Extremely wrong answers to obvious questions....GAME!

[CaroPhoenix]

It'll happen on the 31st of September.

How now brown cow?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Not right now, I have a udderly terrible stomachache.:p

How about a Brown Mule?

[CaroPhoenix]

Nah, I wanted it in mauve.

Am I the princess here?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Sorry, your princess is in another castle.

Should I shake my booty or my groove thing?

[CaroPhoenix]

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Do I really want Nationwide calling when all my friends/family are in the same state?

[DesignFox]

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Do I really want Nationwide calling when all my friends/family are in the same state?

Who is this Nationwide? I thought I was the only one for you! :cry:

What supremely awful joke will I think of next?

[CaroPhoenix]

The one about a cow and a rocket ship and Mars and Venus.

Where is this clue I see?

[DesignFox]

The one about a cow and a rocket ship and Mars and Venus.

Where is this clue I see?

It's coming straight toward your head...

Don't we wish a clue bat really existed? ;)

[Jack T. Chance]

It's coming straight toward your head...

Don't we wish a clue bat really existed? ;)Wait.... you haven't got yours yet? :confused:

Oh, you didn't know? Well, your ass better CALL SOMEBODY!!!! :p

The only question is... who?

[SengaKitty]

Dr. Who.

Why is the laundry room in the basement!?

[CaroPhoenix]

'cos it would look sill on top of the roof.

what is the corniest station in the nation?

[Jack T. Chance]

'cos it would look sill on top of the roof.

what is the corniest station in the nation?It's the newly-launched WKRN... "All Korn, all the time!" :rolleyes:

And just where do you think you're going?

[SengaKitty]

To group counseling in about an hour and a half...

Where were my kittens hiding for the past 3 hours?

[RootedPhoenix]

In the Matrix.

Why have transporters not been invented?

[CaroPhoenix]

Because that would mean all the SCs could actually find the door to get out.

Can we do it, please?

[DesignFox]

Because that would mean all the SCs could actually find the door to get out.

Can we do it, please?

Nope. it would make our lives too easy. Can't have that, now.

Can we?

[CaroPhoenix]

Ask your father.

What can you make with the big yellow button in the sky?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Sunburn

Does Pluto get along with Uranus?:p

[DesignFox]

Sunburn

Does Pluto get along with Uranus?:p

Hey! Leave my anus out of this!

Why does today SUCK?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Better to suck than to blow on Mondays . . . save the blowing for Friday and Saturday nights.:angel:

So what's the deal with Uranus?

[BookstoreEscapee]

:eek: That's personal!!

Why is there a palm tree on top of my TV?

[DesignFox]

:eek: That's personal!!

Why is there a palm tree on top of my TV?

You were celebrating X-mas (futurama style) and forgot to put it away.

What's this obsession with Uranus lately? :eek:

[BookstoreEscapee]

I said, THAT'S PERSONAL!!! geez..

Do I have to go to school tomorrow?

[CaroPhoenix]

No, but only because your brain will run away in the middle of the night.

Who is missing their top?

[DesignFox]

No, but only because your brain will run away in the middle of the night.

Who is missing their top?

Oh cool. You found it. I was wondering where my spinning top went to. :D

Who would like to confess to having dirty thoughts about that last question?

[CaroPhoenix]

I always have dirty thoughts. (I think about my dirty clothes, my dirty socks, my dirty dishes, etc., etc.)

Whose mind has set up permanent residence in the gutter now?

[SengaKitty]

Ah I not only have a permanent residence in the gutter, I also own rental properties for those wild nights...

Who wants to rent a wild night property in the gutter?

[CaroPhoenix]

People who think dirty thoughts and missing tops go together. :p

Was it amazing? Really?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I've had better, but I'll still respect you in the morning.:p

So who'd like to pet my kitty?:angel:

[DesignFox]

I've had better, but I'll still respect you in the morning.:p

So who'd like to pet my kitty?:angel:

I'd prefer not to.

Should I cool it, or should I blow?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Shaken but not stirred, preferably. At least we're not talking about Uranus.:p

Would it be more polite to hug a tree or shake leaves?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, shaking is more polite, but trees are cuddly and they like hugs.

Should I stay or should I go now?

[CaroPhoenix]

Stay. Go. It matters not in the sum square root of the universe and things.

How can one ruin a romantic evening ... on purpose? :devil:

[DesignFox]

Stay. Go. It matters not in the sum square root of the universe and things.

