I always attract trouble...

[ArenaBoy]

And my friends always get involved, I don't know how but I always do. There is this girl that I am friends with, we have a class in school together and we always talk about stuff. The other day, it was raining and I decided to give her a ride to her dorm because my car was close by and her dorm is on the other side of the school. I saw her earlier today and she told me about her b/f who apparantly has a short temper. He saw her come out of my car and got very mad at her about it. She told me that he knows that she has plenty of friends that are guys and still doesn't accept it. She told him that her and I are just friends, nothing else. I'm worried that her b/f may go over the edge about it. Sometimes I wonder if it's just something about me that always gets me in these situations.

[thegiraffe]

If she's a really good friend, perhaps it may be a good idea to have a heart-to-heart with her? If her BF can't accept that she can have totally platonic friendships with guys, maybe he isn't the right guy for her. Watch their interactions - does he dictate who she can hang out with, where she can go, what time, etc? Those are pretty good indications of a potentially abusive relationship. I don't want to stick my nose where I don't belong, but....if she's a good friend and you care about her, you may want to see what you can do to help. I'm going to warn you though - she won't take kindly to the suggestion. I promise. Just...try to be a good friend for her, and if she does decide to leave him, it may be a good idea for you to help watch out for her. You never know what possessive guys are capable of....

I really hope it doesn't get to this point.

[draftermatt]

I'd tell her that she needs to dump the psycho and if he wants to rumble to bring it.

No matter your phyiscal stature few people like that will get fighty. Some will, and if he seems like the kind, then just advise her to dump him.

Try not to worry too much. If you feel threatened get in touch with campus security.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I recommend you stay out of it.

If you say anything against him, she will get mad at you. Nobody EVER listens when they are warned about skuzzy people they think they are "In LUUV" with. They just say "you don't know him the way I know him! You don't understand him." Then YOU get to be the bad guy.

Yeah, whatever. It's not worth the aggravation, my friend.:no:

[HappyCthulhu]

I had a jealous boyfriend that once put a knife to my throat because I told his girlfriend that I thought he might be the violent type.
He really proved my point, but she stayed with him anyway.
Some women are just really stupid.

[ArenaBoy]

I am staying out of it, but I did tell her that if anything happens is to call the police or me. Scary thing is, he waits in her dorm for her at times without even letting her know. In my book, that's stalking boyfriend or not. I am worried about her yes, but right now I will be playing the ghost role. I just hope things don't turn out bad.

[BunnyJas]

I think you are doing the right thing. All you can do at this point is just offer support when she needs it. Hopefully she will see that this guy's behavior is not an expression of love and dump his ass before it gets worse.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

All due respect, she should NOT call you. Even cops dislike getting involved in domestic disputes above all other calls. They are volitile, unpredictable, and good guys cannot be told from bad guys. Woman calls the cops against a man she's afraid of, cops show up, woman helps abusive man attack cops because she's so afraid of the abusive man. Happens all the time.

Also, I used to work with this guy who was either dating or friends with a woman who had a violent ex. He pulled up into her driveway one night and the violent ex sent a shotgun blast into the windshield. Killed him.

Don't play around with this.

[ArenaBoy]

Don't play around with this.

I will happily take that road. I have other things to worry about.

[protege]

Nobody EVER listens when they are warned about skuzzy people they think they are "In LUUV" with. They just say "you don't know him the way I know him! You don't understand him." Then YOU get to be the bad guy.

What pisses me off about that, is that they'll usually complain about how their husband/bf/sig other/etc is an asshole...but they stay with them anyway :confused: I went to college with a girl like that, Nearly every day, she'd come into the cafeteria and complain about her bf. After several months of this, it got to the point that the rest of us finally told her we simply got tired of hearing it. In other words, dump the asshole...or if you stay with him, don't tell us about it! You know he's an asshole, we know he's an asshole--deal with it.

Anyway, I'd be *very* careful of this guy. He sounds like a real psycho, and is probably the type of person who sees *anyone* as a threat.

[Rapscallion]

After several months of this, it got to the point that the rest of us finally told her we simply got tired of hearing it. In other words, dump the asshole...

Did she?

Rapscallion

[FloridaLizardQueen]

I recommend you stay out of it.

If you say anything against him, she will get mad at you. Nobody EVER listens when they are warned about skuzzy people they think they are "In LUUV" with. They just say "you don't know him the way I know him! You don't understand him." Then YOU get to be the bad guy.

Yeah, whatever. It's not worth the aggravation, my friend.:no:


Staying out of it will only allow it to continue and progress to get worse. I would casually bring it up, and tell your friend that if she needs to talk about something, then you will be there for her. Make sure she understands you will support whatever decisions she makes in the relationship. That will make her think about the situation as to whether or not she wants to leave the guy.

