Reyneth
11-26-2008, 04:57 AM
as one of her friends at the assisted living facility said the other day. I like that as a description.
Dying is f'ing hard. She's still hanging on when we have been expecting and preparing for it since Saturday. She had that big stroke 2.5 years ago and has had sporadic declines since, especially in the past few months. I've said my goodbye. I have the collage of photos printed and framed. We've located 2 copies of her last wishes (she was smart and gave them to all 4 kids). But yet her body keeps struggling along. She's not technically in a coma, but it's pretty much the same. No response and while she's getting morphine it's more to even out her breathing than for any indications of pain.
I was there all weekend, Saturday afternoon until Monday morning. Spent all of about 5 hours (one shower/finishing laundry, 2 meals) away with about 8 non-consecutive hours of sleep during that time. It seems surreal to me now, and I'm going back tomorrow late afternoon. And my mom hasn't left aside from the showers and eating since Saturday morning. My uncle came in Friday night expecting to stay for 2 days and is still there.
Obviously, Thanksgiving isn't really happening. When my grandpa died (her husband), it was the Friday before T-Giving, the family ended up going to a resturant w/a buffet and that was ok. Unlikely to happen this time because the family not here doesn't have any plans to come in yet. I can't blame my one uncle, since he sat by while his wife died of cancer. And who knows how much longer things will be.
I just want it all to be over. Which feels horrible sometimes to think but really, what's the point in it lasting longer? It's a given in the very near future, just put all of us - grandma included - out of our misery. And how horrible for all of the other residents. They become like family. And they lose friends near-constantly. We've decided to have a small service there too. Even the hairdresser came in twice over the weekend to see her and talk to her!
I'm worried about my mom, she would go nearly every day (and make sure someone else did if she couldn't) for dinner. That's a large chunk of time she'll have in her day. She's said she'll still go sometimes, she's gotten to know a number of the other residents well and a lot of the aids look to her for advice or just someone to talk to. But going there w/out my grandma there? Hard times. Especially since we're all spending so much time there now.
*sigh*
I have to say, getting all of the cards from this place helps a little at the end of the day!
Dying is f'ing hard. She's still hanging on when we have been expecting and preparing for it since Saturday. She had that big stroke 2.5 years ago and has had sporadic declines since, especially in the past few months. I've said my goodbye. I have the collage of photos printed and framed. We've located 2 copies of her last wishes (she was smart and gave them to all 4 kids). But yet her body keeps struggling along. She's not technically in a coma, but it's pretty much the same. No response and while she's getting morphine it's more to even out her breathing than for any indications of pain.
I was there all weekend, Saturday afternoon until Monday morning. Spent all of about 5 hours (one shower/finishing laundry, 2 meals) away with about 8 non-consecutive hours of sleep during that time. It seems surreal to me now, and I'm going back tomorrow late afternoon. And my mom hasn't left aside from the showers and eating since Saturday morning. My uncle came in Friday night expecting to stay for 2 days and is still there.
Obviously, Thanksgiving isn't really happening. When my grandpa died (her husband), it was the Friday before T-Giving, the family ended up going to a resturant w/a buffet and that was ok. Unlikely to happen this time because the family not here doesn't have any plans to come in yet. I can't blame my one uncle, since he sat by while his wife died of cancer. And who knows how much longer things will be.
I just want it all to be over. Which feels horrible sometimes to think but really, what's the point in it lasting longer? It's a given in the very near future, just put all of us - grandma included - out of our misery. And how horrible for all of the other residents. They become like family. And they lose friends near-constantly. We've decided to have a small service there too. Even the hairdresser came in twice over the weekend to see her and talk to her!
I'm worried about my mom, she would go nearly every day (and make sure someone else did if she couldn't) for dinner. That's a large chunk of time she'll have in her day. She's said she'll still go sometimes, she's gotten to know a number of the other residents well and a lot of the aids look to her for advice or just someone to talk to. But going there w/out my grandma there? Hard times. Especially since we're all spending so much time there now.
*sigh*
I have to say, getting all of the cards from this place helps a little at the end of the day!