How can one ruin a romantic evening ... on purpose? :devil:

One word. Flatulence.

WHY? :cry:

[BookstoreEscapee]

Because it makes you cry.

When will my prince come?

[DesignFox]

Because it makes you cry.

When will my prince come?

He told me to give you this message- He's sorry he's late but he thought you were coming to him. He's on his way.

What will it take?

[CaroPhoenix]

It'll take 2 bananas, a salt shaker and a worm that is holding the magnifying glass on you.

Which one doesn't belong?

[XCashier]

None of them belong; they're all nonconformists.

Where is the rainbow I've been waiting for?

[DesignFox]

None of them belong; they're all nonconformists.

Where is the rainbow I've been waiting for?

It's hanging out somewhere over Belgium. Don't worry, it's just slow.

How exactly does one "taste the rainbow?"

[Lace Neil Singer]

Eat a leprechaun.

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

[CaroPhoenix]

They avoid the Maple Leaf and the Sickle.

Why is my cat glaring at me?

[BookstoreEscapee]

He knows what you did.

Why is NCIS so addicting?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

You're a closet necrophiliac . . .:p

Do I really want to go to work tomorrow?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Yes, you do. You are so excited at the prospect you are considering sleeping in the parking lot tonight so you can be the first one there.

Who will go to the animals thread and post an animal that ends with the letter s for me?

[CaroPhoenix]

Ida Know and Not Me might.

What's happening Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

[BookstoreEscapee]

What's happening Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

Rain, rain, and mostly cloudy, according to weather.com...

What should I sing in the rain?

[DesignFox]

Rain, rain, and mostly cloudy, according to weather.com...

What should I sing in the rain?

Ding dong the witch is dead...

Which old witch?

[BookstoreEscapee]

The wicked witch!

Will she be popular?

[XCashier]

Not if she keeps gazumping me!!!

Who's going to win the Kentucky Derby?

[CaroPhoenix]

Sir Cough Lozenge of the 32nd Boston Braille House.

Is today your birthday?

[DesignFox]

Sir Cough Lozenge of the 32nd Boston Braille House.

Is today your birthday?

It's my un-Birthday. :)

Will someone bring me an Un-Birthday present?

[CaroPhoenix]

Only the Mad Hatter and the March Hare deal in that kind of stuff.

Why does my cat like to lie on my laptop?

[SengaKitty]

Because it's related to my cats who do the same

Why are my allergies acting up?

[CaroPhoenix]

It's because you haven't been paying them any attention and were lonely.

What will make you munch all afternoon?

[SengaKitty]

Nothing, I'm on a diet, but my mind totally went to the gutter...

Who wants to join me down here? The weather's great!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I'm hiding over here in the dark corner . . . you can find me by flashlight.:p

Why can't the birds clean up all the water they splash around in the birdbath after they're done?

[BookstoreEscapee]

You didn't leave them any guest towels!

Coffee, tea, or me?

[CaroPhoenix]

A little coffee, a little tea and him over there. ;)

What was 9.9 on the richter scale?

[Wingates_Hellsing]

The point at which a falling cabinet strikes your skull, unpleasent I know...


What WOULD Cthulu do?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Well, if he's got any lemons, he can find someone with some vodka and have a party.:p

Where would I be able to find towels small enough for the birds to use?

[DesignFox]

Well, if he's got any lemons, he can find someone with some vodka and have a party.:p

Where would I be able to find towels small enough for the birds to use?

I bet you could get some at a dollhouse show.....

What's the scam?

[Wingates_Hellsing]

to eliminate all terrorist threats, and sources of annoyance...
oops! that's the plan!

the scam is... noneyobuissnesss :D

where is the blooper reel?

[CaroPhoenix]

At bloopers r us.

What is your warm delight?

[DesignFox]

At bloopers r us.

What is your warm delight?

That's private!

Who's bringing me chocolate? I'm feeling icky.

[CaroPhoenix]

The Icky Sticky Nicky Wicky Chocolate Movers.

Thanks?

[SengaKitty]

You're welcome

Who wants to go out with me tonight?

[Lace Neil Singer]

He-man!

Can animals commit suicide?

[SengaKitty]

Only if their owners don't get to them first..

How busy am I gonna be today?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

As busy as an over caffeinated beaver attempting to dam the Mississippi.

Where's a chainsaw when you need one?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Jason took it.

Are the people with hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (fear of long words), afraid of the word that describes them?

