don't know to cry or be angry...

[Sarlon]

I need to rant...I've been going on about my EX...I'm not lookin for sympathy...just needing to rant...

hes a hard one to read...he doesn't take no for an answer so kindly...and knows exactly the buttons to push to make me hurt and cry.

He once called me his soul mate...someone he could see spending the rest of his life with...someone he couldn't live without...someone he wanted to marry and settle down with....

Just after thanksgiving of last year we had a fight...a nasty one...I was pissed beyond reason...he made me make a choice about us...and I BEGGED him to let me calm down and talk reasonably...he forced my hand...and I broke it off. Suddenly I'm the bad person, suddenly I'm the heartless bitch, suddenly I'm made to feel like I'm lower then the dirt he walks on.

.....the DAY after the fight I tried to go to him and talk with him...try to appologize...tried to make things right...or at least talk like reasonable adults. He would barely talk to me, barely make eye contact with me, barely even acknowledge my presence.

suddenly my group of so called friends are barely even talking to me, no one wants to even acknowledge my presence....THEN I find out...that he moved on...2 FUCKING days after we break up...he has a girlfriend again. Someone from where he works that and I quote..."understands me like no other person ever has." "knows me better then anyone else ever could." "was not a heartless bitch that just ignored my heart and treated me like trash."

I've wanted to remain even friends....just recently of course...yeah yeah...but I'm to forgiving for my own good.

but he continues to belittle me...."your a worthless waste of time, you were always a heartless bitch who wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and slapped you in the face..."

mind you....this kind of conversation alternates between him wanted to dump his current girlfriend (whos turning out to be a cold heartless person that only talks to him when SHE needs something.), and get back with me...

I finally made him accept the answer no...

and tonight he told me this...

"she is 100 times the lady you ever will be..."

excuse me....I just needed to rant...I'm gonna go curl up and finish crying now...

[Crazeyal]

Why are you talking to someone who obviously wants to hurt you? Forget the failed relationship, if he is belittling you (apparently needlessly) WHY are you even talking to him?

I've been there.

I've loved someone who decided they couldn't love me back. Never got a good damn reason... They were just DONE with me. All of a sudden I'm this BIG a-hole and being friends?? Not even a consideration!

You can't control other people's actions.
You can't make them be polite or any other common human trait.

If your friends are choosing sides, then they aren't friends. Aquaintences can be fun to keep around, just be aware of the distinction and you'll be hurt a LOT less.

[Sarlon]

I guess I just wanted to try and make things right...

I'm just meant to be alone....failed relationships, failed engagement...simply because I was to pig headed to say I'm sorry even if it wasn't my fault...

[NimrodJess]

I guess I just wanted to try and make things right...

I'm just meant to be alone....failed relationships, failed engagement...simply because I was to pig headed to say I'm sorry even if it wasn't my fault...

You're not doomed to be alone and there is NO reason to apologize if it wasn't your fault.

I've been through a series of serious relationships over the past 6 years, 3 of them resulting in engagement. All of them have failed. Granted, because of it, I've given up on the idea of marriage (you can ask Dispatch about how broken I am), but I know I can still be HAPPY with someone, even if for a short while.


As much as it sucks to be put through it, you'll eventually get used to getting hurt by assholes and it'll roll off (or at least you'll learn to hide it so it seems like it does).


I love you! :hug:

[tropicsgoddess]

Why do you even bother with him?!! This guy is more of a drama king than MY ex. Here's the thing: I met my ex S, when I was a freshman and he was a senior in high school and that was 9 years ago. I fell for him and I thought he was a knight in shining armor. Now that I look back, he really wasn't. My parents weren't too keen on us dating because of our age difference, so we hid that from them until I graduated high school. A lot of my classmates warned me about our relationship because upperclassmen mostly dated underclassmen for one thing and one thing only: sex. A few months after S and I were dating, he dumped me because he didn't think things would work out with him moving after he graduated. Crazy thing was he and his family didn't move until about a year after S graduated high school. Even crazier was that all the times he kept breaking off the relationship I kept accepting him back....until I met my current SO 5 years ago and decided to dump S. After I dumped S, I saw what a real relationship is like. If somebody really loves you, they will stay with you thick and thin, take you and love you as you are and not treat you and the relationship like a toy.

