What do you think?

[Jester]

Without going into great details I have been watching with great glee and joy as The Worst Girlfriend I Have Ever Had (who my niece recently referred to as "that vile woman") twists in the wind with the legal system, which involves a felony charge that she was convicted of, and of which there are some new developments. (Again, I am not going to get into details.)

Some of my friends are concerned that I am obsessed with this whole situation, and it is getting unhealthy. Others know that I am vindictive and know that I and many of my friends were horribly wronged by this woman in various ways, and they think it is totally appropriate for me to enjoy watching her go down in flames.

By now y'all know that I AM vindictive. I've commented on it and told stories about it many times. There was a time when I did not speak to my younger sister for two years because she Pissed Me Off. Keep in mind, while I am horribly vindictive, it takes a whole HELL of a lot to actually piss me off and get me that hopping mad. And the vast majority of the time, I am perfectly justified in my anger and vindictiveness.

I have no doubt that in this case I am perfectly justified in laughing my ass off at the misfortunes of "this vile woman." The question is, should I continue to show up at her court hearings to observe? I am not directly involved as a witness or a victim, so have no reason to be there other than to watch, but at the same time, it IS a public proceeding and I have every right to be there.

I bring all this up for a reason. I recently went to her most court date, and while it was entertaining for me for a number of reasons, some of the people around me are starting to say I should just let it go, not just to be a decent guy, but because they think it would be better for ME if I did. I do not feel like this is affecting me negatively, I don't feel obsessed, but I do thoroughly enjoy watching this all go down. And in just a few days, she has yet another court date.

So, should I continue to enjoy one of my favorite real life dramas? Or should I let it go, and just revel in the knowledge that she ended up being the biggest victim of her crimes, without having to see it up close and personal?

[Greenday]

Enjoying the euphoria in knowing she's getting what she deserves? Absolutely. Throw a small party with everyone who's been affected by her so negatively.

Going to her hearings though...? I think that's different from enjoying it. I think that's obsessing over it. And you don't want to be obsessed over her, do you?

[One-Fang]

If you're enjoying it, carry on. I mean, it's not like you're heckling her from the public gallery, right?

If you talk about nothing else and all of your friends are bored with the latest exploits of the evil ex girlfriend, perhaps you are getting a tad obsessive. But just showing up to watch her spiral into the pit she has dug herself? I wouldn't miss it, personally.

[Evil Queen]

Carry on my wayward friend. Peace is here when the court preceedings are done. :devil:

[tollbaby]

The question here is WHY you are going to her hearings. I'm not voting, because I'm not firmly in any one camp. I personally wouldn't go to the hearings, but that's because I'm generally a forgive, forget and move on sort of person. Even if I can't forgive, I move on anyway, because dwelling on the negativity is unhealthy (for me, to each their own!).

If you're going to make sure she goes down in flames and to revel in her misery, is it really worthwhile to you? Can't you do that without demonstrating it to the rest of the world? I mean, if it brings you closure, then by all means, do what you have to do... I just don't see much point in showing up simply for my own amusement (but again, I just try to leave people who have wronged me behind and not carry them with me).

If you're going so that SHE knows you're enjoying her misery.... then that I can't agree with. Intentionally inflicting pain or humiliation on another human being, regardless of what they have done to me, isn't something I can do. It's not in me. But I am not you :)

Let me tell you a little story that has helped me get past vindictive obsessions in the past (which I *wanted* to do... again, to each their own, and if this isn't for you, then just let it flow in one ear and out the other, figuratively, since you're reading this).

Two monks were traveling down a road. Their order was very strict and they disapproved of all women and never associated with them. At one point, the road stretched along the edge of a fast-moving stream with a fairly strong current. A woman was wringing her hands in the shallower water, vainly trying to cross the stream. One of the monks silently picked the woman up in his arms, carried her across the stream, and then returned to his companion. The second monk was incensed! He fumed silently until they camped that evening, when he finally confronted his friend.

"How could you help that woman?" he cried. "You know that we do not associate with women! Why would you do such a thing?"

"My friend," replied the first monk, "I merely carried the woman for a few moments. But you have been carrying her with you all day."

Sometimes it's easier, and yes, ultimately healthier, to just let go. But only you can judge the situation for *yourself* :) If you can put down your vindication and your satisfaction and walk away, then do it. If you need to see this through to the end, then you know what you have to do :) (Apologies, I'm not usually so philosophical LOL I'll shut up now)

[RetailWorkhorse]

You didn't have a "laugh manically" option so....:D

Do it to it and enjoy. Live vicariously through her.

[Plaidman]

Yes Jester! Join the dark side! Let your hatred bring you bliss....


ERr... uh. I'd say go to court. But I'm really in the same boat with gaining unhealthy paronia fascation on subjects.