[CaroPhoenix]

Possibly, but they can never talk about it. :rimshot:

Why do I keep dipping my veggie rolls in wasabi/soy sauce mixture even though the wasabi is so strong it's making me cry?

[BookstoreEscapee]

You're a glutton for punishment.

Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

[CaroPhoenix]

Ima and Youra Pig.

Did you get it?

[DesignFox]

Ima and Youra Pig.

Did you get it?

Nope. I didn't want any.

When will the swelling in my sinuses go down? :cry:

[BookstoreEscapee]

Tomorrow, but the tip of your nose will blow up to 3x its normal size. Sorry.

What's the story, morning glory?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Probably. It's called the Cleopatra Syndrome . . . they live in the Land of Denial.

So when's Jason bringing the chainsaw back?

[DesignFox]

Probably. It's called the Cleopatra Syndrome . . . they live in the Land of Denial.

So when's Jason bringing the chainsaw back?

When I'm done borrowing it.... :devil:

What?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Invented the light bulb.

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Because they're too busy wondering if the grass if greener on the other side . . .which it ain't.

Why is money burning a hole in my Visa check card?

[CaroPhoenix]

Because money is the easiest thing to burn right now.

Why is my husband still being a pita?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Because regular old bread is boring.

Why have I had a headache all. weekend. long?

[DesignFox]

Because regular old bread is boring.

Why have I had a headache all. weekend. long?

You've been vicariously experiencing my work week.

Who wants to bring me some more Rum?

[CaroPhoenix]

OoO! I'll bring you some more Rum! I have lots and lots of rum! :lol:

Who wants to watch a sick child while I go and do errands?

[SengaKitty]

Ronald McDonald will do it, but keep the nanny cam on!

What kind of "fun" stuff are they going to do in my first day of training?

[CaroPhoenix]

The will teach you how to remove your own soul and hide it in the deepest recesses of the coat closet until you need it when you permanently leave that job.

Why is State Farm following me around?

[Jack T. Chance]

The will teach you how to remove your own soul and hide it in the deepest recesses of the coat closet until you need it when you permanently leave that job.

Why is State Farm following me around?They wants your eggses, my precioussss! ;)

Why does MD Unemployment hate me so? What did I ever do to them? :confused:

[DesignFox]

You expected to collect money. silly you.

Why is it that when I get sick I get arthritis like a 90 year old woman? :(

[DGoddessChardonnay]

You expected to collect money. silly you.

Why is it that when I get sick I get arthritis like a 90 year old woman? :(

'Cause it's easier to be old than young sometimes . . .

Who decided today was going to be Act Like a Dingbat Monday and didn't tell me?

[BookstoreEscapee]

The same people who decided it would rain all day.

Will I wash away?

[CaroPhoenix]

Yes, but only if you don't give a live performance to the Chicken of the Sea.

What few simple techniques should I learn?

[BookstoreEscapee]

The Kama Sutra will teach you all about it.

Who will be next to leave Dancing with the Stars?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Either Saturn or Uranus . . .:lol:

If Monday is Manic, then what is Tuesday called?

[XCashier]

Traumatic.

Has anyone ever gotten the hang of Thursdays?

[CaroPhoenix]

Thursdays are actually inconsequential in the entire scheme of things.

I'm ... sorry?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Sorry doesn't cut it, young lady. XD

If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?

[CaroPhoenix]

Nope, it just becomes a very wet raisin.

How can I get through Galloping Gulch?

[Lace Neil Singer]

By galloping?

If you strangle a Smurf, what colour does it turn?

[dalesys]

By galloping?

If you strangle a Smurf, what colour does it turn?

Smurple.

You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here?

[DesignFox]

Yea....what ARE you doing here? *suspicious look*

If the above is a question AND answer in one, do I have to ask another one? :p

[BookstoreEscapee]

Yes.

What was the question again?

[DesignFox]

Yes.

What was the question again?

I asked first.

Who's on first?

[CaroPhoenix]

The base baller who doth contrive to come to the stadium for the first position. Verily.

Does anyone know what I said in my above answer?

[BookstoreEscapee]

No.

Does anyone expect the Spanish Inquisition?

[Lace Neil Singer]

No, he's resting!

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

[XCashier]

They're wearing rubber soles!

Are you going to carp about my crappie fish puns?

[CaroPhoenix]

Nope, I'm having a whale of a time with the puns you've spouted on porpoise. :D

Will William Shatner only be remembered for being Captain Kirk?

