I want to feel bad....

[Jester]

...but all I can do is laugh. :lol:

Yesterday I got the second report, both from reliable sources, that The Worst Girlfriend I Ever Had was outside of a local supermarket, begging for change. The first report had her dressed in "ratty clothes." I put that in quotes because that's a direct quote from the first report, which is rather unusual phraseology for a Haitian.

Yeah, I know. I'm a good guy. I should feel bad for her. But my personal feelings aside, she is a proven liar, felon, manipulator, and thief. If she had just screwed me over, I might feel bad. But she managed to screw several of my friends over financially (not male friends, so they weren't dating her), and I find it hard to feel bad for someone I consider to be scum. Harsh? Yes. I am unrepentant about that. I'll live.

The amusing or sad part is that she is pregnant. I say amusing or sad because the only proof of her pregnancy is her own words, which are notoriously unreliable. Whether she is or not, I guess her last boyfriend (who said he "believed" the child was his) got fed up with her shit and gave her the heave ho.

I want to feel bad for her. I really, really do. But a friend of mine was wrong when they said I was such a nice guy, if I saw her begging I'd give her a quarter. No. I won't. I am not that nice a guy. If I see that spectacle, all she'll get from me is peals of laughter.

Sue me. I think it's hilarious. The ultimate Karmic bitch slap. :lol:

Edited To Add: My friend is a genius! I'm talking to him on messenger, and he just suggested that if I see her, I should take a picture. Of course, he suggested I do this from afar. I think I should do it from up close. I mean, why not? What do I care if she knows it's me? What do I have to fear from a lying, miserable, thieving, felonious bum? :lol:

[AsatruThorsman]

Edited To Add: My friend is a genius! I'm talking to him on messenger, and he just suggested that if I see her, I should take a picture. Of course, he suggested I do this from afar. I think I should do it from up close. I mean, why not? What do I care if she knows it's me? What do I have to fear from a lying, miserable, thieving, felonious bum? :lol:

Either way, it's gonna be a barrel of laughs! :lol: You enjoy yourself, man!

[Ree]

Obviously, this girl hurt you pretty bad, since you seem a little obsessed with what she is doing and enjoy gloating over just how low her life has sunk.

I honestly thought better of you, Jester, as you always have advice for others and come off as intelligent and mature, but when I read these little updates, I can't help but feel for the girl just a little.

I realize she created her own problems by lying and cheating and stealing. (There are few things I despise more than liars, cheaters and thieves.) I am not condoning or excusing any of that.

I just think it reflects really badly on you to post these comments.

You talk about it being "the ultimate Karmic bitch slap" but remember that Karma works both ways.

[Jester]

Ree, I know. Everything you said is absolutely true. I really DO want to feel bad for her. I KNOW it makes me look bad.

But I just.....can't....help it.

If people have learned anything about me over the last however long I've been here, they have learned that yes, I am a nice guy, but I am also an evil vindictive fucking bastard, and if you wrong me, Woe Be To You.

And honestly, I am not pursuing this shit, but it comes to me. People just keep coming to me with the Latest Report.

Yes, I know it makes me look small and petty. I don't like that, at all. But I am one thing above all else: honest. I will admit my biggest flaws, and have many times on this board. My life is basically an open book, and perhaps it shouldn't be.....but that is the way I am. So if I am small and petty for gloating and glorying in this woman's misfortunes, so be it. I can live with that, I really can.

My apologies to anyone I have offended by this, and to anyone who had their image of me shattered or even tarnished. I am not a saint, and I have never pretended to be one. One of my good friends on here once told me that, when this woman started to self-destruct, I would be there for her. I told them then that they were so very wrong. I am a good man, I am, and one I know my father would be proud of were he alive.....but I do have my flaws, and I admit to them freely.

Hate me if you want, revile me if you want, look down at me if you want. It's your right. But I am what I am, and I make no bones about it.

(And you do have to admit, the latest situation is damn funny! :lol:)

[Ree]

Believe me, you have not shattered any illusions on my account.
I have never had any doubt but that you are exactly as you describe yourself.