[Evil Queen]

*hugs and shares cookies and tea*

Sarlon, baby I love you, you're a wonderful person but I must agree with CrazyAl. You do NOT need to be with that guy!

Listen, I thought I was with a wonderful guy too and it occured to me (with no help of my parents... ha..ha... *cough*) that he's a controlling asshole who wanted to marry me as soon as her got out of highschool and move me to some foreign country, knock me up and tell me what to do with the rest of my life! NO WAY!

I dumped him for his "best friend" (who didn't think of him as anything but a guy he knew) and have never been happier. My SO doesn't expect me to marry him, have his kids or really have anything more then a convenient relationship. I'm perfectly happy with it. Go figure. :D

Sarlon, please stop communicating with your EX. He's bad news, dear.

[dispatch]

:hug:

*puts on sherlock holmes hat and lights pipe*

he forced you to make a decision, then had a new squeeze 2 days later and is upset at you because of the decision he forced you to make. Sounds to me like he either lacked the spine to break it off or was expecting you to take him back, or both.
Sarlon, he's not worth your time. If he's going to be indignant about it and re-open the wound then leave him be because as much as you may want to be a friend he's not helping your sanity much. I'm not saying shut him out completely, I'm just saying keep him at arm's length.
As for feeling like you're destined for loneliness; keep the faith. Even if you're not actively trying to find someone keep your eyes open for oppertunity knocking. It's going to hurt, you're going to be disappointed/let down, you're going to miss the subject of the OP at times, but when you do remember that there's a reason the two of you seperated.

I was talking to my brother the other morning about how NimrodJess and I bonded out of anger towards common things, and how he and I are close for the same reason, and we started going down the list of our closest and most respected friends and realised that if the whole world were just really pissed off at a common cause we could all be much better friends (hypothetically). The point here is that it's ok to get pissed about this too, just don't take your anger out on the wrong people.

Anyway, I'm done rambling, PM me if you need to further vent in private

[Rapscallion]

The main problem is that you can't see what's going on as easily as someone who can see it from the outside, such as us. You've had good advice in this thread - stay away from him. He's using you as an emotional punching bag when things go wrong with his current girlfriend. You're sitting there and taking it because, I assume, a little part of you thinks that everything could go back to how it was when things worked.

You've not got over the relationship properly. My advice is to go cold turkey and stop having him trying to rake you over the coals and stir up your feelings for him.

Make sure you drop him properly. This is not a situation where you can be friends after the relationship is over.

Rapscallion

[iradney]

Next time he calls you, hang up on him. If he texts you, delete it without reading it. If he tries to talk to you face to face, walk away. Your life doesn't need that kind of energy sapping parasite (which is what he is). If you cut him out, LITERALLY, he'll hopefully leave you alone.
If he keeps calling, maybe consider a restraining order of some sort...(only if needed, however, you don't want to swat a fly with a Buick).

[patiokitty]

I am in complete agreement with everybody who has already posted here.

Avoid that prick like nobody's business. He's a negative influence in your life and you need to think positive. Don't let past experiences keep you from going after new experiences with new people. Completely cut that rat-bastard from your life and keep him out. You'll be better off in the long run no matter how much you want to try to end things on a good note - there won't be one with him.

[AdminAssistant]

My high school "sweetheat" and I had a very very messy breakup. Lots of hassling, phone calls, unexpected visits...a summer of hell, really. I was trying to get over him and he just wouldn't GO AWAY. Finally, I move to college, he goes to the same college, but we don't see each other.

My senior year, 3 years later, I find out that I friend of mine pledged (and then dropped out) of my ex's fraternity. Out of curiosity, I asked, "Did he ever go on and on about the bitch that broke his heart and treated him like crap?" "Yeaahhh, man he talked all the time about her. He was still pretty pissed about it." ":lol: Meet the bitch. :wave:"

Yes, I was the bitch, because I finally realized that emotional abuse and date rape were not components of a normal relationship. :rolleyes: It was my fault.

BullShit.

Don't take his calls or texts, avoid him at all costs, and if he starts following and harrassing you, call the police. Cut all ties with this jerkoff. He's an emotional abuser and not worthy of someone as fantabulous as YOU.

[Crazeyal]

I guess I just wanted to try and make things right...
There is no harm in that. What you are doing NOW is taking abuse because you feel guilt and want punishment.


STOP

IT!!