[crazylegs]

Er, Jester, I voted option C), to be honest if you want to know what happened I'm sure you can find out through public records, just let it go.

[Becks]

Go for it.

Why not?

You had a front row seat for a lot of it, why not see it through to the end?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I dunno, Jester, I'm of two minds here. You aren't doing anything wrong, but I have to kind of agree with Tollbaby. You're still letter her rule you.

Now, I am one who likes to see those that have wronged me get their comeuppance. I'd be a baldfaced liar if I said any different. I like it. I enjoy it. And I'm not sure I'd do different if I were you.

However, Tollbaby is dead right with her story about the monks. You're carrying the bitch around with you. That can't be good for you.

I mentioned I had a violent drunk ex roomate. I ended up sueing that woman. The judge found in my favor, but I never saw any of that money. She dropped off the face of the earth.

Fast forward to Kinko's, the first time I worked there. Violent drunk ex roomate came in. I know she saw me because she spent the whole time trying to hide her face behind a notebook. I hid in the boss's office, spying on her from behind the two way mirror in there. The office clerk said she knew where the chick worked and could get me the info so I could file against her. I was all for it. I'd dreamed about this day for a couple years, so this was great.

The next day, I told the file clerk to not give me that info. I wanted to forget about it.

Why? The bitch was a hiding, broken-down pathetic wreck who's life was obviously in the shitter. Bond companies had called my house looking for her. She was in a freaking Kinko's hiding behind a paper notebook. Her father had been in the mental hospital, had been released, and had recently been threatened by my husband in the parking lot for telling me about his dick. Her brother was a juvenile delinquent. Her mom was batshit crazy, too.

Pursuing revenge on this bitch would do nothing for me but rack up bad karma for myself. Life had paid her back for me. I'd gotten my revenge. I didn't need to work any more to get my revenge. So she owed me a few bucks. The cosmos had taken that money out of her hide, and then some. And then showed her to me to see what a ruin she'd become.

When I told the office clerk to just forget it, it was like a great bitterness that had been with me just went away. It was nice. Did I forgive her? I dunno about that. I dont' think I'm that big a person to forgive what she'd done. But I sure let go of the poison she was injecting into me.

[wagegoth]

I've found attending court (have done it occasionally, mostly for my job) to watch the goings on can be quite entertaining. If you're approaching the situation as entertainment, I don't see a problem.

If you're there with picket signs, chanting, "Die, Bitch from Hell, die!" then I'd say back off.

But it sounds like you're just glad to see that the scales of the universe are balancing themselves, and to make sure she gets what she deserves, so, no big deal.

[SengaKitty]

Jester, dear, you know very well what I'm going through, and you've been here to help and criticise (where critisism was needed of course), me through all of it. I would do the same thing in your case. Carry on and enjoy!

[sms001]

Are you f'ing kidding me?

I find it hard to believe that ANYONE would let an opportunity like this slide. We've all been wronged in some form or another, and all too often the miscreants get away with it. To actually see a justice served, where there was no fear of repercussion, either physically, mentally, morally, or ethically? The security guard already knows me by name and lets me bring my popcorn!!!

On the other hand.

I think you know yourself well enough by now Jester. If you've taken the time to create a poll, maybe you think your friends are right? Not saying bygones etc., but maybe a recap in the public register when all is said and done. Plus, how classy: "Hey Jester. Vile had her final hearing today - got XXX." "Oh yeah? Well. Had it coming I say. How 'bout those Raiders?"

On the gripping hand.

Perhaps she sees you in the court room and realizes that she really HAS shit on people too much. Your presence shows that it isn't just some faceless bureaucracy that's made a mistake in persecuting her, but real people. Drives the lesson home a tad more.

[Primer]

I've found attending court (have done it occasionally, mostly for my job) to watch the goings on can be quite entertaining. If you're approaching the situation as entertainment, I don't see a problem.

I second wagegoth's perception. We recently went through something similar in my "neighborhood." While I would have loved to be at the courthouse for the free entertainment, I couldn't, as I had to be at work. As long as you are not rearranging your work schedule, or otherwise really going out of your way, I vote to go for it, and sneak in a bag of :popcorn: !

[Kusanagi]

Given that the advice you've given to me regarding a femle I had feelings for who ended up scarring me very deeply emotionally was to let it go, I voted C. :)

[Jester]

Well, the hearing's tomorrow, and I'm probably going, but this poll sure has been an eye-opener. I sure thought it would be closer, and not the landslide it became!

[Slytovhand]

I'm a C.

While anger, frustration, rage, revenge, vindictiveness etc are quite human, they are also the things that keep us human... rather than what we can raise up to.

Make sense? Probably not, so let me put it this way.