You are free to post as you wish, and if it makes you feel better to update and gloat, then who am I to judge, really?

I just think it's funny that you can offer this candid and rational advice to others, but you seem unable to take your own advice. If another member were to post about an ex the way you post about this one, I have a feeling you would be telling them to get over it and move on and not let the past or the stupid actions of another person sit like a ghost over the present.

You may not seek out info on her, but your friends are, obviously, only too happy to relate their little tidbits of info, so they must realize there are still some emotional ties on your part, or they wouldn't bother.

Maybe I am off base, but I really think she hurt you a lot more than you will admit, and that is what is at the heart of these occasional gloating posts after you have received yet another update on this woman.
Yeah, there may be some vindictiveness involved, but I think it's fuelled by hurt and a feeling of betrayal. I think you opened up your heart and had it stomped on pretty badly, and I think there's a bit of embarrassment, as well, because you thought you had the world by the ass, but instead, you just had a little piece of asshole in your world. ;)

I think you are a little angry at yourself, as well, because you didn't recognize a con job in progress, and you pride yourself on being astute and savvy to the ways of the world.

I am really sorry you got hurt so badly.

[Jester]

Actually, Ree, you are very much on target. She DID hurt me, she DID betray me, and that IS what fuels this. I not only don't question your assessment, I have never denied it.

Look, she wouldn't be The Worst Girlfriend I Ever Had if she hadn't at one time been my girlfriend, and someone I cared about. But she fucked me over, badly, and fucked over several of my friends, also badly (albeit differently, i.e. financially).

I often wondered how people who at one time loved someone could so absolutely hate and despise them later. I no longer wonder that, as I now know all too well.

And I appreciate that your image of me is exactly what it should be. I make no bones about what I am, positively or negatively.

But I disagree with you that I would tell someone to move on. I might, and I might not. It would depend on the situation. And it's not news that oftentimes, the advisor cannot take his own advice. Hell, I advise people on relationships, while I have not been in one in well over a year. I can do this because I can see other people's lives and situations rationally. I can't always see my own life so clearly. That, my friend, is human nature, not just Jester nature.

But even with that in mind, I might not tell someone to move on per se. And here's why: there is nothing wrong with enjoying the misery of someone that caused you misery. I make no bones about being vindictive, and don't begrudge other people from doing the same. Seriously, how often on this site do we rejoice when people who make our work lives miserable get their comeuppance? All the time. These are people we don't know. This whole site is based on the idea that these people suck. And they do. But how much more do the people who wrong us in our personal lives suck?

I can forgive. I can forget. I cannot, however, forgive or forget the crimes, both legal and personal, that this woman committed. Is she the worst person on earth? No. Is she the worst person I have ever met or dealt with? Again, no. There are people walking around that I want dead. Whatever this woman did to me, she is still not one of them. That being said, I will enjoy, revel, and rejoice in her misery, and I will make no apologies for such behavior. I will dance in the fucking streets

I believe in revenge. I always have. And it's even better when revenge is served without any effort on our part. When life deals it out for us. That, my friend, is just pretty. It is, if you will, poetic.

[Evil Queen]

If I was to stumble across my EX (N) then I would more then likely laugh my ass off too. He comes from a wealthy family (I most certainly do NOT) and always liked to remind me of it while we were dating.

It's petty, but go ahead and laugh Jester. Laugh long and hard. I would. But then, I'm evil.

[Slytovhand]

I do think that the gods of irony just might come back and kick you up the arse, mr Jester - purely for using the whole 'karmic bitch slap' bit.

Question: why do you "want to feel bad for her. I really do", yet don't??

And, as Ree has suggested (though perhaps not said out loud), your friends are giving you the report, because they figure you want to hear it - to gloat. Any chance of telling them you never ever want to hear anything about her again, so they stop giving you said reports?