There might be things you could have handled better. There might be things you were outright wrong about. None of that counters the fact that he was cheating on you.


Yeah.. I went there.

The warning signs HAD to be there. The friction and fights were probably reactions to your sense that the relationship was not working. If someone isn't committed, fights happen, it's pretty simple. She WASN'T found, wood and in a relationship in two days. He was either dating her on the side, or he was cruising when he wasn't with you. Your ex is abusive and cruel. He has moved on to another victim. Consider yourself lucky.


He's still contacting you because you have low self esteem and he knows your triggers. A Bully doesn't give up his targets easily. He's hoping to push you into accepting his abuse, becase you ARE at fault... YOU broke the engagement.. YOUR FAULT!!! Three months later you'll be the "other woman" because you "deserve it" and he'll leave her when he's "DAMN GOOD AND READY!!"

Honestly.. he sounds like he's using you to practice being an abuser of women. He'll probably start hitting soon. You got out before his demons took over completely.

RUN!!!


I'm just meant to be alone....failed relationships, failed engagement...simply because I was to pig headed to say I'm sorry even if it wasn't my fault...

Do you listen to yourself?

You need to talk to a professional. I've seen people who get involved with people like that. The relationship is a whirlwind of abuse, constant cracks at self esteem, and traps that keep a woman feeling miserable and useless. They start to believe whats been told to them, that they ARE worthless and unloveable.

You aren't.

You deserve happiness. You are NOT meant to be alone. What you need to do is find someone who cares about you, not how they can use you.

PLEASE...

Talk to someone...

Helpguide (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects .htm)


http://www.emotionalabuse.net.au/


That's from a quick google search. There are professionals who can better help you than some internet know-it-all like me. Trust me... just talking about it can help.

[Becks]

Change your phone number(s), too.

[Sarlon]

can't change numbers...don't have the money...

but I'm taking steps already to moving above and beyond him. but in the mean time I'm just drowning myself in work, both at home and at my actual work place.

I'm gonna redouble my efforts to get my home business working again...I had wanted to go to NZ in october for a con...and visit a friend down there...but money wise I'll doubt I'll be able to.

[XCashier]

I agree with everyone else here. Cut off all contact with him. He's a machiavellian manipulator, a bully and an emotional parasite. You do not need someone like that in your life.

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, except to hope that everything will work out for you soon. :hug:

[Igorina]

Dear Sarlon,

I've been in a similar situation and I did not react the way I thought I would.

I did not think that I would lose 25lbs in 4 months becuase of the stress of fighting. I did not think I would try to keep the relationship going in the face of his indifference. I was supposed to 'grow up' and 'deal with' it.

It was a special sort of suck to find out that two months after I ended it, he was engaged to one of the girls from the bar he worked at. It sucks that he'll be getting married at a con I'll be working at(and can't get out of).

Please know, you are not alone. There is an entire board of people, who while distant, do care about your well being.

I agree with burying yourself in work, and doing some self- examination. Because I buried myself in work, I managed to get a promotion this year. Look hard enough and there will be a silver lining, even if it's the type of silver that turns your skin green.

Take care,
Igorina

[lordlundar]

Make sure you drop him properly.

...like out a 10 story window.:devil:

In all seriousness though, he's using you, and he's not worth the time. The only reason he had you make the choice is because he's too much of a coward to do it himself and to make you look like the bad person. Him and the tramp deserve each other and ANYONE who sides with him doesn't deserve to have you as a friend.

As for his remarks, take a step back, a deep breath, and consider what he's been saying. If you start to agree with any of it, seek out some professional help. Those words are filled with malice and are simply there to put you down, so that when he's feeling low, you'll accept him because he made you think he's a better person. I will say this outright:

HE
IS
SCUM!

...and he is not worth your friendship or your love. It's time to sever the tie completly and without looking back. There are better people out there and once you get rid of that baggage that you call an ex, you will find them.

Once you do that, you will be happier, and the next time he is low, he'll have no one to turn to. That is the result you both deserve.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Sarlon, think very carefully on this one....What Would Richard Do?

:)
:D
:devil:

FOR PONY!

[BookstoreEscapee]

Some people do not deserve your friendship.

:hug:

[Sarlon]

Sarlon, think very carefully on this one....What Would Richard Do?

