MystyGlyttyr
07-13-2008, 05:54 PM
I had a blast yesterday, and for no reason whatsoever to do with my actually having to beat anyone up.
Incident One: One Unarmed Loudmouth vs. Five Armed Cops
I had just left the library (where I found awesome books, which made me happy) and was on my way through town to the Wal-Mart when I suddenly get cut off by this police car. Well, I have a heart attack for two reasons-one, I'm terrified of police cars, and two, that one was just five inches off my bumper. So I swing into the parking lot behind him to recover, hyperventilate, possibly swear at him later, etc., and look up to see him whipping up behind two other cop cars where about four police are hiding behind their doors and staring at this blue ghetto lowrider piece of crap that is rocking back and forth from the fit the guy inside is having.
Oh shit, Mysty gonna get shot. I peel off to an adjacent parking lot as fast as my car will go and run into a brick furniture store to hide. (I'll take on a fool with a knife but I still have a healthy respect for bullets, after all. In retrospect, it might have been a better idea to just drive away, but I admittedly wasn't thinking my most clearly.)
Of course, being a newspaper employee, I was on my cell phone to the editor on duty immediately that there was some shit going down at my location, and he told me to keep an eye on things and let them know if anything happened. Gee, thanks. So I sneak out into the plexiglass lobby of the furniture store to look, just in time to see the guy getting out of his car and taking a swing at the officer who was trying to talk to him through the window.
What followed was the best legal beating I've ever seen, from an idiot too stupid to know when he was outmatched and five cops who should be swinging baseball bats in the majors. I mean, let's face it, you're unarmed and laying on the ground in the middle of a circle of five policemen with clubs and a definite willingness to use them, and yet you won't stay down and keep trying to swing at the guys?
By the time they had him cuffed and in the back of the car, I have to think they were going to be swinging him by the hospital first because that dumbass wasn't even trying to run away, he just kept trying to fight the cops!
As the police were leaving, the one who cut me off actually saw me watching and came over to apologize because he hadn't seen me until too late, but I assured him it was worth it to get to watch that, and the two of us laughed over it for a moment. A day later, I'm glad they didn't get my name so hopefully I won't get subpoenaed...
Incident Two: The Family Connection
So I get to Wal-Mart after this, excited and looking forward to telling my dad all about what I'd just seen, and as I approach the deli, I see he's standing behind the counter with a blank expression on his face, and some tiny little woman is waving a piece of cheese in his face. Ugh.
Apparently, the fact that you could not read a magazine through the cheese meant that it was too thick and she refused to believe that it simply could not be sliced any thinner without breaking it down into it's base atoms.
So I stood behind her to watch as she flailed, complained, and bitched, while my dad simply watched her with the usual serene expression he gets when he's thinking of something else entirely and just waiting on the noise to stop. Finally, she starts insulting my dad's ability to work the slicer, which was just...dumb...but whatever.
So I finally step up beside her and my dad's eyes unglaze as he looks at me, and I say, plenty loud, "Hi, Daddy! Rough day dealing with the area idiots?"
Lady looks at me, looks at him, then just flings the cheese onto the counter, huffs, and stomps off with her cart.
Daddy responds, "Good, I didn't want to cut her cheese anyway." Then looked confused for a second when I busted out laughing at that statement. Hey, I love him, but he can be slow sometimes...
Incident Three: Police: 2 Morons: 0
So I'm on my way home, going down a highway where the speed limit is 55. I've set my cruise control for about 54 or so, and I'm merrily singing at the top of my lungs along with the radio and enjoying myself because I just bought a bunch of spicy beef ramen noodles (glee!). When this little lime green VW bug appears on the horizon behind me and comes flying up my ass so close that I almost lose sight of the hood.
Now, tailgaters piss me off royal. Especially ones where I'm already going the bloody speed limit. And this one was set to be really annoying because we were just entering a particularly curvy patch of road where there were nothing but yellow double lines for a few miles (a note: yellow double lines in the road means PASSING ILLEGAL).
Little green VW is above the law, though, as it and it's idiot owner (who I saw on his cell phone as he went by, just to compound the issue) fly around me IN A CURVE to make the pass.
Just as he's in the other lane, another car appeared in the road, coming at him. Green bug swerves and winds up in the ditch with his wheels spinning.
The other car coming? Cop car.
Just before I get around the corner and out of sight, I see the flashing lights come on the cop car as he pulls over to look.