But, I certainly empathise - it can be a good feeling, a relief even, to hear that someone gets their just desserts, and that the universe does seem to have a sense of justice, that our anger and frustration, and even hate, appears to get some form of vindication from an otherwise seemingly uncaring nature.

I think what Ree is sort of trying to say - what would Yoda say?

Btw - give her the quarter... just so that she knows :wink: (but only if she doesn't ask for it...)


Oh - last thing, cos you mentioned it... ppl turn from love to hate, because there is an intensity of emotion that has to go somewhere, and when a person has been that open and trusting, it isn't going to go into compassion - especially if they feel betrayed. (been there, done that...hatehatehatehatehate...)

[Jester]

I do think that the gods of irony just might come back and kick you up the arse, mr Jester - purely for using the whole 'karmic bitch slap' bit.

It is certainly a possibility. I'll take my chances, though. :D

Question: why do you "want to feel bad for her. I really do", yet don't??

Because in general I am a good guy, and know that I should feel bad for this tragedy that has befallen another human being. So I know I SHOULD feel bad. And I WANT to feel bad. But ya know what? I CAN'T feel bad , not for her, due to all the things she has done to me and people I care about.

And, as Ree has suggested (though perhaps not said out loud), your friends are giving you the report, because they figure you want to hear it - to gloat. Any chance of telling them you never ever want to hear anything about her again, so they stop giving you said reports?

People gossip. It is their nature. And it not that they are just running to ME and telling ME this stuff. It just comes along and they tell whoever happens to be around that happens to know her. I am not, I should point out, the only one down here reveling in her misery. She is not a nice person, and has proven that to many, many people through her actions.

Btw - give her the quarter... just so that she knows

Um....no. See, as I have said more than once, I wouldn't cross the street to piss on her if she were on fire. I sure as hell am not going to waste a perfectly good quarter on her. Hell, that would get me ten minutes in a parking meter down here, or a generic soda from a vending machine, or a handful of peanut M&M's at the water utility office when I go to pay my bill there. Or even give it to a bum that I DON'T loathe. :lol:

[Slytovhand]

Say what????? 25cents can get you a soda???? You're kidding???

Ok - a dime then :p

1cent?

After all - think of the child......

[Jester]

Yes, there are soda vending machines down here at one or more of the supermarkets that dispense no name generic sodas for a quarter. Pretty nifty, huh?

And no, I would not give that woman one cent.

As for the child, that is assuming that she is, in fact, pregnant. I have not heard anything other than she told people she was pregnant to prove that she is in such a state. Considering her noted inability to distinguish fact from fiction, I question anything that comes out of her mouth. As do most people who know her. And since her last boyfriend seems like a decent enough fellow, I have trouble picturing him tossing her out if she was, in fact, pregnant with his child. So is she pregnant? Is it his? Who knows?

[Slytovhand]

I know what you're saying - just giving you a bit of shit :p

I had a 'friend' many years ago (friend of mine and gf's at the time).

We had other friends as well, and perhaps foolishly, they met.

And got together.

I had 2 guys I knew who went out with this person, and both of them the sort of guy who does romance and honour and all that.

And both of them had her move in with them to where they lived.

And both of them ended up kicking her out.

As in - remove all of her stuff from the house, and dumping it outside the house for her to collect.

She wasn't really a 'bitch', just... very non-responsibility, blame everyone else. And a user... such as their money... and home....

Not likely to change, and I don't think either guy would look back and feel ashamed to hear anything bad happen to her (... well, maybe not too bad...)

I was just thining with the money thing - giving 1cent says "I know just how shit your life has become... and I pity you"... most people don't like having others pity them (not saying you do, just adding some salt :D)

[Jester]

Oh, she would hate to get my pity. HATE. I know that. And a part of me wants to give her the penny, just to rub it in.

But the fact is, I don't pity her. You have to care about someone at least slightly to pity them. And, as I have made clear, I don't. And tempting as it would be to drop the penny in her bucket/tin can/whatever, the very idea of giving her money, any money, is just absolutely nauseating to me. Hell, I wouldn't even give her Monopoly money.