[BookstoreEscapee]

No, he'll be remembered for his illustrious career as a spoken-word artist.

What is Satan's last name?

[CaroPhoenix]

du Jour.

How can I get my door open?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Here, you can borrow my axe.

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

[CaroPhoenix]

Nope, it's called a pog dile.

Why can't I think of wittier answers?

[Bandit]

Why can't I think of wittier answers?

You are channeling Elvis.

What are you going to do about my blue suede shoes?

B

[CaroPhoenix]

Let the Hound Dog chew them.

What is closed at this hour of the day?

[Lace Neil Singer]

School's out.

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

[CaroPhoenix]

Only by the light of the moon.

Mr. Tambourne Man, will you sing a song for me?

[DesignFox]

Only by the light of the moon.

Mr. Tambourne Man, will you sing a song for me?

He can't...he's got laryngitis.

Is it time to go home yet?

[CaroPhoenix]

Yes, but only if you promise to do the dishes after dinner.

What is original about the steakhouse?

[BookstoreEscapee]

The steak was originally cows.


Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

[CaroPhoenix]

It wasn't broken to begin with.

What can you imagine Elmo doing?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

It wasn't broken to begin with.

What can you imagine Elmo doing?

Smoking on a bong and then going bungee-jumping, followed by a guy's night out at a local bar and then going home at 2 with a 10 and waking up at 10 in the morning with a 2.:lol:

Would a witch prefer a manual broom or an automatic?

[CaroPhoenix]

Battery operated.

Why am I not calling my MIL when I really should?

[DesignFox]

Battery operated.

Why am I not calling my MIL when I really should?

Because she called you first.

Is it the best day ever?

[Lace Neil Singer]

The best day ever... so far. XD

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

[CaroPhoenix]

In the ear.

What is not here?

[DesignFox]

In the ear.

What is not here?

Because I took it over there.

Where does the sidewalk end?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Just a little past my apartment building.

How far east can you go before you're heading west?

[CaroPhoenix]

East of the Sun and West of the Moon.

Where exactly is Metropolis?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Just a short trip from Pleasantville.

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

[XCashier]

:lol: If they were, my son would be serving a looong sentence!

Can I take a sick day due to insanity?

[DesignFox]

:lol: If they were, my son would be serving a looong sentence!

Can I take a sick day due to insanity?

Nope. We don't pay out for mental health days.

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Not Virginia Woolf, I gather.

When's that muse coming back from the insane asylum to help me write another fanfic piece?

[CaroPhoenix]

When the muse's identical twin sister visits me.

What is the penalty?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

You have to come over to my house, help dust down/rearrange the living room, do yardwork, windows and help sort out a large storage building.

Bright side is: you don't have to touch the litter box.:D

Which way does the wind blow?

[DesignFox]

Which way does the wind blow?

Lately, whichever direction is most inconvenient for me.

When will I get lucky at anything?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Next time you see your man. :eyewaggle:

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

[DesignFox]

Next time you see your man. :eyewaggle:

WOOO! Good answer!

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?



About halfway through the day, when the cloudy part gets tired.

Why didn't I think about that?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Because your brain was turned off.

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Depends on whether you have a monobrow or not. O_o

Can crop circles be square?

[BookstoreEscapee]

No, then they'd be boring.

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

No, then they'd be boring.

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Because they come from Vanilla cows and their milk is white.

Will Wil-E-Cyote ever catch that damn Road Runner?:p

[BookstoreEscapee]

When Acme makes a better road-runner trap.

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Depends how many heads there are.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

[Pure Caitred]

Because if they were the same shape we'd spend our time using them as lego to create awesome sandwich fortresses

is air transparent?

[BookstoreEscapee]

It's more of a challenge that way.

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

[CaroPhoenix]

Because they are all emanating from the source of evil.

What are we going to cook?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Tossed salad!

How fast do hotcakes sell?

[XCashier]

Faster than cold cakes, apparently.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Same reason little is bigger than big.

What's the difference between ginger ale and ginger beer?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Ale is more mature.

If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?

[CaroPhoenix]

Nope, it'd get the heeves.

What is that excellent?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Bill and Ted's adventure, of course.

Why does my cat puke his guts up and then cry for food?

[CaroPhoenix]

He's the twin of my cat.

Bill or Ted?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Neither. Rufus, Dude . . .

