Crazeyal
09-17-2008, 04:36 AM
Hi guys...
It's the Emo formerly known as Crazeyal.
I don't feel like dumping this on my wife, mainly because she's 100% on my side. As great as that is, Methinks I'm taking some blame on this one and I need some objective perspective.
My best friend basically just told me to %^#$# off..
Now.. I'm not 16. I'm 43 and am REALLY feeling my age tonight. This man has been my close friend since I was 15 years old. I defied the Marine Corps to attend his wedding. We've been through race riots, murder attempts, his two marriages and 7 children, not to mention growing up together in the chaos of NYC.
Back when I was a teenager, I made the mistake of letting the herd of teenagdome know that it bothered me to be teased. I was an outcast because people were cruel and I exuded victim. When I made a friend, it was always out of convenience and it was over as soon as someone "cooler" came along. My friend was the first person to ever call "ME" back. He was an honest and true friend, the first I ever had.
Years later, when he moved down south, because of an offer of a low-rent house from his relatives, I helped drive the truck. When his useless relatives RENTED the house out and didn't tell him, I emptied my wallet (not a unique occurrence) so him and his family had money for food.
The amount of times I've stood up and been a "good friend" to this man is LEGION. He's also been there for me at my lowest points. My wife would point out the disparity of my efforts and his, but I'd always come back that he was ALWAYS there whenever I needed him, he just had more need.
My wife was a timid thing when we were first dating. My friend was a loud daunting black man. He scared her. I understand that she hadn't been exposed to his sort of personality, and I also understood my friend's anger at her reaction. I tried like HELL to get them to understand each other, but it would take YEARS for things to calm down between them.
You have to understand, this is a man who told his first wife to "deal with it!" when she wanted me out of their newly-wed home. I'd just gotten home from the Marines and went to my family's home... and someone else opened the door. After being TOLD to leave what I thought was my family's home, I find that not only is the house sold, but my parents are divorced, my brother is taking the only spare room at my father's office and I am now homeless.
My friend took me in without a second thought. When his wife complained and told him to throw me out, he told her "He'll BE HERE in twenty years.. YOU MIGHT NOT BE!!!"
We laughed about that a little after his divorce.
The point is.. he stood up for me, I stood up for him. But there has always been a problem with my friend. He's always right. You can't argue with him, and if you dare to, you'd better have more than emotion to back up your words. He's an intelligent, passionate person who doesn't take guff from anyone. He's also pushy, arrogant and egotistical. If you agree with him, life is great. If you don't agree with him, you'd better back up your argument with facts and be able to express them intelligently. It was WORK if you wanted to disagree with him. People got in the habit of agreeing with him just to not DEAL with the attitude. I sure did.
He'd get me into business deals that were either multi-level marketing or based around his considerable charisma. But the man was working up wards of three jobs, feeding seven kids and an ex-wife. None of it ever worked beyond his initial burst of energy. I tried, but I'm not near the salesman that he is, and I work damn hard too. Everything we tried together failed.
After 911 I wanted out of NY so bad I could taste it. He'd been begging/demanding/cajoling me to move down south for YEARS. He swore the local economy was booming, and it was. Then we went to war against Iraq. My friend gave me a job after me being unemployed for six months. He was tough, but fair. The fact that I was pushing 40 and the "assistant manager" position turned into me asking "if you'd like fries with that?!?" nearly drove me to suicide. I was barely making $8 an hour. I needed more money desperately, so I started working for his cleaning business.
I was at my wit's end. How could I tell my best friend, who had stuck his neck out for me and gotten me $3 an hour more than anyone else walking in the door with no experience, that his job was killing me? That going to his cleaning job weekly, and cleaning smeared feces off the sinks and having to pick up bloody tampons every week was making me look at the river longingly???
My father needed a new place to live sometime around 2003. He wasn't getting along with my sister in NJ. He just wanted to contribute to something, as he'd sold his business and retired years ago. She found him too opinionated and vocal. I found him a LIFESAVER as he would help pay the rent!
My friend got mad and VOCAL about me leaving. I gave him plenty of notice, but he stretched out my two week's notice to four. Then he looked me square in the eye and asked me "Are you quitting because your dad is coming down or do you just NOT WANT TO WORK!?!?" I found this the height of insulting because I'd ALWAYS come through for him when his other workers had flaked, gotten arrested or just not shown up. I *STILL* was doing that. We were WORKING A JOB THAT HE GOT SURPRISED WITH WHEN HE SAID THAT!! But apparently I was "lazy"...
Of course.. he didn't say that.. "DON'T PUT WORDS in his mouth..." yadda yadda yadda...
It's ALWAYS been like this...
He's my BEST FRIEND. We introduce each other to strangers as brothers. But dammit I just keep feeling like I can't WIN!!! If I argue, I get the attitude. If I just do my own thing, I get the attitude..
He broke down in North Carolina last month. His "new" van has broken down on him on multiple occaisons... but this was BAD!! After coming back from Dragoncon (Atlanta to Columbia SC =320 miles) I drove to the middle of NC (about 225 miles) and dropped him off at his van. He asks if I want to come with him to pick up the Guinea pigs he had ORIGINALLY come to NC to purchase, and I tiredly gave him the hairy eyeball and said "NO THANKS!!"
20 minutes later I get a phone call that he's got the SAME DAMN PROBLEM and the van is KIA again. I drive my happy ass back and wait with him until the tow truck comes. Against my better judgment, because he assured me that the person he was meeting was only "twenty miles up the road" We went to get the Guinea pigs. The "Twenty miles" was up a FRIKKEN TWISTING 90 degree MOUNTAIN!! It took us HOURS to get there!! Then we drove up, down and around this tiny unlit road until MIDNIGHT!!!