Yeah, I'm bitter. But you know what? It works for me. :lol:

[Slytovhand]

Umm... how about dropping said penny in front of her... and into the drain? :p

And you don't have to pity her... I'm just suggesting mean cruel things that don't cost a lot...:D :angel:

[Jester]

I figure life has dealt her enough meanness. Besides, I don't like being fake. Never had. So fake pity? No. Peals of unrestrained laughter if I run into her panhandling? Yeah, that's more likely.

Hell, I might not stop laughing for a week. :lol:

[blas]

I'm a little torn, as I understand where Ree is coming from and how she always puts things in perspective, but I can also relate to how Jester is feeling and why he feels that way.

I broke up with Asshole a month or so ago? Well, on Halloween night, when he saw me with my date, he felt the need to gloat to our mutual friend, Big Sis, that he'd been trick or treating with his epic ex and her two children (who he always referred to as the hottest girl alive, blah blah blah blah......)

I always knew he'd go back to his ex. I always knew his perfect ex was better in his mind than me. Which is why I'm so glad I'm done with him and I can move on and find guys who think highly of me.

Why am I babbling about this? Because Asshole's perfect ex has two kids from two different men...I can't remember if they are both jailbirds or just one and the other is in another state......anyway, when they were together, he spent ALL of his money on raising her children and supporting her so she wouldn't have to work, and he bought her a brand new car in 2006. He told me this sob story when we were together expecting sympathy because his supporting her led to him having to sell his beloved crotch rocket and one of his cars.

But then fast forward to dating me.....and after the initial "I'm going to wow you and show you I'm a gentleman!" period that lasted a whole week or two, he started throwing temper tantrums when it was his turn to buy dinner, or if I didn't have much money that week and we wanted to go out. Whilst he was ignoring me and treating me like crap, he'd come over and bellow "We can't go anywhere expensive, I don't have any money!" but then when we went out to the bar, he'd blow $50 or more on him and his friends....sometimes sneaking off with them, just so he wouldn't have to buy me ONE drink. It's not like I MADE him buy me anything.

The one time I yelled at him "I'm not asking for you to raise my kids and buy me a car, I just want a fucking beer!" his jaw nearly hit the floor.

Anyway, all this senseless babbling leads to me to sometimes giggle recently......he thought I was a gold digger and a greedy girl....yet he's about to become several thousand dollars in debt all over again with his ex. And I think that's SO funny.

Didn't mean to threadjack, but I understand why Jester would be gloating. Hell, I've been gloating about that myself lately. But at the same time, I do feel really, really bad that when I broke up with him, he was in hysterics for a couple of weeks and could not act like a normal person once he realized he fucked up and he wasn't getting another chance. Reality hit him and it hit him HARD.

[Jester]

"I'm not asking for you to raise my kids and buy me a car, I just want a fucking beer!"

Fucking......CLASSIC!!!

he was in hysterics for a couple of weeks and could not act like a normal person once he realized he fucked up and he wasn't getting another chance.

From what you have said, he rarely acted like a normal person anyway.

[AdminAssistant]

Ugh, all this is reminding me of my high school "sweetheart". Who is a bastard. A jackass. An asshole. A complete and utter waste of life that put me through emotional abuse for a year and a half before I finally woke up to the fact that he was treating me like shit.

When he went to college (same one I did, we even had a class together) he joined a fraternity for a while. I late became best friends with a girl whose husband was in that fraternity, knew my ex, and sorta kept in touch. That was when I found out that he 1) had dropped out of school and 2) knocked up a girl and had a shotgun wedding.

I laughed. Loudly. Proudly. Paused a minute to think, "That poor girl", and laughed some more. Yeah, how did that whole 'condoms are for losers' mentality work out? I would occasionally see him around, though never spoke, and I always had a wicked smile.

