stupid brother....

[Ljt09863]

so im talking to my mom last night. talking about maternity clothes i can't afford. she says,"well, i an't help you, especially now!" no big deal, i wasn't actually asking for her help. it was the way she said it that made me wonder what was up. i asked her.

well, apparently, its time for me to get off my parents family plan for the cell phone. its becoming to where i can't afford it, even though i barely use my cell phone. first, it was cause my older brother went over his minutes, making everybody else go over since then, older brother threw out his cell, and we gave younger brother a cell. i told my parents that it was a mistake to do that unless its prepaid. my brother is a little irresponsible like that, and he does't have a job to cover it.

did they listen? no!!!!! and guess who just put over $3,000 onto the bill for TEXT MESSAGING ONLY?!?!?! little brother. guess whose cell phone is now shut off? MINE!!!!!!! guess the only number my work has to reach me at? my cell phone!

so because my little brother doesn't know how to stop texting people, we all have to live without our cell phones. no, im not totally addicted to my cell. i usually use it to talk to my mom, and thats free since we have unlimited IN calling through verizon. but other than that, i don't really use my cell. but i prefer to habve a cell phone when im driving, in case someting happens. i know how to change a tire, but thats it. if my car breaks down, im screwed. no cell means no calling for help. so im not a happy camper.

and i know how this is going to play out. i guess my mom already suspened littles brothers phone but after this bill gets paid, it will only be a matter of days until my brother yells and screams and name calls his way back into a cell phone.

he does it every time. i feel horrible for my mother. she tries to punish him, and he goes crazy on her. he is EXTREMELY spoiled. he is 16 years old, and loves telling my mother to "shut up" "go away" "just stop talking", and saying "you don't know anything!" i swear its verbal abuse.

of course, dad can't do anything either. little brother an't stand dad, so dad doesn't try anymore, and when he does, little brother just yells and screams back at him. i think its time for boot camp......


little brother knows he has that power too, so thatmakes it even worse. he isn't afraid to say to my mom,"i know if i want something, all i have to do is yell at you to get it, and i will get it." ive heard him say it. and of course, my moms self esteem is just going down hill from there. talking to little brother does no good at all. he won't listen to anybody, just tells us to shut up. its usually, actually, "screw you, shut up, and go away!"


i feel like i need to do something, cause im afraid he is going to push my mother into an early grave (her blood pressure keeps going through the roof even with the medicine shes taking) i ust don't know what to do. i love my family, and i want them to treat each other better, but this brother of mine just doesn't stop. even my older brother and i are getting along now. we've had our moments of disagreement, but now, anytime i go to my moms house, he calls and asks me how im feeling, and if im taking care of myself for the baby, and telling me to quit smoking, and drop the caffine, and generally seems excited that i stopped both. my mom and i are doing great, and even my dad and i are getting along better. but my little brother just doens't want to be close to any of us.....

[thegiraffe]

Your bro is 16, right? That means he should be in school. Perhaps talk to a guidance counselor/assistant principal of the school. Explain who you are, what's going on, and ask for suggestions. They deal with this stuff on a daily basis - I'm sure they can give you some insight, or recommend someone to talk to. NOW - I know I may get flamed for this because it's not the school's responsibility to raise kids, etc...but I don't see anything wrong with using them as a resource. Ljt - you have every right to be worried what he may do to your mom. I hope he doesn't have violent tendencies. It sounds to me like dad needs to put his foot down. Is dad bigger (physically)? That'd help...

It's NOT going to be easy, but...you have to do what you have to do. Explain to your dad the concerns you mentioned here. Put it bluntly enough to get his attention. If your brother keeps going the way he's going, chances are pretty high he won't become anything productive (sorry to say that, but something tells me it isn't news). Oh yeah - and TAKE THE F-ING CELL PHONE!! Good luck, and keep us posted!

[Mr. Rager!]

How does one accumulate $3,000 in text messaging alone. I mean, even if every text message is 20 cents, that's 15,000 messages... in an averge month, that's 500 a day!

I have full conversations with people, and I still barely get passed the 3,000 mark. That's a hundred a day!

Take the phone away, and show some tough love. I hear military school are fun. :p

[Ljt09863]

fashion lad, its worse than you think. my brother has to text more than what you wrote. my mom got a plan for text messaging, so its cheaper than that. i don't know how many texts a day he is doing. but its alot. i used to be bad about text messaging, but i only got up to about $150 at my worst. and military school is what ive been thinking about too.


thegiraffe, i went to the same school as my brother. i don't really trust the counslers there to do much or have much advice. its not a bad suggestion, but at that school.....