How is it that 2+2 equals 4 yet 2 X 2 also equals 4? :shrug:

[Jack T. Chance]

Neither. Rufus, Dude . . .

How is it that 2+2 equals 4 yet 2 X 2 also equals 4? :shrug:Because I SAID SO, that's why! ;)

How can I destroy the world without killing myself at the same time?!? :confused:

:devil:

[Lace Neil Singer]

Nuke it from the moon.

Can I play with madness?

[CaroPhoenix]

Nope, it likes to bite and then pee on your carpet behind the potted plant.

What is the deadline for tomorrow's paper?

[DesignFox]

Half past noon.

Why are people so annoying today?

[CaroPhoenix]

Because they were hiding under their beds yesterday so they have to make up for lost time.

What is a puppet, really?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Because they were hiding under their beds yesterday so they have to make up for lost time.

What is a puppet, really?

A fried Muppet . . .

Why do all the days of the week end with the letter "y"?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Y not?

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Y not?

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

42. All long and winding . . .

Why isn't it safe to run with scissors?

[CaroPhoenix]

Well, see, the reason is this: If you were to run with scissors and you were to stub your toe, you'd hop up and and down, waving your arms all over the place with the distinct possibility of then jabbing yourself in the left eye with the scissors ....

Or it's because your mother said so. :D

What is coming up tonight?

[BookstoreEscapee]

The moon.

When there's two men who get married, do they both go to the same bachelor party?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

The moon.

When there's two men who get married, do they both go to the same bachelor party?

That or they can both attend the same bridal shower . . . it's up to them.

Why don't dogs like cat scans?

[DesignFox]

They are claustrophobic.

Why is it impossible to find what I want? What DO I want?

[Amina516]

They are claustrophobic.

Why is it impossible to find what I want? What DO I want?

You want the spice girls around for another tour...to tell you what you want, what you really really want. Zigga Zig Ah


Why did one shot of Hennessey make me sweat??

[CaroPhoenix]

That wasn't a shot of Hennessey you were drinking ... It was ... ummm ... my husband's spicy hot pepper sauce.

What happened 29 seconds ago?

[BookstoreEscapee]

A cake (http://cakewrecks.com) was wrecked.

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

[Jack T. Chance]

A cake (http://cakewrecks.com) was wrecked.

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor? Same way they glide down the stairs... they have ANTI-GRAVITY BELTS! :D

Why is my body clock so out of whack that I'm still awake at quarter after 7 in the morning?!? :confused:

[CaroPhoenix]

You forgot to reset your clock after daylight savings time.

whose birthday is it today?

[DesignFox]

You forgot to reset your clock after daylight savings time.

whose birthday is it today?

Everyone's! Let's have a huge party!

:party:

How fast was the bee traveling?

[dalesys]

Everyone's! Let's have a huge party!

:party:

How fast was the bee traveling?

I don't know, but the last thing that went through its mind was the zinger.

Who does Hugh Heffalump invite to the mansion?

[CaroPhoenix]

Winnie of the Pooh, Tiny Tiger, Pulsating Piglet and Randy Rabbit.

When is it time for a new windshield?

[Lace Neil Singer]

When a duck flies into it.

Does your mother know you're out?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

My Mom is psychic . . . she can tell you without even getting out of her chair where I'm at and what I'm doing.

Why can't I make a simple decision such as what kind of new cell phone to get?

[DesignFox]

My Mom is psychic . . . she can tell you without even getting out of her chair where I'm at and what I'm doing.

Why can't I make a simple decision such as what kind of new cell phone to get?

Because nowadays, the decision isn't so simple.

What's the conspiracy?

[CaroPhoenix]

That my sister is the greatest thing since slice bread and I'm not.

Why is my mother such a martyr?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Cuz she's the reincarnation of Bishop Latimer?

Do you know what a rhetorical question is?

[CaroPhoenix]

Could you please repeat the question your Honor?

All hands on .... what?!?

[DesignFox]

the runway!

What will prevent me from going insane today?

[CaroPhoenix]

1 Super Gulp size of Sailor Jerry's Rum, your favorite episode of Perry Mason and the newest Ghost Rider comic.

What is the second piece of the puzzle?

[Amina516]

1 Super Gulp size of Sailor Jerry's Rum, your favorite episode of Perry Mason and the newest Ghost Rider comic.

What is the second piece of the puzzle?

the 5th piece minus the 3rd piece

What should my next tattoo be??