Recently, he added me as a friend on Facebook. I almost rejected it, but then, curiosity got the better of me, so I added him. That's when I learned that he was a mere 30 minutes away going to dental school. And that he was divorced. I didn't laugh this time. Then I saw a picture of him and his little girl, that he was now 7 hours away from, and I felt kind of bad. I wound up "de-friending" him, because while I no longer wish him death by woodchipper, I don't really care to see him or have any contact with him.

Time mellowed it out a bit. All I'm saying.

[Shards]

Wow... I guess this means I'm not all bad, huh?

I always felt guilty about how much I laughed at My First Girlfriend's misery, when she had it. I mean, I still do, a little, but seeing other people I know to be generally decent also laughing at their ex's misfortunes makes me feel a little less bad about it.

Now, I was 13 at the time when First Girlfriend and I got together. It was Valentines Day, and I acted like a gentleman, and she was charmed, and we started "dating", and I use the word loosely.

We were together for a glorious[/sarcasm] 7 days and 1 hour. I know this because she broke up with me during lunch a week after the day she had said she'd go out with me in Choir, and those classes were an hour apart for me.

During the time we were together, I did everything I could to be a perfect gentleman. I would bike to my after school activities every night because with my parents schedule getting a ride would mean being there an hour early with no way to talk to her, while biking meant I had an extra 45 minutes or so before I needed to leave that I could be on the phone or IMing with her.

The entire time we were together, she ignored me, and I've even heard rumors of her "dating" other guys at the same time. All the while her frustrated male friends she wasn't interested in dating would come up to me and try to bait me into fights, which even if I won would have gotten me kicked out of school.

The breakup was done through a friend of hers, via a text message.

All that I can forgive her for. We were really young to be in a relationship, I was taking things too seriously, I was naive, it's all good. The kicker is that every girl I dated through High School, had at some point met her, and she went out of her way to paint me as The Worst Boyfriend Ever, and try to convince them not to give me a shot.

That I'm not interested in forgiving, maybe I'm petty, maybe I'm a worse person for it, but I can't abide that. So when I found out she was seeing a stoner with no job, who wasn't going to college, and who had barely graduated High School, and was pregnant with his kid in our senior year, and that she'd never have the figure to be the performer she always tried so hard to become, I smiled. I laughed. And the fact that the person telling me was one of the people she thought was one of her closest friends, and that they were laughing right along with me, just made me laugh harder.


EDIT: Remembered the breakup story was from a different girl, the real one from First Girlfriend has been edited into the proper place.

[Evil Queen]

Shards, how do 13 year old kids date?

Bear in mind my first date was when I was 15, I at least could drive places.

[Talon]

Jester I don't think you're being too harsh or vindictive. Whether you laugh or cry over her plight is ultimately irrelevant. From what you're describing, she is the architect of her own destruction.

There's nothing wrong with a little bit of vengeful gloating, so long as you don't mainline it.

[Shards]

Shards, how do 13 year old kids date?

Bear in mind my first date was when I was 15, I at least could drive places.

In my middle school, everyone kinda paired off and claimed they were dating despite never really going anywhere or doing anything together. Hence my specifying that I was naive, and I was taking things too seriously. Again, it isn't the relationship, or the breakup that caused my spite, it's the fact that she tried to stop those interested in me dating me. I've no way of knowing if there are any other girls I might have dated if not for her, who didn't go with me because of her. I'm over it, I'm done being angry about it, but when I hear about something bad happening to her, it still makes me grin is all.

Also, to the comment someone made that people think Jester still cares for this girl because they bother to tell him: :lol::lol::roll::roll::roll: I don't know what Jester's friends are like, but as soon as my friends hear anything about someone who went to our school, even if none of us knew them, I hear it instantly. People gossip, it's a fact of life, and it doesn't matter if they think you knew or cared about the person or not. The only difference that'll make is they may take the opportunity to rub your face in something instead of simply telling you, either way, the result is the same.

[blas]

I whole heartedly agree. Everyone gossips. There are some people, like a few of my coworkers, who do nothing BUT gossip, and that's unhealthy, but everyone talks about other people, and everyone updates one another all the time.