:)
:D
:devil:

FOR PONY!

but I can't channel the 9 hells....and murder is illegal...no matter how much you try to cover it up....now banishing...can't melt off his face...

In all seriousness, I've started to get back into meditating, and grounding of myself....I've put enough deposits into the karma bank...why can't I make any withdrawls?!

[Gawdzillers]

Steal his front door, and then send him pictures of it through the mail with ransom notes cut-and-pasted from magazines.

He won't know what the fuck.

[Sarlon]

I'll do worse...I'll ignore him, and move on...just not start looking for a while.

[Evil Queen]

Good! Because after someone like this, you need a break for a while.

Something I keep telling Roommate R but does he listen? Nooooo. He think's his life is over NOW. RIGHT NOW.

[Sarlon]

i just needed to rant is all...I'm just not ready for another relationship, not till I can get my life back in order...and heres my list of things..


be debt free (check)
build my savings account back up.
get all the work on my car done so it runs like new
loose about 80 pounds (i weigh 230 pounds at 5' 4")
stop being such an emotional wreck
learn to trust men again


ok so io have a while to go...

[tropicsgoddess]

[QUOTE=Sarlon;378646]i just needed to rant is all...I'm just not ready for another relationship, not till I can get my life back in order...QUOTE]

Take your time but while you're at it .....have as much fun as you can. :)

[Sarlon]

Conversation i had just today with ex....(SEVERELY cut for length...just key points)

Lady Sarlon says:
why can't you except the fact that I want you out of my life
Lady Sarlon says:
you don't trust me probably never will trust me, and do nothing but fight with me
Lady Sarlon says:
everything I say you take to be bitchy or defensive like you don't expect me to be concerned...you call me a nosey bitch when I try to act the concerned friend
Lady Sarlon says:
its painfully obvious you don't give a flying shit about my emotions
Lady Sarlon says:
you've found your happiness.....why can't you leave me alone so I can finally find mine

[Evil Queen]

*hugs tightly and helps gorge on more cookies*

These are peanut butter.

[blas]

Just cut off all contact with him. Seriously, don't bite his bait!

And remember, nothing was your fault. Controlling, manipulative, and ultimately abusive men will ALWAYS blame the lady for doing what they do and acting how they act. It is NOT your fault. It's his problem. Let him live a rotten life.

You deserve a good life and to be happy!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Two days later?

Honey, no. He was seeing her while he was seeing you. I would bet you any sum. I'd bet my freaking house.

Control freak, likes to play mind games, enjoys chicks crying over him. Probably abusive, eventually.

I've seen it before. Don't talk to him, because he's going to keep mindfucking you every time you do.

I know his type. In fact I learned about his type dating one once. As soon as I realized what he was, I got out with a quickness, but that didn't stop him from attempting to continue to talk to me. Not only that, but he attempted a few times to use me to mindfuck the chick he WAS seeing. As I'm sure this guy is probably doing to the chick HE'S seing.

Please don't cry because you think you've lost something. You know better.

[Sarlon]

he was never abusive....physically or other......maybe a little verbally since we both had tempers and tended to hit each other with words not fists.

[blas]

Sarlon, I used to think the same way. Until he started messing with my head and kind of.....what's the word......mentally manipulating everything so that it was always what he wanted, when he wanted, and he always had cutsie pooh excuses as to why I couldn't go out with my friends or wear certain things.

Took me a while to open my eyes and realize that this guy was controlling and could eventually become abusive. Although thankfully, unlike most controlling and abusive guys (who have zero self esteem) he was so full of himself and so selfish and only cared about what was convenient for him, if you pissed him off or didn't agree with him, you became a waste of time. And that one fateful night when I didn't "comply" and challenged him......he walked right out.

Just stop thinking about it. Get away. Stay away.

[Jester]

I guess I just wanted to try and make things right...

I'm just meant to be alone....failed relationships, failed engagement...simply because I was to pig headed to say I'm sorry even if it wasn't my fault...

While it is noble of you to try to make things right, sometimes you have to realize that you can't make things right. And that it is not your fault if you can't. This dude is trying, and apparently succeeding, to put all the blame on you, and make you feel guilty for something that was not your fault.

You have no reason to be sorry, yet you are. He has every reason to be sorry, yet he isn't. And by the way, why SHOULD you say you are sorry if it wasn't your fault? Answer: you shouldn't.

