Awww...%$#@&^! (relationship issues)

[Dreamstalker]

So Jordan's now enrolled in classes...but says they're crap. Look pal, if I got a degree with all the crap I went through, you sure as hell can. You need one, if you want to go into telco as you say. Yes, I'm currently working retail (and what exactly is wrong with that?), but that's because I don't have a needed IT cert which I am in the process of studying for.

That's not the problem though. The problem is in the form of a fairly-recently-divorced girl who is now crashing at his place for no reason (she has a place to live so why is she even there?).

She has suddenly made herself my girlfriend :eek: :wtf: I'm greatly disturbed that she even considered this. This chick is asking me (through him; apparently I "intimidate" her) questions that even my doctor wouldn't ask (or need to know) :puke: (I stopped answering any questions coming from her almost immediately). He sees nothing wrong with this (what is it with some guys and girl-on-girl, anyway?)...I'm considering asking what would happen if the situation were reversed, but otherwise playing out exactly as this is.

The latest was, "both of us come to Boston or neither of us do" (from her). Hell no. You do not invite yourself along with someone else's boyfriend! She creeped me out from day one.

I'm not sure which of them pisses me off more at this point.

[Dreamstalker]

From what I recall him telling me before she decided to move in and listen to our phone convos (why?!), yes she is. He's now saying that he "understands her a lot better now"...whatever that's supposed to mean.

I want no part of it (I mean, that's just creepy especially given I have never seen this girl before, nor her me) and she is not welcome in Boston and has no right to invite herself.

The girlfriend thing is getting into the realm of seriously nonconsensual (me being dragged into something I was never informed of and want no part of--the last time someone tried to do that it did not end well). What it boils down to is no means no and it makes no difference if one thought differently before. At first I thought he was kidding (well, that and my brain was short-circuiting) so I said "OK" in a WTF-did-you-just-say-what-I-just-heard tone.

Dammit, I really do love him, but I do not like this at all.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

All I can say is what I would do were I in that situation. What I would say, to him, is this: "Let me know when you're done with her and she's gone."

Actually, that's what I would say if I was in a particularly charitable mood. I think probably my more likely response would be more along the lines of this: I hope the strange is worth it. I won't be here when you're done. ":wave:

[Dreamstalker]

Well, my plans to come to Lubbock to see him are off as long as she's around (he knows this). I emailed my concerns and will give him a few days to think about things before I bring it up (or let him bring it up).

Getting into things over the phone right off would likely get very ugly very fast. I tend to give people a fair amount of chances to make right if they screw up, and give them the room to do so (as in, here's the deal, think about it and come back when you're ready to discuss things rationally and fully), mainly because I can have quite a temper and don't want to inadvertently make things worse.

We've been together for almost four years. She just came on the scene last month.

My personal take on things is that he's lonely, bored and got into something he's not sure how to get out of (hasty decision to ditch school, dead-end job because of it and he can't handle home ownership just yet...basically an independence plan that backfired badly); when that happens he tends to do stupid things (at least I'm hoping this is just one of those stupid things).

[ladodger34]

I think this is a simple "it's me or her" type of situation right now. It should be a pretty easy choice for him.

[Crosshair]

Ah yes, school. Where you can piss away 4 years and still be an idiot. Where 95% of what you go through there is never needed.

Can you tell that I am Jaded from having to put up with college BS. As usefull as school is for many people, you might as well just give them $20,000 and save four years of your life.

Co-worker: "I have <insert degree here> bla bla bla"
Me: (Thinking) *Yes, and you are still dumb as a brick.*

[draftermatt]

I don't know the guy obviously, but it kind of sounds like he's cheating on you or she wants him to so she's trying to drive you away with all her weirdness.


But, obviously you know your SO better than anyone, so take what I say with a grain of salt. This is just how it sounds to me.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, and good luck.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I would heavily advise against keeping a man who was more concerned with what some other chick thought than what his Significant Other thought.

In this relationship, you are the Queen. You don't have to put up with her foolishness, and you SURE don't have to allow yourself to be put into second place by the guy, who probably is digging the idea he's got these two chicks in a little bit of conflict over him.

[NightAngel]

The honest truth be told his ass would be curbside if it were me. This guy has put you through a LOT of crap from all I remember and now this?

He is playing you and playing you hard.

You're letting him do it.

Don't be so darn wishy-washy. You let him get away with this now and you are setting yourself up for more of the same in the future.

[Dreamstalker]

Sunday night I got my head torn off via AIM for...not having my cell on all day (scuse me, even on weekends I have a life). Basic gist seemed to be "its clear you don't want to talk to me" (paranoid much? sometimes my phone needs to be charged or I just don't feel like marathon cell conversations...this isn't the first time that's happened on either end).

The IM log is much weirder than that...

"youre too good for lubbock"...I told you why I can't drop everything and move out there. I have job leads and an excellent support system here that doesn't exist out there. I refuse to explain myself for wanting to make something of the degree I have.

"Ultimatum" was that if I wanted to talk to him I should be the one to make the call (as if I never called him before). I dislike being told what to do unless there's a good reason.

I've shown my hand. His call if he wants to (try to) pick up the pieces.

[Broomjockey]

I really hate to say it, but it sounds like he's trying to end it, and transfer emotional blame to you. He wants to feel like you're the one screwing up, by saying you don't want to talk, and you're putting on airs about being too good for his town.

It's a scummy way to act, and I hope I'm wrong. Ask him flat out, if you actually talk to him again, if he wants to be in a relationship.

[Barefootgirl]

Remind me again what's so wonderful about this guy? I agree with Broomjockey. He's trying to make you into the bad guy in this relationship, and the one who dumps him. Good grief, the boy doesn't even have the guts to break up with you decently. Dump him and be glad you are shot of him. You can do MUCH better.

[stormtreader]

The latest was, "both of us come to Boston or neither of us do" (from her).
This other girl does KNOW you're his actual official girlfriend, right? Not just girlfriend as in 'female friend'.

It sounds to me like shes trying to drive you two apart to clear the field
"Why wouldnt she have her cell on all weekend? Who is she with? *Id* never do that..." and also asking you 'personal' questions as an excuse to talk about that stuff to him.

It also doesnt really sound like hes fighting it that hard...

[Dreamstalker]

Yeah, she does (or did; I have no idea if he told her anything different following this latest)

Everything started to go south when I found out exactly why he'd dropped out of school (it took a while, but eventually I got from him that "school's bogus"...the HELL?). Things were going along fine until he moved to Lubbock (I do not know why he chose the middle of nowhere...you put yourself in a dead-end job and you're whining to me?).

Eh, I'll email him once more (I had a tooth extracted yesterday, so can't really talk on the phone at all) and lay things out.

[protege]

He's trying to make you into the bad guy in this relationship, and the one who dumps him. Good grief, the boy doesn't even have the guts to break up with you decently. Dump him and be glad you are shot of him. You can do MUCH better.

That's what I was thinking too. The guy needs to um, for lack of better terms, *grow a set* and deal with things.