[XCashier]

The tattooist could always do a self-portrait. :eek:

What should I make for dinner tonight?

[DesignFox]

The tattoo artist doing a tattoo, of a tattoo artist doing a tattoo, of a tattoo artist doing a tattoo.....

Edit to add:
And my gazumper should have turnips for dinner. :P

What happened in the Champagne room?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Uh...I don't remember :drink:

Do you yawn in your sleep?

[Lace Neil Singer]

If your dreams are boring, you do.

Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

[CaroPhoenix]

I ended up sleeping on my night stand as both my daughter and husband conspired to push me onto it in the middle of the night. :cry:

Why are my cats sneezing at each other?

[DesignFox]

They are allergic to one another.

Do we really need to have commercials about yeast infections? o_O

[CaroPhoenix]

Yes, because if the yeast is infected, then the entire bread supply has gone down the tubes.

What does "I love you Daddy" really mean?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Yes, because if the yeast is infected, then the entire bread supply has gone down the tubes.

What does "I love you Daddy" really mean?

It means "I actually love the money you give me when I ask for it":lol:

Should I skin Wendyburger first before I make the meatloaf?

[CaroPhoenix]

Only if you don't want anything in your teeth.

Why do cats, in general, have to be prissy all the time, including the males?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Why do cats, in general, have to be prissy all the time, including the males?

Take the "ri" (as a unit) and turn it upside down - what does that make? There's your answer!

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

[Jack T. Chance]

Take the "ri" (as a unit) and turn it upside down - what does that make? There's your answer!

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?Let's see here, you could... Clap him in LEG IRONS!
Attach one end of handcuffs to his wrist.
Attach other end to chain of leg irons!The bonus is that it would make it a LOT harder for him to run in that position! ;)

Who wants to be my date this weekend? Who's a guy have to KILL to find a single, geeky woman to date in Maryland?!? :confused:

[CaroPhoenix]

The gaming group that comes to the gaming store every other weekend.

What should I do today?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

The gaming group that comes to the gaming store every other weekend.

What should I do today?

Run around in the woods, naked and carrying a sword. Or you could kick back with a good book and catch up on laundry, for example.:angel:

Why does my laundry hamper fill up less than 30 minutes after I empty it out?

[CaroPhoenix]

The same guy who doesn't pay for garbage service but instead puts all his trash in my garbage can is sneaking into your house with his clothes so he doesn't have to pay $$ at the laundromat.

Why am I so tired?

[DesignFox]

Because the blackberries are stealing your energy to deliver their emails.

No, I don't do drugs and I'm not drunk at the moment...why do you ask?

[goldaries13]

Because the blackberries are stealing your energy to deliver their emails.

No, I don't do drugs and I'm not drunk at the moment...why do you ask?

Because you are naked and dancing. Oh, sorry, I forgot the attractive lampshade on your head.

Why are all the apartments I'm looking at so ugly?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Why are all the apartments I'm looking at so ugly?

Because affordable apartments are always ugly. It's the law. I give you mine as evidence.

What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?

[CaroPhoenix]

"It's all Visgoth to me."

What is rolling home to me right now?

[BookstoreEscapee]

It depends...are you up the hill or down?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

[DesignFox]

It depends...are you up the hill or down?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?


Only if the quakes cause chocolatey treats to erupt.

What's with that?

[BookstoreEscapee]

That is down with the sickness.

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

[XCashier]

Let's just say if I were you, I'd make sure your metal shears had rubber handles...! :eek:

What the heck am I doing up so late?

[Jack T. Chance]

Let's just say if I were you, I'd make sure your metal shears had rubber handles...! :eek:

What the heck am I doing up so late?You're sharing in the many joys of my insomnia! :D

Are you down with the sickness? :super:

--Dan (who slept all day and will thus be up all night! ;))

[CaroPhoenix]

Only if the sickness is the lack of coffee in my system and I'm slowly crawling on the floor, looking for ground coffee, my coffee pot and other coffee paraphanelia that I'm going to need to get through the day.

Why am I so silly when I haven't had any coffee in me?

[XCashier]

Withdrawl.

Where did my son get all his energy from and why won't he share it with me?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Kids are born with a battery pack that slowly winds down over the years. Unfortunately, it's inaccessible so it can't be replaced.

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Probably, as long as they aren't SCs.

What if there was a lightning flash, and it stayed on?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Then you wouldn't be able to sleep.

If that happened would the thunder just keep going, too?