Now, I am not going to sit here and say this guy is abusive and just inches away from being a physical abuser. There is no way to know that from the limited information we have. Certainly he played with your emotions, and manipulated you. But that does not in and of itself indicate he is the type to become a chronic abuser, or that he would ever do so physically.

Sometimes things end, and there is nothing we can do about it, no matter how much we try. I have dealt with such situations, sometimes better than other times, and I am here to tell you that this situation is over.

Let it be over. Stop trying to make things right with this guy, because you never will. Because, frankly, he has no interest in making things right. He may at some point pretend to do that, but only to get back in your good graces and into your head again, for his own gain. But trust me when I tell that in his mind, it is over, and you are no more than a possible future fallback plan.

I am sorry if the above sounds harsh, but I am not known for pulling punches. And my harshness should not be misconstrued as being harsh towards you, but merely towards the situation. Sometimes you need an outside eye to see things clearly.

And while I can't say if you were or were not meant to be alone (I am not nearly that supreme a power), neither can you. This one situation does not mean you are doomed to a life of misery, spinsterhood, and too many cats. It merely means that this one situation was not meant to be. And that is probably for the best. I know from my own life, when My Worst Girlfriend Ever dumped me, I was crestfallen. (Now there's a word I so rarely get to use.....) I was heartbroken, and just had to get away and clear my mind. But months later, when I was seeing things more clearly, I realized that the best favor that wench ever did for me was dumping me.

So mope for a little while, cry for a little while, go beat up some inanimate objects for a little while, go drink way too much cheap whiskey in a bar where most of the patrons whose nicknames are the names of car parts for a little while.....

But then, when you have gotten that emotion out of you, and you are drained of it, and can think more clearly, look back on this and realize that that crack monkey of an ex-boyfriend of yours did you a huge favor.

i just needed to rant is all...I'm just not ready for another relationship, not till I can get my life back in order...

I am glad to see that you have no intention of dating for a while, and plan on working on yourself for a bit, but don't take it too far. While you should carefully examine why you are attracted to people, and try to avoid falling into the trap of getting involved with another guy like your ex, don't automatically refuse all dates no matter what if you haven't completed that little list of yours. You may just be turning down the good guy that came along for you.

Him and the tramp deserve each other...

I have to jump in here and call foul.

All we know about The Other Woman is that Crack Monkey jumped right into things with her. We know nothing about her other than what Sarlon has told us. And my apologies to Sarlon, but she is definitely seeing the woman with a rather biased view. There is a strong possiblitiy that The Other Woman is just the next victim for Crack Monkey's manipulations. Hell, she might well be a wanton harlot with a heart mined from Antarctica, but we really shouldn't be casting aspersions upon her with the very limited information we have.

Steal his front door, and then send him pictures of it through the mail with ransom notes cut-and-pasted from magazines.

He won't know what the fuck.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and fuck an a NO.

Sarlon has the right idea of just ignoring the guy and letting the situation die a quiet death. While I am all in favor of vengeance (and trust me, I AM), it needs to be done at the right time, to the right target, in the right situation, and by the right person. And while this is the right target and the right time, it is clearly not the right person or situation.

Sarlon needs to move on, and exacerbating the situation with juvenile pranks (even amazingly creative ones like the above) is not going to do anything to help her.

That being said, thanks for the brilliant idea. One day, I might just find a good use for it...... :devil:

[Jester]

he was never abusive....physically or other......maybe a little verbally since we both had tempers and tended to hit each other with words not fists.

Well then, you really can't say he "was never abusive" since by your own words above, he was. Verbally, emotionally, psychologically.....words can hurt as much as fists, and oftentimes, leave deeper scars.

Conversation i had just today with ex....

Stop having conversations with him. For any reason. At all.

"But I just wanted to tell him--"

No. You've told him all you had to and more, and the fucker doesn't care, and never will.

"But I just had to say--"

No. You've said all you need to say, and saying more won't hurt him, and certainly is not helping you.

Stop talking to him.
Stop texting him.
Stop emailing him.
Stop engaging him in any kind of conversation.
Stop communicating with him at all.
Stop continuing to pick at the emotional scabs he left you with.

Stop, stop, and stop.

No good can come of this, so just.....fucking......STOP!