[Der Cute]

My question is:

Why are you thinking bout this crap when you're pregnant and have other issues that are a bit more important?

Your brother is 16. He hasn't learned.
Your parents are older. They haven't learned how to control/ deal with him.

You, on the other hand are preggy and have a job. Just deal with those. Nothing else..
Ignore bro.

If the cell gets cutoff, then, either go investigate a prepaid for yourself or another plan. Start focusing on yourself and baby, not Mom, Dad or Bro. They're big enough people to do their own thing. If Bro wants to be a jerk and Mom gets upset, and she KNOWS she does: if they know they arent choosing to fix it!!

I'm really not trying to be a meanie.
I promise.

But you stated earlier you're pregnant, and I think THAT and caring for self is a bit more important than making sure your brother does what he's supposed to.

Just my 3cents.

Cutenoob

[BrassCowboy]

I remember a girl I went to High School with who racked up a similar $3000 cell phone bill. She got her phone taken away and got yelled at by mommy and daddy. Her response?

"I dont see what the big deal was! It was only $3000! Its only money!"

I should probably mention that, although I am not rich, I do live a city known for "new money." You know, people who capitalized off of fads in the economy. Now that the fad is going away and people are losing work, little miss thang cant run up daddies cell phone bill anymore.

[Greenday]

I love the in-plan for Verizon. Unlimited verizon cell to Verizon cell minutes for a low price and unlimited texting to Verizon for only another $5. My sister's run up the bill before. When she has, my mom just takes the money straight out of my sister's account for it and doesn't put up with my sister's crap. My mom was telling me we went really high over our limits and was saying I might need to cut down on my conversations. When I told her almost EVERYONE I talk to on the phone uses a Verizon cell and when I have my long conversations with girlfriend who doesn't have Verizon, it's past 9 so it's free, she realized it must be her from calling all her family for such random non-sense. Like calling me TWICE today, just to ask about a conversation I had with an aunt.

If my sister put my mom through hell because she ran up our account, I'd probably give my sister an earful. Might help that I'm about 6 or 7 inches taller than her but still. No one wants to listen to that crap and it sounds like someone needs to put your little brother in his place.

[symposes]

Wow, a guy I went to highschool with was almost like that.
He completely treated his mother that way, but he respected his dad.
I cannot understand how anyone can behave that way.

[MadMike]

How does one accumulate $3,000 in text messaging alone.

That's what I'd like to know. Sometimes if I'm bored and not hanging out with my friends, I'll start texting them. I've run up my bill a few times, but nothing like that. In fact, I was somewhat annoyed with myself the one time it went over the $100 mark.

[ArenaBoy]

I don't text message too much at all, but running up a bill such as that and I wonder how long it would take if it was a standard message. He must be doing them in their sleep and I second the miltary school action by the way. If he tries any of that whining at boot camp let's just say he's going to get an earful and then some. Your family doesn't deserve it at all.

[Barefootgirl]

Who even has TIME to send 500+ texts a day? That's jsut insane. Unfortunately, ljt, I think the best thing you can do is detach yourself from your family dramas and focus on you and the baby. Yes, its very sad that your brother is making your mum ill - but its more sad that your parents won't stand up to their own kid, and lay down the law with him. Be that as it may, you cannot change other people. It sounds as if they are quite content living in their little soap-opera,so leave them to it. If your parents really hated the way your brother treats them , they'd put a stop to it. They don't, so obviously, it doesn't really bother them.

As for the phone, get prepaid. Its not as horrendously expensive as it once was, and if you barely use the phone, prepaid is infinitely more sensible than a contract phone. Get a Virgin or T-Mobile prepaid phone, they are decent enough and not horrendously expensive. Verizon's prepaid plans ARE expensive.

[Ljt09863]

thanks everybody.


a couple people mentioned me detaching myself from my family. i just can't do that. i love my family so much, especially my mother. my mother and i get along so great. ever since i got pregnant, ive had these dreams where shes died, and it kills me every time. i just can't put off my family. my mother always taught me that family was number 1, comes before anything. yes, my baby will be number one to me, but my mother and everybody else won't be far behind.

i really don't want to break things off like that with my family right now, because i do need my mothers support. plus, i finally broke down last night and told my mom how things are between fiancee and me. i hadn't done that yet. shes not happy. she says that before i get a second job, i need to move back home. so if worse comes to worse, ill need to move back home and ill have to have my families support for that.

my fiancee and i are talking about getting our own plan. it wouldn't be too bad. right now, verizon has free activation if you order online, and most of the phones come with another one for free, so thats nice. we already went through everything on there, and we can get it for $75 a month.