[DesignFox]

No. The sound track is separate from the film track.

Can this day just stop sucking already?

[BookstoreEscapee]

OK, for the rest of the day it will blow.

Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?

[CaroPhoenix]

Nope, what no one knows is that their last name was "on a steeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

If Jeff Dunham gets laringytis, do his dummies talk for him?

[BookstoreEscapee]

No they all stand around gargling salt water.

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

(As Ex puts it ... "it tastes like purple!")

[Lace Neil Singer]

It does taste like purple; purple is a fruit!

Are you an American Idiot?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, I'm an American...I like to think I'm less of an idiot than most of the people whose antics end up on this site...

If a transvesite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

[DesignFox]

If a transvesite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

:roll:

Only if they are wearing a dress.

What happens when September ends?

[MannersMakethMan]

:roll:

Only if they are wearing a dress.

What happens when September ends?

You press replay, but come out in July because you forgot to carry the one.

Who's next to have something named after them?

[BookstoreEscapee]

:waves hand in air: Me! ME! Oh, please, me!!!

When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

:waves hand in air: Me! ME! Oh, please, me!!!

When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?



"You may kiss the groom" I guess. Unless one of them is wearing a wedding dress, then the "You may kiss the bride" statement would be appropriate, I think.

Will potted meat grow like other plants if you feed it Miracle-Gro?

[XCashier]

It'll only grow moldy.

Why can't I come up with a new question?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Because you have all the answers.

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

[DesignFox]

Because you have all the answers.

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?



Because real life hippos could rip you to shreds. We have to make them look more whimsical somehow.

Can you hear me knockin'?

[RootedPhoenix]

What? I was listening to my iPod.

What is the purpose of rubber duckies in school fountains?

[CaroPhoenix]

OMG! The Rubber Duckies are trying to take over the schools! They want to turn our children into Rubber Duckies! Down with the Rubber Duckies!

What is the zen of pudding?

[Lace Neil Singer]

The cake is a lie.

Should I stay or should I go now?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Either way, there'll be trouble, so do whatever you want.

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

[Lace Neil Singer]

How long is a piece of string?

Seriously, how long IS a piece of string?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Not as long as you'd think.

Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

[Lace Neil Singer]

They are secretly plotting your demise. O_o

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

[CaroPhoenix]

Because limes and lemons were named by more sophisticated cavemen.

Should I dance with the one that brung me?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Only if you tell us what your avatar says.

What does your avatar say?

[Lace Neil Singer]

I don't know what that avatar says, but mine says;

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Brotherly <3

Since 1983

It's a well known fact that my avatar pwns all. XD What do you pwn?

[MannersMakethMan]

Less and less every day.

Who fancies an ice cream now the thunder's gone?

[XCashier]

I fancy an ice cream all the time!

What's your favorite flavor?

[DesignFox]

ALL THE FLAVORS! *nom nom nom nom*

Why can I only choose one?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Because if you mix them the world will end.

Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?

[Lace Neil Singer]

So you don't get distracted from eating it; if it still had a smell, you'd just stand there and smell it instead.

Do you love to singa, about the moona and the June-a and the springa?

[BookstoreEscapee]

No, not really.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

[Lace Neil Singer]

So that it doesn't clash with your bathroom colour scheme.

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

[CaroPhoenix]

In the original, 14th century version that was snuck out of the Antarctic by Saint I'm-a-Wuss but it was lost in the sands and snowstorms of time.

Why is my daughter covering her ears at this moment?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Her imaginary friend is singing Lace's song, but it's waaay off-key.

Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

He's wears that new cologne for men from Calvin Klein . . . BeeGone.:p

When will then be now?

[DesignFox]

After yesterday.

Why do customers have the annoying habit of all showing up at the same precise moment?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Cuz customers are like sheep; they flock, and all follow the one in front.

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

[CaroPhoenix]

Because as everyone knows, pants are too confining ... towels are just comfy!

Where is my money?

[DesignFox]

The dog ate it- along with my homework.

:cry:

Are you going to punish me?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Probably. I vote for going to bed without supper and no tv for the rest of the evening.:p

Why do my dogs go crazy when they see another dog being walked down the street?

[DesignFox]

They just want to make new friends.

Why is one only silver while the other's gold?

[BookstoreEscapee]

So everyone can have the friends that go best with their skin tone.

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

[XCashier]

Drape makers are too cheap to make them look nice.

Can you sew your own drapes?