of paper from a notebook, and wrote Happy whatever and given it to me. that is all i ask for.

for all you fathers out there, do you feel that you shouldn't give the mother of your child anything for mothers day because 'she isn't your mother'?

[Evil Queen]

Excuse me, while I go through the [e]motions:

:eek: :jawdrop: :o :mad: :pissed: :rant: :devil:

:eek: : I can't believe he's selfish enough to forget on your birthday!
:jawdrop: : He forgot the other holidays too?!
:o : The pity I feel for you. Hell, even my Dad gets Mom a rose for Mother's Day. Why?? Because she's the mother is his children.
:mad: though :pissed: : HE DID NOT SAY THAT!
:rant: : How dare he dump all this :censored: on you like that! Why that slimy, scummy jerk! How would he like it if you conveniently "forgot" all his holidays, his birthday, Father's Day and whatnot?! How dare he treat you like this, the mother of HIS child! He should get you flowers, and candies and make you a dinner that YOU like because it's YOUR special day, not his!

:devil: : My own personal idea of revenge. Don't get him anything for Daddy's Day. Better yet, disappear with baby boy and have a weekend with your friends and leave a note saying you're away for the weekend but you'd be back.

[Saydrah]

If that is how he feels, he should have gotten you something from your child. Even if the boy is too young to shop, he's not too young to understand "We are going to make Mommy happy." Infants as young as five months understand the difference between happy and sad. It's important to raise a child with the concept that giving is just as much fun as receiving. Next Mother's Day, and for your birthday, your fiancee should sneak out with your son and buy a gift, and help the kiddo color or fingerpaint on a card.

[blas]

Pardonnez mon Francais, but what a fucking jerk.

And I thought being dumped two days before my birthday just to get out of getting me something (just an excuse, not the real reason) was bad. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of assholery a moment longer!

[draftermatt]

Must resist urge to throttle him.

What the fuck? What kind of man is he? If that's how he acts I hate to see how he'll be once you get married.

My advice. Tell him since it's obvious you mean very little to him when it comes to holidays or even your birthday, henceforth you will not be celebrating his birthday, father's day, etc.

I mean, that man needs to shape up. If that's how he's going to be on Valentine's or Mother's day is bad enough, but your birthday, anniversary, and Christmas? What a jack ass, no wonder he wants to sue the Chinese place, so he can again get something for nothing like he's doing with you.

It's like he sees you as a surregate mother instead of the woman he's going to marry.

[Emrld]

I know of several couples that the other gender parent gets the card/ gift from the child when they are too young to do so . . .as the child gets older they help them to shop for the items/ supply the funds to do so . . .then it gets to the point where the child can do so all on their own.

You mention that he is your Fiance . . . and you are the Mother of a child that also carries his DNA.
Apparently some issues need to be looked into. He places different values on holidays than you do.
It may be time to look into some form of couples counseling to see if compromises can be made that you both will be happy with. If not you need to decide if the environment you create while together is one you want your child raised in.

[iviles]

WARNING ADVICE YOU MAY NOT LIKE!!! if your dont want to hear it then please skip it! its only my oppinion so please take it with a grain of salt I only know what was written in the post!




Im sorry hon but as bad as it is and it sounds bad your the one that lets him behave that way! Some where along the way you made it acceptable to act this way. I let my ex get away with it in the begining of our marrage with the excuse of we didnt have any money then it was he was to busy. But while we were dating I got extravigant gifts such as jewlry and candy wither there was money or not. When the relationship was almost over he admited to me that he already had me so why did he have to get me anything or say anything nice to me. This is the part that floored me! He also said I made enough excuses for him that he didnt have to worry about getting anything for me so why should he make any effort at all. I dont know your relationship but you need to sit him down calmly and tell him how you feel, what u expect, and what you will and will not tolorate. If it hurts your feelings he needs to know. If he doesnt try and make things better then thats up to you.

[Primer]

Better yet, disappear with baby boy and have a weekend with your friends and leave a note saying you're away for the weekend but you'd be back.
I'm not so sure I'd go back.

You're not married to him yet. Are you sure this is what you want for the rest of your life? I don't know your situation, but I think you need to contemplate long and hard about whether you really want this to continue or not. If you do nothing it WILL continue.

good luck! :hug:

[iradney]

I agree - go away for Father's day for a weekend, just you and your gorgeous little one. Ignore his birthday and other special days the way he does yours. Turnabout is fair play, and sometimes the only way to hammer a point home that what he is doing is NOT COOL.
I know you love him, but does the way he treats you tell YOU that he feels the same?

[draggar]

Wow, we don't even have any (human) children but I at least told my wife happy mother's day and didn't complain when she relaxed on the couch all day.

[BookstoreEscapee]

If that's how he acts I hate to see how he'll be once you get married.

It won't get better, that's for sure. If this is how he is when you're not yet married, he sure doesn't have any incentive to change once you do.

My dad has always gotten at least a card (and he does mushy messages in them, too) for my mom for Mother's Day (and vice versa). And my brother and I are in our 30s. Your fiance should at least be doing something "from your son" since he is too young to do it himself.

Frankly, if I were you I wouldn't bother acknowledging Father's Day and see what he says.

[blas]

How much do you want to bet if ljt ignores Father's Day, he'll throw a hissy fit of toddler proportions?

[Evil Queen]

How much do you want to bet if ljt ignores Father's Day, he'll throw a hissy fit of toddler proportions?

I want that on film!!!!! :devil:

[RetailWorkhorse]

I have this really sharp Japanese knife with me right now and I'm trying really really hard not to smash it through my laptop monitor (I'm cooking and surfing the 'net at the same time).

That.....Sperm Container....needs to be booted to the curb. If I ever, EVER, did anything like that to the Mum of my kids then I'd have my Mother and my Sister on my ass faster than a forest fire in the middle of a drought. And when they were done with me my FATHER would get into the mix because that is NOT the way he raised me.

Leave his sorry ass. Think of what your kiddo would be learning. Do you really want him to grow up acting like that? Stop him and stop him now.

[Andara Bledin]

I don't know the guy from Adam, but from what little I've read that you've posted, he sounds awfully selfish and childish. I sure hope he has some damn fine qualities we don't know about to balance out the completely jerktacular ones we do.

^-.-^

[tropicsgoddess]

What a fucking selfish jerk! :eek: :burnup: :pissed: :rant: Since he "forgets" your birthdays, Mother's Day and holidays, just leave him behind and do something for you and your son. Forget him. Aw hell, ditch his sorry ass all together. If he does that now, he'll still do that when you're married to him. I personally would rather be alone than unhappy.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You say this guy is your fiance, so, I'm afraid this is what the rest of your life is going to be like.

He's not married to you yet. Right now, he's on his best behavior. Digest that a bit.

The fact you have a son with him complicates things considerably...this guy is, unfortunately, going to be part of your life to at least some extent regardless of what you end up doing. But if you are not okay with the way he treats you, you should know it's not going to get better. Changing people does not work. My only advice is to either:

1. Suck it up for the sake of your son, or
2. Go find someone who does treat you like you want to be treated.

Is this a new behavior pattern or has he always been like this?

[Andara Bledin]

My advice to anyone that tries to go with the "suck it up for the sake of the kid" route:

Don't do it.

It might work some of the time, but even when it works, you will end up with some resentment towards the child for being stuck with the partner. And that's not fair to you, and it's sure as hell not fair to the kid.

^-.-^