I am concerned for my mental health.

[GingerBiscuit]

I am a short way into writing my novel (4000 words so far) and while it is obviously imperfect and unedited and rough an amatuer, I have written already, some very effective and above all disturbing sequences.

I am concerned about the brain that comes up with the nightmare sequence I cam up with, and the memories I am giving poor Simon, my main character. I am concerned about the mind that can come up with, with seemingly no trouble at all, disturbing (although not graphic) descriptions of the sort of thing I'm coming with.

I doubt this book will be published, unless it finds a VERY brave publisher, and even when it is the Daily Mail will want to 'ban this sick book'.

Seriously. My brain is a fucked up place.

Do all authors feel this? This part of it is coming from a VERY dark place in my mind, where child abuse and underage sexuality, and horrific murder live and come out in some (self-promoting here) VERY effective writing.I honestly don't know where this is coming from.

Although possibly from my writing playlist, really, lsitening to it.

[draggar]

So is Steven King and look what that's gotten him. :)

[GingerBiscuit]

I wouldn't want to be another stephen king though- or god forbid, some of the others of his ilk. I like him and all, but it seems that he's deliberately using all that now to sell the story rather than drive the characters.

[draggar]

Now he is but read his old stuff. :)

[GingerBiscuit]

OK, yeah, some of that's more the feel I'm going for with these sequences. But...oooh. After writing that I feel shaky. I hope my readers do too... :devil:

[AnaKhouri]

It is completely normal. With some characters you have to access a part of your mind that is usually locked away in a panic room. Everyone has this twisted part of their brain, but few people ever make an attempt to open the door and peer in. Creative people make the attempt and are generally horrified-at first.

I wrote a story with a main character who was racist, misogynist, a rapist, and a child murderer. It was quite frightening to see how easily I could slip into his head. But I'm none of these things; it was him, not me. You just have to remember that.

If you want really disturbing, read Joyce Carol Oates' 'Zombie', a novel from the POV of a serial killer. :angel:

[GingerBiscuit]

I feel a bit guilty about what I'm putting my main character through. He doesn't deserve this, he is completely blameless, but I'm currently in the process of driving him insane.

[crazylegs]

It's your book, you are in charge, even if he doesn't deserve it you should still write it, it'll make for all the more compelling reading.

[Giggle Goose]

I feel a bit guilty about what I'm putting my main character through. He doesn't deserve this, he is completely blameless, but I'm currently in the process of driving him insane.

That's the beauty of writing, though! You don't inflict the pain on real people!

Not that I'm trying to trivialize your work and your main character, since he probably feels real to YOU because you've invested so much energy in creating him. But hopefully you know what I mean.

I also think some of the best writers probably were "crazy" in some way. But just think of the work we'd be missing out on had they not written!

[crazylegs]

I've been having a little think about this since I last posted and wanted to say this.

You recognise that the actions you are creating in fiction could be considered wrong or abnormal. Until that changes (ie you don't recognise them as such) I wouldn't worry any! :)

[Pedersen]

I feel a bit guilty about what I'm putting my main character through. He doesn't deserve this, he is completely blameless, but I'm currently in the process of driving him insane.

Had to put this in. Go, read it, and laugh: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/97/Mar/writers.html

And don't stress out too much about those dark corners of your mind. We all have them. They're terrifying places to walk, to be sure. They are also, at times, comforting to know. Because you know just how dark a portion of you is.

And, more importantly, you know that you are in charge of that dark corner of your mind. That it only comes out to do your bidding. And that you can put it away again and return to normality (well, as much as any writer can ever be normal :).

Use it. Be in charge of it. Your writing will only benefit.

[Gravekeeper]

I made a grown man cry with one of my subplots once. So I say keep on it. ;p I hit dark imagery at times too in my stories, but its more....how do I put it? I don't know. Ignore me.

Course I already know my mind is damaged. =p

[Jester]

I am going to agree with everyone else. We all have those dark corners of our mind. Personally, I would LOVE to read your story, whenever you are willing to let it be read.

Does that make me dangerous? Only to boys dating my teenage nieces. :devil:

[Demonoid Phenomenon]

I write a bit myself and I've dabbled in the horror genre.
I've written some pretty heavy stuff and it's surprising what the human mind can come up with when you just let it open up a little...

The best art pushes the limits and strives to be something more than what exists. Doesn't necessarily have to be graphic or harrowing, but that never hurts.
If what you've written scares you, you must be doing something right. :)

[GingerBiscuit]

some of the start of this book is in the literary section... the res- hehe. Very clumsy and badly in need of editing right now, although jos called it 'interesting'.

[lastofthesummerwine]

Stress not, my observant comrade.

To be part of creation is to ferry things within the brain that flow contrary to safe waters. What could be headier than a fantasy in which you, the creation, rises to the top spot (Creator)? That's what writers do. They sculpt whatever world they see fit and the grandest part of all that is having no boundaries within that sphere.

No, writing is not a threat to your well-being-- far from it. You are permitting yourself a universe of catharsis. And if you're really lucky, you'll not have to settle for one paltry therapist picking your pocket every week. You'll have myriad members of a support group paying to read about your experiences-- even when you are no longer around. Through their observations, you'll be granted astounding insight into yourself.

Hope this doesn't read like so much barm. Believe in your work, and remember that it is the innovative effort that rules the day.

[morgana]

I have found, in my own writing, that if I'm doing it correctly I channel things that my conscious mind never deals with. Would never choose to deal with. And, yes, some of those things are . . . unpleasant. However, everyone here has good advice (Pederson and Crazylegs, especially). You're writing *fiction*. Until it becomes real to you, or you're compelled to act out what you're writing, you're fine.

Well, no crazier than anyone else here, at any rate . . . :p