Jerkwad parents *my own* (Long!)

[Der Cute]

Ok.

I am an independant, happy, single person who has been taking care of herself for quite a few years now.

My father, on the other hand, is a guy who LOVES to be a prick. He thinks hes being helpful and nice.

I went to his house one day. He said what the hell happened to your face? I said, I have acne. I've had it for a long time.

He said well it looks like crap.
******************************

Another one:
he goes fishing for weekend. He tells his gf S. to tell me I'm overweight and need to do something about it.

Uh, Last time I checked, I KNEW I WAS A BIT OVER THE MARK.
AND I'M THE ONE PUTTING THE CLOTHES ON.
AND I AT LEAST HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL YOU THAT I DONT LIKE YOU DOING THIS....

************************************8

Another one:

He asks me when I'm leaving, flying out. I tell him I'm going out Thurs nite Really early Friday morning.. He says crap. I ask why?, something goin on?
He said yeah I need to go fishing...have someone else take you to airport? ( I do have a lot of volunteers tho) And I said surrre... I can do that.

He tells me I am supposed to go talk to my mother.
I have not spoken to her since July 04, and frankly, have no desire to do so. (she is a bitch and a half, and I wont go near her home anymore..long other story). He (dad) is yelling at me I'm required to do so.

I told him (I'm 31, btw) HELL NO. I've made my choices and I will do as I have chosen! He keeps harping She's your mother.

I told him, I've done this for many reasons and I'm happy to keep it this way. I will live with the consequences that come along, and I am damn happy to do it my way.

He yelled at me to get out and go to my room.

For petes farking sakes, please remind me why the hell i'm related to these humans/??????

My friends, all the people that have been taking me out to dinner/lunch this week have all been saying "You're doing good, you're so cool, we like you for you" and all my dad can do is yell DO IT THIS WAY..

I had my friends come volunteer to clean my apartment
I had my freinds volunteer to take me to airport
I have people volunteering to drive me around town all over
I've had people buy me dinner and food and say thanks/gbye.

Why cant these relatives accept me for who I am and LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?????

Cute

[Broomjockey]

You can pick your friends, pick your enemies, or even pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

My theory is some parents don't want you to live your life, they want you to live theirs, but not make the same mistakes. If they even think they made mistakes. That's why any advice they give you isn't how to cope with the situation, its specifically steps they would take, or what they think you should start doing.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with cutting someone out of your life if they are unhealthy for you, even if it happens to be a parent.

Just because they happened to be in the room when you were conceived doesn't make them a good parent.

Ignore his crap, talk to him as little as possible. You'll be happier.

[Kiwi]

I cant live with my family, we are all to bullheaded and opinionated to get along with each other. My mum thinks that critising me is "motivating" and that she is only "trying to help"

I totally sympathise with parents wanting to run your life by commands not advise. It sucks. But what can you do.... well I moved countries (ok ok so that was only partly because of my family) but its helped everyones relationship, she cant tell me what to do if she doesnt know what im doing....

maybe a 6 month break would do you good.

[strawbabies]

A quote from Adam Ferrara comes to mind--"If I wasn't related to these people, I would have nothing to do with them."

[Customer Beating Robot]

Honestly, it don't understand why you go around your father. The stuff he says is totally out of line. If he really loved you, he wouldn't say those things to you. I hate to say it, but your father doesn't seem to really care about you. This is a negative relationship.

You seemed to have cut off ties to your mother, and I would do the same for the father. Surround yourself with positive relationships. You can't do anything about your parents, but you don't have to put up with them.

[One-Fang]

Echo ... echo ... echo ....... (that means, all of the above).

You can't choose your parents. Why should you keep negative and destructive people in your life because they gave you life in the first place? It was a wonderful gift, thank you very much, I am very pleased to be existing, but that doesn't mean that I have to put up with shit for the rest of this life you've given me.

We all need to fill our lives with people who truly care about us. Sounds like this guy doesn't. You're probably very happy he gave one to your mother 32 years ago, but it was, after all, 32 years ago. You are now an adult, and you are free to be choosing who you share your life with.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Listen to One Fang. Well, you can listen to everyone, really, but I think One Fang distills it down to the bottom line best:

"We all need to fill our lives with people who truly care about us."

Maybe he does, in his way, but it sounds like every time you get around this guy, you come away feeling angry, upset, hurt. Basically, he poisons you. You can certainly limit your contact with him. And when you can't, realize that he is a poisonous person and try not to take it personally.

When I first moved out of my parents house, my mother, who at the time, was very controlling, did her best to continue to control every facet of my life. After spending one too many nights upset and weepy after yet another fight with her, I went over to her house and had a Come To Jesus meeting with her. I did not get angry, and I tried very hard not to be hurful or make her defensive, but I said something to the gist of "I love you and I want to live here in town, where you and the family live. However, I want to live my life as best I can without having to listen to criticism about everything I do. I appreciate that you want what's best for me, but you are making me very unhappy with your constant judgement. If it continues, I have several friends in a couple different towns who are trying to get me to move near them. This is not an entirely unattractive idea for me. I just want you to understand how I feel about this. "

She backed off. Not only that, but I have enjoyed an awesome relationship with her all my adult life. As much as we fought when I was younger, I never imagined my mother and I could be such great friends now.

It's possible your dad may just be a hurtful prick. On the other hand, he may not realize how his words hurt you. I think you should level with him as a calm adult. If he still acts the prick, distance yourself from him and let him know why. Good luck.

[dispatch]

it took a risk to my health to make me realise that someone I wanted to love me wasn't going to, and since I let go I've been allot happier. it sucks, but sometimes it's something that's neccecary for your own personal health and happiness

[Der Cute]

Thank you for all the support, everyone.

I wanted to clarify a bit:

I am currently crashing @ my dad's house until I get on the airplane and fly out of this state, for a new job.

I normally don't go near my dad because he's such a jerkwad. Really. I will deal w/ him as little as possible; I've asked for lunch dates, he's BUSY.
I've offered to help him w/ chores around here, he's BUSY.

TBH I think it's that he doesnt know how to handle me or does not feel comfortable around me, so he just pushes me away - and tries to make up for it with money and paying for my move, for example.

Really...that's what he's done for me in this. I've done all the other work, coordinating everything, lining people up, calling, etc...all the legwork. he's just fronting me some $$ and a bed.

My mother; well since I dont feel comfortable around her I dont go near her. Both sis and dad have been nagging me to call her. I'm sending postcards.
With no return address.

They all have my email address. They might get a phone number.

Honestly, I'm glad. People in this town know me by my last name, and that I'm So and so's daughter...they always tell me " Hes soooo proud of youoooooo".
First thought I always have: Why didnt he/she tell me themself? (grammar i know...)

Am I asking too much for my parents to STFU and accept me for the human being that I am? I dont think so. I think they both (m & d) need counseling, I've had it a lot and its helped me deal with the WONDERFUKINGFUL humans they are.

I have learned that the way I was raised acutally counts as emotional/verbal abuse and that I will NEVER be that way to my children (whenever they arrive). I have learned patience and acceptance of many flavors of people, I really wish they could too.

As I said to my counselors before: I am who I am..and I'm damn proud of it too.

Thx guys

Cutenoob

PS.. Remember the start of the pineapple thing? Mr. Butthead????
Wed Sept 20 is the next hearing. Let's pineapple him to death!!!!!!

[lordlundar]

Why does this thread remind me of Linkin Park's "Numb"?:angel:

Thankfully, my parents feel I make my own life, and help out whenever I ask, which is very little. Not that I don't want to associate with them, but I like doing things for myself. I never learn if I don't try.