While you hold on to such things (and head off to 'gloat' over her misery), what aren't you doing with your life?

Which is part of the point - your still focussing on her life, and not yours. The only aspect of your life that is getting any attention with this is the more unpleasant ones.

I am more philosophical than Tollbaby, but that is the story that came to my mind.

Living through someone else's pains and problems totally disempowers people.I'll use what you may consider a totally crap example, but hey :p

In Star Wars, the Dark Side really goes on about how much more powerful they are than the Light. What Darth and the Emperor haven't figured out is that they are only harnessing the Force that they can get their hands on and manipulate. The Light just open themselves up to the entire universe... which is more?? 1 person, or the multiverse?

Ok, you've had my thoughts, and I always tend to look at bigger and longer pictures than most people.

Slyt

[blas]

Gosh darn multiple personality disorder.....one side of me loves to watch people who have done me wrong suffer the same (if not worse) pain that they caused me, and the other side of me is always interjecting "Be the better person!"

I CAN'T DECIDE, Jester, I really can't!

[friendofjimmyk]

I have to say that even though it probably feels really good to watch this vile woman go down in flames and you say its not effecting you negatively...I cannot condone enjoyment gained by watching someone else's pain. Its not like watching someone stub their toe on the coffee table and laughing hysterically....it's about reveling in someone else's poor choices and having enjoyment watching them go down.

There's just too much bad ju ju around that in my opinion.

There is nothing wrong with sitting by silently, outside the court room, and believing that she is getting what she deserved....but its another thing all together to go and watch the proceedings when they happen.

Yes, they are public and you have the right to be there...but so are the files - if you feel the need, when its all said and done, take a trip to the courthouse and request to see the dockets.

This, of course, is just my opinion.

[edit] I went back and read the other opinions - I REALLY like what Slyt had to say....and I agree.

[Jester]

So today was the hearing. I didn't go.

Before anyone applauds me for being a "bigger person," let me explain.

I wanted to go. I planned on going. I had every intention of going. I was going to go.

But early this morning, a coworker called me at 7 am. Normally I am not overly fond of anyone calling me at such an early hour, especially when I went to bed the night before at 5 am. But this is a coworker that would not call me at such a time unless it was Something Serious.

It was.

Her husband was having problems with his heart, and she was (appropriately) freaking out. And was trying to find someone to cover her day shift.

Sure, I wanted to go to the hearing. Very much so. Enough so that I asked her to see if anyone else could do it. But NOT enough so that, once no one else bothered to answer their phone, I could refuse her. She had enough shit on her plate, I was not going to make her freak about her shift. (I told her upfront that, while I would prefer she find someone else, if she could not, I would cover the shift, so either way it was covered....I even helped her try to contact people to do so.)

So in the end, I didn't go, but not because of some noble aspirations towards being a better person and treating That Vile Woman better than she ever treated me (or anyone else), but simply because it was more important to me to help out a coworker that needed help than it was to gloat over that wench's misfortunes.

As it turns out, she only got a slap on the wrist in court, probably the worst part being (I am guessing) a stern lecture from the judge, and the original punishment from her original infraction was put back in place, with no additional penalties. Many people I know thought that was BS, but I am relatively sure that if when she screws up again, she will not receive that leniency again. Not from THAT judge.

And yes, folks, if it all possible, I will be there to observe. Think of me what you will. I have my reasons. Not all of them are noble. Not all of them are nice. But they are, in my mind, all completely justifiable.

I'll use what you may consider a totally crap example

Actually, I don't think it's a crap example....I quote Star Wars incessantly. I'm not saying I agree with the analogy, mind you, but quoting Star Wars is hardly crap. :lol:

Yes, they are public and you have the right to be there...but so are the files - if you feel the need, when its all said and done, take a trip to the courthouse and request to see the dockets.

Trust me when I say that it is far easier to attend the hearings than it is to find out what happened through just going to the courthouse. I say this from having done both at various times.

[tollbaby]

Oh don't get me wrong. I don't think less of you for wanting to go, or question your judgment - as I said in my original post, only YOU know what *you* need to do :) That said, the reason for your not going only raises my estimation for you further ;) You are truly a class act, sir!

[Jester]

Perhaps I am. Perhaps not.

But never underestimate my potential for pure unadulterated evil mean-spirited vindictiveness.

Of course, you can only be a recipient of the above if you manage to really piss me off, which takes more than most humans are capable of.....but it is possible. :devil:

[tollbaby]

everyone has their dark side ;) I think your good side far outweighs it though.

[Jester]

You obviously have excellent taste and keen insight. :D

[Becks]

But never underestimate my potential for pure unadulterated evil mean-spirited vindictiveness.

I, for one, would never do that.

That means a potential show is directed at me, and that would be uncool.