[Rapscallion]

Who even has TIME to send 500+ texts a day?

O RLY?
YAH RLY!
LOL!

Fast, expensive, and contentless.

I can't do anything other than agree with the other posters. You need a phone, what with being pregnant etc. He needs a good mental kicking. I wasn't able to do anything about my brother's laziness until he was good and addicted to WoW and I controlled the broadband connection, so unless you have some hold over him - and I doubt that you do - you have to look out for yourself.

I take it your mother isn't seeing your viewpoint at all.

Rapscallion

[AFpheonix]

Raps, you forgot No WAI! :lol:

If you're pondering leaving your fiancee at least for the time being, I wouldn't get entangled into joint phone plans with him. Go the prepaid route at this point.

As for your brother, unfortunately he's your parents' problem. Until they can learn to put their collective feet down as far as he's concerned, he's going to continue being a brat, and he knows it. Hell, he's banking on the fact that they cannot say no to him for long.

2 more years, and they can boot his stupid ass.

[Tanasi]

I have a son that age and he's a good sized boy (6'4", 225#) and for the most part he's a good kid. I read him the portion regarding your brother and then asked him what he thought should happen and afterwords what he thought I would do in your fathers situation.
To sumerize his thoughts: Your brother doesn't know how good he has it, and basically needs a reality check and a rough one at that.
He didn't want to put much thought into what I would do. (Sometimes it's good to have your kids scared.)
Personally I would give him one chance to straighten up and if he didn't then major reductions in his social and leisure life would occur. Basically a major gounding out of bed in the morning, to school, home into room, no TV, no internet, no phone, no friends, no after school activities. If that doesn't work and/or he become abusive I'd put him out of the house (in just what's he wearing), contact CPS and Sherrif's office tell them he's become physically and mentally abusive, he won't mind, and you can't handle him anymore. They'll put him in some sort of foster home/group home and maybe that will get his attention. Or another alternative is for your Mom and Dad to establish dominace anyway possible. While violence isn't condoned here a twisted upper lip, a hickory switch, and a heart to rear-end conversation will make a believer out of him.

[Department stores *sigh*]

heh im a text whore. all i do. so i got a 5 dollar plan a month for unlimited text messaging through my telus :) my phone bills are 35-40 a month.


and about that kid. can i come by and just slap em round a bit?.......no?.....k boot camp it is

[thegiraffe]

I like Tanasi's idea. If nothing happens with this child, there are going to be SERIOUS repercussions later. LJT...I admire your dedication to your family, and especially that it's not for selfish reasons (not 'i need my family now because I'm pregnant'). Honestly...the best way to learn is to have everything taken from you and YOU have to earn it back. If I may add a little to Tanasi's idea:

He has to earn back little things that he wants. He wants to watch 30 minuts of TV one day (after an initial month or so of NOTHING - watch his grades improve dramatically with this too!)? He has to prove to your parents that he's responsible enough. I also think the groundation should include helping prepare meals (assuming your parents work, and they don't have a lot of time to cook/clean up), setting the table, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning his bathtub/toilet (anyone who has a son/brother/husband/bf KNOWS how dirty those things can get!!), he MUST keep his room clean - bed made, dusted, vacuumed, not cluttered...etc. It's going to be a lot of work for your mom and dad right now, but it'll make life easier for them in the long run. If you move home to help out, you can help 'supervise' his activities also. If no one's home, require a password to get not only on the computer, but on the internet. Buy cordless phones and take the phones with you during the day. Most TVs now come with electronic locks - lock it. If he figures that out, take the cable cord with you for the day. In fact, that'd work for the computer also. Simply unplug the cord from the back of the CPU and the wall, and take that. You can put it all in a little tupperware and label it the "no-no box" haha. You get the idea though...

