A Legitimate Prediction?

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

When I first signed up for classes at my new college, I realized I don't technically have residency. I decided to petition for a break on financial aid, and I got the Vice President's office of the college.

The V.P. herself, after I told her my situation (fled domestic violence, single mother with an infant, living in transitional housing, a cancer patient: ALL TRUE, and I wasn't rude nor did I act like I was entitled to help) told me that because I decided to have kids, I shouldn't try to go to college.

This is a direct quote. "I don't see why you're wasting your time, dear. You've chosen motherhood, not success. I'd recommend you stay away from college. It's not for you."

I was heartbroken.

Fast forward to today. I went to pick up my sister from her midterm, and I was making an appointment with my TRiO advisor when I see the lady in the hallway. She looked me up and down and said, "I see you ignored my advice. I hope you have the means to pay back your student loans after you drop out."

Is she allowed to say that? Am I wrong in being offended?

[Greenday]

College is a business. Keep that in mind. It's one of the most important things I've learned in the past two and a half years in college.

[Becks]

Go ahead and be offended.

Hell, I'm offended on your behalf.

Oh, and see if you can get a word in with the college's president and let him/her know what the VP is up to.

[Soulstealer]

I'm pretty sure that's a form of discrimination right there and she could get in trouble if you brought it up to the president's attention.

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

I have no proof. And I mean...I don't know if I'd even be taken seriously as a Hispanic single mother on welfare.

Otherwise I'd bring it up.

[TheComputerError]

I have no proof. And I mean...I don't know if I'd even be taken seriously as a Hispanic single mother on welfare.

Otherwise I'd bring it up.

Believe it or not, you're more likely to be taken seriously because of that.

[One-Fang]

I don't know if you have a discrimination case until she refuses your application based on the above. Simply suggesting it's not the best choice for you, however misguided, isn't making an actual action based on discriminatory elements.

But you certainly have a situation here that you should discuss with the higher-ups. She is not reflecting well on the facilty and faculty.

[Crazeyal]

Living well is the best revenge.

Attend.

Study hard.

Graduate.

THEN make a stink.

If you come on here, you know about the culture of entitlism and the constant fact of dealing with idiots. The VP has succumbed to the dark side. I'm betting she has some statistics to back up her stereotyping (and racism??) The fact that she is actively discouraging applicants on the basis of being a single parent is not illegal. Denying you access is. She's just rude and uncaring.

Succeed and then RUB IT IN HER FACE!!!

[Jester]

Let's take one thing at a time.

Am I wrong in being offended?

No, you are not wrong. Her comments were offensive both times she met you. She belittled you and demeaned you and judged you on her preconceived notions that motherhood precludes education, self-betterment, and/or success.

You can take some solace in knowing that, in all likelihood, she is a miserable harpy of a shrew that hates her life and so resents everyone else who makes choices other than ones she made. It is very likely she will die alone, with no one who cares about her, with nothing to look forward to and no hope left in her black little heart lump of coal. And the only beings she will ever make happy will be her 19 cats, who will eat her rotting flesh, purring contentedly now that their vile servant has become their lunch.

Is she allowed to say that?

It depends on the charter of the school. In some schools, she would be allowed to, in other schools, not. But as far as the laws (as opposed to school rules) go, she probably can say it, as long as she doesn't ACT on it.

But whether or not she can or cannot say it, legally or by the school rules, let me give you some advice. Something someone else said, but in my own kind, gentle way.

Fuck the bitch. Who gives a shit what she thinks? Go to school, better yourself, get whatever degree you are pursuing, content in the knowledge that you have proved yet another fuck trout wrong about you.

Then take your kids out for ice cream. Mint chocolate chip. Kids LOVE mint chocolate chip. Especially with a successful, educated, happy mom. :D

[Amethyst Hunter]

And the only beings she will ever make happy will be her 19 cats, who will eat her rotting flesh, purring contentedly now that their vile servant has become their lunch.

Now, now. That would be animal abuse. No self-respecting cat (or any other pet, for that matter) would want anything to do with a bitch like that.

Is it harder for single moms to make their way in the world? Sure. But it's not impossible, and there are plenty of success stories to prove it. Personally, I'd look into another college (if possible) to attend and then let the former school know just why I refused to sign up at it. Bad publicity can speak volumes.

[InsanityInc]

Hon go for it. I finished my associates degree last year, and while I'm not finding jobs in what I went to school for (medical transcription), the side degree I picked up because there were only 3 extra courses I had to take for it (medical admin assist) IS getting me at least temp jobs. The economy around here sucks, so I'm very lucky to be getting even temp jobs. And I'm beating out the people who don't have that piece of paper.

I'm a single mom, fairly close to your situation. The people giving me crap about not finishing however was the local state aid office:eek:. These are the same people who are supposed to encourage people on state aid to take advantage of education. Third caseworker I got finally left me alone, but by that point I was only a semester and a 1/2 from graduating. (Side note, I haven't been on aid now for a year. Yeah me!!!)

