Getting to know someone at work - advice?

[Reyneth]

Ok, there's this really hot manager at my work. He's not my superior - is the manager of a different group than the one I'm in. Very smart, always seems to be a cool guy. Of course I want to get to know him. :D He's apparently been caught checking me out a time or two but the person saying that knows I'm interested in him.

Problem is I've never actually talked to him. I'm sure he knows who I am at work (got pulled into a meeting where he was to identify and help give the context of when the problem was occurring) but just the minium. With my new position there'll be the occasional opportunities for interaction but that's still rare.

I emailed him Friday to see what our options were for the next steps on an an unusual situation were and included a part asking essentially to get some "general rule" guidance about what is worth sending to his group and what would be a waste of time (w/an implied compliment about his knowledge). He forwarded it to another manager to deal with the first part and no comment/response on the second. You would think if he was the slight bit interested, he would have taken that opportunity, wouldn't you?

How do I change this? He's apparently all-business at work and I've never seen him in the cafeteria during the lunchtime. I can't figure any regular schedule to increase the opportunity to run into each other. Not to mention he is 2 levels above me (again, not a direct report so no real issues other than just the seniority/status levels).

Help, please! Because of other things going on, I'm kinda limited to only meeting people at work. And I don't want to miss what could be an awesome opportunity - but I don't want to blow it, either.

[Pedersen]

Single best way to find out, in my opinion: "Hey, Mr. Hot Manager? Care to join me for lunch sometime?"

Simple, to the point, and lets you find out the real status.

[Jester]

You would think if he was the slight bit interested, he would have taken that opportunity, wouldn't you?

You are making the mistake of applying logic and common sense to the human courtship procedures.

Bad freakin' idea, darlin'.

Now, I am not saying he is or is not interested. I have no flippin' idea. He might not give a fig about it. He might be interested but have no idea how to respond. He might be interested but did not realize the implied compliment could be responded to, and thinks that any response beyond forwarding it to the correct manager could be taken the wrong way, up to and including sexual harrassment, something any manager has to always think about. Or there may be a million other possibilities. I dunno.

But as someone else said, the best approach is the direct approach.

"Yo, Rapscallion, how are you doing? I'm Reyneth. I sent you that email. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch with me today." Direct and to the point, and it has other advantages:

If he is interested (and not the type that is scared of his own shadow when it comes to women) and available that day for lunch, he will accept.

If he is interested (and not the type that is scared of his own shadow when it comes to women) but not available that day for lunch, he will politely decline, state the reason, but either suggest an alternative time or leave the door open for you to do the same.

If he is not interested, hopefully he will be obvious (but polite) about it, and you can move on to the next Hot Dude.

Of course, if he is intersted but is the type that is scared of his own shadow when it comes to women, I would suggest just moving on anyway, since these guys tend to not be worth the effort. My apologies to my brothers, but if you are an adult and out and about in the world and still can't talk to women, in my opinion, you don't deserve dates. Harsh? Sure. But true. That shit is vaguely endearing in junior high, perhaps even high school. In corporate America? Lame.

Of course, these are just my opinions. Remember, I haven't dated or slept with a woman in over a year, and haven't even been kissed or hit on (that I am aware of) in over six months, so there is the strong possibility that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. :lol:

[Sarlon]

live by the shrodingers cat rule...(can't spell but hope I got that right).

Don't knock it till you try it...can't hurt to ask casually ask him if hes busy around X time on X day...and invite him to join you for lunch...if he says blantent no, then you have your answer. if he beats around the bush....don't push it. if he accepts m,ake sure you have it in the cafeteria or some place public so it can't be misunderstood.

[Reyneth]

Thanks guys (especially Jester). Guess I'm going to have to suck it up and go for it. Of course, I didn't even see him at all today!

I do think he is very work-oriented while there (never a bad thing, except when you want to socialize!) so he might not just think beyond that. And if he does, Jester's comments about possible fears of harassment are certainly a factor.

So I might just take the path of "C says you give her a lot of input on the files your group can take the next steps on. I'd really appreciate a crash course especially because next month I'm going to be flying solo on this for a few weeks and a lot of situations will come due during that time that I'll have to decide to send them to you or not." (C will be out on leave). Not quite like that, but YKWIM.

So email, or ask him in person and even *gulp* go to his office to do that?

[Mr. Rager!]

When someone that works with my girlfriend decided they were interested in her, they stalked her. In fact, I think it was a couple of them... Not recommended. :pissed:

Just be direct like Jester said, it's really the only way to know where you stand or where he stands.

[Jester]

So email, or ask him in person and even *gulp* go to his office to do that?

In person, without being creepy/psycho/stalkerish.

(Keep in mind, most men will not think that most women are being any of the above if they show interest in them.)