[Amethyst Hunter]

I couldn't agree more with Jester's advice. For the love of all that is good and holy and sacred in the world, STOP. Dump this scumbag like yesterday's trash. Anyone who would make you feel low and treat you like the dirt on their shoe is NOT worth one more second of your valuable time.

[Talon]

Damn Jester you beat me to it. *claps*

But Sarlon, why do you continue to talk to him? You should realize by now that it's only going to result in more pain. Or is that what you want?

We can talk until we're blue in the face about how toxic this guy is, you need to get him out of your life etc etc.. but if you feel you deserve to be punished, we might as well be baying at the moon.

On that note...

I'm just meant to be alone....failed relationships, failed engagement...

Is that what you want?

Think about it. Don't think about what you think you deserve, ask yourself: What do you want?

Actually it looks like you've already come up with a good list.

About those "friends". When my best friend got divorced, several friends and even family stopped speaking with her. It took her a while, but she realized she was actually better off without those judgmental fools. Eventually I think you'll come to the same conclusion.

[morgana]

Sarlon,

Please listen to your friends. Us.

You do deserve better. Things will *get* better. But only if you quit letting this slimy cut-rate machiavelli manipulate you.

CUT HIM OFF. No matter how much you want closure, he's not going to give it to you. Your only way to win in this situation, to make things better, is to stop letting him control you.

You're telling yourself that you don't matter. And if you don't think you matter, why should he think so? But that's wrong. He's the one who doesn't matter. What he says doesn't matter, what he does doesn't matter, what he thinks doesn't matter, his new chewtoy doesn't matter. YOU matter.

Don't let him do this to you. QUIT HIM. Trust me, been here, done this. The only way you'll make your life better is to stop letting him control what you do and thnk.

Everyone who's weighed in here is telling you the same thing: he's only treating you like this to hurt you. You're not going to get what you want from this immature little boy who gets what little power he has from abusing women who trust him. You do deserve better than this. Don't let him win.

Hold your head high, and walk away.

[Eireann]

Sarlon, Jester beat me to pointing out that the guy IS abusive to you, so damn it, I'll concentrate on something else. :)

As someone who has been there and done that to death and resurrection, you can believe me implicitly when I tell you that guys like these are a dime a dozen. There's nothing special about them; these are NOT the kind of people you go to when you have a problem, you do NOT grow old with them (they tend not to grow old anyway, eventually pissing off the wrong person), you do NOT have long, meaningful discussions with them. All that you do, is find yourself constantly on the defensive with them. Manipulation is what they do, it's what they know, and in many cases, it's ALL they know.

One of the problems here is that people get used to what's familiar, not matter how bad "familiar" is. That's one of the reasons you think you want to contact him. It's not what you need, it's not what is best for you, but it IS familiar. Stepping outside the familiarity, no matter how awful it is, is still a big step, and for too many people, it's so frightening that they stay in the situation they know. And some die there - either literally or metaphorically.

I read that sharks can sense an extremely small amount of blood in a large volume of water. Manipulators are the same way. They gauge a person's body language, manner of dress, tone of voice, behavior towards others, and they know when they've found an easy target. That's why Prince Scumly is going for you time and time again - because you're an easy target. Manipulators, also, stick with what they know, and if he can use and abuse you, he'll do it. Don't fool yourself into thinking that he isn't abusive if he doesn't hurt you physically. Abuse occurs on many levels, and he's been abusing you on damn near every level there is.

You're right, there's no point in getting into another relationship. Please, PLEASE, seek counseling NOW. You need to dig into your past and free yourself of whatever negativity you were fed, that left you believing that this asshole is all you deserve - and that you should be APOLOGIZING to him in any way! Oh, hell, no. I'll bet money that he's never apologized to you, has he?

I'll also bet that you've never heard him say these words:

"It was all my fault."
"I hope you can forgive me."
"I really need to stop behaving like this."
"I'm in therapy."
"I've been blaming everyone else for my problems."

You get the idea. Manipulators simply don't see any of their behavior as wrong or reprehensible; it's always the other person who "makes" them do what they do. As if society at large held a gun to the head of John Q. Manipulator to force him to be a jackass.

So. You're both repeating patterns from early in your life. And, honey, HE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM TO SOLVE. Remember this. Write it on your mirror. You have a live of your own, and his existence is none of your concern. It's all too easy to think that you can be the one to solve his problems and turn him into a real human being, but it doesn't work like that; the fairy tales we hear as children are just fairy tales, with no grounding in real life. Women, especially, are taught that we have to give up everything about who we are in order to help others, and it's simply not true. By concentrating on him, you ignore yourself. Is it any wonder you feel so rotten? If you don't take care of yourself, who will?