[protege]

Did she?

Rapscallion

Unfortunately, she didn't. However, he got what was coming--he got arrested for assault shortly after graduation.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Unfortunately, she didn't. However, he got what was coming--he got arrested for assault shortly after graduation.

See?:rolleyes:

[protege]

See?:rolleyes:

He didn't attack her. Instead, he roughed up a campus security guard who found him outside her dorm one night. He was sitting in his car, and refused to leave.

[draftermatt]

I am staying out of it, but I did tell her that if anything happens is to call the police or me. Scary thing is, he waits in her dorm for her at times without even letting her know. In my book, that's stalking boyfriend or not. I am worried about her yes, but right now I will be playing the ghost role. I just hope things don't turn out bad.

I know what your'e saying. But there are a lot of people out there who stay in abusive relationships because

"He's trying to get better"
"He's hot" (I heard this one once, wasn't happy)
"I love him/her"
"He didn't mean it"

You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves.

[draftermatt]

I do want to say that I feel sorry for anyone in an abusive situation. But the ones who know there's a problem and refuse to do anything about it make me mad.

[thegiraffe]

I'm going to have my BA in psychology in December, so I think I can offer some insight:

A lot of times, women stay in abusive relationships out of sheer fear of leaving. They don't want to become a statistic. The most dangerous time for a woman is immediately after she leaves a domestically abusive relationship. If she truly IS afraid of him and wants out, there should be a counseling center on campus. Refer her there - I'm sure they have resources to help women in domestic violence situations. That, and it's completely confidential. If he barges in wanting to know if she's been there or etc, they CANNOT tell him anything.

Recovering Kinkoid - I completely understand your position. However, I must point to research that says support is what she needs. A domestically abusive relationship is a lonely one. If she's uncomfortable going to the counseling center (it may not be called that at your school, but it should be something similar), YOU can go and tell them you have a friend that's in this situation and ask for their advice. They're professionals - they deal with this all the time. You DON'T want her to feel abandoned or anything though, lest anything worse happen. Good luck.

[Tanasi]

You also have to remember that you can't help those that don't want it. Unless asked keep quiet, it's not your business and even then hold it at arms length. Getting you wig split by one or both won't get you or them anywhere except in the ER and jail.
I have a sister-in-law like this, they don't have kids, she won't leave him (he doesn't physically abuse her), she luvvvs him, he's going to get help, well that's all fine and dandy but it doesn't mean crap. I'm to the point with her, I think she likes the abuse. I guess my BS meter pegs too low, I truely do not understand how LEOs and couselors put up with this lever of crap.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

True enough, Giraffe (is that shaving cream, by the way? :) ). I absolutely agree with you. But from my own experience with friends, I'd have to say support is only needed once the woman (or man, I've seen this go both ways) comes to their senses and says "Okay, there's a problem, here. I need help."

I've had way to many friends and co-workers complain, complain, complain about how awful their SO is, only to jump immediately and ferociously to the jerk's defense the moment anyone suggest they need to get out of the situation or that their "wonderful guy that nobody understands but me" might actually just be a pig.

I would put myself at risk to help someone trying to help themselves. But I am tired of being told to go to hell by people who don't want help and don't even want to hear the truth. I'm sure not going to be the one to take a shotgun blast to the face because someone isn't interested in taking control of their own life back. :(

[MadMike]

What pisses me off about that, is that they'll usually complain about how their husband/bf/sig other/etc is an asshole...but they stay with them anyway :confused:

I've been seeing this from this one girl who is a friend of a friend. She comes out to the same bar as my friends and I do. She was engaged to this guy, when he just suddenly broke the whole thing off, which devastated her. Since then, they've been kind of "on and off", with him stringing her along one minute and pushing her away the next. She told me the one night they were both out at the bar, they ended up... uh, "getting intimate" out in the parking lot, and then he took her home with him, and then just told her to "get out" the next morning.

The one night at the bar, they were both there, and he had her in tears at one point. Apparently, he asked the DJ to play the song that he proposed to her with, for the sole purpose of torturing her. I tried to cheer her up, and then half an hour later, she ended up going home with him.

Oh well, not my problem.

I think some people think they have to be with someone, and are afraid of being alone. I was that way myself once, and I found out the hard way that that will only get you eaten alive. My ex knew of that particular fear, and used it to get her way. I'm not sure who I hated more -- her for doing it, or myself for letting her.

Eventually I did learn that there are worse things than being alone.

[ArenaBoy]

Eventually I did learn that there are worse things than being alone.

I used to think that when I was younger. You're right about that, and there are unfortunately idiots who exploit that part of people and all this craziness springs from it. Why people do it is beyond me but I always hope that the karma comes and hits them hard.