I didn't get home until 2 am. Thank GOD I took the next day off of work.
continued
It's the Emo formerly known as Crazeyal.
I don't feel like dumping this on my wife, mainly because she's 100% on my side. As great as that is, Methinks I'm taking some blame on this one and I need some objective perspective.
My best friend basically just told me to %^#$# off..
Now.. I'm not 16. I'm 43 and am REALLY feeling my age tonight. This man has been my close friend since I was 15 years old. I defied the Marine Corps to attend his wedding. We've been through race riots, murder attempts, his two marriages and 7 children, not to mention growing up together in the chaos of NYC.
Back when I was a teenager, I made the mistake of letting the herd of teenagdome know that it bothered me to be teased. I was an outcast because people were cruel and I exuded victim. When I made a friend, it was always out of convenience and it was over as soon as someone "cooler" came along. My friend was the first person to ever call "ME" back. He was an honest and true friend, the first I ever had.
Years later, when he moved down south, because of an offer of a low-rent house from his relatives, I helped drive the truck. When his useless relatives RENTED the house out and didn't tell him, I emptied my wallet (not a unique occurrence) so him and his family had money for food.
The amount of times I've stood up and been a "good friend" to this man is LEGION. He's also been there for me at my lowest points. My wife would point out the disparity of my efforts and his, but I'd always come back that he was ALWAYS there whenever I needed him, he just had more need.
My wife was a timid thing when we were first dating. My friend was a loud daunting black man. He scared her. I understand that she hadn't been exposed to his sort of personality, and I also understood my friend's anger at her reaction. I tried like HELL to get them to understand each other, but it would take YEARS for things to calm down between them.
You have to understand, this is a man who told his first wife to "deal with it!" when she wanted me out of their newly-wed home. I'd just gotten home from the Marines and went to my family's home... and someone else opened the door. After being TOLD to leave what I thought was my family's home, I find that not only is the house sold, but my parents are divorced, my brother is taking the only spare room at my father's office and I am now homeless.
My friend took me in without a second thought. When his wife complained and told him to throw me out, he told her "He'll BE HERE in twenty years.. YOU MIGHT NOT BE!!!"
We laughed about that a little after his divorce.
The point is.. he stood up for me, I stood up for him. But there has always been a problem with my friend. He's always right. You can't argue with him, and if you dare to, you'd better have more than emotion to back up your words. He's an intelligent, passionate person who doesn't take guff from anyone. He's also pushy, arrogant and egotistical. If you agree with him, life is great. If you don't agree with him, you'd better back up your argument with facts and be able to express them intelligently. It was WORK if you wanted to disagree with him. People got in the habit of agreeing with him just to not DEAL with the attitude. I sure did.
He'd get me into business deals that were either multi-level marketing or based around his considerable charisma. But the man was working up wards of three jobs, feeding seven kids and an ex-wife. None of it ever worked beyond his initial burst of energy. I tried, but I'm not near the salesman that he is, and I work damn hard too. Everything we tried together failed.
After 911 I wanted out of NY so bad I could taste it. He'd been begging/demanding/cajoling me to move down south for YEARS. He swore the local economy was booming, and it was. Then we went to war against Iraq. My friend gave me a job after me being unemployed for six months. He was tough, but fair. The fact that I was pushing 40 and the "assistant manager" position turned into me asking "if you'd like fries with that?!?" nearly drove me to suicide. I was barely making $8 an hour. I needed more money desperately, so I started working for his cleaning business.
I was at my wit's end. How could I tell my best friend, who had stuck his neck out for me and gotten me $3 an hour more than anyone else walking in the door with no experience, that his job was killing me? That going to his cleaning job weekly, and cleaning smeared feces off the sinks and having to pick up bloody tampons every week was making me look at the river longingly???
My father needed a new place to live sometime around 2003. He wasn't getting along with my sister in NJ. He just wanted to contribute to something, as he'd sold his business and retired years ago. She found him too opinionated and vocal. I found him a LIFESAVER as he would help pay the rent!
My friend got mad and VOCAL about me leaving. I gave him plenty of notice, but he stretched out my two week's notice to four. Then he looked me square in the eye and asked me "Are you quitting because your dad is coming down or do you just NOT WANT TO WORK!?!?" I found this the height of insulting because I'd ALWAYS come through for him when his other workers had flaked, gotten arrested or just not shown up. I *STILL* was doing that. We were WORKING A JOB THAT HE GOT SURPRISED WITH WHEN HE SAID THAT!! But apparently I was "lazy"...
Of course.. he didn't say that.. "DON'T PUT WORDS in his mouth..." yadda yadda yadda...
It's ALWAYS been like this...
He's my BEST FRIEND. We introduce each other to strangers as brothers. But dammit I just keep feeling like I can't WIN!!! If I argue, I get the attitude. If I just do my own thing, I get the attitude..
He broke down in North Carolina last month. His "new" van has broken down on him on multiple occaisons... but this was BAD!! After coming back from Dragoncon (Atlanta to Columbia SC =320 miles) I drove to the middle of NC (about 225 miles) and dropped him off at his van. He asks if I want to come with him to pick up the Guinea pigs he had ORIGINALLY come to NC to purchase, and I tiredly gave him the hairy eyeball and said "NO THANKS!!"
20 minutes later I get a phone call that he's got the SAME DAMN PROBLEM and the van is KIA again. I drive my happy ass back and wait with him until the tow truck comes. Against my better judgment, because he assured me that the person he was meeting was only "twenty miles up the road" We went to get the Guinea pigs. The "Twenty miles" was up a FRIKKEN TWISTING 90 degree MOUNTAIN!! It took us HOURS to get there!! Then we drove up, down and around this tiny unlit road until MIDNIGHT!!!
I didn't get home until 2 am. Thank GOD I took the next day off of work.
continued