Jester
06-15-2008, 03:17 PM
So my buddy Pilot is from Boston but lives out in Long Beach, California. He's a big Boston fan, including the Celtics. And of course the Celtics have the chance to win their fourth game in the Finals and thus a championship tonight. In Los Angeles. In Pilot's backyard. And he's not sure if he's going! (Yes, he can afford it.)
So after work last night, with some help from a couple of friends I was bombarding him with text messages. Basically, "if you don't go, you're lamer than...." messages. Some of them were pretty amusing. Ignoring the ones that were inside jokes, here are some of the ones I sent him. Keep in mind, a lot of them are referencing his Boston sports fandom. Feel free to pile on!
If Pilot doesn't go see his team (possibly) win a championship in his backyard, he's
...lamer than a Carrot Top show.
...lamer than a George W. Bush pronunciation guide.
...lamer than my current sex life.
...lamer than Hillary Clinton's fake tears.
...lamer than a Roseanne Barr national anthem.
...lamer than an Ozzy Osbourne anti-drug ad.
...lamer than non-alcoholic beer.
...lamer than Britney Spears' public image.
...lamer than warm beer.
...lamer than an ethics message from Cincinnati Bengals players.
...lamer than Marv Albert's hair.
...lamer than watching Scarface censored for television.
...(almost) lamer than My Worst Girlfriend Ever.
...lamer than cafeteria food.
...lamer than a vacation to Cleveland.
...lamer than a bases loaded walk.
...lamer than all these lamer than comments.
...lamer than watching a chick movie without a chick.
...lamer than Marcel from Top Chef Season 2.
...lamer than Alex Rodriguez.
...lamer than the Tuck Rule Game.
...lamer than the Snowplow Game.
...lamer than Bucky Dent going over the Green Monster.
...lamer than Pee Wee Herman being next to you in an adult theater.
...lamer than Michael Jackson babysitting your kids.
...lamer than Chris Farley's diet plan.
...lamer than last call.
...lamer than wearing a tie in Key West.
...lamer than wearing socks with sandals.
...lamer than pale fat European men in Speedos.
...lamer than couples who wear matching outfits.
...lamer than Ryan Leaf.
...lamer than the one ugly Brazilian chick. (There can be only one!)
...lamer than the last Hulk movie.
...lamer than dialup.
...lamer than an accessory dog.
...lamer than everything about Paris Hilton.
...lamer than West Palm County voters.
...lamer than Katherine Harris.
...lamer than a Volvo station wagon.
...lamer than Braille on driveup ATM's.
...lamer than a New Kids On The Block comeback tour.
...lamer than Bobby Brown teaching a domestic abuse seminar.
...lamer than Kobe Bryant.
...lamer than bad boob jobs.
...lamer than a country bar in Compton.
...lamer than a convertible in Seattle.
...lamer than a snow blower in Key West.
...lamer than the strippers at a titty bar in the afternoon.
...lamer than Riverdance.
...lamer than the "sport" of curling.
...lamer than Vanilla Ice or Milli Vanilli.
...lamer than sudoku.
...lamer than playing solitaire with a 51 card deck.
...lamer than a colorized classic black and white movie.
...lamer than porn soundtracks.
...lamer than a Yugo or a Pinto.
...lamer than a hand turkey.
...lamer than macaroni art.
...lamer than women who pluck out their eyebrows then draw them back on.
...lamer than permanent makeup.
...lamer than the Lakers blowing a 20 point third quarter lead.
So, any other "lamer than"s we can send Pilot?
By the way, in typically awesome Pilot fashion, after I had totally flooded his cell with all these lamer than messages, he finally responded with a simple "Slow night?" My friends rock!
So after work last night, with some help from a couple of friends I was bombarding him with text messages. Basically, "if you don't go, you're lamer than...." messages. Some of them were pretty amusing. Ignoring the ones that were inside jokes, here are some of the ones I sent him. Keep in mind, a lot of them are referencing his Boston sports fandom. Feel free to pile on!
If Pilot doesn't go see his team (possibly) win a championship in his backyard, he's
...lamer than a Carrot Top show.
...lamer than a George W. Bush pronunciation guide.
...lamer than my current sex life.
...lamer than Hillary Clinton's fake tears.
...lamer than a Roseanne Barr national anthem.
...lamer than an Ozzy Osbourne anti-drug ad.
...lamer than non-alcoholic beer.
...lamer than Britney Spears' public image.
...lamer than warm beer.
...lamer than an ethics message from Cincinnati Bengals players.
...lamer than Marv Albert's hair.
...lamer than watching Scarface censored for television.
...(almost) lamer than My Worst Girlfriend Ever.
...lamer than cafeteria food.
...lamer than a vacation to Cleveland.
...lamer than a bases loaded walk.
...lamer than all these lamer than comments.
...lamer than watching a chick movie without a chick.
...lamer than Marcel from Top Chef Season 2.
...lamer than Alex Rodriguez.
...lamer than the Tuck Rule Game.
...lamer than the Snowplow Game.
...lamer than Bucky Dent going over the Green Monster.
...lamer than Pee Wee Herman being next to you in an adult theater.
...lamer than Michael Jackson babysitting your kids.
...lamer than Chris Farley's diet plan.
...lamer than last call.
...lamer than wearing a tie in Key West.
...lamer than wearing socks with sandals.
...lamer than pale fat European men in Speedos.
...lamer than couples who wear matching outfits.
...lamer than Ryan Leaf.
...lamer than the one ugly Brazilian chick. (There can be only one!)
...lamer than the last Hulk movie.
...lamer than dialup.
...lamer than an accessory dog.
...lamer than everything about Paris Hilton.
...lamer than West Palm County voters.
...lamer than Katherine Harris.
...lamer than a Volvo station wagon.
...lamer than Braille on driveup ATM's.
...lamer than a New Kids On The Block comeback tour.
...lamer than Bobby Brown teaching a domestic abuse seminar.
...lamer than Kobe Bryant.
...lamer than bad boob jobs.
...lamer than a country bar in Compton.
...lamer than a convertible in Seattle.
...lamer than a snow blower in Key West.
...lamer than the strippers at a titty bar in the afternoon.
...lamer than Riverdance.
...lamer than the "sport" of curling.
...lamer than Vanilla Ice or Milli Vanilli.
...lamer than sudoku.
...lamer than playing solitaire with a 51 card deck.
...lamer than a colorized classic black and white movie.
...lamer than porn soundtracks.
...lamer than a Yugo or a Pinto.
...lamer than a hand turkey.
...lamer than macaroni art.
...lamer than women who pluck out their eyebrows then draw them back on.
...lamer than permanent makeup.
...lamer than the Lakers blowing a 20 point third quarter lead.
So, any other "lamer than"s we can send Pilot?
By the way, in typically awesome Pilot fashion, after I had totally flooded his cell with all these lamer than messages, he finally responded with a simple "Slow night?" My friends rock!