...best damn two hours I've had in a while.
Incident One: One Unarmed Loudmouth vs. Five Armed Cops
I had just left the library (where I found awesome books, which made me happy) and was on my way through town to the Wal-Mart when I suddenly get cut off by this police car. Well, I have a heart attack for two reasons-one, I'm terrified of police cars, and two, that one was just five inches off my bumper. So I swing into the parking lot behind him to recover, hyperventilate, possibly swear at him later, etc., and look up to see him whipping up behind two other cop cars where about four police are hiding behind their doors and staring at this blue ghetto lowrider piece of crap that is rocking back and forth from the fit the guy inside is having.
Oh shit, Mysty gonna get shot. I peel off to an adjacent parking lot as fast as my car will go and run into a brick furniture store to hide. (I'll take on a fool with a knife but I still have a healthy respect for bullets, after all. In retrospect, it might have been a better idea to just drive away, but I admittedly wasn't thinking my most clearly.)
Of course, being a newspaper employee, I was on my cell phone to the editor on duty immediately that there was some shit going down at my location, and he told me to keep an eye on things and let them know if anything happened. Gee, thanks. So I sneak out into the plexiglass lobby of the furniture store to look, just in time to see the guy getting out of his car and taking a swing at the officer who was trying to talk to him through the window.
What followed was the best legal beating I've ever seen, from an idiot too stupid to know when he was outmatched and five cops who should be swinging baseball bats in the majors. I mean, let's face it, you're unarmed and laying on the ground in the middle of a circle of five policemen with clubs and a definite willingness to use them, and yet you won't stay down and keep trying to swing at the guys?
By the time they had him cuffed and in the back of the car, I have to think they were going to be swinging him by the hospital first because that dumbass wasn't even trying to run away, he just kept trying to fight the cops!
As the police were leaving, the one who cut me off actually saw me watching and came over to apologize because he hadn't seen me until too late, but I assured him it was worth it to get to watch that, and the two of us laughed over it for a moment. A day later, I'm glad they didn't get my name so hopefully I won't get subpoenaed...
Incident Two: The Family Connection
So I get to Wal-Mart after this, excited and looking forward to telling my dad all about what I'd just seen, and as I approach the deli, I see he's standing behind the counter with a blank expression on his face, and some tiny little woman is waving a piece of cheese in his face. Ugh.
Apparently, the fact that you could not read a magazine through the cheese meant that it was too thick and she refused to believe that it simply could not be sliced any thinner without breaking it down into it's base atoms.
So I stood behind her to watch as she flailed, complained, and bitched, while my dad simply watched her with the usual serene expression he gets when he's thinking of something else entirely and just waiting on the noise to stop. Finally, she starts insulting my dad's ability to work the slicer, which was just...dumb...but whatever.
So I finally step up beside her and my dad's eyes unglaze as he looks at me, and I say, plenty loud, "Hi, Daddy! Rough day dealing with the area idiots?"
Lady looks at me, looks at him, then just flings the cheese onto the counter, huffs, and stomps off with her cart.
Daddy responds, "Good, I didn't want to cut her cheese anyway." Then looked confused for a second when I busted out laughing at that statement. Hey, I love him, but he can be slow sometimes...
Incident Three: Police: 2 Morons: 0
So I'm on my way home, going down a highway where the speed limit is 55. I've set my cruise control for about 54 or so, and I'm merrily singing at the top of my lungs along with the radio and enjoying myself because I just bought a bunch of spicy beef ramen noodles (glee!). When this little lime green VW bug appears on the horizon behind me and comes flying up my ass so close that I almost lose sight of the hood.
Now, tailgaters piss me off royal. Especially ones where I'm already going the bloody speed limit. And this one was set to be really annoying because we were just entering a particularly curvy patch of road where there were nothing but yellow double lines for a few miles (a note: yellow double lines in the road means PASSING ILLEGAL).
Little green VW is above the law, though, as it and it's idiot owner (who I saw on his cell phone as he went by, just to compound the issue) fly around me IN A CURVE to make the pass.
Just as he's in the other lane, another car appeared in the road, coming at him. Green bug swerves and winds up in the ditch with his wheels spinning.
The other car coming? Cop car.
Just before I get around the corner and out of sight, I see the flashing lights come on the cop car as he pulls over to look.
...best damn two hours I've had in a while.