He has to EARN back any privileges he wants. He needs to realize that what he has now is a privilege, NOT a right. If it gets to that point, strip his room from EVERYTHING except a bed, sheets, pillow, covers, and his clothes. Leave a desk and a lamp for homework...along with pencils, a calculator, etc. Nothing he can have fun with. He has to type something up? Great! Hand-write it, and he can type it up when y'all get home, or use the computer lab at school. HE caused this punishment, remember? There are two sides to this though: when he wants to talk, you guys need to be there to listen. Yeah, he's gonna be angry. Something tells me he has a potty-mouth and he'll use it. Ignore it. He's going to WANT the attention. Simply tell him that you'll be willing to talk with him when he'll be willing to use a respectful tone. We went through a similar situation with my brother, and when I had to come home from college my 2nd semester....though it wasn't as severe. ALSO - he's 16. Sounds like he's old enough to get a job. He has a bicycle, right? Good...that means he can get there. HE has to find a job that HE can get to, and keep it for....let's say 6 months. If he quits/gets fired before those 6 months are up, he has one week to find another one to keep for 6 months. If he fails to do this, any and all priviliges that he has earned back will be revoked. I've found that the best way to do this is to write out a contract WITH him that he has to sign. You then xerox it - you keep a copy, he keeps a copy. If there are any questions, refer to the contract. Ask mom and dad TOGETHER about anything not covered in the contract. Yeah...it's gonna suck. He needs this though. He'll be better for it in the long run. Let us know!! (sorry this is so long...)

[Seanette]

As for the phone, get prepaid. Its not as horrendously expensive as it once was, and if you barely use the phone, prepaid is infinitely more sensible than a contract phone. Get a Virgin or T-Mobile prepaid phone, they are decent enough and not horrendously expensive. Verizon's prepaid plans ARE expensive.
I second the Virgin Mobile recommendation (haven't tried T-Mobile). Their pricing is reasonable (and they have several price structures to fit your personal usage), the service is quite reliable, and their customer service/tech support is GREAT! *Very* fast and helpful responses to e-mail (I don't think I've tried the "talk to a human" option, since e-mail seems to get the job done just fine), and obviously written by someone who actually *read* the message, not by a bot looking at keywords.

For the sake of your blood pressure, *don't* go with TracFone. Their pricing is byzantine and their customer service/tech support is about the worst I've ever experienced. It took six calls in three days to get *voicemail* to work, and that is NOT an optional luxury feature to someone who bought the phone in part to have another contact number to give out to prospective employers! "Techs" were contradicting each other left and right and outright lying to me, then hanging up when I requested a supervisor. Took a Yahoo mailing list's knowledge to get me a direct phone number to someone who actually knew what the :censored: he was doing. Then, after I ran out my time with that phone and told them not to contact me again by any method, they kept e-mailing me.

[Barefootgirl]

my fiancee and i are talking about getting our own plan. it wouldn't be too bad. right now, verizon has free activation if you order online, and most of the phones come with another one for free, so thats nice. we already went through everything on there, and we can get it for $75 a month.

I see where you're going with this, but given that things are not exatly perfect with your fiance, and he's shown just HOW responsible he can be with money and technology (note sarcasm) do you think it might be a better idea to get separate accounts? See, if he runs up MONSTER phone bills, and your name is on the account, well, you're stuck with that bill as well.

Yes, $75/month is cheap for two, given that most individual contract plans start at $40 these days, but I am really not sure how sensible it is to load yourselves up with yet another bill, especially an open-ended one like a mobile bill. Has he done anything about getting his diploma? Or paying off on the credit card? Or getting rid of the pricy new car and buying something older?

With T-Mobile, a $25 refill is valid for 3 months, that's just about the cheapest prepaid around. $8 a month? You'll never get that at contract rate !

[thegiraffe]

I've not had prepaid for years....when it was like $30/month. I think there are some pretty good plans out there nowadays though. And be prepared to shell out $50-$60 for the phone itself also - I dunno if they have phone discounts for new phones.

[Seanette]

I've not had prepaid for years....when it was like $30/month. I think there are some pretty good plans out there nowadays though. And be prepared to shell out $50-$60 for the phone itself also - I dunno if they have phone discounts for new phones.
Check the prospective provider's Web site. I know Virgin Mobile has some good deals on phones (considerably better than the $50-$60, when you take into account that a lot of them come with $X of airtime bundled).

[Kiwi]

sheesh if I had pulled crap like that, I wouldnt have been getting a prepaid...I would ever had a phone again (at least until I could have paid for it myself) not to mention some SERIOUS groundings!

come to think of it... I didnt get a phone until I did pay for one myself!