[Slytovhand]

See - now look at the bright side, at least you didn't get arrested!

You could have gone to the hearing, heard the judges judgement, and then been arrested for contempt of court or something, for throwing a whole stack of vile insults and threats...

"What?? A slap on the wrist??? Are you a complete moron or what? What sort of imbecil are you.. and you call yourself a judge???"


:D


Btw... from what I've read of you, I'm not surprised you helped out your co-worker. You have always come across to me as someone with a strong sense of compassion and understanding.. which are not the same as 'sympathy' nor 'forgiveness'. (both of which often mean you'll end up on the receiving end once again... people don't change just from saying sorry...)


Slyt

[tollbaby]

LMAO While I could see him THINKING those things... I can't really picture Jester hurling imprecations at the judge, but it's a hilarious image :D

[draggar]

But early this morning, a coworker called me at 7 am. Normally I am not overly fond of anyone calling me at such an early hour, especially when I went to bed the night before at 5 am. But this is a coworker that would not call me at such a time unless it was Something Serious.

It was.

Her husband was having problems with his heart, and she was (appropriately) freaking out. And was trying to find someone to cover her day shift.

Sure, I wanted to go to the hearing. Very much so. Enough so that I asked her to see if anyone else could do it. But NOT enough so that, once no one else bothered to answer their phone, I could refuse her. She had enough shit on her plate, I was not going to make her freak about her shift. (I told her upfront that, while I would prefer she find someone else, if she could not, I would cover the shift, so either way it was covered....I even helped her try to contact people to do so.)

So in the end, I didn't go, but not because of some noble aspirations towards being a better person and treating That Vile Woman better than she ever treated me (or anyone else), but simply because it was more important to me to help out a coworker that needed help than it was to gloat over that wench's misfortunes.

Huge kudos to you for not only having priorities in order but putting a co-worker in need ahead of being a vengeful fly on the wall.

Also, attending the hearing could have opened a can of worms for you, it could have given her the message that you still cared for her.

[lastofthesummerwine]

Don't go back to court. A familiar, albeit furious, face might start to appear as a safe haven to so twisted a soul.

And I don't need to spin a battlecraft carrier sized yarn about just how much time you'll wind up investing in this Sisyphian labor due to the speed and procrastination of the justice system.

The tools of misery are in place-- let the courts run their paces and do what they do best. Your lovely talents would be better put to use elsewhere.:lol:

[Misty]

See - now look at the bright side, at least you didn't get arrested!

You could have gone to the hearing, heard the judges judgement, and then been arrested for contempt of court or something, for throwing a whole stack of vile insults and threats...

"What?? A slap on the wrist??? Are you a complete moron or what? What sort of imbecil are you.. and you call yourself a judge???"Slyt

I think Sly is onto something here. I'd say it's a good thing you didn't show up that day, Jester. All this time you've had the upper hand, watching with glee as she twisted in the wind waiting for the axe to fall...how would it have felt to be sitting there when Vile Woman got off with a slap on the wrist? And how would it have made Vile Woman feel not only to get off but to have you there to witness it?

Something tells me that some higher power (Karma, Fate, call it what you will), decided to step in and give you an opportunity to save yourself from that scene, and because you are a good person, you took that opportunity.

I'm not saying that that same higher power is responsible for your coworker's misfortune, I'm just saying the Universe works in mysterious ways ;)

[Jester]

You could have gone to the hearing, heard the judges judgement, and then been arrested for contempt of court or something, for throwing a whole stack of vile insults and threats...

Nah. I would not have done that. For two reasons.

I can't really picture Jester hurling imprecations at the judge...

1. I would never, EVER, insult a judge in his court room. That is simply a recipe for disaster. If I am in court, I prefer that the judge not even know who the hell I am at all, thank you very much.

how would it have felt to be sitting there when Vile Woman got off with a slap on the wrist? And how would it have made Vile Woman feel not only to get off but to have you there to witness it?

2. It was pretty much what I expected, so it would not have been a surprise. And it is not like she was vindicated or anything.....as I said earlier, her earlier punishment for the original crime was reinstated, and that is not exactly a slap on the wrist itself.

Also, attending the hearing could have opened a can of worms for you, it could have given her the message that you still cared for her.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!

Um, no.

There are no illusions or delusions between us. I have made it very clear to her in the past just exactly how I feel about her. And the word "care" is not part of it. Some of my friends and acquaintances may think otherwise, but trust me when I say "revulsion," "disgust" and "anger" are the more appropriate words here.

With all this being said, I have to be honest.....if (more likely when) she screws up again and winds up in court, I will probably go. Because I have no doubt that if there is a next time, there won't be another slap on the wrist. And that....that would be fun to watch. :devil: