close call

[JoitheArtist]

Dadgumit...And here I thought I was so good at this by now.

(I would give some of my background here, but I KNOW it would go into Fratching territory way too quickly. Suffice to say that churches of a particular type really messed me up as a kid, and I am still dealing with it)

My parents insisted on going to a candlelight service tonight, and while it was nice, afterwards the whole crowd milled about in the lobby, talking and laughing very loudly. At first, I thought we'd be leaving soon, and I'd be ok. But no, my family has to say hi to everyone they know, and show off the oddity: me, the kid who got out and moved to a completely different type of city in another state. I smiled as much as I could (which I thought was impressive, given that my main impulse was to run away and go puke in the bushes outside), but finally it got too much, and I realized I was about to start crying. I made it out in time, but damn...I thought I had more control than that. Usually the mere presence of strangers is enough to shut down every emotion in my heart for a while--don't show what you feel, harder to get hurt by it, right?

Crap.

Well, at least this has strengthened my resolve to deal with some of these issues when I get home. Really gotta get this straightened out...

Gah...what a way to kick off Christmas Eve.

[blas]

I get very uncomfortable at churches as well.

My family is very religious. Most of them are very strong Lutherans, but some of the women my uncles married are Catholics, so you can only imagine how some things get a little hot....

Anyway, my Nanna died a few weeks ago, and we went to her funeral up north a couple of hours away. I hadn't stepped foot in a church since I got confirmed at age 14. My parents just had to point me out to everyone....and yes, I'm the "odd" child too, who works a weird shift and lives in a different city than her family, and I don't go to church. Oh how I just wanted to leave!!!

[JoitheArtist]

See, the funny thing is, I'm at least as religious as my family, and even part of the same faith...just a VERY different expression of it. (no more details, lest it get out of hand! :) )

But yeah, it's tough to be the odd one out, especially on such a sensitive issue...And sorry about your Nana. *hugs*

[Amethyst Hunter]

I don't know what you went through when you were younger, but if it's anything along the lines of what I'm thinking, that kind of stuff is VERY hard to get rid of, even years later. So don't feel too bad; that's a very common reaction for those who have had bad experiences with things like religion. :hug: I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. :)

[Rapscallion]

Possibly a matter of perspective. I've only got scant information here, but I'll try put forward a few scenarios.

I don't get from this that it was the religious aspect, but more the way your family treated you as something to show off. Your family live with those people week in, week out. They're a support group for each other, I'm guessing - a sort of family. They see you once or twice a year. They're going to show off part of their life.

Your reaction to this should be based on how they're showing you off. Are they proud that you were able to uproot yourself and move to another state, gaining a high qualification in the process? Are they pleased with your success? If so, I'd live with it. That's a positive aspect of human nature. If they're trying to shame you by saying you're the runaway of the family, then sod them - just explain in front of their friends that such behaviour is why you left in the first place - that and the way your sister is mollycoddled.

The way to think about strangers is that you're not going to see them again. Does it matter what they really think? If your family don't know that it's upsetting, they'll keep on doing it.

Rapscallion

[cinema guy]

Is it possible that its the crowds and the noise that set things off, rather than the church? I know I don't like that too much.

[Nyoibo]

I wasn't welcome in a certain curch for several years when I said quite loudly about the holy water "Oh God it burns, why?" :p

[Bright_Star]

I was forced to go to Sunday school when I was a kid. The people at that time never could figure out why I never made friends with anybody. Just felt so out of place to the point I felt embarrassed.
One time I asked if we( my siblings) had to go to church & sunday school then why didn't our father have to go? You know what they said? "He's an adult, he doesn't have to!"