I also know that you think that if you just explain things to him often enough, or in the right way, he'll See The Light. No, no, no, no, no, and NO. It doesn't work that way, never has, never will. He doesn't feel what you feel, doesn't care what you feel, and only sees your feelings as something to use against you. Every time you contact him, you give up more of your power.

As Jester told you already, just stop contacting him. Yes, it'll be difficult. Yes, you'll want to contact him, because you're used to the familiarity.

And, yes, down the road, you'll look back on this whole mess and kiss the ground out of gratitude that you're out of it.

You can believe me on that.

[XCashier]

Sarlon,

Jester, Eireann and Morgana are all 100% correct. This guy is a manipulator. He doesn't even see you as a human being, merely a means to an end--his own superiority. To hell with him. Cut off all contact with him. NOW.

Please see a counselor. A good counselor can help you through this, help you break these behavioral patterns that make you keep going back to abusers and manipulators, and help you become a whole person again.

We're all on your side here. :hug:

XCashier

[Evil Queen]

I has chocolate chocolate chip donuts today. Home made with a nice creamy cream cheese icing.

*shares*

How are you doing today?

[blas]

I have an emergency supply of peanut butter cookies under the bed. I think this situation calls for them.

[1756GR2]

Cry all you want, and be angry - angry that he has such a talent for manipulation that he can make you feel worthless and wrong when you knew you were right. But please - do NOT be angry or disappointed with yourself!

Beasts like him will find every button, push them, watch the emotional carnage and feel smug satisfaction that they can get whatever they want even if they don't want it. It might be better if they could do their damage and walk away laughing never to return, but they keep coming back to do it again just because they can. That's a lot of power to have over another human being. Heck, I had one of them in my life who called me out of the blue eight years later just to try to pull the same routine again.

I 100% support those who've already cautioned you not to answer his calls and texts, to delete his voicemails without listening, no matter how much you want to answer just to tell him off. It means nothing to him except to further amuse him and give him permission to keep abusing you. And hon, you know he knows how.

Keep on with meditating, get yourself centered. Hang onto the real friends and see this creature for what he is. Like Sarah in Labyrinth, the time will come when you can think of him, stand up straight and with great conviction say, "You have no power over me!"

Thus ends my lecture.

[Jester]

Beasts like him...

Initially, I read the above as "Breasts like him...."

But then I started thinking that that actually made sense. So I present that paragraph somewhat adjusted, for your amusement. And because it's true!

"Breasts like them will find every button, push them, watch the emotional carnage and feel smug satisfaction that they can get whatever they want even if they don't want it. It might be better if they could do their damage and walk away laughing never to return, but they keep coming back to do it again just because they can. That's a lot of power to have over another human being."

[blas]

Just thought of something else.

Whilst you are in the process of removing him from your life, ignoring him and moving on, ALWAYS KEEP THE BIG PICTURE IN MIND. Always be aware of your surroundings.

I am not trying to scare you, in fact some of this is from my mother being paranoid about my controlling ex and constantly telling me to "Be safe and smart".

But it did get me to thinking. If he's that mentally unbalanced and that obsessed with getting your gourd, he could be just a few feet away at any given moment.

Be safe, ok? Don't be paranoid, but always keep the big picture, and whenever you don't feel safe, have a support system, and never be afraid to call the police. I had a stalker before, and the police were my best allies. They will NOT feel burdened by patrolling your neighborhood or following you places if you ask. I had a cop follow me home every night for a few weeks. They didn't mind one bit.

[1756GR2]

"Breasts like them will find every button..."

I...just....omg....hahahahahahaha!!!! You're good, Jester.

Doctor Bubba, The Cat With Real Feelings, came trotting over to see if my groan was caused by anything that requires his kitty kisses. I tried to explain, but he just looked at the monitor, looked at me, went over and laid back down on his hassock with his paws over his face. I swear...he did.

[Jester]

You're good, Jester.

Good nothing. I'm fantastic! :cool:




(The above line is a direct thievery of one of my friend Frank's favorite sayings. Being a damn good magician, he gets to use it. A lot.)