Given the time of year it is, best move you can make is to sign up for a Pell grant. You don't have to pay it back, and given your situation I can just about guarentee that you are below the income levels. Try going to the local aid office, and they should be able to head you to an agency that can help you with programs for "returning students". Or, the local unemployment office should be able to head you to an office that handles retraining, and they should have some information for you.

[blas]

Can I give you some advice from my own mommy? NOTHING is impossible. You can do anything that you put your mind to.

The only person that ever stands in the way of your hopes and dreams is you (and I mean that as in a general "you", not you directly). Don't ever, EVER, EVER let some self righteous dried up angry twat make you feel that you don't deserve what you really want.

I concur whole heartedly with Jester, but I also beg to please not involve 19 innocent cats......

Edit: You'll have to forgive me...I have been on a roll lately......

[smileyeagle1021]

Is it harder for single moms to make their way in the world? Sure. But it's not impossible, and there are plenty of success stories to prove it.

my mother being one of them... granted she got her college degree before being a single mother, but considering at one time she had a boss tell her point blank that unless work because her first priority she'd never amount to more than a mere accounting clerk lucky to make 30k a year... she now works with people who have made the cover of "People" and makes more than twice that.

[hopie144]

I agree with Jester. F**** the b****! Just because you are a single mother...doesn't matter what race you are.....and it doesn't matter if you're a single mother, or if you were married with kids.....if you want to go to college to better yourself and to have a better outlook on life and to be a good example for your kids, then by Gosh, do it!!! No one has the right to treat you that way at all. And just because you're a female, Hispanic, on welfare...whatever....doesn't matter. You do what you want to do. Period. Don't let anyone make you feel bad.
Race, sex, color, creed.....none of that matters. You're a human bean (from Ziggy) and you have the right to go to college, no matter what.


I'm a single mother, and I work full time, I'm going back to college just as soon as I can. Hopefully next spring...and if one single person says to me what that wench said to you, I'd freaking tell them off. You're already a success.

[FuzzyKitten99]

When I first signed up for classes at my new college, I realized I don't technically have residency. I decided to petition for a break on financial aid, and I got the Vice President's office of the college.

The V.P. herself, after I told her my situation (fled domestic violence, single mother with an infant, living in transitional housing, a cancer patient: ALL TRUE, and I wasn't rude nor did I act like I was entitled to help) told me that because I decided to have kids, I shouldn't try to go to college.

This is a direct quote. "I don't see why you're wasting your time, dear. You've chosen motherhood, not success. I'd recommend you stay away from college. It's not for you."

I was heartbroken.

Fast forward to today. I went to pick up my sister from her midterm, and I was making an appointment with my TRiO advisor when I see the lady in the hallway. She looked me up and down and said, "I see you ignored my advice. I hope you have the means to pay back your student loans after you drop out."

Is she allowed to say that? Am I wrong in being offended?

You might not have an actual case, but what she said to you was wrong and it should be looked into by her superiors. A person like her does not belong in the position that she is. If this is a state school/university, they receive quite a bit of tax money from federal and state agencies. If you were to make a tip call to the local paper or news station about the person you encountered, you can bet that she would be fired because she would be considered a liability.

Even so, I would talk to your TRiO advisor. He/she might be able to help you out on where to go with this.

Going to college while being a parent isn't something unheard of or unusual. Many parents are doing it every day. Hell, I am starting college again in January after 7 years of being gone. I dropped out in 2001 (only had one semester under my belt) when I had health and family issues. Since that time, I have gotten married and had two kids, the youngest is 2.5, and the oldest is 5.

When I applied for financial aid, my school (same one I was at 7 years ago) was very helpful and they (the counselor & fin. aid office, as well as records personnel, etc) walked me through the process. I was (still am a little) clueless as to how the process goes. I told them straight up front that I have no clue about all this and they were more than willing to help and point me in the right direction.

Income-wise, I qualified for 2 child-care assistance grants- one from the state and one from the county, though right now I won't need it. However I will when Fall 2009 semester starts, and when I transfer to Le Cordon Bleu Culinary Academy, I definitely will.

I will be taking 4 classes for Spring Semester, so I can take advantage of the state and Pell grants that I received, which is about $1300+/-. Because that would take up several nights a week, I am doing 3 of the 4 classes online so I don't have to change much.

You can do anything you want. Yes, your situation is less than optimal, and you will have to work a little harder to get to your goal, but that will make the end all the more rewarding.

Plus your kid(s) will see the example you set that if you work hard for what you want, you will achieve it, regardless of your life situation. Some people just have to work harder than others.

I can't understand someone who says you chose 'motherhood over success', as if being a mom is a lowly life position. You are caring for and raising a human being. I can't think of anything more noble than that. You are also choosing to improve your education to make yourself more valuable in the workplace, to ultimately provide a better life for you and your child(ren). Be that Super-mom!

Also, any financial aid person who gives you grief about applying and/or accepting aid should be reported. It is not their job nor do they have the right to say anything other than giving information and helping you with applying, and suggesting routes for you to go.